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00004?fl03fl3A 



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Lotocii's OTorfes, 

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9 



lOje Httoersioe &lDme Series? 



ME LIB (E US-HIPPONAX 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS 

SECOND SERIES 



'Eo-tiv op' 6 ifitwTi<rju.bs eviore tou koo-juou irapa7roAi) ep.<£ai'i<rTiK<oTepoj'. 

LONGINUS 

" J'aimerois mieulx que mon ills apprinst aux tavernes a parler, 
qu' aux escholes de la parlerie." 

Montaigne 

„ Unfer ©pradj iji aud; ein ©pvadj unb fan jo wofy ein ©atf nennen 
al3 bie Satinet saccus." 

FlSCHART 

" Vim rebus aliquando ipsa verborum humilitas affert." 

QUINTILIANUS 

" O ma lengo, 
Plantarey une estelo a toun froun encrumit ! " 

Jasmin 





^— — -^ _ <v 

2o UoH^ 



BOSTON 

HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY 

New York: 11 East Seventeenth Street 

SThe fttbersiUc Ifkess, danvbrifige 

1894 









^Y^ v 



Copyright, 1866, 
By JAMES RUSSELL LOWELLo 

Copyright, 1885 and 1894, 
By HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & CO. 
and MABEL LOWELL BURNETT. 



All rights reserved. 



The Riverside Press, Cambridge, Mass., U. S. A. 
Electrotyped and Printed by H. O. Houghton & Company 



r- 



MELIB (E US-HIPP ON AX 



THE PJGLOW PAPERS 

SECOND SERIES 

"Evtiv ap' b i8iu)TL<rfjibs 'eviore rov koctixov napanokv efM^avta-TiKiaTe^ov. 

LONGINUS 

" J'aimerois mieulx que mon fils apprinst aux tavernes a parler 
qu' aux escholes de la parlerie." 

Montaigne 

,, Unfev ©pratf; tft aud) tin ©pradj unb tan fo »ol)l ein ©act nennen 
at6 bie Cattner saccus." 

FlSCHART 

" Vim rebus aliquando ipsa verborum humilitas affert." 

QuiNTILIANUS 

"0 ma lengo, 
Plantarey une estelo a toun froun encrumit ! " 

J*SMIN 



To 

E. R. HOAR 



" Mulros enim, quibus loquendi ratio non desft, invenia?, quos 
curiose potius loqui dixeris quam Latine ; quomodo et ilia Attica 
anus Theophrastum, bominem alioqui disertissiinum, annotata 
unius affectatione verbi, hospitem dixit, nee alio se id depreben- 
disse interrogata respondit, quam quod minium Attice loquere- 
tur.*' 

QuiNTILIANUS. 

" Et Anglice sermonicari solebat populo, 6ed secundum linguam 
Norfolchie ubi natus et nutritus erat."' 

Cronica Jocelini. 

"La politique est une pierre attached au cou de la litterature, et 
qui, en moins de six mois la submerge. . . . Cette politique va of- 
fenser mortellement une moitie" des lecteurs, et ennuyer l'autre qui 
l*a trouv^e bien autrement speciale et gnergique dans le journal du 

matin/' 

llE.NEi Beyle. 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE 

Introduction 199 

The Couktin' 285 

No. I. — BlRDOFREDUM SaWIN, ESQ., TO Mr. 

Hosea Biglow 290 

No. II. — Mason and Slidell : a Yankee Idyll 320 

NO. III. — BlRDOFREDUM SAWIN, ESQ., TO Mr. 

Hosea Biglow 357 

No. IV. — A Message of Jeff Davis in Secret 

Session 388 

No. V. — Speech of Hon. Preserved Doe in 
Secret Caucus 405 

No. VI. — Sunthin' in the Pastoral Line . . 426 

No. VII. — Latest Views of Mr. Biglow . . 441 

No. VIII. — Kettelopotomachia 4 56 

No. IX. — Table-Talk . . 467 



viii CONTENTS. 

JAGS 

No. X. — Mr. Hosea Biglow to the Editor of 
the Atlantic Monthly 480 

No. XI. — Mr. Hosea Biglow's Speech in 
March Meeting 487 

Notes 511 

Glossary 543 

Index 547 



INTRODUCTION. 

Though prefaces seem of late to have 
fallen under some reproach, they have at 
least this advantage, that they set us again 
on the feet of our personal consciousness, 
and rescue us from the gregarious mock- 
modesty or cowardice of that we which 
shrills feebly throughout modern literature 
like the shrieking of mice in the walls of a 
house that has passed its prime. Having a 
few words to say to the many friends whom 
the " Biglow Papers " have won me, I shall 
accordingly take the freedom of the first 
person singular of the personal pronoun. 
Let each of the good-natured unknown who 
have cheered me by the written communica- 
tion of their sympathy look upon this Intro- 
duction as a private letter to himself. 

When, more than twenty years ago, I 
wrote the first of the series, I had no defi- 
nite plan and no intention of ever writ- 
ing another. Thinking the Mexican war, 
as I think it still, a national crime com- 



200 INTRODUCTION. 

mitted in behoof of Slavery, our common 
sin, and wishing to put the feeling of those 
who thought as I did in a way that would 
tell, I imagined to myself such an up-coun- 
try man as I had often seen at anti-slavery 
gatherings, capable of district-school Eng- 
lish, but always instinctively falling back 
into the natural stronghold of his homely 
dialect when heated to the point of self-for- 
getfulness. When I began to carry out my 
conception and to write in my assumed char- 
acter, I found myself in a strait between two 
perils. On the one hand, I was in danger 
of being carried beyond the limit of my own 
opinions, or at least of that temper with 
which every man should speak his mind in 
print, and on the other I feared the risk of 
seeming to vulgarize a deep and sacred con- 
viction. I needed on occasion to rise above 
the level of mere patois, and for this pur- 
pose conceived the Reverend Mr. Wilbur, 
who should express the more cautious ele- 
ment of the New England character and its 
pedantry, as Mr. Biglow should serve for its 
homely common- sense vivified and heated by 
conscience. The parson was to be the com- 
plement rather than the antithesis of his 
parishioner, and I felt or fancied a certain 



INTRODUCTION. 201 

humorous element in the real identity of 
the two under a seeming incongruity. Mr. 
Wilbur's fondness for scraps of Latin, 
though drawn from the life, I adopted de- 
liberately to heighten the contrast. Finding 
soon after that I needed some one as a 
mouthpiece of the mere drollery, for I con- 
ceive that true humor is never divorced from 
moral conviction, I invented Mr. Sawin for 
the clown of my little puppet-show. I meant 
to embody in him that half -conscious -immo- 
rality which I had noticed as the recoil in 
gross natures from a puritanism that still 
strove to keep in its creed the intense savor 
which had long gone out of its faith and life. 
In the three I thought I should find room 
enough to express, as it was my plan to do, 
the popular feeling and opinion of the time. 
For the names of two of my characters, 
since I have received some remonstrances 
from very worthy persons who happen to 
bear them, I would say that they were pure- 
ly fortuitous, probably mere unconscious 
memories of signboards or directories. Mr. 
Sawin's sprang from the accident of a rhyme 
at the end of his first epistle, and I purpose- 
ly christened him by the impossible surname 
of Birdofredum not more to stigmatize him 



202 INTRODUCTION. 

as the incarnation of "Manifest Destiny," 
in other words, of national recklessness as to 
right and wrong, than to avoid the chance of 
wounding any private sensitiveness. 

The success of my experiment soon began 
not only to astonish me, but to make me feel 
the responsibility of knowing that I held in 
my hand a weapon instead of the mere fen- 
cing-stick I had supposed. Very far from 
being a popular author under my own name, 
so far, indeed, as to be almost unread, I 
found the verses of my pseudonym copied 
everywhere ; I saw them pinned up in work- 
shops; I heard them quoted and their au- 
thorship debated ; I once even, when rumor 
had at length caught up my name in one of 
its eddies, had the satisfaction of overhear- 
ing it demonstrated, in the pauses of a con- 
cert, that I was utterly incompetent to have 
written anything of the kind. I had read 
too much not to know the utter worthless- 
ness of contemporary reputation, especially 
as regards satire, but I knew also that by 
giving a certain amount of influence it also 
had its worth, if that influence were used on 
the right side. I had learned, too, that the 
first requisite of good writing is to have an 
earnest and definite purpose, whether aes- 



INTRODUCTION. 203 

thetic or moral, and that even good writing, 
to please long, must have more than an av- 
erage amount either of imagination or com- 
mon-sense. The first of these falls to the 
lot of scarcely one in several generations ; 
the last is within the reach of many in every 
one that passes ; and of this an author may 
fairly hope to become in part the mouth- 
piece. If I put on the cap and bells and 
made myself one of the court-fools of King 
Demos, it was less to make his majesty 
laugh than to win a passage to his royal 
ears for certain serious things which I had 
deeply at heart. I say this because there is 
no imputation that could be more galling to 
any man's self-respect than that of being a 
mere jester. I endeavored, by generalizing 
my satire, to give it what value I could be- 
yond the passing moment and the immedi- 
ate application. How far I have succeeded 
I cannot tell, but I have had better luck than 
I ever looked for in seeing my verses sur- 
vive to pass beyond their nonage. 

In choosing the Yankee dialect, I did not 
act without forethought. It had long seemed 
to me that the great vice of American writ- 
ing and speaking was a studied want of 
simplicity, that we were in danger of coming 



204 INTROD UCTION. 

to look on our mother-tongue as a dead lan- 
guage, to be sought in the grammar and dic- 
tionary rather than in the heart, and that 
our only chance of escape was by seeking it 
at its living sources among those who were, 
as Scottowe says of Major-General Gibbons, 
" divinely illiterate." President Lincoln, the 
only really great public man whom these 
latter days have seen, was great also in this, 
that he was master — witness his speech at 
Gettysburg — of a truly masculine English, 
classic because it was of no special period, 
and level at once to the highest and lowest 
of his countrymen. I learn from the high- 
est authority that his favorite reading was 
in Shakespeare and Milton, to which, of 
course, the Bible should be added. But 
whoever should read the debates in Congress 
might fancy himself present at a meeting of 
the city council of some city of southern 
Gaul in the decline of the Empire, where 
barbarians with a Latin varnish emulated 
each other in being more than Ciceronian. 
Whether it be want of culture, for the high- 
est outcome of that is simplicity, or for what- 
ever reason, it is certain that very few Amer- 
ican writers or speakers wield their native 
language with the directness, precision, and 



INTRODUCTION. 205 

force that are common as the day in the 
mother country. We use it like Scotsmen, 
not as if it belonged to us, but as if we 
wished to prove that we belong to it, by 
showing our intimacy with its written rather 
thaiiwith its spoken dialect. And yet all 
the while our popular idiom is racy with 
life and vigor and originality, bucksome 
(as Milton used the word) to our new oc- 
casions, and proves itself no mere graft by 
sending up new suckers from the old root 
in spite of us. It is only from its roots in 
the living generations of men that a lan- 
guage can be reinforced with fresh vigor for 
its needs ; what may be called a literate 
dialect grows ever more and more pedantic 
and foreign, till it becomes at last as unfit- 
ting a vehicle for living thought as monkish 
Latin. That we should all be made to talk 
like books is the danger with which we are 
threatened by the Universal Schoolmaster, 
who does his best to enslave the minds and 
memories of his victims to what he esteems 
the best models of English composition, that 
is to say, to the writers whose style is faultily 
correct and has no blood-warmth in it. No 
language after it has faded into diction^ 
none that cannot suck up the feeding juices 



206 INTRODUCTION. 

secreted for it in the rich mother-earth of 
common folk, can bring forth a sound and 
lusty book. True vigor and heartiness of 
phrase do not pass from page to page, but 
from man to man, where the brain is kindled 
and the lips suppled by downright lining 
interests and by passion in its very throe. 
Language is the soil of thought, and our 
own especially is a rich leaf-mould, the slow 
deposit of ages, the shed foliage of feeling, 
fancy, and imagination, which has suffered 
an earth-change, that the vocal forest, as 
Howell called it, may clothe itself anew 
with living green. There is death in the dic- 
tionary ; and, where language is too strictly 
limited by convention, the ground for ex- 
pression to grow in is limited also ; and we 
get a potted literature, — Chinese dwarfs 
instead of healthy trees. 

But while the schoolmaster has been busy 
starching our language and smoothing it flat 
with the mangle of a supposed classical au- 
thority, the newspaper reporter has been do- 
ing even more harm by stretching and swell- 
ing it to suit his occasions. A dozen years 
ago I began a list, which I have added to 
from time to time, of some of the changes 
which may be fairly laid at his door. I give 



INTRODUCTION. 



207 



a few of them as showing their tendency, all 
the more dangerous that their effect, like 
that of some poisons, is insensibly cumula- 
tive, and that they are sure at last of effect 
among a people whose chief reading is the 
daily paper. I give in two columns the old 
style and its modern equivalent. 



Old Style. 

Was hanged. 

When the halter was put 
round his neck. 



A great crowd came to see. 

Great fire. 
The fire spread. 

House burned. 

The fire was got under. 

Man fell. 

A horse and wagon ran 
against. 



The frightened horse. 
Sent for the doctor. 



The mayor of the city in a 
short speech welcomed. 



New Style. 

Was launched into eternity. 

When the fatal noose was ad- 
justed about the neck of the 
unfortunate victim of his 
own unbridled passions. 

A vast concourse was as- 
sembled to witness. 

Disastrous conflagration. 

The conflagration extended 
its devastating career. 

Edifice consumed. 

The progress of the devour- 
ing element was arrested. 

Individual was precipitated. 

A valuable horse attached to 
a vehicle driven by J. S., 
in the employment of J. B., 
collided with. 

The infuriated animal. 

Called into requisition the 
services of the family phy- 
sician. 
The chief magistrate of the 
metropolis, in well-chosen 
and eloquent language, fre- 
quently interrupted by the 
plaudits of the surging mul- 



208 



INTRODUCTION. 



I shall say a few words. 



Began his answer. 
Asked him to dine. 
A bystander advised. 



He died. 



titude, officially tendered the 
hospitalities. 

I shall, with your permission, 
beg leave to offer some brief 
observations. 

Commenced his rejoinder. 

Tendered him a banquet. 

One of those omnipresent char- 
acters who, as if in pursuance 
of some previous arrange- 
ment, are certain to be en- 
countered in the vicinity 
when an accident occurs, 
ventured the suggestion. 

He deceased, he passed out of 
existence, his spirit quitted 
its earthly habitation,winged 
its way to eternity, shook off 
its burden, etc. 



In one sense this is nothing new. The 
school of Pope in verse ended by wire- 
drawing its phrase to such thinness that it 
could bear no weight of meaning whatever. 
Nor is fine writing by any means confined 
to America. All writers without imagina- 
tion fall into it of necessity whenever they 
attempt the figurative. I take two examples 
from Mr. Merivale's " History of the Ko- 
mans under the Empire," which, indeed, is 
full of such. " The last years of the age 
familiarly styled the Augustan were singu- 
larly barren of the literary glories from 



INT ROD UCTION. 20 9 

which its celebrity was chiefly derived. One 
by one the stars in its firmament had been 
lost to the world; Virgil and Horace, etc., 
had long since died ; the charm which 
the imagination of Livy had thrown over 
the earlier annals of Rome had ceased to 
shine on the details of almost contemporary 
history; and if the flood of his eloquence 
still continued flowing, we can hardly sup- 
pose that the stream was as rapid, as fresh, 
and as clear as ever." I will not waste time 
in criticising the bad English or the mixture 
of metaphor in these sentences, but will 
simply cite another from the same author 
which is even worse. " The shadowy phan- 
tom of the Republic continued to flit before 
the eyes of the Caesar. There was still, he 
apprehended, a germ of sentiment existing, 
on which a scion of his own house, or even 
a stranger, might boldly throw himself and 
raise the standard of patrician independ- 
ence." Now a ghost may haunt a murderer, 
but hardly, I should think, to scare him with 
the threat of taking a new lease of its old 
tenement. And fancy the scion of a house 
in the act of throwing itself upon a germ oj 
sentiment to raise a standard ! I am glad, 
since we have so much in the same kind to 



210 INTRODUCTION. 

answer for, that this bit of horticultural 
rhetoric is from beyond sea. I would not 
be supposed to condemn truly imaginative 
prose. There is a simplicity of splendor, 
no less than of plainness, and prose would 
be poor indeed if it could not find a tongue 
for that meaning of the mind which is be- 
hind the meaning of the words. It has 
sometimes seemed to me that in England 
there was a growing tendency to curtail lan- 
guage into a mere convenience, and to defe- 
cate it of all emotion as thoroughly as alge- 
braic signs. This has arisen, no doubt, in 
part from that healthy national contempt of 
humbug which is characteristic of English- 
men, in part from that sensitiveness to the 
ludicrous which makes them so shy of ex- 
pressing feeling, but in part also, it is to be 
feared, from a growing distrust, one might 
almost say hatred, of whatever is super- 
material. There is something sad in the 
scorn with which their journalists treat the 
notion of there being such a thing as a na- 
tional ideal, seeming utterly to have forgot- 
ten that even in the affairs of this world 
the imagination is as much matter-of-fact as 
the understanding. If we were to trust the 
impression made on us by some of the clev- 



INTRODUCTION. 211 

erest and most characteristic of their peri- 
odical literature, we should think England 
hopelessly stranded on the good-humored 
cynicism of well-to-do middle-age, and should 
fancy it an enchanted nation, doomed to sit 
forever with its feet under the mahogany in 
that after-dinner mood which follows con- 
scientious repletion, and which it is ill-man- 
ners to disturb with any topics more exciting 
than the quality of the wines. But there 
are already symptoms that a large class of 
Englishmen are getting weary of the do- 
minion of consols and divine common-sense, 
and^o believe that eternal three per cent is 
not the chief end of man, nor the highest 
and only kind of interest to which the powers 
and opportunities of England are entitled. 

The quality of exaggeration has often 
been remarked on as typical of American 
character, and especially of American humor. 
In Dr. Petri's Gedrdngtes Handbuch der 
Fremdworter, we are told that the word 
humbug is commonly used for the exaggera- 
tions of the North Americans. To be sure, 
one would be tempted to think the dream 
of Columbus half fulfilled, and that Europe 
had found in the West a nearer way to 
Orientalism, at least in diction. But it 



212 INTRODUCTION. 

seems to me that a great deal of what is set 
down as mere extravagance is more fitly 
to be called intensity and picturesqueness, 
symptoms of the imaginative faculty in full 
health and strength, though producing, as 
yet, only the raw and formless material in 
which poetry is to work. By and by, per- 
haps, the world will see it fashioned into 
poem and picture, and Europe, which will 
be hard pushed for originality erelong, may 
have to thank us for a new sensation. The 
French continue to find Shakespeare exag- 
gerated because he treated English just as 
our country-folk do when they speak* of a 
" steep price," or say that they " freeze to " 
a thing. The first postulate of an original 
literature is that a people should use their 
language instinctively and unconsciously, as 
if it were a lively part of their growth and 
personality, not as the mere torpid boon of 
education or inheritance. Even Burns con- 
trived to write very poor verse and prose in 
English. Vulgarisms are often only poetry 
in the egg. The late Mr. Horace Mann, in 
one of his public addresses, commented at 
some length on the beauty and moral sig- 
nificance of the French phrase s'orienter, 
and called on his young friends to practise 



INTRODUCTION. 213 

upon it in life. There was not a Yankee in 
his audience whose problem had not always 
been to find out what was about east, and to 
shape his course accordingly. This charm 
which a familiar expression gains by being 
commented, as it were, and set in a new light 
by a foreign language, is curious and instruc- 
tive. I cannot help thinking that Mr. Mat- 
thew Arnold forgets this a little too much 
sometimes when he writes of the beauties of 
French style. It would not be hard to find 
in the works of French Academicians phrases 
as coarse as those he cites from Burke, only 
they are veiled by the unfamiliarity of the 
language. But, however this may be, it is 
certain that poets and peasants please us 
in the same way by translating words back 
again to their primal freshness, and infusing 
them with a delightful strangeness which is 
anything but alienation. What, for example, 
is Milton's " edge of battle " but a doing into 
English of the Latin acies ? Was die Gans 
gedacht das der Schwan vollbracht, what the 
goose but thought, that the swan full brought 
(or, to de-Saxonize it a little, what the goose 
conceived, that the swan achieved), and it 
may well be that the life, invention, and 
vigor shown by our popular speech, and the 



214 INTRODUCTION. 

freedom with which it is shaped to the in- 
stant want of those who use it, are of the 
best omen for our having a swan at last. 
The part I have taken on myself is that of 
the humbler bird. 

But it is affirmed that there is something 
innately vulgar in the Yankee dialect. M. 
Sainte-Beuve says, with his usual neatness : 
" Je dSflnis un patois une ancienne langue 
qui a eu des malheurs, ou encore une langue 
toute jeune et qui rCa pas fait fortune" 
The first part of his definition applies to a 
dialect like the Proven gal, the last to the 
Tuscan before Dante had lifted it into a 
classic, and neither, it seems to me, will quite 
fit a patois, which is not properly a dialect, 
but rather certain archaisms, proverbial 
phrases, and modes of pronunciation, which 
maintain themselves among the uneducated 
side by side with the finished and universally 
accepted language. Norman French, for ex- 
ample, or Scotch down to the time of James 
VI., could hardly be called patois, while I 
should be half inclined to name the Yankee 
a lingo rather than a dialect. It has re- 
tained a few words now fallen into disuse in 
the mother country, like to tarry, to pro- 
gress, fleshy, fall, and some others ; it has 



INTRODUCTION. 215 

changed the meaning of some, as in freshet ; 
and it has clung to what I suspect to have 
been the broad Norman pronunciation of e 
(which Moli£re puts into the mouth of his 
rustics) in such words as sarvant, parfect, 
vartoo, and the like. It maintains some- 
thing of the French sound of a also in words 
like chamber, danger (though the latter had 
certainly begun to take its present sound so 
early as 1636, when I find it sometimes spelt 
dainger). But in general it may be said 
that nothing can be found in it which does 
not still survive in some one or other of the 
English provincial dialects. There is, per- 
haps, a single exception in the verb to sleeve. 
To sleeve silk means to divide or ravel out a 
thread of silk with the point of a needle till 
it becomes floss. (A.-S. sle'fan, to cleave — 
divided) This, I think, explains the " sleeve- 
less errand " in " Troilus and Cressida," so 
inadequately, sometimes so ludicrously, dark- 
ened by the commentators. Is not a " sleeve- 
less errand " one that cannot be unravelled, 
incomprehensible and therefore bootless ? 

I am not speaking now of Americanisms 
properly so called, that is, of words or 
phrases which have grown into use here 
either through necessity, invention, or ac- 



216 INTR OD UCTION. 

cident, such as a carry, a one-horse affair, 
a prairie, to vamose. Even these are fewer 
than is sometimes taken for granted. But 
I think some fair defence may be made 
against the charge of vulgarity. Properly 
speaking, vulgarity is in the thought, and 
not in the word or the way of pronouncing 
it. Modern French, the most polite of lan- 
guages, is barbarously vulgar if compared 
with the Latin out of which it has been 
corrupted, or even with Italian. There is 
a wider gap, and one implying greater boor- 
ishness, between ministerium and metier, 
or sapiens and sachant, than between druv 
and drove, or agin and against, which last 
is plainly an arrant superlative. Our rus- 
tic coverlid is nearer its French original 
than the diminutive covert, into which it 
has been ignorantly corrupted in politer 
speech. I obtained from three cultivated 
Englishmen at different times three diverse 
pronunciations of a single word, — cowcum- 
ber, coocumber, and cucumber. Of these the 
first, which is Yankee also, comes nearest to 
the nasality of concombre. Lord Ossory as- 
sures us that Voltaire saw the best society 
in England, and Voltaire tells his country- 
men that handkerchief was pronounced han- 



INTRODUCTION. 217 

kercher. I find it so spelt in Hakluyt and 
elsewhere. This enormity the Yankee still 
persists in, and as there is always a reason 
for such deviations from the sound as repre- 
sented by the spelling, may we not suspect 
two sources of derivation, and find an ances- 
tor for kercher in couverture rather than in 
couvrecheff And what greater phonetic va- 
gary (which Dryden, by the way, called fe- 
gary) in our lingua rustica than this her 
for couvre ? I copy from the fly-leaves of 
my books where I have noted them from 
time to time, a few examples of pronuncia- 
tion and phrase which will show that the 
Yankee often has antiquity and very respect- 
able literary authority on his side. My list 
might be largely increased by referring to 
glossaries, but to them every one can go for 
himself, and I have gathered enough for my 
purpose. 

I will take first those cases in which some- 
thing like the French sound has been pre- 
served in certain single letters and diph- 
thongs. And this opens a curious question 
as to how long this Gallicism maintained it- 
self in England. Sometimes a divergence 
in pronunciation has given us two words 
with different meanings, as in genteel and 



218 INTRODUCTION. 

jaunty, which I find coming in toward the 
close of the seventeenth century, and waver- 
ing between genteel smdjajitee. It is usual 
in America to drop the u in words ending in 
our, — a very proper change recommended 
by Howell two centuries ago, and carried 
out by him so far as his printers would al- 
low. This and the corresponding changes 
in musique, musick, and the like, which he 
also advocated, show that in his time the 
French accent indicated by the superfluous 
letters (for French had once nearly as strong 
an accent as Italian) had gone out of use. 
There is plenty of French accent down to 
the end of Elizabeth's reign. In Daniel we 
have riches 1 and counsel', in Bishop Hall 
comet', chapelain, in Donne pictures', virtue', 
presence', mortal', merit', hainous', giant', 
with many more, and Marston's satires are 
full of them. The two latter, however, are 
not to be relied on, as they may be suspected 
of Chaucerizing. Herrick writes baptime. 
The tendency to throw the accent backward 
began early. But the incongruities are per- 
plexing, and perhaps mark the period of 
transition. In Warner's " Albion's Eng- 
land " we have creator' and creature' side 
by side with the modern creator and crea- 



I NT ROD UCTION. 219 

ture. E'nvy and dnvying occur in Campion 
(1602), and yet envy 1 survived Milton. In 
some cases we have gone back again nearer 
to the French, as in rev'enue for reven'ue. I 
had been so used to hearing imbecile pro- 
nounced with the accent on the first syllable, 
which is in accordance with the general ten- 
dency in such matters, that I was surprised 
to find imbec'ile in a verse of Wordsworth. 
The dictionaries all give it so. I asked a 
highly cultivated Englishman, and he de- 
clared for imbeceel'. In general it may be 
assumed that accent will finally settle on the 
syllable dictated by greater ease and there- 
fore quickness of utterance. Blasphemous, 
for example, is more rapidly pronounced 
than blasphem'ous, to which our Yankee 
clings, following in this the usage of many 
of the older poets. American is easier 
than Ameri'can, and therefore the false 
quantity has carried the day, though the true 
one may be found in George Herbert, and 
even so late as Cowley. 

To come back to the matter in hand. 
Our " uplandish men " retain the soft or 
thin sound of the u in some words, such as 
rule, truth (sometimes also pronounced truth, 
not trootJi), while he says noo for new, and, 



220 INTRODUCTION. 

gives to mew and few so indescribable a 
mixture of the two sounds, with a slight nasal 
tincture, that it may be called the Yankee 
shibboleth. Voltaire says that the English 
pronounce true as if it rhymed with view, 
and this is the sound our rustics give to it. 
Spenser writes deow (dew) which can only 
be pronounced with the Yankee nasality. 
In rule the least sound of a precedes the u. 
I find reule in Pecock's " Kepressor." He 
probably pronounced it rayool'e\ as the old 
French word from which it is derived was 
very likely to be sounded at first, with a 
reminiscence of its original regula. Tindal 
has rueler, and the Coventry Plays have 
preudent. In the " Parlyament of Byrdes " 
I find reule. As for noo, may it not claim 
some sanction in its derivation, whether 
from nouveau or neuf the ancient sound 
of which may very well have been no of, 
as nearer novus f Beef would seem more 
like to have come from ouffe than from 
bosuf unless the two were mere varieties of 
spelling. The Saxon few may have caught 
enough from its French cousin peu to claim 
the benefit of the same doubt as to sound ; 
and our slang phrase a few (as " I licked 
him a few ") may well appeal to un peu for 



INTRODUCTION. 221 

sense and authority. Nay, might not lick 
itself turn out to be the good old word lam 
in an English disguise, if the latter should 
claim descent as, perhaps, he fairly might, 
from the Latin lamb ere f The New England 
force for fierce, and perce for pierce (some- 
times heard as fairce and pairce), are also 
Norman. For its antiquity I cite the rhyme 
of verse and pierce in Chapman and Donne, 
and in some commendatory verses by a Mr. 
Berkenhead before the poems of Francis 
Beaumont. Our pairlous for perilous is of 
the same kind, and is nearer Shakespeare's 
parlous than the modern pronunciation. 
One other Gallicism survives in our pronun- 
ciation. Perhaps I should rather call it a 
semi-Gallicism, for it is the result of a futile 
effort to reproduce a French sound with 
English lips. Thus for joint, employ, royal, 
we have jynt, emply, ryle, the last differing 
only from rile (roil) in a prolongation of 
the y sound. I find royal so pronounced in 
the "Mirror for Magistrates." In Walter 
de Biblesworth I find solives Englished by 
gistes. This, it is true, may have been pro- 
nounced jeests, but the pronunciation jystes 
must have preceded the present spelling, 
which was no doubt adopted after the rail- 



222 INTRODUCTION. 

ical meaning was forgotten, as analogical 
with other words in oi. In the same way- 
after Norman-French influence had softened 
the I out of would (we already find woud 
for veut in N. F. poems), should followed 
the example, and then an I was foisted into 
could, where it does not belong, to satisfy 
the logic of the eye, which has affected the 
pronunciation and even the spelling of Eng- 
lish more than is commonly supposed. I 
meet with eyster for oyster as early as the 
fourteenth century. I find viage in Bishop 
Hall and Middle ton the dramatist, bile for 
boil in Donne and Chrononhotonthologos, 
line for loin in Hall, ryall and chyse (for 
choice), dystrye for destroy, in the Coven- 
try Plays. In Chapman's " All Fools " is 
the misprint of employ for imply, fairly in- 
ferring an identity of sound in the last syl- 
lable. Indeed, tins pronunciation was ha- 
bitual till after Pope, and Rogers tells us 
that the elegant Gray said naise for noise 
just as our rustics still do. Our cornish 
(which I find also in Herrick) remembers 
the French better than cornice does. AVhile, 
clinging more closely to the Anglo-Saxon in 
dropping the g from the end of the present 
participle, the Yankee now and then pleases 



INTR 0DUCT1 ON. 223 

himself with an experiment in French nasal- 
ity in words ending in n. It is not, so far 
as my experience goes, very common, though 
it may formerly have been more so. Cap- 
ting, for instance, I never heard save in jest, 
the habitual form being Icepp'n. But at any 
rate it is no invention of ours. In that 
delightful old volume, " Ane Compendious 
Buke of Godly and Spiritual! Songs," in 
which I know not whether the piety itself 
or the simplicity of its expression be more 
charming, I find bur ding, g circling, and cous- 
ing, and in the State Trials uncerting used 
by a gentleman. The n for ng I confess pre- 
ferring. 

Of Yankee preterites I find risse and rize 
for rose in Beaumont and Fletcher, Middle- 
ton and Dryden, dim in Spenser, chees 
(chose) in Sir John Mandevil, give (gave) 
in the Coventry Plays, shet (shut) in Gold- 
ing's Ovid, het in Chapman and in Weever's 
Epitaphs, thriv and smit in Drayton, quit 
in Ben Jonson and Henry More, and pled 
in the Paston Letters, nay, even in the fas- 
tidious Landor. Rid for rode was anciently 
common. So likewise was see for saw, but 
I find it in no writer of authority (except 
Golding), unless Chaucer's seie and Gower's 



224 INTRODUCTION. 

sigh were, as I am inclined to think, so 
sounded. Shew is used by Hector Boece, 
Giles Fletcher, Drumniond of Hawtkornden, 
and in the Past on Letters. Similar strong 
preterites, like snew, thew, and even mew, 
are not without example. I find sew for 
sowed in " Piers Ploughman." Indeed, the 
anomalies in English preterites are perplex- 
ing. We have probably transferred flew 
from flow (as the preterite of which I have 
heard it) to fly because we had another pre- 
terite yd. fled. Of weak preterites the Yan- 
kee retains growed, Mowed, for which he 
has good authority, and less often hnowed. 
His sot is merely a broad sounding of sat, 
no more inelegant than the common got for 
gat, which he further degrades into gut. 
When he says darst, he uses a form as old 
as Chaucer. 

The Yankee has retained something of the 
long sound of the a in such words as axe, 
tvax, pronouncing them exe, wex (shortened 
from aix, waix). He also says hev and hed 
(have, had) for have and had. In most 
cases he follows an Anglo-Saxon usage. In 
aix for axle he certainly does. I find wex 
and aisches (ashes) in Pecock, and exe in 
the Paston Letters. Golding rhymes wax 



INTRODUCTIOX. 225 

witli icexe and spells challenge chelenge. 
Chaucer wrote hendy. Dry den rhymes can 
with men, as Mr. Biglow would. Alexander 
Gill, Milton's teacher, in his ' Logonomia " 
cites hex for hath as peculiar to Lincolnshire. 
I find hayth in Collier's " Bibliographical 
Account of Early English Literature " under 
the date 1584, and Lord Cromwell so wrote 
it. Sir Christopher Wren wrote belcony. 
Our feet is only the O. F.faict. Thaim for 
them was common in the sixteenth century. 
We have an example of the same thing 
in the double form of the verb thrash, 
thresh. While the New-Englander cannot 
be brought to say instead for instid (com- 
monly 'stid where not the last word in a sen- 
tence), he changes the i into e in red for rid, 
tell for till, hender for hinder, rense for 
rinse. I find red in the old interlude of 
"Thersytes," tell in a letter of Daborne 
to Henslowe, and also, I shudder to men- 
tion it, in a letter of the great Duchess 
of Marlborough, Atossa herself ! It occurs 
twice in a single verse of the Chester Plays, 
which I copy as containing another Yankee- 
ism : — 

" Tell the day of dome, tell the beames Mote." 

From the word blow (in another sense) is 



226 INTR OD UCTION. 

formed bloivth, which I heard again this 
summer after a long interval. Mr. Wright * 
explains it as meaning " a blossom." With 
us a single blossom is a blow, while hlowth 
means the blossoming in general. A farmer 
would say that there was a good blowth on 
his fruit-trees. The word retreats farther 
inland and away from the railways, year by 
year. Wither rhymes hinder with slender, 
and Shakespeare and Lovelace have renched 
for rinsed. In " Grammer Gurton " and 
" Mirror for Magistrates " is sence for since ; 
Marlborough's Duchess so writes it, and 
Donne rhymes since with Amiens and pa- 
tience, Bishop Hall and Otway with pretence, 
Chapman with citizens, Dry den with provi- 
dence. Indeed, why should not sithence 
take that form ? Dryden's wife (an earl's 
daughter) has tell for till, Margaret, mother 
of Henry VII., writes seche for such, and 
our ef finds authority in the old form yeffe. 
JE sometimes takes the place of u, as jedge, 
tredge, bresh. I find tredge in the interlude 
of " Jack Jugler," bresh in a citation by 
Collier from " London Cries " of the middle 
of the seventeenth century, and resche for 
rush (fifteenth century) in the very valu- 

1 Dictionary of Obsolete and Provincial English. 



INTRODUCTION. 227 

able " Volume of Vocabularies " edited by 
Mr. Wright. Resce is one of the Anglo- 
Saxon forms of the word in Bosworth's A.- 
S. Dictionary. Golding has shet. The Yan- 
kee always shortens the u in the ending ture, 
making ventur, natur, pictur, and so on. 
This was common, also, among the educated 
of the last generation. I am inclined to 
think it may have been once universal, and 
I certainly think it more elegant than the 
vile vencher, naycher, pickcher, that have 
taken its place, sounding like the invention 
of a lexicographer to mitigate a sneeze. 
Nash in his " Pierce Penniless " has ventur, 
and so spells it, and I meet it also in Spen- 
ser, Drayton, Ben Jonson, Herrick, and 
Prior. Spenser has torfrest, which can be 
contracted only from tortur and not from 
torcher. Quarles rhymes nature with crea- 
tor, and Dryden with satire, which he doubt- 
less pronounced according to its older form 
of satyr, Quarles has also torture and mor- 
tar. Mary Boleyn writes hreatur. I find 
pikter in Izaak Walton's autograph will. 

I shall now give some examples which 
cannot so easily be ranked under any special 
head. Gill charges the Eastern counties 
with kiver for cover, and ta for to. The 



228 INTRODUCTION. 

Yankee pronounces both too and to like ta 
(like the tou in toucK) where they are not 
emphatic. In that case, both become tu. In 
old spelling, to is the common (and indeed 
correct) form of too, which is only to with 
the sense of in addition. I suspect that the 
sound of our too has caught something from 
the French tout, and it is possible that the 
old too too is not a reduplication, but a re- 
miniscence of the feminine form of the same 
word (toute) as anciently pronounced, with 
the e not yet silenced. Gill gives a North- 
ern origin to geaun for gown and ioau?id for 
wound (vulnus). Lovelace has toaund, but 
there is something too dreadful in suspecting 
Spenser (who borealized in his pastorals) of 
having ever been guilty of geaun! And 
yet some delicate mouths even now are care- 
ful to observe the Hibernicism of ge-ard for 
guard, and ge-url for girl. Sir Philip Sid- 
ney (credite poster i /) wrote furr for far. I 
would hardly have believed it had I not seen 
it in facsimile. As some consolation, I find 
furder in Lord Bacon and Donne, and 
Wither rhymes far with cur. The Yankee 
who omits the final d in many words, as do 
the Scotch, makes up for it by adding one in 
geound. The purist does not feel the loss of 



INTRODUCTION. 229 

the d sensibly in lawn and yon, from the 
former of which it has dropped again after 
a wrongful adoption (retained in laundry), 
while it properly belongs to the latter. But 
what shall we make of git, yit, and yis ? I 
find yis and git in Warner's " Albion's Eng- 
land," yet rhyming with wit, admit, and fit 
in Donne, with wit in the " Revenger's Trag- 
edy," Beaumont, and Suckling, with writ in 
Dryden, and latest of all with wit in Sir 
Hanbury Williams. Prior rhymes fitting 
and begetting. Worse is to come. Among 
others, Donne rhymes again with sin, and 
Quarles repeatedly with in. Ben for been, 
of which our dear Whittier is so fond, has 
the authority of Sackville, " Gammer Gur- 
ton" (the work of a bishop), Chapman, 
Dryden, and many more, though bin seems 
to have been the common form. Whit- 
tier's accenting the first syllable of rom'- 
ance finds an accomplice in Drayton among 
others, and though manifestly wrong, is an- 
alogous with JRom'ans. Of other Yankee- 
isms, whether of form or pronunciation, 
which I have met with I add a few at 
random. Pecock writes sowdiers (sogers, 
soudoyers), and Chapman and Gill sodder. 
This absorption of the I is common in vari- 



230 INTRODUCTION. 

ous dialects, especially in the Scottish. Pe- 
cock writes also biyende, and the authors 
of " Jack Jugler " and " Gammer Gurton " 
yender. The Yankee includes " yon " in 
the same category, and says " hither an' 
yen," for " to and fro." (Cf. German jen- 
seits.~) Pecock and plenty more have wras- 
tle. Tindal has agynste, gretter, shett, on- 
done, debyte, and scace. " Jack Jugler " 
has scacely (which I have often heard, 
though skurce is the common form), and 
Donne and Dryden make great rhyme with 
set. In the inscription on Caxton's tomb I 
find ynd for end, which the Yankee more 
often makes eend, still using familiarly the 
old phrase " right anend " for " continu- 
ously." His " stret (straight) along " in 
the same sense, which I thought peculiar to 
him, I find in Pecock. Tindal's debyte for 
deputy is so perfectly Yankee that I could 
almost fancy the brave martyr to have been 
deacon of the First Parish at Jaalam Centre. 
" Jack Jugler " further gives us play sent 
and sartayne. Dryden rhymes certain with 
parting, and Chapman and Ben Jonson use 
certain, as the Yankee always does, for cer- 
tainly. The " Coventry Mysteries " have 
occapied, massage, nateralle, materal (ma- 



INTRODUCTION. 231 

teriaT), and meracles, — all excellent Yankee- 
isms. In the " Quatre fils, Aymon " (1504) 1 
is vertus for virtuous. Thomas Fuller called 
volume vollum, I suspect, for he spells it vo- 
lumne. However, per contra, Yankees ha- 
bitually say colume for column. Indeed, to 
prove that our ancestors brought their pro- 
nunciation with them from the Old Country, 
and have not wantonly debased their mother 
tongue, I need only to cite the words scrip- 
tur, Israll, athists, and cherfulness from 
Governor Bradford's "History." So the 
good man wrote them, and so the good de- 
scendants of his fellow-exiles still pronounce 
them. Brampton Gurdon writes shet in a 
letter to Winthrop. Purtend {pretend?) has 
crept like a serpent into the " Paradise of 
Dainty Devices ; " purvide, which is not so 
bad, is in Chaucer. These, of course, are 
universal vulgarisms, and not peculiar to the 
Yankee. Butler has a Yankee phrase and 
pronunciation too in " To which these carry- 
ings-on did tend." Langham or Laneham, 
who wrote an account of the festivities at 
Kenilworth in honor of Queen Bess, and 
who evidently tried to spell phonetically, 

1 Cited in Collier. (I give my authority where I do not 
quote from the original book.) 



282 INTRODUCTION. 

makes sorrows into sororz. Herrick writes 
hollow for halloo, and perhaps pronounced it 
(horresco suggerens /) hollo', as Yankees do. 
Why not, when it comes from hola f I find 
ffelaschyppe (fellowship) in the Coventry- 
Plays. Spenser and his queen neither of 
them scrupled to write afore, and the former 
feels no inelegance even in chaw and idee. 
'Fore was common till after Herrick. Dry- 
den has do's for does and his wife spells 
worse ivosce. Af eared was once universal. 
Warner has ery for ever a ; nay, he has also 
illy, with which we were once ignorantly 
reproached by persons more familiar with 
Murray's grammar than with English lit- 
erature. And why not illy f Mr. Bartlett 
says it is " a word used by writers of an 
inferior class, who do not seem to perceive 
that ill is itself an adverb, without the ter- 
mination ly" and quotes Dr. Messer, Pres- 
ident of Brown University, as asking tri- 
umphantly, " Why don't you say welly ?" I 
should like to have had Dr. Messer answer 
his own question. It would be truer to say 
that it was used by people who still remem- 
bered that ill was an adjective, the shortened 
form of evil, out of which Shakespeare and 
the translators of the Bible ventured to 



INTRODUCTION. 283 

make evilly. This slurred evil is " the dram 
of eaZe" in "Hamlet."' The objection to 
illy is not an etymological one, but simply 
that it is contrary to good usage, — a very 
sufficient reason. Ill as an adverb was at 
first a vulgarism, precisely like the rustic's 
when he says, " I was treated bad." May 
not the reason of this exceptional form be 
looked for in that tendency to dodge what 
is hard to pronounce, to which I have already 
alluded ? If the letters were distinctly ut- 
tered as they should be, it would take too 
much time to say ill-ly, well-ly, and it is to 
be observed that we have avoided smally 1 
and tally in the same way, though we add 
ish to them without hesitation in smallish 
and tallish. We have, to be sure, dully and 
fully, but for the one we prefer stupidly, 
and the other (though this may have come 
from eliding the y before as) is giving away 
to full. The uneducated, whose utterance 
is slower, still make adverbs when they will 
by adding like to all manner of adjectives. 
We have had big charged upon us, because 
we use it where an Englishman would now 
use great. I fully admit that it were better 

1 The word occurs in a letter of Mary Boleyn, in Golding, 
and Warner, Milton also was fond of the word- 



234 INTRODUCTION. 

to distinguish between them, allowing to big 
a certain contemptuous quality, but as for au- 
thority, I want none better than that of Jer- 
emy Taylor, who, in his noble sermon " On 
the Return of Prayer," speaks of ' c Jesus, 
whose spirit was meek and gentle up to the 
greatness of the biggest example." As for 
our double negative, I shall waste no time in 
quoting instances of it, because it was once 
as universal in English as it still is in the 
neo-Latin languages, where it does not strike 
us as vulgar. I am not sure that the loss of 
it is not to be regretted. But surely I shall 
admit the vulgarity of slurring or altogether 
eliding certain terminal consonants ? I ad- 
mit that a clear and sharp-cut enunciation 
is one of the crowning charms and elegancies 
of speech. Words so uttered are like coins 
fresh from the mint, compared with the 
worn and dingy drudges of long service, — 
I do not mean American coins, for those 
look less badly, the more they lose of their 
original ugliness. No one is more painfully 
conscious than I of the contrast between the 
rifle-crack of an Englishman's yes and no, 
and the wet-fuse drawl of the same monosyl- 
lables in the mouths of my countrymen. 
But I do not find the propping of final con- 



INTRODUCTION. 235 

sonants disagreeable in Allan Ramsay or 
Burns, nor do I believe that our literary an- 
cestors were sensible of that inelegance in 
the fusing them together of which we are 
conscious. How many educated men pro- 
nounce the t in chestnut? how many say 
pentise for penthouse, as they should? When 
a Yankee skipper says that he is " boun' for 
Gloster" (not Gloucester, with the leave of 
the Universal Schoolmaster), 1 he but speaks 
like Chaucer or an old ballad-singer, though 
they would have pronounced it boon. This 
is one of the cases where the d is surrepti- 
tious, and has been added in compliment to 
the verb bind, with which it has nothing to 
do. If we consider the root of the word, 
(though of course I grant that every race 
has a right to do what it will with what is so 
peculiarly its own as its speech,) the d has 
no more right there than at the end of gone, 
where it is often put by children, who are 
our best guides to the sources of linguistic 
corruption, and the best teachers of its pro- 
cesses. Cromwell, minister of Henry VIII., 
writes worle for world. Chapman has wan 
for wand, and lawn has rightfully displaced 
laund, though with ne thought, I suspect, of 

1 Though I find Worcester in the Mirror for Magistrates. 



236 INTRODUCTION. 

etymology. Rogers tells us that Lady Ba- 
thurst sent him some letters written to Wil- 
liam III. by Queen Mary, in which she ad- 
dresses him as "Dear Husband The old 
form expoun\ which our farmers use, is more 
correct than the form with a barbarous d 
tacked on which has taken its place. Of the 
kind opposite to this, like our gownd for 
gown, and the London cockney's wind for 
wine, I find drownd for drown in the " Mis- 
fortunes of Arthur " (1584), and in Swift. 
And, by the way, whence came the long 
sound of wind which our poets still retain, 
and which survives in " winding " a horn, a 
totally different word from " winding " a kite- 
string? We say behind and hinder (compar- 
ative), and yet to hinder. Shakespeare pro- 
nounced kind hind, or what becomes of his 
play on that word and kin in Hamlet ? 
Nay, did he not even (shall I dare to hint 
it?) drop the final d as the Yankee still 
does ? John Lilly plays in the same way on 
kindred and kindness. But to come to some 
other ancient instances. Warner rhymes 
bounds with crowns, grounds with towns, 
text with sex, ivorst with crust, interrupts 
with cups ; Drayton, defects with sex ; Chap* 
man, amends with cleanse ; Webster, de- 



INTRODUCTION. 237 

feet 8 with checks ; Ben Jonson, minds with 
combines ; Marston, trust and obsequious, 
clothes and shows ; Dryden gives the same 
sound to clothes, and has also minds with 
designs. Of course, I do not affirm that 
their ears may not have told them that these 
were imperfect rhymes (though I am by no 
means sure even of that), but they surely 
would never have tolerated any such, had 
they suspected the least vulgarity in them. 
Prior has the rhyme first and trust, but puts 
it into the mouth of a landlady. Swift has 
stunted and burnt it, an intentionally iipper- 
fect rhyme, no doubt, but which I cite as 
giving precisely the Yankee pronunciation 
of burned. Donne couples in unhallowed 
wedlock after and matter, thus seeming to 
give to both the true Yankee sound, and it is 
not uncommon to find after and daughter. 
Worse than all, in one of Dodsley's Old 
Plays we have onions rhyming with minions, 
— I have tears in my eyes while I record it. 
And yet what is viler than the universal 
Misses (Mrs.) for Mistress f This was 
once a vulgarism, and in " The Miseries %f L 
Inforced Marriage " the rhyme (printed as 
prose in Dodsley's Old Plav« by Collier), 

" To make my young mistress, 
Delighting in kisses" 



238 INTRODUCTION. 

is put in the mouth of the clown. Our peo- 
ple say Injun for Indian. The tendency to 
make this change where i follows d is com- 
mon. The Italian giorno and French jour 
from diurnus are familiar examples. And 
yet Injun is one of those depravations which 
the taste challenges peremptorily, though it 
have the authority of Charles Cotton, who 
rhymes " Indies " with " cringes" and four 
English lexicographers, beginning with Dr. 
Sheridan, bid us say invidgeous. Yet after 
all it is no worse than the debasement which 
all our terminations in tion and tience have 
undergone, which yet we hear with resigna- 
shun and payshunce, though it might have 
aroused both impat-i-ence and indigna-ti-on 
in Shakespeare's time. When George Her- 
bert tells us that if the sermon be dull, 

" God takes a text and preacheth pati-ence," 

the prolongation of the word seems to con- 
vey some hint at the longanimity of the vir- 
tue. Consider what a poor curtal we have 
made of Ocean. There was something of his 
heave and expanse in o-ce-an, and Fletcher 
kn^w how to use it when he wrote so fine a 
verse a? the second of these, the best deep- 
sea verse I know, — 



INTRODUCTION. 289 

11 In desperate storms stem with a little rudder 
The tumbling ruins of the ocean." 

Oceanus was not then wholly shorn of his 
divine proportions, and our modern oshun 
sounds like the gush of small-beer in com- 
parison. Some other contractions of ours 
have a vulgar air about them. More 'n for 
more than, as one of the worst, may stand 
for a type of such. Yet our old dramatists 
are full of such obscurations (elisions they 
can hardly be called) of the th, making 
whe'r of whether, where of whither, here of 
hither, broW of brother, smo'r of smother, 
moi'r of mother, and so on. And dear Brer 
Rabbit, can I forget him ? Indeed, it is 
this that explains the word rare (which has 
Dry den's support), and which we say of 
meat where an Englishman would use under- 
done. I do not believe, with the dictiona- 
ries, that it had ever anything to do with 
the Icelandic hrar (raw), as it plainly has 
not in rareripe, which means earlier ripe. 
President Lincoln said of a precocious boy 
that he was a rareripe. And I do not be- 
lieve it for this reason, that the earliest form 
of the word with us was, and the commoner 
now in the inland parts still is, so far as I 
can discover, raredone. Golding has "egs 



240 1NTROD UCTION. 

reere-rosted " which, whatever else it mean, 
cannot mean raw-masted. I find rather as 
a monosyllable in Donne, and still better, as 
giving the sound, rhyming with fair in War- 
ner. There is an epigram of Sir Thomas 
Browne in which the words rather than 
make a monosyllable : — 

" What furie is 't to take Death's part 
And rather than by Nature, die by Art! " 

The contraction more J n I find in the old 
play " Fuimus Troes," in a verse where the 
measure is so strongly accented as to leave 
it beyond doubt, — 

" A golden crown whose heirs 
More than half the world subdue." 

It may be, however, that the contraction is 
in "th' orld." It is unmistakable in the 
" Second Maiden's Tragedy " : — 

' ' It were but folly, 
Dear soul, to boast of more than I can perform." 

Is our gin for given more violent than mar'l 
for marvel, which was once common, and 
which I find as late as Herrick ? Nay, Her- 
rick has gin (spelling it g'eri), too, as do 
the Scotch, who agree with us likewise in 
preferring chimly to chimney. 

I will now leave pronunciation and turn 



INTRODUCTION. 241 

to words or phrases which have been sup- 
posed peculiar to us, only pausing to pick 
up a single dropped stitch in the pronun- 
ciation of the word su'preme, which I had 
thought native till I found it in the well- 
languaged Daniel. I will begin with a word 
of which I have never met with any example 
in any English writer of authority. We ex- 
press the first stage of withering in a green 
plant suddenly cut down by the verb to wilt. 
It is, of course, own cousin of the German 
welken, but I have never come upon it in 
literary use, and my own books of reference 
give me faint help. Graff gives welhen, mar- 
cescere, and refers to weih (weak), and con- 
jecturally to A.-S. hvelan. The A.-S. weal- 
wian (to wither) is nearer, but not so near 
as two words in the Icelandic, which perhaps 
put us on the track of its ancestry, velgi 
(tepefacere) and velki, with the derivative 
meaning contaminare. Wilt, at any rate, is 
a good word, filling, as it does, a sensible 
gap between drooping and withering, and 
the imaginative phrase "he wilted right 
down," like " he caved right in," is a true 
Americanism. Wilt occurs in English pro- 
vincial glossaries, but is explained by wither, 
which with us it does not mean. We have a 



242 INTRODUCTION. 

few words, such as cache, cohog, carry (por- 
tage'), shoot (chute), timber (forest), bush- 
whack (to pull a boat along by the bushes 
on the edge of a stream), buckeye (a pictur- 
esque word for the horse-chestnut), but how 
many can we be said to have fairly brought 
into the language, as Alexander Gill, who 
first mentions Americanisms, meant it when 
he said, " Sed et ah Americanis nonnulla 
mutuamur ut maiz et CANOA " ? Very few, 
I suspect, and those mostly by borrowing 
from the French, German, Spanish, or Indian. 1 
" The Dipper " for the " Great Bear " strikes 
me as having a native air. Bogus, in the 
sense of icorthless, is undoubtedly ours, but 
is, I more than suspect, a corruption of the 
French bagasse (from low Latin bagasea), 
which travelled up the Mississippi from New 
Orleans, where it was used for the refuse of 
the sugar-cane. It is true we have modified 
the meaning of some words. We use freshet 
in the sense of flood, for which I have not 
chanced upon any authority. Our New Eng- 
land cross between Ancient Pistol and Du- 
gald Dalgetty, Captain Underhill, uses the 

1 This was written twenty years ago, and now (1800) I 
cannot open an English journal without coming upon an 
Americanism. 



INTRODUCTION. 243 

word (1638) to mean a current, and I do 
not recollect it elsewhere in that sense. I 
therefore leave it with a ? for future ex- 
plorers. Crick for creek I find in Captain 
John Smith and in the dedication of Fuller's 
" Holy Warre," and run, meaning a small 
stream, in Weymouth's " Voyage " (1605). 
Humans for men, which Mr. Bartlett in- 
cludes in his " Dictionary of Americanisms," 
is Chapman's habitual phrase in his transla- 
tion of Homer. I find it also in the old 
play of "The Hog hath lost his Pearl." 
Dogs for andirons is still current in New 
England, and in Walter de Biblesworth I 
find chiens glossed in the margin by and- 
irons. Gunning for shooting is in Drayton. 
We once got credit for the poetical word 
fall for autumn, but Mr. Bartlett and the 
last edition of Webster's Dictionary refer 
us to Dry den. It is even older, for I find it 
in Drayton, and Bishop Hall has autumn 
fall. Middleton plays upon the word : 
" May'st thou have a reasonable good spring, 
for thou art like to have many dangerous 
foul falls." Daniel does the same, and 
Coleridge uses it as we do. Gray uses the 
archaism picked for peaked, and the word 
smudge (as our backwoodsmen do) for a 



244 INTRODUCTION. 

smothered fire. Lord Herbert of Cherbury 
(more properly perhaps than even Sidney, 
the last preux chevalier) has " the Emperor's 
folks " just as a Yankee would say it. Loan 
for lend, with which we have hitherto been 
blackened, I must retort upon the mother 
island, for it appears so long ago as in " Al- 
bion's England." Fleshy, in the sense of 
stout, may claim Ben Jonson's warrant, and 
I find it also so lately as in Francklin's " Lu- 
cian." Chore is also Jonson's word, and I 
am inclined to prefer it to chare and char, be- 
cause I think that I see a more natural origin 
for it in the French jour — whence it might 
come to mean a day's work, and thence a job 
— than anywhere else. 1 At onst for at once I 
thought a corruption of our own, till I found 
it in the Chester Plays. I am now inclined 
to suspect it no corruption at all, but only 
an erratic and obsolete superlative at onest. 
To progress' was flung in our teeth till Mr. 
Pickering retorted with Shakespeare's " doth 
pro'gress down thy cheeks." I confess that 
I was never satisfied with this answer, be- 
cause the accent was different, and because 
the word might here be reckoned a substan- 

i The Rev. A. L. Mayhew, of Wadham College, Oxford, 
has convinced me that I was astray in this. 



INTRODUCTION. 245 

tive quite as well as a verb. Mr. Bartlett 
(in liis dictionary above cited) adds a sur- 
rebutter in a verse from Ford's "Broken 
Heart." Here the word is clearly a verb, 
but with the accent unhappily still on the 
first syllable. Mr. Bartlett says that he 
" cannot say whether the word was used in 
Bacon's time or not." It certainly was, and 
with the accent we give to it. Ben Jonson, 
in the " Alchemist," has this verse, - — 

"Progress' so from extreme unto extreme," 

and Sir Philip Sidney, — 

"Progressing then from fair Turias' golden place." 

Surely we may now sleep in peace, and our 
English cousins will forgive us, since we 
have cleared ourselves from any suspicion of 
originality in the matter ! Even after I had 
convinced myself that the chances were des- 
perately against our having invented any of 
the Americanisms with which we axe faulted 
and which we are in the habit of voicing, 
there were one or two which had so prevail- 
ingly indigenous an accent as to stagger me 
a little. One of these was "the biggest 
thing out." Alas, even this slender com- 
fort is denied me. Old Gower has 

" So harde an herte was none oute," 

and 

"That such merveile was none oute." 



246 INTRODUCTION. 

He also, by the way, says " a sighte of 
flowres " as naturally as our upcountry folk 
would say it. Poor for lean, thirds for 
dower, and dry for thirsty I find in Mid- 
dleton's plays. Dry is also in Skelton 
and in the " World " (1754). In a note 
on Middleton, Mr. Dyce thinks it needful 
to explain the phrase / can't tell (univer- 
sal in America) by the gloss I could not 
say. Middleton also uses snecked, which I 
had believed an Americanism till I saw it 
there. It is, of course, only another form 
of snatch, analogous to theek *and thatch 
(cf . the proper names Dekker and Thacher), 
break (brack) and breach, make (still com- 
mon with us) and match. ''Long on for 
occasioned by (" who is this 'long on ? ") 
occurs constantly in Gower and likewise 
in Middleton. 'Cause why is in Chaucer. 
Raising (an English version of the French 
leaven) for yeast is employed by Gayton 
in his " Festivous Notes on Don Quixote." 
I have never seen an instance of our New 
England word emptins in the same sense, 
nor can I divine its original. Gayton has 
limekill ; also shuts for shutters, and the 
latter is used by Mrs. Hutchinson in her 
" Life of Colonel Hutchinson." Bishop Hall, 



INTRODUCTION. 247 

and Purchas in his " Pilgrims," have chist 
for chest, and it is certainly nearer cista 
as well as to its form in the Teutonic lan- 
guages, whence we probably got it. We re- 
tain the old sound from cist, but chest is as 
old as Chaucer. Lovelace says wropt for 
wrapt, " Musicianer " I had always associ- 
ated with the militia-musters of my boyhood, 
and too hastily concluded it an abomination 
of our own, but Mr. Wright calls it a Nor- 
folk word, and I find it to be as old as 1642 
by an extract in Collier. " Not worth the 
time of day " had passed with me for native 
till I saw it in Shakespeare's " Pericles." 
For slick (which is only a shorter sound 
of sleek, like crick and the now universal 
britches for breeches} I will only call Chap- 
man and Jonson. " That 's a sure card ! " 
and " That 's a stinger ! " both sound like 
modern slang, but you will find the one in 
the old interlude of "Thersytes" (1537), 
and the other in Middleton. " Right here," 
a favorite phrase with our orators and with a 
certain class of our editors, turns up j^^ssim 
in the Chester and Coventry plays. Mr. 
Dickens found something very ludicrous in 
what he considered our neologism right 
away. But I find a phrase very like it, and 



248 1NTR0D UCTION. 

which I half suspect to be a misprint for it 
in " Gammer Gurton " : — 

" Lyght it and bring it tite away." 

But tite is the true word in this case. 
After all, what is it but another form of 
straightway f Citssednvss, meaning wicked- 
ness, malignity, and cuss, a sneaking, ill- 
natured fellow, in such phrases as " He done 
it out o' pure cussedness," and " He is a 
nateral cuss," have been commonly thought 
Yankeeisms. To vent certain contemptu- 
ously-indignant moods they are admirable 
in their rough-and-ready way. But neither 
is our own. Cursydnesse, in the same sense 
of malignant wickedness, occurs in the Cov- 
entry Plays, and cuss may perhaps claim to 
have come in with the Conqueror. At least 
the term is also French. Saint Simon uses 
it and confesses its usefulness. Speaking of 
the Abbe Dubois he says, " Qui etoit en plein 
ce qu'un mauvais francois appelle un sacre, 
mais qui ne se peut guere exprimer autre- 
ment." "Not worth a cuss," though sup- 
ported by " not worth a damn," may be a 
mere corruption, since " not worth a cress " 
is in " Piers Ploughman." " I don't see it " 
was the popular slang a year or two ago, 
and seemed to spring from the soil ; but 



INTR OB UCTION. 249 

no, it is in Cibber's "Careless Husband." 
"Green sauce" for vegetables I meet in 
Beaumont and Fletcher, Gay ton and else- 
where. Our rustic pronunciation sahce (for 
either the diphthong au was anciently pro- 
nounced ah, or else we have followed abund- 
ant analogy in changing it to the latter sound, 
as we have in chance, dance, and so many 
more) may be the older one, and at least 
gives some hint at its ancestor salsa. Warn, 
in the sense of notify, is, I believe, now pe- 
culiar to us, but Pecock so employs it. I 
find primmer (primer, as we pronounce it) in 
Beaumont and Fletcher, and a " square eat- 
er " too (compare our " square meal "), heft 
for weight, and " muchness " in the " Mirror 
for Magistrates," bankbill in Swift and Field- 
ing, and as for that I might say passim. 
To cotton to is, I rather think, an American- 
ism. The nearest approach to it I have 
found is cotton together, in Congreve's " Love 
for Love." To cotton or cotten, in another 
sense, is old and common. Our word means 
to cling, and its origin, possibly, is to be 
sought in another direction, perhaps in A. S. 
cvead, which means mud, clay (both pro- 
verbially clinging), or better yet, in the 
Icelandic qvoda (otherwise kdd^), meaning 



250 INTRODUCTION. 

resin and glue, which are ko-t iioxyv sticky 
substances. To spit cotton is, I think, 
American, and also, perhaps, to flax for to 
beat. To the halves still survives among us, 
though apparently obsolete in England. It 
means either to let or to hire a piece of land, 
receiving half the profit in money or in kind 
(partibus locare). I mention it because 
in a note by some English editor, to which 
I have lost my reference, I have seen it 
wrongly explained. The editors of Nares 
cite Burton. To put, in the sense of to go, 
as Put ! for Begone ! would seem our own, 
and yet it is strictly analogous to the French 
se mettre a la voie, and the Italian mettersi 
in via. Indeed, Dante has a verse, 

" lo sarei [for mi sarei] gia messo per lo sentiero," 

which, but for the indignity, might be trans- 
lated, 

"I should, ere this, have put along the way." 

I deprecate in advance any share in Gen- 
eral Banks's notions of international law, but 
we may all take a just pride in his exuber- 
ant eloquence as something distinctly Amer- 
ican. When he spoke a few years ago of 
" letting the Union slide," even those who, 
for political purposes, reproached him with 
the sentiment, admired the indigenous virtue 



INTRODUCTION. 251 

of his phrase. Yet I find " let the world 
slide " in Hey wood's " Edward IV." ; and 
in Beaumont and Fletcher's "Wit without 
Money " Valentine says, 

" Will you go drink, 
And let the world slide ? " 

So also in Sidney's " Arcadia," 

" Let his dominion slide." 

Iii the one case it is put into the mouth of 
a clown, in the other, of a gentleman, and 
was evidently proverbial. It has even higher 
sanction, for Chaucer writes, 

"Well nigh all other cures let he slide." 

Mr. Bartlett gives " above one's bend " as an 
Americanism ; but compare Hamlet's " to 
the top of my bent." In his tracks for im- 
mediately has acquired an American accent, 
and passes where he can for a native, but is 
an importation nevertheless ; for what is he 
but the Latin e vestigio, or at best the Nor- 
man French eneslespas, both which have the 
same meaning ? Hotfoot (provincial also 
in England) I find in the old romance of 
" Tristan," 

11 Si s'en parti chaut pas." 

Like for as is never used in New England, 
but is universal in the South and West. It 
has on its side the authority of two kings 



252 INTRODUCTION. 

(ego sum rex Bomanorum et supra gram- 
maticani), Henry VIII. and Charles I. This 
were ample, without throwing into the scale 
the scholar and poet Daniel. Them was 
used as a nominative by the Majesty of Ed- 
ward VI., by Sir P. Hoby, and by Lord 
Paget (in Fronde's " History "). I have 
never seen any passage adduced where guess 
was used as the Yankee uses it. The word 
was familiar in the mouths of our ancestors, 
but with a different shade of meaning from 
that we have given it, which is something 
like rather thinlc, though the Yankee implies 
a confident certainty by it when he says, " I 
guess I du I " There are two examples in 
Otway, one of which (" So in the struggle, 
I guess the note was lost ") perhaps might 
serve our purpose, and Coleridge's 

"I guess t'was fearful there to see" 

certainly comes very near. But I have a 
higher authority than either in Selden, who, 
in one of his notes to the " Polyolbion," 
writes, 4 'The first inventor of them (I guess 
you dislike not the addition) was one Ber- 
thold Swartz." Here he must mean by it, 
" I take it for granted." Robert Greene 
in his " Quip for an upstart Courtier " makes 
Cloth-breeches say " but I gesse your mais- 



INTRODUCTION. 253 

tersliip never tried what true honor meant." 
In this case the word seems to be used with 
a meaning precisely like that which we give 
it. Another peculiarity almost as promi- 
nent is the beginning sentences, especially 
in answer to questions, with " well." Put 
before such a phrase as " How d'e do ? " 
it is commonly short, and has the sound of 
wul, but in reply it is deliberative, and 
the various shades of meaning which can 
be conveyed by difference of intonation, and 
by prolonging or abbreviating, I should vain- 
ly attempt to describe. I have heard ooa- 
ahl, wahl, ahl, wdl, and something nearly 
approaching the sound of the le in able. 
Sometimes before "I" it dwindles to a mere 
£, as "'1 /dunno." A friend of mine (why 
should I not please myself, though I dis- 
please him, by brightening my page with the 
initials of the most exquisite of humorists, 
J. H. ?) told me that he once heard five 
" wells," like pioneers, precede the answer 
to the inquiry about the price of land. The 
first was ordinary ivul, in deference to cus- 
tom ; the second, the long, perpending ooahl, 
with a falling inflection of the voice; the 
third, the same, but with the voice rising, as 
if in despair of a conclusion, into a plaintive- 



25-i INTRODUCTION. 

ly nasal whine ; the fourth, wulh, ending in 
the aspirate of a sigh ; and then, fifth, came 
a short, sharp, wal, showing that a conclu- 
sion had been reached. I have used this lat- 
ter form in the " Biglow Papers," because, 
if enough nasality be added, it represents 
most nearly the average sound of what I may 
call the interjection. 

A locution prevails in the Southern and 
Middle States which is so curious that, though 
never heard in New England, I will give a 
few lines to its discussion, the more readily 
because it is extinct elsewhere. I mean the 
use of allow in the sense of affirm, as " I al- 
low that 's a good horse." I find the word 
so used in 1558 by Anthony Jenkinson in 
Hakluyt : " Corne they sowe not, neither doe 
eate any bread, mocking the Christians for 
the same, and disabling our strengthe, say- 
ing we live by eating the toppe of a weede, 
and drinke a drinke made of the same, al- 
lowing theyr great devouring of flesh and 
drinking of milke to be the increase of theyr 
strength. That is, they undervalued our 
strength, and affirmed their own to be the 
result of a certain diet. In another passage 
of the same narrative the word has its more 
common meaning of approving or prais- 



INTRODUCTION. 255 

ing : " The said king, much allowing this 
declaration, said." Ducange quotes Brac- 
ton sub voce adlocare for the meaning 
"to admit as proved," and the transition 
from this to " affirm " is by no means vio- 
lent. Izaak Walton has " Lebault allows 
waterfrogs to be good meat,"- and here the 
word is equivalent to affirms. At the same 
time, when we consider some of the mean- 
ings of allow in old English, and of allouer 
in old French, and also remember that the 
verbs prize and praise are from one root, I 
think we must admit allaudare to a share in 
the paternity of allow. The sentence from 
Hakluyt would read equally well, " contemn- 
ing our strengthe, . . . and praising (or 
valuing) their great eating of flesh as the 
cause of their increase in strength." After 
all, if we confine ourselves to allocare, it may 
turn out that the word was somewhere and 
somewhen used for to bet, analogously to put 
up, put down, post (cf. Spanish apostar), 
and the like. I hear boys in the street con- 
tinually saying, " I bet that 's a good horse," 
or what not, meaning by no means to risk 
anything beyond their opinion in the matter. 
The word improve, in the sense of " to oc- 
cupy, make use of, employ," as Pr. Picker* 



25 3 INT ROD UCTION. 

ing defines it, he long ago proved to be no 
neologism. He would have done better, I 
think, had he substituted profit by for em- 
ploy. He cites Dr. Franklin as saying that 
the word had never, so far as he knew, been 
used in New England before he left it in 
1723, except in Dr. Mather's " Remarkable 
Providences," which he oddly calls a " very 
old book." Franklin, as Dr. Pickering goes 
on to show, was mistaken. Mr. Bartlett in 
his "Dictionary" merely abridges Pickering. 
Both of them should have confined the appli- 
cation of the word to material things, its ex- 
tension to which is all that is peculiar in the 
supposed American use of it. For surely 
" Complete Letter- Writers " have been " im- 
proving this opportunity " time out of mind. 
I will illustrate the word a little further, 
because Pickering cites no English authori- 
ties. Skelton has a passage in his "Phyl- 
lyp Sparowe," which I quote the rather as 
it contains also the word allowed, and as it 
distinguishes improve from employ : — 

"His [Chaucer's] Englysh well alowed, 
So as it is enjjrowed, 
For as it is emplcyd, 
There is no English voyd." 

Here the meaning is to profit by. In FuL 



INTRODUCTION. 257 

ler's "Holy Warre" (1647), we have "The 
Egyptians standing on the firm ground, were 
thereby enabled to improve and enforce their 
darts to the utmost." Here the word might 
certainly mean to make use of. Mrs. Hutch- 
inson (Life of Colonel H.) uses the word in 
the same way : " And therefore did not em- 
proove his interest to engage the country in 
the quarrell." Swift in one of his letters 
says : " There is not an acre of land in Ire- 
land turned to half its advantage ; yet it is 
better improved than the people." I find it 
also in " Strength out of Weakness " (1652), 
and Plutarch's "Morals" (1714), but I 
know of only one example of its use in the 
purely American sense, and that is, " a very 
good improvement for a mill " in the " State 
Trials " (Speech of the Attorney-General in 
the Lady Ivy's case, 1684). In the sense 
of employ, I could cite a dozen old English 
authorities. 

In running over the fly-leaves of those de- 
lightful folios for this reference, I find a note 
which reminds me of another word, for our 
abuse of which we have been deservedly 
ridiculed. I mean lady. It is true I might 
cite the example of the Italian donna l (do- 

1 Dame, in English, is a decayed gentlewoman of the 
same family. 



258 INTRO D U CTION. 

mina) which has been treated in the same 
way by a whole nation, and not, as lady 
among us, b}^ the uncultivated only. It per- 
haps grew into use in the half-democratic 
republics of Italy in the same way and for 
the same reasons as with us. But I admit 
that our abuse of the word is villanous. I 
know of an orator who once said in a public 
meeting where bonnets preponderated, that 
" the ladies were last at the cross and first 
at the tomb " ! But similar sins were com- 
mitted before our day and in the mother 
country. In the " Harleian Miscellany " 
(vol. v., p. 455) I find " this lady is my ser- 
vant ; the hedger's daughter loan." In the 
" State Trials " I learn of " a gentlewoman 
that lives cook with" such a one, and I 
hear the Lord High Steward speaking of 
the wife of a waiter at a bagnio as a gen- 
tlewoman! From the same authority, by 
the way, I can state that our vile habit 
of chewing tobacco had the somewhat un- 
savory example of Titus Oates, and I know 
by tradition from an eye-witness that the 
elegant General Burgoyne partook of the 
same vice. Howell, in one of his letters 
(dated 26 August, 1623), speaks thus of an- 
other "institution " which many have thought 



INTRODUCTION. 250 

American : " They speak much of that bois- 
terous Bishop of Halverstadt, (for so they 
term him here,) that, having taken a place 
wher ther were two Monasteries of Nuns and 
Friers, he caus'd divers feather-beds to be 
rip'd, and all the feathers to be thrown in 
a great Hall, whither the Nuns and Friers 
were thrust naked with their bodies oil'd 
and pitch'd, and to tumble among the feath- 
ers." Howell speaks as if the thing were 
new to him, and I know not if the " boister- 
ous" Bishop was the inventor of it, but I 
find it practised in England before our Eev- 
olution. 

Before leaving the subject, I will add a few 
comments made from time to time on the 
margin of Mr. Bartlett's excellent " Diction- 
ary," to which I am glad thus publicly to 
acknowledge my many obligations. " Avails " 
is good old English, and the vails of Sir 
Joshua Reynolds's porter are famous. Averse 
from, averse to, and in connection with them 
the English vulgarism " different £o." The 
corrupt use of to in these cases, as well as 
in the Yankee " he lives to Salem," w to 
home," and others, must be a very old one, 
for in the one case it plainly arose from con- 
founding the two French prepositions «L(from 



260 INTRODUCTION. 

Latin ad and a&), and in the other from 
translating the first of them. I once thought 
" different to " a modern vulgarism, and Mr. 
Thackeray, on my pointing it out to him in 
" Henry Esmond," confessed it to be an an- 
achronism. Mr. Bartlett refers to " the old 
writers quoted in Richardson's Dictionary " 
for " different to," though in my edition of 
that work all the examples are with fro?n. 
But I find to used invariably by Sir R. Haw- 
kins in Hakluyt. Banjo is a negro corruption 
of O. E. bandore. Bind-weed can hardly 
be modern, for wood-bind is old and radi- 
cally right, intertwining itself through bin- 
dan and windan with classic stems. Bob- 
olink: is this a contraction for Bob o' 
Lincoln? I find bobolynes in one of the 
poems attributed to Skelton, where it may 
be rendered gida]y-pate, a term very fit for 
the bird in his ecstasies. Cruel for great 
is in Hakluyt. Bowling-alley is in Nash's 
" Pierce Pennilesse." Curious, meaning 
nice, occurs continually in old writers, and 
is as old as Pecock's " Repressor." JDroger 
is O. E. drugger. Educational is in Burke. 
Feeze is only a form of fizz. To fix, in the 
American sense, I find used by the Commis- 
sioners of the United Colonies so early as 



INTRODUCTION. 2Gt 

1675, " their arms well fixed and fit for ser- 
vice." To take the foot in the hand is 
German; so is to go under. Gundalow is 
old: I find gundelo in Hakluyt, and gun- 
dello in Booth's reprint of the folio Shake- 
speare of 1623. Gonoff is 0. E. gnoffe. 
Heap is in "Piers Ploughman " (" and other 
names an heep "), and in Hakluyt (" seeing 
such a heap of their enemies ready to devour 
them "). To liquor is in the " Puritan " 
(" call 'em in, and liquor 'em a little "). To 
loaf: this, I think, is unquestionably Ger- 
man. Laufen is pronounced lofen in some 
parts of Germany, and I once heard one 
German student say to another, Ich lauf" 
(lofe) hier bis du wiederhehrest, and he be- 
gan accordingly to saunter up and down, in 
short, to loaf To mull, Mr. Bartlett says, 
means "to soften, to dispirit," and quotes 
from " Margaret," — " There has been a 
pretty considerable mullin going on among 
the doctors," — where it surely cannot mean 
what he says it does. We have always heard 
mulling used for stirring, bustling, some- 
times in an underhand way. It is a meta- 
phor derived probably from mulling wine, 
and the word itself must be a corruption of 
mell, from 0. F. mesler. Pair of stairs is 



262 INTRODUCTION. 

in Hakluyt. To pull up stakes is in Cur- 
wen's Journal, and therefore pre-Kevolution- 
ary. I think I have met with it earlier. 
Raise : under this word Mr. Bartlett omits 
" to raise a house," that is, the frame of a 
wooden one, and also the substantive formed 
from it, a raisin?. Retire for go to bed is in 
Fielding's "Amelia." Setting-poles cannot 
be new, for I find " some set [the boats] with 
long poles " in Hakluyt. Shoulder-hitters : 
I find that shoulder- striker is old, though I 
have lost the reference to my authority. 
Snag is no new word, though perhaps the 
Western application of it is so ; but I find 
in Gill the proverb, "A bird in the bag is 
worth two on the snag." Dry den has swop 
and to rights. Trail : Hakluyt has " many 
wayes traled by the wilde beastes." 

I subjoin a few phrases not in Mr. Bart- 
lett's book which I have heard. Bald- 
headed: "to go it bald-headed "; in great 
haste, as where one rushes out without his 
hat. Bogue : " I don't git much done 'thout 
I bogue right in along 'th my men." Carry : 
a portage. Cat-nap: a short doze. Cat- 
stick: a small stick. Chowder-head: a 
muddle-brain. Clingjohn: a soft cake of 
rye. Cocoa-nut : the head. Cohees' : ap 



INTRODUCTION. 263 

plied to the people of certain settlements in 
Western Pennsylvania, from their use of the 
archaic form Quo' he. Dunnow'z I know : 
the nearest your true Yankee ever comes 
to acknowledging ignorance. Fssence-ped- 
ler : a skunk. First-rate and a half. 
Fish-flakes, for drying fish: O. E. fleck 
(cratis). Gander-party: a social gathering 
of men only. Gawnicus : a dolt. Haw- 
kins's whetstone : rum ; in derision of one 
Hawkins, a well-known temperance-lecturer. 
Hyper : to bustle : " I mus' hyper about an' 
git tea." Keeler-tub : one in which dishes 
are washed. (" And Greasy Joan doth keel 
the pot.") Lap-tea: where the guests are 
too many to sit at table. Last of pea-time : 
to be hard-up. Lose-laid (loose-laid) : a 
weaver's term, and probably English ; weak- 
willed. Malahack: to cut up hastily or 
awkwardly. Moonglade : a beautiful word 
for the track of moonlight on the water. 
Off-ox : an unmanageable, cross-grained fel- 
low. Old Driver, Old Splitfoot ; the Devil. 
Onhitch: to pull trigger (cf. Spanish dis- 
\mrar). Popular : conceited. Rote : sound 
of surf before a storm. Rot-gut : cheap 
whiskey ; the word occurs in Heywood's 
" English Traveller " and Addison's " Drum- 



264 INTRODUCTION. 

mer," for a poor kind of drink. Seem : it 
is habitual with the New-Englander to put 
this verb to strange uses, as, " I can't seem 
to be suited," " I could n't seem to know 
him." Sidehill, for hillside. State-house : 
this seems an Americanism, whether invented 
or derived from the Dutch Stadhuys, I know 
not. Strike and string : from the game of 
ninepins ; to make a strike is to knock down 
all the pins with one ball, hence it has come 
to mean fortunate, successful. Swampers : 
men who break out roads for lumberers. 
Tormented : euphemism for damned, as, 
" not a tormented cent." Virginia fence, to 
make a : to walk like a drunken man. 

It is always worth while to note down the 
erratic words or phrases which one meets 
with in any dialect. They may throw light 
on the meaning of other words, on the re- 
lationship of languages, or even on history 
itself. In so composite a language as ours 
they often supply a different form to ex- 
press a different shade of meaning, as in viol 
and fiddle, thrid and thread, smother and 
smoulder, where the I has crept in by a false 
analogy with would. We have given back 
to England the excellent adjective lengthy, 
formed honestly like earthy, drouthy, and 



INTRODUCTION. 265 

others, thus enabling their journalists to 
characterize our President's messages by a 
word civilly compromising between long and 
tedious, so as not to endanger the peace of 
the two countries by wounding our national 
sensitiveness to British criticism. Let me 
give two curious examples of the antiseptic 
property of dialects at which I have already 
glanced. Dante has dindi as a childish or 
low word for danari (money), and in Shrop- 
shire small Roman coins are still dug up 
which the peasants call dinders. This can 
hardly be a chance coincidence, but seems 
rather to carry the word back to the Roman 
soldiery. So our farmers say chuk, chuk, to 
their pigs, and ciacco is one of the Italian 
words for hog. "When a countryman tells 
us that he " fell all of a heajj," I cannot 
help thinking that he unconsciously points 
to an affinity between our word tumble, and 
the Latin tumulus, that is older than most 
others. I believe that words, or even the 
mere intonation of them, have an astonish- 
ing vitality and power of propagation by 
the root, like the gardener's pest, quitch- 
grass, 1 while the application or combination 

1 "Which, whether in that form, or under its aliases uoitch- 
grass and coocA-grass, points us back to its rriginal Saxon 
quick. 



266 INTRODUCTION. 

of them may be new. It is in these last that 
my countrymen seem to me full of humor, 
invention, quickness of wit, and that sense of 
subtle analogy which needs only refining to 
become fancy and imagination. ^Prosaic as 
American life seems in many of its aspects 
to a European, bleak and bare as it is on the 
side of tradition, and utterly orphaned of the 
solemn inspiration of antiquity, I cannot help 
thinking that the ordinary talk of unlettered 
men among us is fuller of metaphor and of 
phrases that suggest lively images than that 
of any other people I have seen. Very many 
such will be found in Mr. Bartlett's book, 
though his short list of proverbs at the end 
seem to me, with one or two exceptions, as 
un-American as possible. Most of them 
have no character at all but coarseness, and 
are quite too long-skirted for working prov- 
erbs, in which language always " takes off 
its coat to it," as a Yankee would say. There 
are plenty that have a more native and puck- 
ery flavor, seedlings from the old stock often, 
and yet new varieties. One hears such not 
seldom among us Easterners, and the West 
would yield many more. " Mean enough to 
steal acorns from a blind hog " ; " Cold as 
the north side of a Jenooary gravestone by 



INTRODUCTION. 267 

starlight " ; " Hungry as a graven image " ; 
44 Poplar as a hen with one chicken " ; "A 
hen's time ain't much " ; " Quicker 'n greased 
lightnin' " ; " Ther 's sech a thing ez bein' 
tu " (our Yankee paraphrase of fi-qhlv ayav) ; 
hence the phrase tooin? round, meaning a 
supererogatory activity like that of flies ; 
44 Stingy enough to skim his milk at both 
eends " ; " Hot as the Devil's kitchen " ; 
44 Handy as a pocket in a shirt " ; 44 He 's a 
whole team and the dog under the wagon " ; 
44 All deacons are good, but there 's odds 
in deacons " (to deacon berries is to put 
the largest atop) ; " So thievish they hev 
to take in their stone walls nights " ; 1 may 
serve as specimens. 44 1 take my tea bar- 
foot" said a backwoodsman when asked 
if he would have cream and sugar. (I 
find barfoot, by the way, in the Coventry 
Plays.) A man speaking to me once of a 
very rocky clearing said, 44 Stone's got a 
pretty heavy mortgage on that land," and I 
overheard a guide in the woods say to his 
companions who were urging him to sing, 
44 Wal, I did sing once, but toons gut in- 

1 And, by the way, the Yankee never says "o' nights," 
but uses the older adverbial form, analogous to the German 
nachts. 



26 8 INTR OD UC TION. 

vented, an' thet spilt my trade." Whoever 
has driven over a stream by a bridge made 
of slabs will feel the picturesque force of 
the epithet slab-bridged applied to a fellow 
of shaky character. Almost every county 
has some good die-sinker in phrase, whose 
mintage passes into the currency of the whole 
neighborhood. Such a one described the 
county jail (the one stone building where all 
the dwellings are of wood) as "the house 
whose underpinnin' come up to the eaves," 
and called hell " the place where they did n't 
rake up their fires nights." I once asked a 
stage-driver if the other side of a hill were as 
steep as the one we were climbing : " Steep ? 
chain-lightnin' could n' go down it 'thout 
puttin' the shoe on ! " And this brings me 
back to the exaggeration of which I spoke 
before. To me there is something very taking 
in the negro " so black that charcoal made a 
chalk-mark on him," and the wooden shingle 
"painted so like marble that it sank in 
water," as if its very consciousness or its 
vanity had been over-persuaded by the cun- 
ning of the painter. I heard a man, in order 
to give a notion of some very cold weather, 
say to another that a certain Joe, who had 
been taking mercury, found a lump of quick- 



INTROD UCTION. 26 9 

silver in each boot, when he went home to 
dinner. This power of rapidly dramatizing 
a dry fact into flesh and blood, and the vivid 
conception of Joe as a human thermometer, 
strike me as showing a poetic sense that may 
be refined into faculty. At any rate, there 
is humor here, and not mere quickness of 
wit, — the deeper and not the shallower qual- 
ity. The tendency of humor is -always to- 
wards overplus of expression, while the very 
essence of wit is its logical precision. Cap- 
tain Basil Hall denied that our people had 
any humor, deceived, perhaps, by their grav- 
ity of manner. But this very seriousness is 
often the outward sign of that humorous 
quality of the mind which delights in finding 
an element of identity in things seemingly 
the most incongruous, and then again in 
forcing an incongruity upon things identical. 
Perhaps Captain Hall had no humor him- 
self, and if so he would never find it. Did 
he always feel the point of what was said 
to himself? I doubt it, because I happen 
to know a chance he once had given him 
in vain. The Captain was walking up and 
down the veranda of a country tavern in 
Massachusetts, while the coach changed 
horses. A thunder-storm was going on, and, 



270 INTRODUCTION. 

with that pleasant European air of indirect 
self-compliment in condescending to be sur- 
prised by American merit, which we find so 
conciliating, he said to a countryman loung- 
ing against the door, " Pretty heavy thunder 
you have here." The other, who had di- 
vined at a glance his feeling of generous 
concession to a new country, drawled gravely, 
" Waal, we du, considerin' the number of 
inhabitants." This, the more I analyze it, 
the more humorous does it seem. The same 
man was capable of wit also, when he would. 
He was a cabinet-maker, and was once em- 
ployed to make some commandment-tables 
for the parish meeting-house. The parson, 
a very old man, annoyed him by looking into 
his workshop every morning, and cautioning 
him to be very sure to pick out " clear ma- 
hogany without any knots in it." At last, 
wearied out, he retorted one day, " Wal, Dr. 
B., I guess ef I was to leave the nots out o' 
some o' the c'man'ments, 't 'ould soot you 
full ezwal!" 

If I had taken the pains to write down 
the proverbial or pithy phrases I have heard, 
or if I had sooner thought of noting the 
Yankeeisms I met with in my reading, I 
might have been able to do more justice to 



IN TJi OD UC TION. 271 

my theme. But 1 have done all I wished in 
respect to pronunciation, if I have proved 
that where we are vulgar, we have the coun- 
tenance of very good company. For, as to 
the jus et norma loquendi, I agree with 
Horace and those who have paraphrased or 
commented him, from Boileau to Gray. I 
think that a good rule for style is Galiani's 
definition of sublime oratory, — " l'art de 
tout dire sans etre mis a la Bastille dans un 
pays ou il est defendu de rien dire." I pro- 
fess myself a fanatical purist, but with a 
hearty contempt for the speech-gilders who 
affect purism without any thorough, or even 
pedagogic, knowledge of the engendure, 
growth, and affinities of the noble language 
about whose mesalliances they profess (like 
Dean Alford) to be so solicitous. If they 
had their way — ! " Doch es sey," says 
Lessing, " dass jene gothische Hoflichkeit 
eine unentbehrliche Tugend des heutigen 
Umganges ist. Soil sie darum unsere 
Schriften eben so schaal und falsch machen 
als unsern Umgang?" And Drayton was 
not far wrong in affirming that 

" 'T is possible to climb, 
To kindle, or to slake, 
Although in Skelton's rhyme." 



272 INTRODUCTION. 

Cumberland in his Memoirs tells us that 
when in the midst of Admiral Rodney's great 
sea-fight, Sir Charles Douglas said to him, 
" Behold, Sir George, the Greeks and Tro- 
jans contending for the body of Patroclus !'" 
the Admiral answered, peevishly, " Damn 
the Greeks and damn the Trojans ! I have 
other things to think of." After the battle 
was won, Rodney thus to Sir Charles, " Now, 
my dear friend, I am at the service of your 
Greeks and Trojans, and the whole of Ho- 
mer's Iliad, or as much of it as you please ! " 
I had some such feeling of the impertinence 
of our pseudo-classicality when I chose our 
homely dialect to work in. Should we be 
nothing, because somebody had contrived to 
be something (and that perhaps in a provin- 
cial dialect) ages ago ? and to be nothing by 
our very attempt to be that something which 
they had already been, and which therefore 
nobody could be again without being a 
bore ? Is there no way left, then, I thought, 
of being natural, of being naif, which 
means nothing more than native, of belong- 
ing to the age and country in which you are 
born ? The Yankee, at least, is a new phe- 
nomenon ; let us try to be that. It is per- 
haps a pis alter, but is not No Thorough- 



INTRODUCTION. 273 

fare written up everywhere else ? In the 
literary world, things seemed to me very 
much as they were in the latter half of the 
last century. Pope, skimming the cream 
of good sense and expression wherever he 
could find it, had made, not exactly poetry, 
but an honest, salable butter of worldly wis- 
dom which pleasantly lubricated some of the 
drier morsels of life's daily bread, and see- 
ing this, scores of harmlessly insane people 
went on for the next fifty years coaxing his 
buttermilk with the regular up and down of 
the pentameter churn. And in our day, do 
we not scent everywhere, and even carry 
away in our clothes against our will, that 
faint perfume of musk which Mr. Tennyson 
has left behind him, or, worse, of Heine's 
pachouli f And might it not be possible to 
escape them by turning into one of our nar- 
row New England lanes, shut in though it 
were by bleak stone walls on either hand, 
and where no better flowers were to be 
gathered than golden-rod and hard-hack ? 

Beside the advantage of getting out of 
the beaten track, our dialect offered others 
hardly inferior. As I was about to make an 
endeavor to state them, I remembered some- 
thing that the clear-sighted Goethe had said 



274 INTR OD UCTION. 

about Hebel's " Allemannische Gedichte," 
which, making proper deduction for special 
reference to the book under review, ex- 
presses what I would have said far better 
than I could hope to do : " Allen diesen in- 
nern guten Eigenschaften kommt die beha- 
gliche naive Sprache sehr zu statten. Man 
findet mehrere sinnlich bedeutende und wohl- 
klingende Worte .... von einem, zwei Buch- 
staben, Abbreviationen, Contractionen, viele 
kurze, leichte Sylben, neue Reime, welches, 
mehr als man glaubt, ein Vortheil fur den 
Dichter ist. Diese Eleroente werden durch 
gliickliche Constructionen und lebhafte For- 
men zu einem Styl zusammengedrangt der 
zu diesem Zwecke vor unserer Biichersprache 
grosse Vorziige hat." Of course I do not 
mean to imply that I have come near achiev- 
ing any such success as the great critic here 
indicates, but I think the success is there, 
and to be plucked by some more fortunate 
hand. 

Nevertheless, I was encouraged by the ap- 
proval of many whose opinions I valued. 
With a feeling too tender and grateful to be 
mixed with any vanity, .1 mention as one of 
these the late A. H. Clough, who, more than 
any one of those I have known (no longer 



INTRODUCTION. 275 

living), except Hawthorne, impressed me 
with the constant presence of that indefin- 
able thing we call genius. He often sug- 
gested that I should try my hand at some 
Yankee Pastorals, which would admit of 
more sentiment and a higher tone without 
foregoing the advantage offered by the dia- 
lect. I have never completed anything of 
the kind, but in this Second Series, both my 
remembrance of his counsel and the deeper 
feeling called up by the great interests at 
stake led me to venture some passages nearer 
to what is called poetical than could have 
been admitted without incongruity into the 
former series. The time seemed calling to 
me, with the old poet, — 

"Leave, then, your wonted prattle, 
The oaten reed forbear; 
For I hear a sound of battle, 
And trumpets rend the air ! " 

The only attempt I had ever made at any- 
thing like a pastoral (if that may be called 
an attempt which was the result almost of 
pure accident) was in " The Courtin'." 
While the introduction to the First Series 
was going through the press, I received 
word from the printer that there was a blank 
page left which must be filled. I sat down 



276 INTRODUCTION. 

at once, and improvised another fictitious 
" notice of the press," in which, because 
verse would fill up space more cheaply than 
prose, I inserted an extract from a supposed 
ballad of Mr. Biglow. I kept no copy of it, 
and the printer, as directed, cut it off when 
the gap was filled. Presently I began to 
receive letters asking for the rest of it, some- 
times for the balance of it. I had none, but 
to answer such demands, I patched a con- 
clusion upon it in a later edition. Those 
who had only the first continued to impor- 
tune me. Afterward, being asked to write 
it out as an autograph for the Baltimore 
Sanitary Commission Fair, I added other 
verses, into some of which I infused a little 
more sentiment in a homely way, and after 
a fashion completed it by sketching in the 
characters and making a connected story. 
Most likely I have spoiled it, but I shall put 
it at the end of this Introduction, to answer 
once for all those kindly import linings. 

As I have seen extracts from what pur- 
ported to be writings of Mr. Biglow, which 
were not genuine, I may properly take this 
opportunity to say, that the two volumes 
now published contain every line I ever 
printed under that pseudonym, and that I 



I NT ROD O CTION. 277 

have never, so far as I can remember, writ- 
ten an anonymous article (elsewhere than 
in the North American Review, and the At- 
lantic Monthly, during my editorship of it) 
except a review of Mrs. Stowe's " Minister's 
Wooing," and, some twenty years ago, a 
sketch of the anti-slavery movement in 
America for an English journal. 

A word more on pronunciation. I have en- 
deavored to express this so far as I could by 
the types, taking such pains as, I fear, may 
sometimes make the reading harder than 
need be. At the same time, by studying 
uniformity I have sometimes been obliged 
to sacrifice minute exactness. The empha- 
sis often modifies the habitual sound. For 
example, for is commonly fer (a shorter 
sound than fur for far), but when emphatic 
it always becomes for, as " wut forf " So 
too is pronounced like to (as it was ancient- 
ly spelt), and to like ta (the sound as in 
the ton of toucK), but too, when emphatic, 
changes into tue and to, sometimes, in sim- 
ilar cases, into toe, as, " I did n' hardly know 
wut toe du ! " Where vowels come together, 
or one precedes another following an aspi- 
rate, the two melt together, as was common 
with the older poets who formed their versi- 



278 INTRODUCTION. 

fication on French or Italian models. Dray- 
ton is thoroughly Yankee when he says " I 
xpect," and Pope when he says " t' inspire." 
With becomes sometimes Hth, 'uth, or Hh, 
or even disappears wholly where it comes 
before the, as, " I went along th' Square " 
(along with the Squire), the are sound being 
an archaism which I have noticed also in 
choir, like the old Scottish quhair. 1 (Her- 
rick has, " Of flowers ne'er -sucked by th' 
theeving bee.") Without becomes athout 
and 'thout. Afterwards always retains its 
locative s, and is pronounced always ahter- 
wurds', with a strong accent on the last syl- 
lable. This oddity has some support in the 
erratic towards' instead of to'wards, which 
we find in the poets and sometimes hear. 
The sound given to the first syllable of to'- 
wards,. I may remark, sustains the Yankee 
lengthening of the o in to. At the begin- 
ning of a sentence, ahterwurds has the ac- 
cent on the first syllable ; at the end of one, 
on the last ; as ah'terwurds he tol' me," " he 
tol' me ahterwurds 1 '." The Yankee never 
makes a mistake in his aspirates. U changes 
in many words to e, always in such, brush, 

1 Greene in his Quip for an Upstart Courtier says, " to 
square it up and dcnvne the streetes before his mistresse." 



INTRODUCTION. 279 

tush, hush, rush, blush, seldom in much, 
oftener in trust and crust, never in mush, 
gust, bust, tumble, or (?) flush, in the latter 
case probably to avoid confusion with flesh. 
I have heard flush with the e sound, how- 
ever. For the same reason, I suspect, never 
in gush, (at least, I never heard it,) because 
we have already one gesh for gash. A and 
i short frequently become e short. U al- 
ways becomes o in the prefix un (except 
unto), and o in return changes to u short in 
uv for of, and in some words beginning with 
om. T and d, b and p, v and w, remain 
intact. So much occurs to me in addition 
to what I said on this head in the preface 
to the former volume. 

Of course in what I have said I wish to 
be understood as keeping in mind the dif- 
ference between provincialisms properly so 
called and slang. Slang is always vulgar, 
because it is not a natural but an affected 
way of talking, and all mere tricks of speech 
or writing are offensive. I do not think that 
Mr. Biglow can be fairly charged with vul- 
garity, and I should have entirely failed in 
my design, if I. have not made it appear that 
high and even refined sentiment may coexist 
with the shrewder and more comic elements 



280 INTROD UCTION. 

of the Yankee character. I believe that what 
is essentially vulgar and mean-spirited in 
politics seldom has its source in the body of 
the people, but much rather among those 
who are made timid by their wealth or self- 
ish by their love of power. A democracy 
can afford much better than an aristocracy 
to follow out its convictions, and is perhaps 
better qualified to build those convictions on 
plain principles of right and wrong, rather 
than on the shifting sands of expediency. I 
had always thought " Sam Slick " a libel on 
the Yankee character, and a complete falsi- 
fication of Yankee modes of speech, though, 
for aught I "know, it may be true in both 
respects so far as the British Provinces are 
concerned. To me the dialect was native, 
was spoken all about me when a boy, at a 
time when an Irish day-laborer was as rare 
as an American one now. Since then I have 
made a study of it so far as opportunity al- 
lowed. But when I write in it, it is as in a 
mother tongue, and I am carried back far 
beyond any studies of it to long-ago noonings 
in my father's hay-fields, and to the talk of 
Sam and Job over their jug of blackstrap 
under the shadow of the ash-tree which still 
dapples the grass whence they have been 
gone so long. 



INTRODUCTION. 281 

But life is short, and prefaces should be. 
And so, my good friends, to whom this 
introductory epistle is addressed, farewell. 
Though some of you have remonstrated 
with me, I shall never write any more " Big- 
low Papers," however great the temptation, 
— great especially at the present time, — un- 
less it be to complete the original plan of 
this Series by bringing out Mr. Sawin as an 
" original Union man." The very favor 
with which they have been received is a hin- 
drance to me, by forcing on me a self-con- 
sciousness from which I was entirely free 
when I wrote the First Series. Moreover, I 
am no longer the same careless youth, with 
nothing to do but live to myself, my books, 
and my friends, that I was then. I always 
hated politics, in the ordinary sense of the 
word, and I am not likely to grow fonder of 
them, now that I have learned how rare it is 
to find a man who can keep principle clear 
from party and personal prejudice, or can 
conceive the possibility of another's doing 
so. I feel as if I could in some sort claim 
to be an emeritus, and I am sure that polit- 
ical satire will have full justice done it by 
that genuine and delightful humorist, the 
Rev. Petroleum V. Nasby. I regret that I 



282 INTRODUCTION. 

killed off Mr. Wilbur so soon, for he would 
have enabled me to bring into this preface a 
number of learned quotations, which must 
now go a-begging, and also enabled me to 
dispersonalize myself into a vicarious ego- 
tism. He would have helped me likewise in 
clearing myself from a charge which I shall 
briefly touch on, because my friend Mr. 
Hughes has found it needful to defend me 
in his preface to one of the English editions 
of the " Biglow Papers." I thank Mr. 
Hughes heartily for his friendly care of my 
good name, and were his Preface accessible 
to my readers here, (as I am glad it is not, 
for its partiality makes me blush,) I should 
leave the matter where he left it. The 
charge is of profanity, brought in by per- 
sons who proclaimed African slavery of Di- 
vine institution, and is based (so far as I 
have heard) on two passages in the First 
Series, — 

" An' you 've gut to git up airly, 
Ef you want to take in God," 

and, 

" God '11 send the bill to you," — 

and on some Scriptural illustrations by Mr. 
Sawin. Now, in the first place, I was writ- 
ing under an assumed character, and must 



INTRODUCTION. 283 

talk as the person would whose mouthpiece 
I made myself. Will any one familiar with 
the New England countryman venture to tell 
me that he does not speak of sacred things 
familiarly? that Biblical allusions (allu- 
sions, that is, to the single book with whose 
language, from his church-going habits, he 
is intimate) are not frequent on his lips? 
If so, he cannot have pursued his studies of 
the character on so many long-ago muster- 
fields and at so many cattle-shows as I. 
But I scorn any such line of defence, and 
will confess at once that one of the things I 
am proud of in my countrymen is (I am not 
speaking now of such persons as I have as- 
sumed Mr. Sawin to be) that they do not 
put their Maker away far from them, or in- 
terpret the fear of God into being afraid 
of Him. The Talmudists had conceived a 
deep truth when they said, that " all things 
were in the power of God, save the fear of 
God ; " and when people stand in great 
dread of an invisible power, I suspect they 
mistake quite another personage for the 
Deity. I might justify myself for the pas- 
sages criticised by many parallel ones from 
Scripture, but I need not. The Reverend 
Homer Wilbur's note-books supply me with 



284 INTRODUCTION. 

three apposite quotations. The first is from 
a Father of the Roman Church, the second 
from a Father of the Anglican, and the third 
from a Father of modern English poetry. 
The Puritan divines would furnish me with 
many more such. St. Bernard says, Sapiens 
nummular ins est Deus : nummum Jlctum 
non recipiet ; " A cunning money-changer is 
God : he will take in no base coin." Lati- 
mer says, " You shall perceive that God, by 
this example, shaketh us by the noses and 
taketh us by the ears." Familiar enough, 
both of them, one would say ! But I should 
think Mr. Biglow had verily stolen the last 
of the two maligned passages from Dryden's 
" Don Sebastian," where I find 

"And beg of Heaven to charge the bill on me ! " 

And there I leave the matter, being willing 
to believe that the Saint, the Martyr, and 
even the Poet, were as careful of God's 
honor as my critics are ever likely to be. 

J.R.L 



IN TR OD UCTION. 28i 



THE COURTIN\ 

God makes sech nights, all white an' still 

Fur 'z you can look or listen, 
Moonshine an' snow on field an' hill, 

All silence an' all glisten* 

Zekle crep' up quite unbeknown 
An' peeked in thru' the winder, 

An' there sot Huldy all alone, 
'Ith no one nigh to hender. 

A fireplace filled the room 's one side 
With half a cord o' wood in — 

There warn't no stoves (tell comfort died) 
To bake ye to a puddin'. 

The wa'nut logs shot sparkles out 
Towards the pootiest, bless her, 

An' leetle flames danced all about 
The chiny on the dresser. 

Agin the chimbley crook-necks hung, 

An' in amongst 'em rusted 
The ole queen' s-arm thet gran'ther Young 

Fetched back f 'om Concord busted. 



286 INTRODUCTION. 

The very room, coz she was in, 

Seemed warm f'om floor to ce ilin', 

An' she looked full ez rosy agin 
Ez the apples she was peelin'. 

'T was kin' o' kingdom-come to look 

On sech a blessed cretur, 
A dogrose blushin' to a brook 

Ain't modester nor sweeter. 

He was six foot o' man, A 1, 
Clear grit an' human natur' ; 

None could n't quicker pitch a ton 
Nor dror a furrer straighter. 

He 'd sparked it with full twenty gals, 
Hed squired 'em, danced 'em, druv 'em, 

Fust this one, an' then thet, by spells — 
All is, he could n't love 'em. 

But long o' her his veins 'ould run 
All crinkly like curled maple, 

The side she breshed felt full o' sun 
Ez a south slope in Ap'il. 

She thought no v'ice hed sech a swing 

Ez hisn in the choir ; 
My ! when he made Ole Hunderd ring, 

She knowed the Lord was nigher. 



INTRODUCTION. 287 

An' she 'd blush scarlit, right in prayer, 

When her new meetin'-bunnet 
Felt somehow thru' its crown a pair 

0' blue eyes sot upun it. 

Thet night, I tell ye, she looked some! 

She seemed to Ve gut a new soul, 
For she felt sartin-sure he 'd come, 

Down to her very shoe-sole. 

She heered a foot, an' knowed it tu, 

A-raspin' on the scraper, — 
All ways to once her feelins flew 

Like sparks in burnt-up paper. 

He kin' o' l'itered on the mat 

Some doubtfle o' the sekle, 
His heart kep' goin' pity-pat, 

But hern went pity Zekle. 

An' yit she gin her cheer a jerk 
Ez though she wished him furder, 

An' on her apples kep' to work, 
Parin' away like murder. 

" You want to see my Pa, I s'pose ? " 

" Wal ... no ... I come dasignin' " — 

" To see my Ma ? She 's sprinklin' clo'es 
Agin to-morrer's i'nin'." 



288 INTRODUCTION. 

To say why gals acts so or so, 
Or don't, 'ould be presumm* ; 

Mebby to mean yes an' say no 
Comes nateral to women. 

He stood a spell on one foot fust, 
Then stood a spell on t'other, 

An' on which one he felt the wust 
He could n't ha' told ye nuther. 

Says he, " I 'd better call agin ; " 
Says she, " Think likely, Mister " : 

Thet last word pricked him like a pin, 
An' . . . Wal, he up an' kist her. 

When Ma bimeby upon 'em slips, 

Huldy sot pale ez ashes, 
All kin' o' smily roun' the lips 

An' teary roun' the lashes. 

For she was jes' the quiet kind 

Whose naturs never vary, 
Like streams that keep a summer mind 

Snowhid in Jenooary. 

The blood clost roun' her heart felt glued 

Too tight for all expressin', 
Tell mother see how metters stood> 

An' gin 'em both her blessin'. 



INTRODUCTION. 289 

Then her red come back like the tide 

Down to the Bay o' Fundy, 
An' all I know is they was cried 

In meetin' come nex' Sunday. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS, 



No. I. 

BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN, ESQ., TO MR. 
HOSEA BIGLOW. 

LETTER PROM THE REVEREND HOMER WILBUR, 
M. A., ENCLOSING THE EPISTLE AFORESAID. 

Jaalam, 15th Nov., 1861. 

It is not from any idle wish to obtrude 
my humble person with undue prominence 
upon the public view that I resume my pen 
upon the present occasion. Juniores ad la- 
bores. But having been a main instrument 
in rescuing the talent of my young parish- 
ioner from being buried in the ground, by 
giving it such warrant with the world as 
could be derived from a name already widely 
known by several printed discourses (all of 
which I may be permitted without immod- 
esty to state have been deemed worthy of 
preservation in the Library of Harvard Col- 



292 THE £ J GLOW PAPERS. 

lege by my esteemed -friend Mr. Sibley), it 
seemed becoming that I should not only tes- 
tify to the genuineness of the following pro- 
duction, but call attention to it, the more as 
Mr. Biglow had so long been silent as to be 
in danger of absolute oblivion. I insinuate 
no claim to any share in the authorship (vix 
ea nostra voco) of the works already pub- 
lished by Mr. Biglow, but merely take to 
myself the credit of having fulfilled toward 
them the office of taster (experto crede), 
who, having first tried, could afterward bear 
witness (crede?izen it was aptly named by 
the Germans), an office always arduous, and 
sometimes even dangerous, as in the case of 
those devoted persons who venture their 
lives in the deglutition of patent medicines 
(dolus latet in generations, there is deceit in 
the most of them) and thereafter are wonder- 
fully preserved long enough to append their 
signatures to testimonials in the diurnal and 
hebdomadal prints. I say not this as cov- 
ertly glancing at the authors of certain man- 
uscripts which have been submitted to my 
literary judgment (though an epic in twen- 
ty-four books on the " Taking of Jericho " 
might, save for the prudent forethought of 
Mrs. Wilbur in secreting the same just as I 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 293 

had arrived beneath the walls and was be- 
ginning a catalogue of the various horns and 
their blowers, too ambitiously emulous in lon- 
ganimity of Homer's list of ships, — might, 
I say, have rendered frustrate any hope I 
could entertain vacare Musis for the small 
remainder of my days), but only the further 
to secure myself against any imputation of 
unseemly forthputting. I will barely sub- 
join, in this connection, that, whereas Job 
was left to desire, in the soreness of his 
heart, that his adversary had written a book, 
as perchance misanthropically wishing to 
indite a review thereof, yet was not Satan 
allowed so far to tempt him as to send Bil- 
dad, Eliphaz, and Zophar each with an im- 
printed work in his wallet to be submitted 
to his censure. But of this enough. Were 
I in need of other excuse, I might add that 
I write by the express desire of Mr. Big- 
low himself, whose entire winter leisure is 
occupied, as he assures me, in answering 
demands for autographs, a labor exacting 
enough in itself, and egregiously so to him, 
who, being no ready penman, cannot sign so 
much as his name without strange contor- 
tions of the face (his nose, even, being es- 
sential to complete success) and painfully 



294 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

suppressed Saint -Vitus-dance of every mus- 
cle in his body. This, with his having been 
put in the Commission of the Peace by our 
excellent Governor (0, si sic omnes /) im- 
mediately on his accession to office, keeps 
him continually employed. Haud inexper- 
tus loquor, having for many years written 
myself J. P., and being not seldom applied 
to for specimens of my chirography, a re- 
quest to which I have sometimes over weakly 
assented, believing as I do that nothing writ- 
ten of set purpose can properly be called an 
autograph, but only these unpremeditated 
sallies and lively runnings which betray the • 
fireside Man instead of the hunted Notoriety 
doubling on his pursuers. But it is time 
that I should bethink me of St. Austin's 
prayer, libera me a meipso, if I would ar- 
rive at the matter in hand. 

Moreover, I had yet another reason for 
taking up the pen myself. I am informed 
that the " Atlantic Monthly " is mainly in- 
debted for its success to the contributions and 
editorial supervision of Dr. Holmes, whose 
excellent " Annals of America " occupy an 
honored place upon my shelves. The jour- 
nal itself I have never seen ; but if this be 
so, it might seem that the recommendation 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 295 

of a brother-clergyman (though par magis 
quam similis') should carry a greater weight. 
I suppose that you have a department for 
historical lucubrations, and should be glad, 
if deemed desirable, to forward for publica- 
tion my " Collections for the Antiquities of 
Jaalam," and my (now happily complete) 
pedigree of the Wilbur family from its fons 
et origo, the Wild Boar of Ardennes. With- 
drawn from the active duties of my profes- 
sion by the settlement of a colleague-pastor, 
the Reverend Jeduthun Hitchcock, formerly 
of Brutus Four-Corners, I might find time 
for further contributions to general litera- 
ture on similar topics. I have made large 
advances towards a completer genealogy of 
Mrs. Wilbur's family, the Pilcoxes, not, if I 
know myself, from any idle vanity, but with 
the sole desire of rendering myself useful in 
my day and generation. Nulla dies sine 
lined. I inclose a meteorological register, 
a list of the births, deaths, and marriages, 
and a few memorabilia of longevity in Jaa- 
lam East Parish for the last half-c^tury. 
Though spared to the unusual period of 
more than eighty years, I find no diminution 
of my faculties or abatement of my natural 
vigor, except a scarcely sensible decay of 



296 THE BIGLO W PAPERS. 

memory and a necessity of recurring to 
younger eyesight or spectacles for the finer 
print in Cruden. It would gratify me to 
make some further provision for declining 
years from the emoluments of my literary 
labors. I had intended to effect an insur- 
ance on my life, but was deterred therefrom 
by a circular from one of the offices, in 
which the sudden death of so large a propor- 
tion of the insured was set forth as an in- 
ducement, that it seemed to me little less 
than a tempting of Providence. Neque in 
summd inopid levis esse senectus potest, ne 
sapienti quidem. 

Thus far concerning Mr. Biglow ; and so 
much seemed needful (brevis esse laboro) 
by way of preliminary, after a silence of 
fourteen years. He greatly fears lest he may 
in this essay have fallen below himself, well 
knowing that, if exercise be dangerous on a 
full stomach, no less so is writing on a full 
reputation. Beset as he has been on all 
sides, he could not refrain, and would only 
imprecate patience till he shall again have 
"got the hang " (as he calls it) of an accom- 
plishment long disused. The letter of Mr. 
Sawin was received some time in last June, 
and others have followed which will in due 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 297 

season be submitted to the public. How 
largely his statements are to be depended on, 
I more than merely dubitate. He was al- 
ways distinguished for a tendency to exag- 
geration — it might almost be qualified by 
a stronger term. Fortiter ?nentire, aliquid 
hceret, seemed to be his favorite rule of rhet- 
oric. That he is actually where he says he 
is the post-mark would seem to confirm ; that 
he was received with the public demonstra- 
tions he describes would appear consonant 
with what we know of the habits of those re- 
gions ; but further than this I venture not to 
decide. I have sometimes suspected a vein 
of humor in him which leads him to speak 
by contraries ; but since, in the unrestrained 
intercourse of private life, I have never ob- 
served in him any striking powers of inven- 
tion, I am the more willing to put a certain 
qualified faith in the incidents and details 
of life and manners which give to his narra- 
tives some portion of the interest and enter- 
tainment which characterizes a Century Ser- 
mon. 

It may be expected of me that I should 
say something to justify myself with the 
world for a seeming inconsistency with my 
well-known principles in allowing my young- 



298 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

est son to raise a company for the war, a fact 
known to all through the medium of the 
public prints. I did reason with the young 
man, but expellas naturam furcd, tamen 
usque recurrit. Having myself been a chap- 
lain in 1812, I could the less wonder that a 
man of war had sprung from my loins. It 
was, indeed, grievous to send my Benjamin, 
the child of my old age ; but after the dis- 
comfiture of Manassas, I with my own hands 
did buckle on his armor, trusting in the great 
Comforter and Commander for strength ac- 
cording to my need. For truly the memory 
of a brave son dead in his shroud were a 
greater staff of my declining years than a 
living coward, (if those may be said to have 
lived who carry all of themselves into the 
grave with them), though his days might be 
long in the land, and he should get much 
goods. It is not till our earthen vessels are 
broken that we find and truly possess the 
treasure that was laid up in them. Migravi 
in animam meam, I have sought refuge in 
my own soul ; nor would I be shamed by the 
heathen comedian with his Nequam illud 
verbum, bene vult, nisi bene facit. During 
our dark days, I read constantly in the in- 
spired book of Job, which I believe to con- 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 299 

tain more food to maintain the fibre of the 
soul for right living and high thinking than 
all pagan literature together, though I would 
by no means vilipend the study of the clas- 
sics. There I read that Job said in his de- 
spair, even as the fool saith in his heart 
there is no God, " The tabernacles of rob- 
bers prosper, and they that provoke God are 
secure." (Job xii. 6.) But I sought farther 
till I found this Scripture also, which I would 
have those perpend who have striven to turn 
our Israel aside to the worship of strange 
gods : " If I did despise the cause of my 
man-servant or of my maid-servant when 
they contended with me, what then shall I 
do when God riseth up ? and when he visit- 
eth, what shall I answer him ? " (Job xxxi. 
13, 14.) On this text I preached a discourse 
on the last day of Fasting and Humiliation 
with general acceptance, though there were 
not wanting one or two Laodiceans who said 
that I should have waited till the President 
announced his policy. But let us hope and 
pray, remembering this of Saint Gregory, 
Vult Deus rogari, vult cogi, vult quadam 
importunitate vinci. 

We had our first fall of snow on Friday 
last. Frosts have been unusually backward 



300 THE B 1 GLOW PAPERS. 

this fall. A singular circumstance occurred 
in this town on the 20th October, in the fam- 
ily of Deacon Pelatiah Tinkham. On the 
previous evening, a few moments before fam- 
ily-prayers, 

[The editors of the Atlantic find it neces- 
sary here to cut short the letter of their val- 
ued correspondent, which seemed calculated 
rather on the rates of longevity in Jaalam 
than for less favored localities. They have 
every encouragement to hope that he will 
write again.] 

With esteem and respect, 
Your obedient servant, 

Homer Wilbur, A. M. 



It 's some consid'ble of a spell sence 1 hain't writ 

no letters, 
An' ther' 's gret changes hez took place in all po- 

lit'cle metters : 
Some canderdates air dead an' gone, an' some 

hez ben defeated, 
Which 'mounts to pooty much the same; fer it 's 

ben proved repeated 
A betch o' bread thet hain't riz once ain't goin' 

to rise agin, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 301 

An' it 's jest money throwed away to put the 

emptins in: 
But thet 's wut folks wun't never lam ; they dunno 

how to go, 
Arter you want their room, no more 'n a bullet- 
headed beau ; 
Ther' 's oilers chaps a-hangin' roun' thet can't 

see pea-time 's past, 
Mis'ble as roosters in a rain, heads down an' 

tails half-mast : 
It ain't disgraceful bein' beat, when a holl nation 

doos it, 
But Chance is like an amberill, — it don't take 

twice to lose it. 

I spose you 're kin' o' cur'ous, now, to know why 

I hain't writ. 
Wal, I' ve ben where a litt'ry taste don't some- 
how seem to git 
Th' encouragement a feller 'd think, thet 's used 

to public schools, 
An' where sech things ez paper 'n' ink air clean 

agin the rules : 
A kind o' vicyvarsy house, built dreffle strong an' 

stout, 
So 's 't honest people can't git in, ner t' other sort 

git out, 
An' with the winders so contrived, you 'd prob'ly 

like the view 
Better alookin' in than out, though it seems sin- 

g'lar, tu ; 



302 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

But then the landlord sets by ye, can't bear ye 

out o' sight, 
And locks ye up ez reg'lar ez an outside door at 

night. 

This world is awfle contrary: the rope may 

stretch your neck 
Thet mebby kep' another chap from washin' off 

a wreck ; 
An' you may see the taters grow in one poor 

feller's patch, 
So small no self-respectin' hen thet vallied time 

'ould scratch, 
So small the rot can't find 'em out, an' then agin, 

nex' door, 
Ez big ez wut hogs dream on when they 're 'most 

too fat to snore. 
But groutin' ain't no kin' o' use ; an' ef the fust 

throw fails, 
Why, up an' try agin, thet 's all, — the coppers 

ain't all tails ; 
Though I hev seen 'em when I thought they 

hed n't no more head 
Than 'd sarve a nussin' Brigadier thet gits some 

ink to shed. 

When I writ last, I 'd ben turned loose by thet 

blamed nigger, Pomp, 
Ferlorner than a musquash, ef you 'd took an' 

dreened his swamp : 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 303 

But I ain't o' the meechin' kind, thet sets an' 

thinks fer weeks 
The bottom 's out o' th' univarse coz their own 

gill-pot leaks. 
I hed to cross bayous an' criks, (wal, it did beat 

all natur',) 
Upon a kin' o' corderoy, fust log, then alligator : 
Luck'ly the critters warn't sharp-sot; I guess 

't wuz overruled, 
They 'd done their mornin's marketin' an' gut 

their hunger cooled ; 
Fer missionaries to the Creeks an' runaways are 

viewed 
By them an' folks ez sent express to be their reg- 

'lar food : 
Wutever 't wuz, they laid an' snoozed ez peace- 
fully ez sinners, 
Meek ez disgestin' deacons be at ordination din- 
ners ; 
Ef any on 'em turned an' snapped, I let 'em kin* 

o' taste 
My live-oak leg, an' so, ye see, ther' warn't no 

gret o' waste ; 
Fer they found out in quicker time than if they 'd 

ben to college 
'T warn't heartier food than though 't wuz made 

out o' the tree o' knowledge. 
But J tell you my other leg hed larned wut pizon- 

nettle meant, 
An' var'ous other usefle things, afore I reached a 

settlement, 



304 THE B1GLO W PAPERS. 

An' all o' me thet wuz n't sore an' sendin' pric- 
kles thru me 

Wuz jest the leg I parted with in lickin' Monte- 
zumy : 

A usefle limb it 's ben to me, an' more of a sup- 
port 

Than wut the other hez ben, — coz I dror my 
pension for 't. 

Wal, I gut in at last where folks wuz civerlized 

an' white, 
Ez I diskivered to my cost afore 't warn 't hardly 

night ; 
Fer'z I wuz settin' in the bar a-takin' sunthin' 

hot, 
An' feelin' like a man agin, all over in one spot, 
A feller thet sot opposite, arter a squint at me, 
Lep up an' drawed his peacemaker, an', " Dash 

it, Sir," suz he, 
" I 'm doubledashed ef you ain't him thet stole 

my yaller chettle, 
(You 're all the stranger thet 's around,) so now 

you 've gut to settle ; 
It ain't no use to argerfy ner try to cut up frisky, 
I know ye ez I know the smell of ole chain-light- 

nin' whiskey ; 
We 're lor-abidin' folks down here, we '11 fix ye 

so 's 't a bar 
Would n' tech ye with a ten-foot pole ; (Jedge, 

you jest warm the tar ;) 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 305 

You '11 think you 'd better ha' gut among a tribe 

'o Mongrel Tartars, 
'fore we 've done showin' how we raise our 

Southun prize tar-martyrs ; 
A moultin' fallen cherubim, ef he should see ye, 

'd snicker, 
Thinkin' he warn't a suckemstance. Come, genle- 

mun le' 's liquor ; 
An' Gin'ral, when you 've mixed the drinks an' 

chalked 'em up, tote roun' 
An' see ef ther' 's a feather-bed (thet 's borryable) 

in town. 
We '11 try ye fair, ole Grafted-leg, an' ef the tar 

wun't stick, 
Th' ain't not a juror here but wut '11 'quit ye 

doublequick." 
To cut it short, I wun't say sweet, they gi' me a 

good dip, 
(They ain't perfessin' Bahptists here,) then give 

the bed a rip, — 
The jury 'dsot, an' quicker 'n a flash they hatched 

me out, a livin' 
Extemp'ry mammoth turkey-chick fer a Fejee 

Thanksgiven'. 
Thet I felt some stuck up is wut it 's nat'ral to 

suppose, 
When poppylar enthusiasm bed funnished me 

sech clo'es ; 
(Ner 't ain't without edvantiges, this kin' o' suit, 

ye see, 



306 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

It 's water-proof, an' water 's wut I like kep' out 

o' me ;) 
But nut content with thet, they took a kerridge 

from the fence 
An' rid me roun' to see the place, entirely free 'f 

expense, 
With forty-'leven new kines o' sarse without no 

charge acquainted me, 
Gi' me three cheers, an' vowed thet I wuz all 

their fahncy painted me ; 
They treated me to all their eggs ; (they keep 

'em I should think, 
Fer sech ovations, pooty long, for they wuz mos' 

distinc' ;) 
They starred me thick 'z the Milky- Way with in- 

discrim'nit cherity, 
Fer wut we call reception eggs air sunthin' of a 

rerity ; 
Green ones is plentifle anough, skurce wuth a 

nigger's getherin', 
But your dead-ripe ones ranges high fer treatin' 

Nothun bretherin : 
A spotteder, ringstreakeder child the' warn't in 

Uncje Sam's 
Holl farm, — - a cross of striped pig an' one o' 

Jacob's lambs ; 
'T wuz Dannil in the lions' den, new and 'nlarged 

edition, 
An' every thin' fust-rate o' 'ts kind; the' warn't no 

impersition, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 307 

People 's impulsiver down here than wut our folks 

to home be, 
An' kin' o' go it 'ith a resh in raisin' Hail Co- 

lumby : 
Thet 's so : an' they swarmed out like bees, for 

your real Southun men's 
Time is n't o' much more account than an ole 

settin' hen's ; 
(They jest work semioccashnally, or else don't 

work at all, 
An' so their time an' 'tention both air at saci'ty's 

call.) 
Talk about hospatality ! wut Nothun town d' ye 

know 
Would take a totle stranger up an' treat him 

gratis so? 
You 'd better b'lieve ther' 's nothin' like this 

spendin' days an' nights 
Along 'ith a dependent race fer civerlizin' whites. 

But ihis wuz all prelim'nary ; it's so Gran' Jurors 

here 
Fin' a true bill, a hendier way than ourn, an' nut 

so dear ; 
So arter this they sentenced me, to make all tight 

'n' snug, 
Afore a reg'lar court o' law, to ten years in the 

Jug. 
I did n't make no gret defence : you don't feel 

much like speakin', 



308 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

When, ef you let your clamshells gape, a quart 

o' tar will leak in : 
I hev hearn tell o' winged words, but pint o' fact 

it tethers 
The spoutin' gift to hev your words tu thick sot 

on with feathers, 
An' Choate ner Webster would n't ha' made an 

A 1 kin' o' speech 
Astride a Southun chestnut horse sharper 'n a 

baby's screech. 
Two year ago they ketched the thief, 'n' seein' I 

wuz innercent, 
They jest oneorked an' le' me run, an' in my stid 

the sinner sent 
To see how he liked pork 'n' pone flavored with 

wa'nut saplin', 
An' nary social priv'ledge but a one-hoss, starn- 

wheel chaplin. 
When I come out, the folks behaved mos' gen'- 

manly an' harnsome ; 
They lowed it would n't be more 'n right, ef I 

should cuss 'n' darn some : 
The Cunnle he apolergized ; suz he, " I '11 du 

wut 's right, 
I '11 give ye settisfection now by shootin' ye at 

sight, 
An' give the nigger, (when he 's caught,) to pay 

him fer his trickin' 
In gittin' the wrong man took up, a most H fired 

lickin', — 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 309 

It 's jest the way with all on 'em, the inconsistent 

critters, 
They 're 'most enough to make a man blaspheme 

his mornin' bitters ; 
I '11 be your frien' thru thick an' thin an' in all 

kines o' weathers, 
An' all you '11 hev to pay fer 's jest the waste o' 

tar an' feathers : 
A lady owned the bed, ye see, a widder, tu, Miss 

Shennon ; 
It wuz her mite ; we would ha' took another, ef 

ther' 'd ben one : 
We don't make no charge for the ride an' all the 

other fixins. 
Le' 's liquor ; Gin'ral, you can chalk our friend 

for all the mixins." 
A meetin' then wuz called, where they " Re- 
solved, Thet we respec' 
B. S. Esquire for quallerties o' heart an' intellec' 
Peculiar to Columby's sile, an' not to no one 

else's, 
Thet makes European tyrans scringe in all their 

gilded pel'ces, 
An' doos gret honor to our race an' Southun in- 

stitootions : " 
(I give ye jest the substance o' the leadin' reso- 

lootions :) 
" Resolved, Thet we revere in him a soger 

'thout a flor, 
A martyr to the princerples o' libbaty an' lor : 



310 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Resolved, Thet other nations all, ef sot 'longside 

o' us, 
For vartoo, larnin', chivverlry, ain't noways wuth 

a cuss." 
They gut up a subscription, tu, but no gret come 

o' thet ; 
I 'xpect in cairin' of it roun' they took a leaky 

hat; 
Though Southun genelmun ain't slow at puttin' 

down their name, 
(When they can write,) fer in the eend it comes 

to jes' the same, 
Because, ye see, 't 's the fashion here to sign an' 

not to think 
A critter 'd be so sordid ez to ax 'em for the 

chink : 
I did n't call but jest on one, an' he drawed 

toothpick on me, 
An' reckoned he warn't goin' to stan' no sech 

doggauned econ'my ; 
So nothin' more wuz realized, 'ceptin' the good- 
will shown, 
Than ef 't had ben from fust to last a reg'lar 

Cotton Loan. 
It 's a good way, though, come to think, coz ye 

enjy the sense 
0' lendin' lib'rally to the Lord, an' nary red o' 

'xpense : 
Sence then I got my name up for a gin'rous- 

hearted man 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 311 

By jes' subscribin' right an' left on this high- 
minded plan ; 

I Ve gin away my thousans so to every Southun 
sort 

O' missions, colleges, an' sech, ner ain't no poorer 
for 't. 

I warn't so bad off, arter all ; I need n't hardly 
mention 

That Guv'ment owed me quite a pile for my ar- 
rears o' pension, — 

I mean the poor, weak thing we hed : we run a 
new one now, 

Thet strings a feller with a claim up ta the 
nighes' bough, 

An' prectises the rights o' man, purtects down- 
trodden debtors, 

Ner wun't hev creditors about a-scrougin' o' their 
betters ; 

Jeff 's gut the last idees ther' is, poscrip', four- 
teenth edition, 

He knows it takes some enterprise to run an op- 
persition ; 

Ourn 's the fust thru-by-daylight train, with all 
ou'doors for deepot ; 

Yourn goes so slow you 'd think 't wuz drawed 
by a las' cent'ry teapot ; — 

Wal, I gut all on 't paid in gold afore our State 
seceded, 

A.n' done wal, for Confed'rit bonds warn't jest 
the cheese I needed : 



312 THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 

Nut but wut they 're ez good ez gold, but then 

it 's hard a-breakin' on 'em, 
An' ignorant folks is oilers sot an' wun't git used 

to takin' on 'em; 
They 're wuth ez much ez wut they wuz afore ole 

Mem'nger signed 'em, 
An' go off middlin' wal for drinks, when ther' 's 

a knife behind 'em ; 
We du miss silver, jes' fer thet an' ridin' in a bus, 
Now we 've shook off the desputs thet wuz suck- 
in' at our pus ; 
An' it 's because the South 's so rich ; 't wuz nat'- 

ral to expec' 
Supplies o' change wuz jes' the things we should 

n't recollec' ; 
We 'd ough' to ha' thought aforehan', though, o' 

thet good rule o' Crockett's, 
For 't 's tiresome cairin' cotton-bales an' niggers 

in your pockets, 
Ner 't ain't quite handy to pass off one o' your 

six-foot Guineas 
An' git your halves an' quarters back in gals an' 

pickaninnies : 
Wal, 't ain't quite all a feller 'd ax, but then 

ther' 's this to say, 
It 's on'y jest among ourselves thet we expec' to 

pay; 

Our system would ha' caird us thru in any Bible 

cent'ry, 
'tire this onscripterl plan come up o' books by 

double entry ; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 313 

We go the patriarkle here out o' all sight an' 

hearin', 
For Jacob warn't a suckemstance to Jeff at finan- 

cierin' ; 
He never 'd thought o' borryin' from Esau like 

all nater 
An' then cornnscatin' all debts to sech a small 

pertater ; 
There 's p'litickle econ'my, now, combined 'ith 

morril beauty 
Thet saycrifices privit eends (your in'my's, tu) 

to dooty ! 
Wy, Jeff 'd ha' gin him five an' won his eye-teeth 

'fore he knowed it, 
An', stid o' wastin' pottage, he 'd ha' eat it up 

an' owed it. 
But I wuz goin' on to say how I come here to 

dwall ; — 
'Nough said, thet, arter lookin' roun', I liked the 

place so wal, 
Where niggers does a double good, with us atop 

to stiddy 'em, 
By bein' proofs o' prophecy an' suckleatin' me- 
dium, 
Where a man 's sunthin' coz he 's white, an' 

whiskey 's cheap ez fleas, 
An' the financial pollercy jes' sooted my idees, 
Thet I friz down right where I wuz, merried the 

Widder Shennon, 
(Her thirds wuz part in cotton-Ian^, part in the 

curse o' Canaan,) 



314 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

An' here I be ez lively ez a chipmunk on a wall, 
With nothin' to feel riled about much later 'n 
Eddam's fall. 

Ez fur ez human foresight goes, we made an 

even trade : 
She got an overseer, an' I a fem'ly ready-made, 
(The youngest on 'em 's 'mos' growed up,) rug- 
ged an' spry ez weazles, 
So 's 't ther' 's no resk o' doctors' bills fer hoop- 

in'-cough an' measles. 
Our farm 's at Turkey-Buzzard Roost, Little Big 

Boosy River, 
Wal located in all respex, — fer 't ain't the chills 

'n' fever 
Thet makes my writin' seem to squirm ; a South- 

uner 'd allow I 'd 
Some call to shake, for I 've jest hed to meller a 

new cowhide. 
Miss S. is all 'f a lady; th' ain't no better on 

Big Boosy, 
Ner one with more accomplishmunts 'twixt here 

an' Tuscaloosy; 
She 's an F. F., the tallest kind, an' prouder 'n 

the Gran' Turk, 
An' never hed a relative thet done a stroke o' 

work; 
Hern ain't a scrimpin' fem'ly sech ez you git up 

Down East, 
Th' ain't a growed member on 't but owes his 

thousuns et the least : 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 315 

She is some old ; but then agin ther' 's draw- 
backs in my sheer : 
Wut 's left o' me ain't more 'n enough to make a 

Brigadier : 
Wust is, thet she hez tantrums ; she 's like Seth 

Moody's gun 
(Him thet wuz nicknamed from his limp Ole Dot 

an' Kerry One) ; 
He 'd left her, loaded up a spell, an' hed to git 

her clear, 
So he onhitched, — Jeerusalem ! the middle o' 

last year 
Wus right nex' door compared to where she 

kicked the critter tu 
(Though jest where he brought up wuz wut no 

human never knew) ; 
His brother Asaph picked her up an' tied her to 

a tree, 
An' then she kicked an hour 'n' a half afore she 'd 

let it be : 
Wal, Miss S. doos hev cuttins-up an' pourins-out 

o' vials, 
But then she hez her widder's thirds, an' all on 

us hez trials. 
My objec', though, in writin' now warn't to al- 
lude to sech, 
But to another suckemstance more dellykit to 

tech, - — 
I want thet you should grad'lly break my mer- 

riage to Jerushy, 



316 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

An' there 's a heap of argymunts thet 's emple to 

indooce ye : 
Fust place, State's Prison, — wal, ■ it 's true it 

warn't fer crime, o' course, 
But then it 's jest the same for her in gittin' a 

disvorce ; 
Nex' place, my State's secedin' out hez leg'lly 

lef me free 
To merry any one I please, pervidin' it 's a 

she ; 
Fin'lly, I never wun't come back, she need n't 

hev no fear on 't, 
But then it 's wal to fix things right fer fear Miss 

S. should hear on 't ; 
Lastly, I 've gut religion South, an' Rushy she 's 

a pagan 
Thet sets by th' graven imiges o' the gret Nothun 

Dagon ; 
(Now I hain't seen one in six munts, for, sence 

our Treashry Loan, 
Though yaller boys is thick anough, eagles hez 

kind o' flown ;) 
An' ef J. wants a stronger pint than them thet I 

hev stated, 
"Wy, she 's an aliun in'my now, an' I 've been 

cornfiscated, — 
For sence we 've entered on th' estate o' the late 

nayshnul eagle, 
She hain't no kin' o' right but jes' wut I allow ez 

legle : 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 317 

"Wut doos Secedin' mean, ef 't ain't thet nat'rul 

rights hez riz, 'n' 
Thet wut is mine 's my own, but wut 's another 

man's ain't his'n ? 

Besides, I could n't do no else ; Miss S. suz she 

to me, 
" You 've sheered my bed," [thet 's when I paid 

my interduction fee 
To Southun rites,] " an' kep' your sheer," [wal, 

I allow it sticked 
So 's 't I wuz most six weeks in jail afore I gut 

me picked,] 
" Ner never paid no demmiges ; but thet wun't 

do no harm, 
Pervidin' thet you '11 ondertake to oversee the 

farm ; 
(My eldes' boy is so took up, wut with the Ring- 
tail Rangers 
An' settin' in the Jestice-Court for welcomin' o' 

strangers ; ") 
[He sot on me ;] " an' so, ef you '11 jest onder- 
take the care 
Upon a mod'rit sellery, we '11 up an' call it 

square ; 
But ef you can't conclude," suz she, an' give a 

kin' o' grin, 
" Wy, the Gran' Jurymen, I 'xpect, '11 hev to set 

agin." 
Thet 's the way metters stood at fust ; now wut 

wuz I to du, 



818 THE BIG LOW PA PEES. 

But jes' to make the best on 't an' off coat an' 

buckle tu ? 
Ther' ain't a livin' man thet finds an income 

necessarier 
Than me, — bimeby I '11 tell ye how I fin'lly 

come to merry her. 

She hed another motive, tu : I mention of it 

here 
T" encourage lads thet 's growin' up to study 'n' 

persevere, 
An' show 'em how much better 't pays to mind 

their winter-schoolin' 
Than to go off on benders 'n' sech, an' waste 

their time in foolin' ; 
Ef 't warn't for studyin' evenins, why, I never 'd 

ha' been here 
An orn'ment o' saciety, in my approprut spear : 
She wanted somebody, ye see, o' taste an' culti- 
vation, 
To talk along o' preachers when they stopt to the 

plantation ; 
For folks in Dixie th't read an' rite, onless it is 

by jarks, 
Is skurce ez wut they wuz among th' origenle 

patriarchs ; 
To fit a feller f ' wut they call the soshle higher- 

archy, 
All thet you've gut to know is jes' beyund an 

evrage darky ; 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 319 

Schoolin' 's wut they can't seem to stan', they 're 

tu consarned high-pressure, 
An' knowin' t' much might spile a boy for bein' 

a Secesher. 
We hain't no settled preachin' here, ner minis- 

teril taxes ; 
The min'ster's only settlement 's the carpet-bag 

he packs his 
Razor an' soap-brush intu, with his hymbook an' 

his Bible, — 
But they du preach, I swan to man, it 's puf 'kly 

indescrib'le ! 
They go it like an Ericsson's ten-hoss-power col-- 

eric ingine, 
An' make Ole Split-Foot winch an' squirm, for 

all he 's used to singein' ; 
Hawkins's whetstone ain't a pinch o' primin' to 

the inards 
To hearin' on 'em put free grace t' a lot o' tough 

old sinhards ! 
But I must eend this letter now : 'fore long I '11 

send a fresh un ; 
I 've lots o' things to write about, perticklerly 

Seceshun : 
I 'm called off now to mission-work, to let a leetle 

law in 
To Cynthy's hide : an' so, till death, 
Yourn, 

BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN. 



No. II. 

MASON AND SLIDELL: A YANKEE 
IDYLL. 

TO THE EDITORS OP THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 

Jaalam, 6th Jan., 1862. 

Gentlemen, — I was highly gratified by 
the insertion of a portion of my letter in the 
last number of your valuable and entertain- 
ing Miscellany, though in a type which ren- 
dered its substance inaccessible even to the 
beautiful new spectacles presented to me by 
a Committee of the Parish on New- Year's 
Day. I trust that I was able to bear your 
very considerable abridgment of my lucubra- 
tions with a spirit becoming a Christian. 
My third granddaughter, Rebekah, aged 
fourteen years, and whom I have trained to 
read slowly and with proper emphasis (a 
practice too much neglected in our modern 
systems of education), read aloud to me the 
excellent essay upon " Old Age," the author 
of which I cannot help suspecting to be a 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 321 

young man who has never yet known what 
it was to have snow (canities morosa) upon 
his own roof. Dissolve frigus, large super 
foco ligna reponens, is a rule for the young, 
whose wood-pile is yet abundant for such 
cheerful lenitives. A good life behind him 
is the best thing to keep an old man's shoul- 
ders from shivering at every breath of sor- 
row or ill-fortune. But methinks it were 
easier for an old man to feel the disadvan- 
tages of youth than the advantages of age. 
Of these latter I reckon one of the chief- 
est to be this : that we attach a less inor- 
dinate value to our own productions, and, 
distrusting daily more and more our own 
wisdom (with the conceit whereof at twen- 
ty we wrap ourselves away from knowl- 
edge as with a garment), do reconcile our- 
selves with the wisdom of God. I could 
have wished, indeed, that room might have 
been made for the residue of the anecdote 
relating to Deacon Tinkham, which would 
not only have gratified a natural curiosity 
on the part of the public (as I have reason 
to know from several letters of inquiry al- 
ready received), but would also, as I think, 
have largely increased the circulation of 
your magazine in this town. Nihil humani 



322 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

alienum, there is a curiosity about the af- 
fairs of our neighbors which is not only par- 
donable, but even commendable. But I 
shall abide a more fitting season. 

As touching the following literary effort 
of Esquire Biglow, much might be profitably 
said on the topic of Idyllic and Pastoral 
Poetry, and concerning the proper distinc- 
tions to be made between them, from The- 
ocritus, the inventor of the former, to Collins, 
the latest author I know of who has emulated 
the classics in the latter style. But in the 
time of a Civil War worthy a Milton to de- 
fend and a Lucan to sing, it may be reason- 
ably doubted whether the public, never too 
studious of serious instruction, might not con- 
sider other objects more deserving of present 
attention. Concerning the title of Idyll, 
which Mr. Biglow has adopted at my sug- 
gestion, it may not be improper to animad- 
vert, that the name properly signifies a poem 
somewhat rustic in phrase (for, though the 
learned are not agreed as to the particular 
dialect employed by Theocritus, they are uni^ 
versanimous both as to its rusticity and its 
capacity of rising now and then to the level 
of more elevated sentiments and expressions), 
while it is also descriptive of real scenery 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 323 

and manners. Yet it must be admitted that 
the production now in question (which here 
and there bears perhaps too plainly the marks 
of my correcting hand) does partake of the 
nature of a Pastoral, inasmuch as the interlo- 
cutors therein are purely imaginary beings, 
and the whole is little better than kclttvov <r/aas 
ovap. The plot was, as I believe, suggested 
by the " Twa Brigs " of Robert Burns, a Scot- 
tish poet of the last century, as that found 
its prototype in the " Mutual Complaint of 
Plainstanes and Causey " by Fergusson, 
though the metre of this latter be different 
by a foot in each verse. Perhaps the Two 
Dogs of Cervantes gave the first hint. I 
reminded my talented young parishioner and 
friend that Concord Bridge had long since 
yielded to the edacious tooth of Time. But 
he answered me to this effect : that there was 
no greater mistake of an author than to sup- 
pose the reader had no fancy of his own ; 
that, if once that faculty was to be called 
into activity, it were better to be in for the 
whole sheep than the shoulder ; and that he 
knew Concord like a book, — an expression 
questionable in propriety, since there are 
few things with which he is not more famil- 
iar than with the printed page. In proof of 



321 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

what he affirmed, he showed me some verses 
which with others he had stricken out as too 
much delaying the action, but which I com- 
municate in this place because they rightly 
define " punkin-seed " (which Mr. Bartlett 
would have a kind of perch, — a creature to 
which I have found a rod or pole not to be 
so easily equivalent in our inland waters as 
in the books of arithmetic), and because it 
conveys an eulogium on the worthy son of 
an excellent father, with whose acquaintance 
(eheu fugaces anni /) I was formerly hon- 
ored. 

" But nowadays the Bridge ain't wut they show, 
So much ez Em'son, Hawthorne, an' Thoreau. 
I know the village, though ; was sent there once 
A-schoolin', 'cause to home I played the dunce ; 
An' I 've ben sence a-visitin' the Jedge, 
Whose garding whispers with the river's edge, 
Where I 've sot mornin's lazy as the bream, 
Whose on'y business is to head up-stream, 
(We call 'em punkin-seed,) or else in chat 
Along 'th the Jedge, who covers with his hat 
More wit an' gumption an' shrewd Yankee sense 
Than there is mosses on an ole stone fence." 

Concerning the subject - matter of the 
verses, I have not the leisure at present to 
write so fully as I could wish, my time be- 
ing occupied with the preparation of a dis- 
course for the forthcoming bi-centenary cel- 
ebration of the first settlement of Jaalam 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 325 

East Parish. It may gratify the public in- 
terest to mention the circumstance, that my 
investigations to this end have enabled me 
to verify the fact (of much historic im- 
portance, and hitherto hotly debated) that 
Shear jashub Tar box was the first child of 
white parentage born in this town, being- 
named in his father's will under date Au- 
gust 7 th , or 9 th , 1662. It is well known that 
those who advocate the claims of Mehetable 
Goings are unable to find any trace of her 
existence prior to October of that year. As 
respects the settlement of the Mason and 
Slidell question, Mr. Biglow has not incor- 
rectly stated the popular sentiment, so far 
as I can judge by its expression in this local- 
ity. For myself, I feel more sorrow than 
resentment ; for I am old enough to have 
heard those talk of England who still, even 
after the unhappy estrangement, could not 
unschool their lips from calling her the 
Mother-country. But England has insisted 
on ripping up old wounds, and has undone 
the healing work of fdtj years ; for nations 
do not reason, they only feel, and the spretce^ 
injuria formce rankles in their minds as bit- 
terly as in that of a woman. And because 
this is so, I feel the more satisfaction that 



326 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

our government has acted (as all Govern- 
ments should, standing as they do between 
the people and their passions) as if it had 
arrived at years of discretion. There are 
three short and simple words, the hardest of 
all to pronounce in any language (and I sus- 
pect they were no easier before the confusion 
of tongues), but which no man or nation 
that cannot utter can claim to have arrived 
at manhood. Those words are, / was 
wrong ; and I am proud that, while Eng- 
land played the boy, our rulers had strength 
enough from the People below and wisdom 
enough from God above to quit themselves 
like men. 

The sore points on both sides have been 
skilfully exasperated by interested and un- 
scrupulous persons, who saw in a war be- 
tween the two countries the only hope of 
profitable return for their investment in 
Confederate stock, whether political or finan- 
cial. The always supercilious, often insult- 
ing, and sometimes even brutal tone of Brit- 
ish journals and public men has certainly 
not tended to soothe whatever resentment 
might exist in America. 

n Perhaps it was right to dissemble your love, 
But why did you kick me down stairs ? " 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 327 

We have no reason to complain that Eng- 
land, as a necessary consequence of her clubs, 
has become a great society for the minding 
of other people's business, and we can smile 
good-naturedly when she lectures other na- 
tions on the sins of arrogance and conceit ; 
but we may justly consider it a breach of the 
political convenances which are expected to 
regulate the intercourse of one well-bred 
government with another, when men holding 
places in the ministry allow themselves to dic- 
tate our domestic policy, to instruct us in our 
duty, and to stigmatize as unholy a war for 
the rescue of whatever a high-minded people 
should hold most vital and most sacred. 
Was it in good taste, that I may use the 
mildest term, for Earl Russell to expound 
our own Constitution to President Lincoln, 
or to make a new and fallacious appli cation 
of an old phrase for our benefit, and tell us 
that the Rebels were fighting for indepen- 
dence and we for empire ? As if all wars 
for independence were by nature just and 
deserving of sympathy, and all wars for em- 
pire ignoble and worthy only of reprobation, 
or as if these easy phrases in any way char- 
acterized this terrible struggle — terrible 
not so truly in any superficial sense, as from 



328 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

the essential and deadly enmity of the prin- 
ciples that underlie it. His Lordship's bit 
of borrowed rhetoric would justify Smith 
O'Brien, Nana Sahib, and the Maori chief- 
tains, while it would condemn nearly every 
war in which England has ever been en- 
gaged. Was it so very presumptuous in us 
to think that it would be decorous in Eng- 
lish statesmen if they spared time enough to 
acquire some kind of knowledge, though of 
the most elementary kind, in regard to this 
country and the questions at issue here, be- 
fore they pronounced so off-hand a judg- 
ment ? Or is political information expected 
to come Dogberry-fashion in England, like 
reading and writing, by nature ? 

And now all respectable England is won- 
dering at our irritability, and sees a quite 
satisfactory explanation of it in our national 
vanity. Suave marl magno, it is pleasant, 
sitting in the easy-chairs of Downing Street, 
to sprinkle pepper on the raw wounds of a 
kindred people struggling for life, and phil- 
osophical to find in self-conceit the cause of 
our instinctive resentment. Surely we were 
of all nations the least liable to any tempta- 
tion of vanity at a time when the gravest 
anxiety and the keenest sorrow were never 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 329 

absent from our hearts. Nor is conceit the 
exclusive attribute of any one nation. The 
earliest of English travellers, Sir John Man- 
deville, took a less provincial view of the 
matter when he said, "For fro what partie 
of the erthe that men duellen, other aboven 
or beneathen, it semethe alweys to hem that 
duellen that thei gon more righte than any 
other folke." The English have always had 
their fair share of this amiable quality. We 
may say of them still, as the author of the 
Lettres Cabalistiques said of them more 
than a century ago, " Ces dernier s disent 
naturellement quHl rfy a qiCeux qui soient 
estimables." And, as he also says, "J'aime- 
rois presque autant tomber entre les mains 
d*un Inquisiteur que d'un Anglois qui me 
fait sentir sans cesse combien 11 s'estime plus 
que moi, et qui ne daigne meparler que pour 
injurier ma Nation et pour mennuyer du re- 
cit des grandes qualites de la sienne" Of 
this Bull we may safely say with Horace, 
habetfoenum in cornu. What we felt to be 
especially insulting was the quiet assumption 
that the descendants of men who left the 
Old World for the sake of principle, and 
who had made the wilderness into a New 
World patterned after an Idea, could not 



330 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

possibly be susceptible of a generous or lofty 
sentiment, could Have no feeling of nation- 
ality deeper than that of a tradesman for his 
shop. One would have thought, in listening 
to England, that we were presumptuous in 
fancying that we were a nation at all, or 
had any other principle of union than that 
of booths at a fair, where there is no higher 
notion of government than the constable, or 
better image of God than that stamped upon 
the current coin. 

It is time for Englishmen to consider 
whether there was nothing in the spirit of 
their press and of their leading public men 
calculated to rouse a just indignation, and 
to cause a permanent estrangement on the 
part of any nation capable of self-respect, 
and sensitively jealous, as ours then was, of 
foreign interference. Was there nothing in 
the indecent haste with which belligerent 
rights were conceded to the Rebels, nothing 
in the abrupt tone assumed in the Trent 
case, nothing in the fitting out of Confeder- 
ate privateers, that might stir the blood of 
a people already overcharged with doubt, 
suspicion, and terrible responsibility? The 
laity in any country do not stop to consider 
points of law, but they have an instinctive 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 331 

perception of the animus that actuates the 
policy of a foreign nation ; and in our own 
case they remembered that the British au- 
thorities in Canada did not wait till diplo- 
macy could send home to England for her 
slow official tinder-box to fire the " Caro- 
line." Add to this, what every sensible 
American knew, that the moral support of 
England was equal to an army of two hun- 
dred thousand men to the Rebels, while it 
insured us another year or two of exhausting 
war. It was not so much the spite of her 
words (though the time might have been 
more tastefully chosen) as the actual power 
for evil in them that we felt as a deadly 
wrong. Perhaps the most immediate and 
efficient cause of mere irritation was the 
sudden and unaccountable change of man- 
ner on the other side of the water. Only 
six months before, the Prince of Wales had 
come over to call us cousins ; and every- 
where it was nothing but " our American 
brethren," that great offshoot of British 
institutions in the New World, so almost 
identical with them in laws, language, and 
literature, — this last of the alliterative com- 
pliments being so bitterly true, that perhaps 
it will not be retracted even now. To this 



332 TEE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

outburst of long-repressed affection we re- 
sponded with genuine warmth, if with some- 
thing of the awkwardness of a poor relation 
bewildered with the sudden tightening of 
the ties of consanguinity when it is rumored 
that he has come into a large estate. Then 
came the Rebellion, and, presto ! a flaw in 
our titles was discovered, the plate we were 
promised at the family table is flung at our 
head, and we were again the scum of crea- 
tion, intolerably vulgar, at once cowardly 
and overbearing, — no relations of theirs, 
after all, but a dreggy hybrid of the basest 
bloods of Europe. Panurge was not quicker 
to call Friar John his forme?' friend. I can- 
not help thinking of Walter Mapes's jingling 
paraphrase of Petronius, — 

"Duminodo sira splendidis vestibus ornatus, 
Et multa familia sim circumvallatus, 
Prudens sum et sapiens et morigeratus, 
Et tuus nepos sum et tu meus cognatus,"; — 

which I may freely render thus : — 

So long as I was prosperous. I 'd dinners by the dozen, 
Was well-bred, witty, virtuous, and everybody's cousin : 
If luck should turn, as well she may, her fancy is so flexile, 
Will virtue, cousinship, and all return with her from exile ? 

There was nothing in all this to exasper- 
ate a philosopher, much to make him smile 
rather ; but the earth's surface is not chiefly 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 333 

inhabited by philosophers, and I revive the 
recollection of it now in perfect good humor, 
merely by way of suggesting to our ci-devant 
British cousins, that it would have been 
easier for them to hold their tongues than 
for us to keep our tempers under the circum- 
stances. 

The English Cabinet made a blunder, 
unquestionably, in taking it so hastily for 
granted that the United States had fallen 
forever from their position as a first-rate 
power, and it was natural that they should 
vent a little of their vexation on the peo- 
ple whose inexplicable obstinacy in maintain- 
ing freedom and order, and in resisting deg- 
radation, was likely to convict them of their 
mistake. But if bearing a grudge be the 
sure mark of a small mind in the individual, 
can it be a proof of high spirit in a nation ? 
If the result of the present estrangement be- 
tween the two countries shall be to make us 
more independent of British twaddle, (In- 
domito nee dira ferens sti])endia Tauro^) 
so much the better ; but if it is to make us 
insensible to the value of British opinion, in 
matters where it gives us the judgment of an 
impartial and cultivated outsider, if we are 
to shut ourselves out from the advantages of 



334 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

English culture, the loss will be ours, and not 
theirs. Because the door of the old home- 
stead has been once slammed in our faces, 
shall we in a huff reject all future advances 
of conciliation, and cut ourselves foolishly 
off from any share in the humanizing influ- 
ences of the place, with its ineffable riches 
of association, its heirlooms of immemorial 
culture, its historic monuments, ours no less 
than theirs, its noble gallery of ancestral 
portraits? We have only to succeed, and 
England will not only respect, but, for the 
first time, begin to understand us. And let 
us not, in our justifiable indignation at wan- 
ton insult, forget that England is not the 
England only of snobs who dread the de- 
mocracy they do not comprehend, but the 
England of history, of heroes, statesmen, 
and poets, whose names are dear, and their 
influence as salutary to us as to her. 

Let us strengthen the hands of those in 
authority over us, and curb our own tongues, 
remembering that General Wait commonly 
proves in the end more than a match for 
General Headlong, and that the Good Book 
ascribes safety to a multitude, indeed, but not 
to a mob, of counsellors. Let us remember 
and perpend the words of Paulus Emilius 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 335 

to the people of Rome ; that, " if they 
judged they could manage the war to more 
advantage by any other, he would willingly 
yield up his charge ; but if they confided in 
him, they were not to make themselves his 
colleagues in his office, or raise reports, or 
criticise his actions, but, without talking, 
supply him with means and assistance neces- 
sary to the carrying on of the war ; for, if 
they proposed to command their own com- 
mander, they would render this expedition 
more ridiculous than the former." ( Vide 
Plutarchum in Vitd P. E.~) Let us also 
not forget what the same excellent author 
says concerning Perseus's fear of spending 
money, and not permit the covetousness of 
Brother Jonathan to be the good-fortune of 
Jefferson Davis. For my own part, till I 
am ready to admit the Commander-in-Chief 
to my pulpit, I shall abstain from planning 
his battles. If courage be the sword, yet is 
patience the armor of a nation ; and in our 
desire for peace, let us never be willing to 
surrender the Constitution bequeathed us by 
fathers at least as wise as ourselves (even 
with Jefferson Davis to help us), and, with 
those degenerate Romans, tuta et presentia 
quam vetera et pericvlosa malle. 



336 THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 

And not only should we bridle our own 
tongues, but the pens of others, which are 
swift to convey useful intelligence to the 
enemy. This is no new inconvenience ; for, 
under date 3d June, 1745, General Pepperell 
wrote thus to Governor Shirley from Louis- 
bourg : " What your Excellency observes of 
the army's being made acquainted with any 
plans proposed, until ready to be put in exe- 
cution, has always been disagreeable to me, 
and I have given many cautions relating to 
it. But when your Excellency considers 
that our Council of War consists of more 
than twenty members, I am persuaded you 
will think it impossible for me to hinder it, 
if any of them will persist in communicating 
to inferior officers and soldiers what ought 
to be kept secret. I am informed that the 
Boston newspapers are filled with paragraphs 
from private letters relating to the expedi- 
tion. Will your Excellency permit me to 
say I think it may be of ill consequence ? 
Would it not be convenient, if your Excel- 
lency should forbid the Printers' inserting 
such news ? " Verily, if tempora mutantur, 
we may question the et nos mutamur in 
ill is ; and if tongues be leaky, it will need 
all hands at the pumps to save the Ship of 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 337 

State. Our history dotes and repeats itself. 
If Sassycus (rather than Alcibiades) find a 
parallel in Beauregard, so Weakwash, as 
he is called by the brave Lieutenant Lion 
Gardiner, need not seek far among our own 
Sachems for his antitype. 
With respect, 

Your ob* humble serv*, 

Homer Wilbur, A. M. 



I LOVE to start out arter night 's begun, 
An' all the chores about the farcn are done, 
The critters milked an' foddered, gates shet fast, 
Tools cleaned aginst to-morrer, supper past, 
An' Nancy darnin' by her ker'sene lamp, — 
I love, I say, to start upon a tramp, 
To shake the kinkles out o' back an' legs, 
An' kind o' rack my life off from the dregs 
Thet 's apt to settle in the buttery-hutch 
Of folks thet f oiler in one rut too much : 
Hard work is good an' wholesome, past all doubt ; 
But 't ain't so, ef the mind gits tuckered out. 
Now, bein' born in Middlesex, you know, 
There 's certin spots where I like best to go : 
The Concord road, for instance, (I, for one, 
Most gin'lly oilers call it John Bull's Run,) 
The field o' Lexin'ton, where England tried 
The fastest colors thet she ever dyed, 



338 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

An' Concord Bridge, thet Davis, when he came, 
Found was the bee-line track to heaven an' fame, 
Ez all roads be by natur', ef your soul 
Don't sneak thru shun-pikes so 's to save the toll. 

They 're 'most too fur away, take too much time 

To visit of 'en, ef it ain't in rhyme ; 

But the' 's a walk thet 's hendier, a sight, 

An' suits me fust-rate of a winter's night, — 

I mean the round whale's-back o' Prospect Hill. 

I love to Titer there while night grows still, 

An' in the twinklin' villages about, 

Fust here, then there, the well-saved lights goes 

out, 
An' nary sound but watch-dogs' false alarms, 
Or muffled cock-crows from the drowsy farms, 
Where some wise rooster (men act jest thet way) 
Stands to 't thet moon-rise is the break o' day : 
(So Mister Seward sticks a three-months pin 
Where the war 'd oughto eend, then tries agin ; 
My gran'ther's rule was safer 'n 't is to crow : 
Dont never prophesy, — onless ye know.) 
I love to muse there till it kind o' seems 
Ez ef the world went eddyin' off in dreams ; 
The Northwest wind thet twitches at my baird 
Blows out o' sturdier days not easy scared, 
An' the same moon thet this December shines 
Starts out the tents an' booths o' Putnam's lines ; 
The rail-fence posts, acrost the hill thet runs, 
Turn ghosts o' sogers should'rin' ghosts o' guns ; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 339 

Ez wheels the sentry, glints a flash o' light 
Along the firelock won at Concord Fight, 
An' 'twixt the silences, now fur, now nigh, 
Rings the sharp chellenge, hums the low reply. 

Ez I was settin' so, it warn't long sence, 
Mixin' the puffict with the present tense, 
I heerd two voices som'ers in the air, 
Though, ef I was to die, I can't tell where : 
Voices I call 'em : 't was a kind o' sough 
Like pine-trees thet the wind 's ageth'rin' through ; 
An', fact, I thought it was the wind a spell, 
Then some misdoubted, could n't fairly tell, 
Fust sure, then not, jest as you hold an eel, 
I knowed, an' did n't, — fin'lly seemed to feel 
'T was Concord Bridge a-talkin' off to kill 
With the Stone Spike thet 's druv thru Bunker's 

Hill: 
Whether 't was so, or ef I on'y dreamed, 
I could n't say ; I tell it ez it seemed. 

THK KKIDGE. 

Wal, neighbor, tell us, wut 's turned up thet 's 

new ? 
You 're younger 'n I be, — nigher Boston, tu : 
An' down to Boston, ef you take their showm', 
Wut they don't know ain't hardly wuth the know. 

in'. 
There 's sunthirC goin' on, I know : las' night 
The British sogers killed in our gret fight 



340 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

(Nigh fifty year they hed n't stirred nor spoke) 
Made sech a coil you 'd thought a dam hed broke : 
Why, one he up an' beat a revellee 
With his own crossbones on a holler tree, 
Till all the graveyards swarmed out like a hive 
With faces I hain't seen sence Seventy-five. 
Wut is the news ? 'T ain't good, or they 'd be 

cheerin'. 
Speak slow an' clear, for I 'm some hard o' hear- 
in'. 

THE MOXIMENT. 

I don't know hardly ef it 's good or bad, — 

THE BKIDGE. 

At wust, it can't be wus than wut we 've had. 

THE MONIMEtfT. 

You know them envys thet the Rebbles sent, 
An' Cap'n Wilkes he borried o' the Trent ? 

THE BRIDGE. 

Wut ! they ha'n't hanged 'em ? Then their wits 

is gone ! 
Thet 's the sure way to make a goose a swan ! 

THE MONIMENT. 

No : England she would hev 'em, Fee, Faw s 

Fum ! 
(Ez though she hed n't fools enough to home,) 
So they 've returned 'em — 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 341 

THE BRIDGE. 

Hev they ? Wal, by heaven, 
Thet 's the wust news I 've heerd sence Seventy- 
seven ! 
By George, I meant to say, though I declare 
It 's 'most enough to make a deacon swear. 

THE MONIMENT. 

Now don't go off half-cock : folks never gains 
By usin' pepper-sarse instid o' brains. 
Come, neighbor, you don't understan' — 

THE BRIDGE. 

How ? Hey ? 
Not understan' ? Why, wut 's to hender, pray ? 
Must I go huntin' round to find a chap 
To tell me when my face hez hed a slap ? 

THE MONIMENT. 

See here : the British they found out a flaw 

In Cap'n Wilkes's readin' o' the law : 

(They make all laws, you know, an' so, o' course. 

It 's nateral they should understan' their force :) 

He 'd oughto ha' took the vessel into port, 

An' hed her sot on by a reg'lar court ; 

She was a mail-ship, an' a steamer, tu, 

An' thet, they say, hez changed the pint o' view, 

Coz the old practice, bein' meant for sails, 

Ef tried upon a steamer, kind o' fails ; 

You may take out despatches but you mus' n't 

Take nary man — 



342 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 



THE BRIDGE. 



You mean to say, you dus' n't ! 
Changed pint o' view ! No, no, — it 's over- 
board 
With law an' gospel, when their ox is gored ! 
I tell ye, England's law, on sea an' land, 
Hez oilers ben, " I've gut the heaviest hand." 
Take nary man ? Fine preachin' from her lips ! 
Why, she hez taken hundreds from our ships, 
An' would agin, an' swear she had a right to, 
Ef we war n't strong enough to be perlite to. 
Of all the sarse thet I can call to mind, 
England doos make the most onpleasant kind : 
It 's you 're the sinners oilers, she 's the saint ; 
Wut 's good 's all English, all thet is n't ain't ; 
Wut profits her is oilers right an' just, 
An' ef you don't read Scriptur so, you must ; 
She 's praised herself ontil she fairly thinks 
There ain't no light in Natur when she winks '; 
Hain't she the Ten Comman'ments in her pus ? 
Could the world stir 'thout she went, tu, ea 

nus? 
She ain't like other mortals, thet 's a fact : 
She never stopped the habus-corpus act, 
Nor specie payments, nor she never yet 
Cut down the int'rest on her public debt ; 
She don't put down rebellions, lets 'em breed, 
An' 's oilers willin' Ireland should secede ; 
She 's all thet 's honest, ho-nnable an' fair, 
An' when the vartoos died they made her heir. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 343 

THE MONIMENT. 

Wal, wal, two wrongs don't never make a right ; 
Ef we 're mistaken, own up, an' don't fight : 
For gracious' sake, ha'n't we enough to du 
'thout gettin' up a fight with England, tu ? 
She thinks we 're rabble-rid — 

THE BRIDGE. 

An' so we can't 
Distinguish 'twixt You ought n't an' You shan't / 
She jedges by herself ; she 's no idear 
How 't stiddies folks to give 'em their fair sheer : 
The odds 'twixt her an' us is plain 's a steeple, — 
Her People 's turned to Mob, our Mob 's turned 
People. 



THE MONIMENT. 



She 's riled jes' now 



THE BRIDGE. 



Plain proof her cause ain't strong, — 
The one thet fust gits mad 's most oilers wrong. 
Why, sence she helped in lickin' Nap the Fust, 
An' pricked a bubble jest agoin' to bust, 
With Rooshy, Prooshy, Austry, all assistin', 
Th' aint nut a face but wut she 's shook her fist 

in, 
Ez though she done it all, an' ten times more, 
An' nothin' never hed gut done afore, 
Nor never could agin', 'thout she wuz spliced 



344 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 



On to one eend an' gin th' old airth a hoist. 
She is some punkins, thet I wun't deny, 
(For ain't she some related to you V I ?) 
But there 's a few small intrists here below 
Outside the counter o' John Bull an' Co., 
An', though they can't conceit how 't should be so, 
I guess the Lord druv down Creation's spiles 
'thout no gret helpin' from the British Isles, 
An' could contrive to keep things pooty stiff 
Ef they withdrawed from business in a miff ; 
I ha'n't no patience with sech swellin' fellers ez 
Think God can't forge 'thout them to blow the 
bellerses. 

THE MOXIMENT. 

You 're oilers quick to set your back aridge, — 
Though 't suits a tom-cat more 'n a sober bridge : 
Don't you git het : they thought the thing was 

planned ; 
They '11 cool off when they come to understand. 

THE BRIDGK. 

Ef tliet 's wut you expect, you '11 hev to wait : 
Folks never understand the folks they hate : 
She'll fin' some other grievance jest ez good, 
fore the month 's out, to git misunderstood. 
England cool off ! She 11 do it, ef she sees 
She 's run her head into a swarm o' bees. 
I ain't so prejudiced ez wut you spose : 
I hev thought England was the best thet goes ; 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 345 

Remember, (no, you can't,) when I was reared, 
God save the King was all the tune you heerd : 
But it 's enough to turn Wachuset roun', 
This stumpin' fellers when you think they 're 
down. 

THE MONIMENT. 

But, neighbor, ef they prove their claim at law, 
The best way is to settle an' not jaw. 
An' don't le' 's mutter 'bout the awfle bricks 
"We '11 give 'em, ef we ketch 'em in a fix : 
That 'ere 's most frequently the kin' o' talk 
Of critters can't be kicked to toe the chalk ; 
Your " You '11 see nex' time ! " an' " Look out 

bumby ! " 
'most oilers ends in eatin' umble-pie. 
'T wun't pay to scringe to England : will it pay 
To fear thet meaner bully, old " They 11 say " ? 
Suppose they du say : words are dreffle bores, 
But they ain't quite so bad ez seventy-fours. 
Wut England wants is jest a wedge to fit 
Where it '11 help to widen out our split : 
She 's found her wedge, an' 't aint' for us to come 
An' lend the beetle thet 's to drive it home. 
For grow ed-up folks like us 't would be a scan die, 
When we git sarsed, to fly right off the handle. 
England ain't all bad, coz she thinks us blind: 
Ef she can't change her skin, she can her mind ; 
An' we shall see her change it double-quick, 
Soon ez we 've proved thet we 're a-goin' to lick. 
She an' Columby's gut to be fas' friends ; 



346 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

For the world prospers by their privit ends : 
'T would put the clock back all o' fifty years, 
Ef they should fall together by the ears. 

THE BRIDGE. 

I 'gree to thet ; she 's nigh us to wut France is ; 
But then she '11 hev to make the fust advances ; 
We Ve gut pride, tu, an' gut it by good rights, 
An' ketch me stoopin' to pick up the mites 
O' condescension she '11 be lettin' fall 
When she finds out we ain't dead arter all ! 
I tell ye wut, it takes more 'n one good week 
Afore my nose forgits it 's hed a tweak. 

THE MONIMENT. 

She 11 come out right bumby, thet I '11 engage, 

Soon ez she gits to seein' we 're of age ; 

This talkin' down 'o hers ain't wuth a fuss ; 

It 's nat'ral ez nut likin' 't is to us ; 

Ef we 're agoin' to prove we be growed-up, 

'T wun't be by barkin' like a tarrier pup, 

But turnin' to an' makin' things ez good 

Ez wut we 're oilers braggin' that we could ; 

We 're boun' to be good friends, an' so we 'd 

oughto, 
In spite of all the fools both sides the water. 

THE BRIDGE. 

I b'lieve thet's so ; but hearken in your ear, — 
I'm older 'n you, — Peace wun't keep house with 
Fear : 



THE B J GLOW PAPERS. 347 

Ef you want peace, the thing you 've gut to du 
Is jes' to show you 're up to fightin', tu. 
I recollect how sailors' rights was won 
Yard locked in yard, hot gun-lip kissin' gun : 
Why, afore thet, John Bull sot up thet he 
Hed gut a kind o' mortgage on the sea ; 
You 'd thought he held by Gran'ther Adam's will, 
An' ef you knuckle down, he '11 think so still. 
Better thet all our ships an' all their crews 
Should sink to rot in ocean's dreamless ooze, 
Each torn flag wavin' chellenge ez it went, 
An' each dumb gun a brave man's moniment, 
Than seek sech peace ez only cowards crave : 
Give me the peace of dead men or of brave ! 

THE MONIMENT. 

I say, ole boy, it ain't the Glorious Fourth : 
You 'd oughto larned 'fore this wut talk wuz 

worth. 
It ain't our nose thet gits put out o' jint ; 
It 's England thet gives up her dearest pint. 
We 've gut, I tell ye now, enough to du 
In our own fem'ly fight, afore we 're thru. 
I hoped, las' spring, jest arter Sumter's shame, 
When every flag-staff flapped its tethered flame, 
An' all the people, startled from their doubt, 
Come must'rin' to the flag with sech a shout, — 
I hoped to see things settled 'fore this fall, 
The Rebbles licked, Jeff Davis hanged, an' all ; 
Then come Bull Run, an' seme then I 've ben 

waitin' 



348 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Like boys in Jennooary thaw for skating 
Nothin' to du but watch my shadder's trace 
Swing, like a ship at anchor, roun' my base, 
With daylight's flood an' ebb : it 's gittin' slow, 
An' I 'most think we 'd better let 'em go. 
I tell ye wut, this war 's a-goin to cost — 

THE BRIDGE. 

An' I tell you it wun't be money lost ; 
Taxes milks dry, but, neighbor, you '11 allow 
Thet havin' things onsettled kills the cow : 
We 've gut to fix this thing for good an' all ; 
It 's no use buildin' wut 's a-goin' to fall. 
I 'm older 'n you, an' I 've seen things an' men, 
An' my experunce, — tell ye wut it 's ben : 
Folks thet worked thorough was the ones thet 

thriv, 
But bad work follers ye ez long 's ye live ; 
You can't git red on 't ; jest ez sure ez sin, 
It 's oilers askin' to be done agin : 
Ef we should part, it would n't be a week 
'fore your soft-soddered peace would spring 

aleak. 
We 've turned our cuffs up, but, to put her thru, 
We must git mad an' off with jackets, tu ; 
'T wun't do to think thet killin' ain't perlite, — 
You 've gut to be in airnest, ef you fight ; 
Why, two-thirds o' the Rebbles 'ould cut dirt, 
Ef they once thought thet Guv'ment meant to 

hurt ; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 349 

An* I du wish our Gin'rals hed in mind 

The folks in front more than the folks behind ; 

You wun't do much ontil you think it 's God, 

An' not constitoounts, thet holds the rod ; 

We want some more o' Gideon's sword, I jedge, 

For proclamations ha'n't no gret of edge ; 

There 's nothin' for a cancer but the knife, 

Onless you set by 't more than by your life. 

J've seen hard times ; I see a war begun 

Thet folks thet love their bellies never 'd won ; 

Pharo's lean kine hung on for seven long year ; 

But when 't was done, we did n't count it dear. 

Why, law an' order, honor, civil right, 

Ef they ain't wuth it, wut is wuth a fight ? 

I 'm older 'n you : the plough, the axe, the mill, 

All kin's o' labor an' all kin's o' skill, 

Would be a rabbit in a wile-cat's claw, 

Ef 't warn't for thet slow critter, 'stablished law ; 

Onsettle thet, an' all the world goes whiz, 

A screw 's gut loose in everythin' there is : 

Good buttresses once settled, don't you fret 

An' stir 'em : take a bridge's word for thet ! 

Young folks are smart, but all ain't good thet 's 

new ; 
I guess the gran'thers they knowed sunthin', tu. 

THE MONIMENT. 

Amen to thet ! build sure in the beginning 
An' then don't never tech the underpinnin' : 
Th' older a guv'ment is, the better 't suits ; 



350 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

New ones hunt folks's corns out like new boots : 
Change jes' for change, is like them big hotels 
Where they shift plates, an' let ye live on smells. 

THE BRIDGE. 

Wal, don't give up afore the ship goes down : 
It 's a stiff gale, but Providence wun't drown ; 
An' God wun't leave us yit to sink or swim, 
Ef we don't fail to du wut's right by Him. 
This land o' ourn, I tell ye, 's gut to be 
A better country than man ever see. 
I feel my sperit swellin' with a cry 
Thet seems to say, " Break forth an' prophesy ! " 
O strange New World, thet yit wast never young., 
Whose youth from thee by gripin' need was 

wrung, 
Brown foundlin' o' the woods, whose baby-bed 
Was prowled roun' by the Injun's cracklin' tread, 
An' who grew'st strong thru shifts an' wants an' 

pains, 
Nussed by stern men with empires in their brains, 
Who saw in vision their young Ishmel strain 
With each hard hand a vassal ocean's mane, 
Thou, skilled by Freedom an' by gret events 
To pitch new States ez Old-World men pitch 

tents, 
Thou, taught by Fate to know Jehovah's plan 
Thet man's devices can't unmake a man, 
An' whose free latch-string never was drawed in 
Against the poorest child of Adam's kin, — 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 351 

The grave's not dug where traitor hands shall 

lay 
In fearful haste thy murdered corse away ! 
I see — 

Jest here some dogs begun to bark, 
So thet I lost old Concord's last remark : 
I listened long, but all I seemed to hear 
Was dead leaves goss'pin' on some birch-trees 

near; 
But ez they hed n't no gret things to say, 
An' sed 'em often, I come right away, 
An', walkin' home'ards, jest to pass the time, 
I put some thoughts thet bothered me in rhyme : 
I hain't hed time to fairly try 'em on, 
But here they be — it 's 



JONATHAN TO JOHN. 

It don't seem hardly right, John, 
When both my hands was full, 
To stump me to a fight, John, — 
Your cousin, tu, John Bull ! 
Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess 
We know it now," sez he, 
" The lion's paw is all the law, 
Accordin' to J. B., 
Thet 's fit for you an' me ! " 

You wonder why we 're hot, John? 
Your mark wuz on the guns, 



352 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

The neutral guns, thet shot, John, 
Our brothers an' our sons : 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess 

There 's human blood," sez he, 
" By fits an' starts, in Yankee hearts, 

Though 't may surprise J. B. 

More 'n it would you an' me." 

Ef / turned mad dogs loose, John, 

On your front-parlor stairs, 
Would it jest meet your views, John, 
To wait an' sue their heirs ? 
Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess, 
I on'y guess," sez he, 
" Thet ef Vattel on his toes fell, 
'T would kind o' rile J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

Who made the law thet hurts, John, 

Heads I win, — ditto tails ? 
" J. B." was on his shirts, John, 
Onless my memory fails. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 
(I 'm good at thet,) " sez he, 
" Thet sauce for goose ain't jest the juice 
For ganders with J. B., 
No more 'n with you or me!" 

When your rights was our wrongs, John, 
You did n't stop for fuss, — 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 353 

Britanny's trident prongs, John, 
Was good 'nough law for us. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 

Though physic 's good," sez he, 
" It does n't foller thet he can swaller 

Prescriptions signed ' J. B., 9 

Put up by you an' me ! " 

We own the ocean, tu, John : 

You mus' n' take it hard, 
Ef we can't think with you, John, 
It 's jest your own back-yard. 
Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess, 
Ef thet 's his claim," sez he, 
" The f encin'-stufT '11 cost enough 
To bust up friend J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me I " 

Why talk so dreffle big, John, 

Of honor, when it meant 
You did- n't care a fig, John, 
But jest for ten per cent ? 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 
He 's like the rest," sez he : 
" When all is done, it 's number one 
Thet 's nearest to J. B., 
Ez wal ez t' you an' me ! " 

We give the critters back, John, 
Cos Abram thought 't was* right ; 



354 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

It warn't your bullyin' clack, John, 
Provokin' us to fight. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess 

We 've a hard row," sez he, 
" To hoe jest now ; but thet, somehow, 

May happen to J. B., 

Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

We ain't so weak an' poor, John, 

With twenty million people, 
An' close to every door, John, 
A school-house an' a steeple. 
Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess 
It is a fact," sez he, 
" The surest plan to make a Man 
Is, think him so, J. B., 
Ez much ez you or me ! " 

Our folks believe in Law, John ; 

An' it 's for her sake, now, 
They 've left the axe an' saw, John, 
The anvil an' the plough. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess, 
Ef 't warn't for law," sez he, 
" There'd be one shindy from here to Indy ; 
An' thet don't suit J. B. 
(When 't ain't 'twixt you an' me !) " 

We know we 've gut a cause, John, 
Thet 's honest, just, an' true ; 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 355 

We thought 't would win applause, John, 
Ef nowheres else, from you. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, " I guess 

His love of right," sez he, 
" Hangs by a rotten fibre o' cotton s 

There 's natur' in J. B., 

Ez wal 'z in you an' me ! " 

The South says, " Poor folks down ! " John, 

An' " All men up ! " say we, — 
White, yaller, black, an' brown, John : 
Now which is your idee ? 

Ole Uncle S, sez he, " I guess, 
John preaches wal," sez he ; 
" But, sermon thru, an' come to du, 
Why, there 's the old J. B. 
A crowdin' you an' me ! " 

Shall it be love, or hate, John ? 

It 's you thet 's to decide ; 
Ain't you?' bonds held by Fate, John, 
Like all the world's beside ? 
Ole Uncle S, sez he, "I guess 
Wise men forgive," sez he, 
" But not forgit ; an' some time yit 
Thet truth may strike J. B., 
Ez wal ez you an' me ! " 

God means to make this land, John, 
Clear thru, from sea to sea, 



856 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Believe an' understand, John, 
The wuth o' bein' free. 

Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess, 

God's price is high," sez he ; 
" But nothin' else than wut He sells 

Wears long, an' thet J. B. 

May lam, like you an' me ! " 



No. III. 

BIRDOFREDUM SAWIN, ESQ., TO MR. 
HOSEA BIGLOW. 

With the following Letter from the Reverend 
Homer Wilbur, A. M. 

TO THE EDITORS OP THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 
Jaalam, 7th Feb., 1862. 

Respected Friends, — If I know my- 
self, — and surely a man can hardly be 
supposed to have overpassed the limit of 
fourscore years without attaining to some 
proficiency in that most useful branch of 
learning, (e coelo descendit, says the pagan 
poet,) — I have no great smack of that 
weakness which would press upon the pub- 
lic attention any matter pertaining to my 
private affairs. But since the following let- 
ter of Mr. Sawin contains not only a direct 
allusion to myself, but that in connection 
with a topic of interest to all those engaged 
in the public ministrations of the sanctu- 
ary, I may be pardoned for touching briefly 



358 TEE B1GL0W PAPERS. 

thereupon. Mr. Sawin was never a stated 
attendant upon my preaching, — never, as I 
believe, even an occasional one, since the 
erection of the new house (where we now 
worship) in 1845. He did, indeed, for a 
time, supply a not unacceptable bass in the 
choir; but, whether on some umbrage (om- 
nibus hoc vitium est cantoribus) taken 
against the bass-viol, then, and till his de- 
cease in 1850, (cet. 77,) under the charge of 
Mr. Asaph Perley, or, as was reported by 
others, on account of an imminent sub- 
scription for a new bell, he thenceforth ab- 
sented himself from aM outward and visible 
communion. Yet he seems to have pre- 
served, (altd mente repostum,} as it were, 
in the pickle of a mind soured by prejudice, 
a lasting scunner , as he would call it, against 
our staid and decent form of worship ; for I 
would rather in that wise interpret his fling, 
than suppose that any chance tares sown by 
my puljnt discourses should survive so long, 
while good seed too often fails to root itself. 
I humbly trust that I have no personal feel- 
ing in the matter ; though I know that, if 
we sound any man deep enough, our lead 
shall bring up the mud of human nature at 
last. The Bretons believe in an evil spirit 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 359 

which they call ar c'houskezik, whose office 
it is to make the congregation drowsy ; and 
though I have never had reason to think that 
he was specially busy among my flock, yet 
have I seen enough to make me sometimes 
regret the hinged seats of the ancient meet- 
ing-house, whose lively clatter, not unwil- 
lingly intensified by boys beyond eyeshot 
of the tithing-man, served at intervals as a 
wholesome reveil. It is true, I have num- 
bered among my parishioners some who are 
proof against the prophylactic fennel, nay, 
whose gift of somnolence rivalled that of 
the Cretan Rip Van Winkle, Epimenides, 
and who, nevertheless, complained not so 
much of the substance as of the length of 
my (by them unheard) discourses. Some 
ingenious persons of a philosophic turn have 
assured us that our pulpits were set too high, 
and that the soporific tendency increased 
with the ratio of the angle in which the 
hearer's eye was constrained to seek the 
preacher. This were a curious topic for 
investigation. There can be no doubt that 
some sermons are pitched too high, and I 
remember many struggles with the drowsy 
fiend in my youth. Happy Saint Anthony 
of Padua, whose finny acolytes, however they 



360 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

might profit, could never murmur ! Quare 
fremuerunt gentes f Who is he that can 
twice a week be inspired, or has eloquence 
(ut ita dicam) always on tap? A good 
man, and, next to David, a sacred poet, 
(himself, haply, not inexpert of evil in this 
particular,) has said, — 

" The worst speak something good : if all want sense, 
God takes a text and preacheth patience." 

There are one or two other points in Mr. 
Sawin's letter which 1 would also briefly an- 
imadvert upon. And first, concerning the 
claim he sets up to a certain superiority 
of blood and lineage in the people of our 
Southern States, now unhappily in rebellion 
against lawful authority and their own bet- 
ter interests. There is a sort of opinions, an- 
achronisms at once and anachorisms, foreign 
both to the age and the country, that main- 
tain a feeble and buzzing existence, scarce to 
be called life, like winter flies, which in mild 
weather crawl out from obscure nooks and 
crannies to expatiate in the sun, and some- 
times acquire vigor enough to disturb with 
their enforced familiarity the studious hours 
of the scholar. One of the most stupid and 
pertinacious of these is the theory that the 
Southern States were settled by a class of 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 361 

emigrants from the Old World socially supe- 
rior to those who founded the institutions of 
New England. The Virginians especially lay 
claim to this generosity of lineage, which 
were of no possible account, were it not for 
the fact that such superstitions are sometimes 
not without their effect on the course of hu- 
man affairs. The early adventurers to Massa- 
chusetts at least paid their passages ; no fel- 
ons were ever shipped thither ; and though it 
be true that many deboshed younger brothers 
of what are called good families may have 
sought refuge in Virginia, it is equally cer- 
tain that a great part of the early deporta- 
tions thither were the sweepings of the Lon- 
don streets and the leavings of the London 
stews. It was this my Lord Bacon had in 
mind when he wrote : " It is a shameful and 
unblessed thing to take the scum of people 
and wicked condemned men to be the people 
with whom you plant." That certain names 
are found there is nothing to the purpose, 
for, even had an alias been beyond the in- 
vention of the knaves of that generation, it 
is known that servants were often called 
by their masters' names as slaves are now. 
On what the heralds call the spindle side, 
some, at least, of the oldest Virginian fami- 



362 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

lies are descended from matrons who were 
exported and sold for so many hogsheads of 
tobacco the head. So notorious was this, 
that it became one of the jokes of contempo- 
rary playwrights, not only that men bankrupt 
in purse and character were " food for the 
Plantations," (and this before the settlement 
of New England), but also that any drab 
would suffice to wive such pitiful adventur- 
ers. " Never choose a wife as if you were go- 
ing to Virginia," says Middleton in one of his 
comedies. The mule is apt to forget all but 
the equine side of his pedigree. How early 
the counterfeit nobility of the Old Dominion 
became a topic of ridicule in the Mother 
Country may be learned from a play of Mrs. 
Behn's, founded on the Rebellion of Bacon : 
for even these kennels of literature may 
yield a fact or two to pay the raking. Mrs. 
Flirt, the keeper of a Virginia ordinary, calls 
herself the daughter of a baronet " undone 
in the late rebellion," — her father having 
in truth been a tailor, — and three of the 
Council, assuming to themselves an equal 
splendor of origin, are shown to have been, 
one " a broken exciseman who came over a 
poor servant," another a tinker transported 
for theft, and the third " a common pick- 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 363 

pocket often flogged at the cart's tail." The 
ancestry of South Carolina will as little pass 
muster at the Herald's Visitation, though I 
hold them to have been more reputable, in- 
asmuch as many of them were honest trades- 
men and artisans, in some measure exiles for 
conscience' sake, who would have smiled at 
the high-flying nonsense of their descendants. 
Some of the more respectable were Jews. 
The absurdity of supposing a population of 
eight millions all sprung from gentle loins 
in the course of a century and a half is 
too manifest for confutation. But of what 
use to discuss the matter ? An expert gene- 
alogist will provide any solvent man with a 
genus et proavos to order. My Lord Bur- 
leigh used to say, with Aristotle and the 
Emperor Frederick II. to back him, that 
'-' nobility was ancient riches," whence also 
the Spanish were wont to call their nobles 
ricos hombres, and the aristocracy of Amer- 
ica are the descendants of those who first 
became wealthy, by whatever means. Pe- 
troleum will in this wise be the source of 
much good blood among our posterity. The 
aristocracy of the South, such as it is, has 
the shallowest of all foundations, for it is 
only skin-deep, — the most odious of all, 



364 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

for, while affecting to despise trade, it 
traces its origin to a successful traffic in 
men, women, and children, and still draws 
its chief revenues thence. And though, as 
Doctor Chamberlayne consolingly says in 
his Present State of England, "to become 
a Merchant of Foreign Commerce, without 
serving any Apprentisage, hath been allowed 
no disparagement to a Gentleman born, es- 
pecially to a younger Brother," yet I con- 
ceive that he would hardly have made a like 
exception in favor of the particular trade 
in question. Oddly enough this trade re- 
verses the ordinary standards of social re- 
spectability no less than of morals, for the 
retail and domestic is as creditable as the 
wholesale and foreign is degrading to him 
who follows it. Are our morals, then, no 
better than mores after all ? I do not be- 
lieve that such aristocracy as exists at the 
South (for I hold with Marius^ fortissimum 
quemque generosissimuni) will be found an 
element of anything like persistent strength 
in war, — thinking the saying of Lord Bacon 
(whom one quaintly called inductionis dom- 
inus et Verulamii) as true as it is pithy, 
that " the more gentlemen, ever the lower 
books of subsidies." It is odd enough as an 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 365 

historical precedent, that, while the fathers 
of New England were laying deep in relig- 
ion, education, and freedom the basis of a 
polity which has substantially outlasted any 
then existing, the first work of the founders 
of Virginia, as may be seen in Wingfield's 
44 Memorial," was conspiracy and rebellion, — 
odder yet, as showing the changes which are 
wrought by circumstance, that the first in- 
surrection in South Carolina was against the 
aristocratical scheme of the Proprietary Gov- 
ernment. I do not find that the cuticular 
aristocracy of the South has added anything 
to the refinements of civilization except the 
carrying of bowie-knives and the chewing of 
tobacco, — a high-toned Southern gentleman 
being commonly not only quadrumanous but 
quidruminant. 

I confess that the present letter of Mr. 
Sawin increases my doubts as to the sincer- 
ity of the convictions which he professes, and 
I am inclined to think that the triumph of 
the legitimate Government, sure sooner or 
later to take place, will find him and a large 
majority of his newly-adopted fellow-citizens 
(who hold with Daedalus, the primal sitter- 
on - the - fence, that medium tenere tutissi- 
mum) original Union men. The criticisms 



366 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

towards the close of his letter on certain of 
our failings are worthy to be seriously per- 
pended ; for he is not, as I think, without a 
spice of vulgar shrewdness. Fas est et ah 
hoste doceri : there is no reckoning without 
your host. As to the good-nature in us 
which he seems to gird at, while I would not 
consecrate a chapel, as they have not scru- 
pled to do in France to Notre Dame de la 
Haine (Our Lady of Hate), yet I cannot 
forget that the corruption of good-nature is 
the generation of laxity of principle. Good- 
nature is our national characteristic ; and 
though it be, perhaps, nothing more than 
a culpable weakness or cowardice, when it 
leads us to put up tamely with manifold im- 
positions and breaches of implied contracts, 
(as too frequently in our public convey- 
ances,) it becomes a positive crime, when it 
leads us to look unresentfully on peculation, 
and to regard treason to the best Govern- 
ment that ever existed as something with 
which a gentleman may shake hands without 
soiling his fingers. I do not think the gal- 
lows-tree the most profitable member of our 
Sylva ; but, since it continues to be planted, 
I would fain see a Northern limb ingrafted 
on it, that it may bear some other fruit than 
{oval Tennesseeans. 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 367 

A relic has recently been discovered on 
the east bank of Bushy Brook in North 
Jaalam, which I conceive to be an inscrip- 
tion in Runic characters relating to the 
early expedition of the Northmen to this 
continent. I shall make fuller investigations, 
and communicate the result in due season. 
Respectfully, 

Your obedient servant, 
Homer Wilbur, A. M. 

P. S. — I inclose a year's subscription 
from Deacon Tinkham. 



I hed it on my min' las' time, when I to write 

ye started, 
To tech the leadin' featurs o' my gittin' me con- 

varted ; 
But, ez my letters hez to go clearn roun' by way 

o' Cuby, 
'T wun't seem no staler now than then, by th' 

time it gits where you be. 
You know up North, though sees an' things air 

plenty ez you please, 
Ther' warn't nut one on 'em thet come jes' 

square with my idees : 
They all on 'em wuz too much mixed with Cov- 
enants o' Works. 



368 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

An' would hev answered jest ez wal for Afrikins 

an' Turks, 
Fer where 's a Christian's privilege an' his re- 
wards ensuin', 
Ef 'tain't perfessin' right an eend 'thout nary- 
need o' doin' ? 
I dessay they suit workin '-folks thet ain't noways 

pertic'lar, 
But nut your Southun gen'leman thet keeps his 

parpendic'lar ; 
I don't blame nary man thet casts his lot along 

o' his folks, 
But ef you callate to save me, 't must be with 

folks thet is folks ; 
Cov'nants o' works go 'ginst my grain, but down 

here I 've found out 
The true fus'-f em'ly A 1 plan, — here 's how it 

come about. 
When I fus' sot up with Miss S., sez she to me, 

sez she, 
"Without you git religion, Sir, the thing can't 

never be ; 
Nut but wut I respeck," sez she, " your intellec- 

tle part, 
But you wun't noways du for me athout a change 

o' heart : 
Nothun religion works wal North, but it 's ez soft 

ez spruce, 
Compared to ourn, for keepin' sound," sez she, 

" upon the goose ; 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 369 

A day's experunce 'd prove to ye, ez easy 'z pull 
a trigger, 

It takes the Southun pint o' view to raise ten 
bales a nigger ; 

You '11 fin' thet human natur, South, ain't whole- 
some more 'n skin-deep, 

An' once 't a darkie 's took with it, he wun't be 
wuth his keep." 

" How shell I git it, Ma'am ? " sez I. " Attend 
the nex' camp-meetin'," 

Sez she, " an' it '11 come to ye ez cheap ez on- 
bleached sheetin'." 

Wal, so I went along an' hearn most an impres- 
sive sarmon 

About besprinklin' Afriky with fourth-proof dew 
o' Harmon: 

He did n't put no weaknin' in, but gin it to us hot, 

'Z ef he an' Satan 'd ben two bulls in one five- 
acre lot : 

I don't purtend to foller him, but give ye jes' the 
heads ; 

For pulpit ellerkence, you know, 'most oilers kin' 
o' spreads. 

Ham's seed vvuz gin to us in chairge, an' should 
n't we be li'ble 

In Kingdom Come, ef we kep' back their priv'- 
lege in the Bible ? 

The cusses an' the promerses make one gret 
chain, an' ef 



370 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

You snake one link out here, one there, how much 

on 't ud be lef ' ? 
All things wuz gin to man for 's use, his sarvice, 

an' delight; 
An' don't the Greek an' Hebrew words thet mean 

a Man mean White ? 
Ain't it belittlin' the Good Book in all its proudes' 

featurs 
To think 't wuz wrote for black an' brown an' 

lasses-colored creators, 
Thet could n' read it, ef they would, nor ain't by 

lor allowed to, 
But ough' to take wut we think suits their naturs, 

an' be proud to ? 
Warn't it more prof 'table to bring your raw ma- 

teril thru 
Where you can work it inta grace an' inta cotton, 

tu, 
Than sendin' missionaries out where fevers might 

defeat 'em, 
An' ef the butcher did n' call, their p'rishioners 

might eat 'em ? 
An' then, agin, wut airthly use ? Nor 't warn't 

our fault, in so fur 
Ez Yankee skippers would keep on a-totin' on 'em 

over. 
'T improved the whites by savin' 'em from ary 

need o' workin', 
An' kep' the blacks from bein' lost thru idleness 

an' shirkin' ; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 371 

We took to 'em ez nat'ral ez a barn-owl doos to 

mice, 
An' hed our hull time on our hands to keep us 

out o' vice ; 
It made us feel ez pop'lar ez a hen doos with one 

chicken, 
An' fill our place in Natur's scale by givin' 'em a 

lickin' : 
For why should Caesar git his dues more 'n Juno, 

Pomp, an' Cuffy ? 
It 's justifyin' Ham to spare a nigger when he 's 

stuffy. 
Where 'd their soles go tu, like to know, ef we 

should let 'em ketch 
Freeknowledgism an' Fourierism an' Speritoolism 

an' sech ? 
When Satan sets himself to work to raise his 

very bes' muss, 
He scatters roun' onscriptur'l views relatin' to 

Ones'mus. 
You 'd ough' to seen, though, how his facs an* 

argymunce an' figgers 
Drawed tears o' real conviction from a lot o' 

pen'tent niggers ! 
It warn't 'like Wilbur's meetin', where you 're 

shet up in a pew, 
Your dickeys sorrin' off your ears, an' bilin' to 

be thru ; 
Ther' wuz a tent clost by thet hed a kag o' sun- 
thin' in it, 



372 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Where you could go, ef you wuz dry, an' damp 

ye in a minute ; 
An' ef you did dror off a spell, ther' wuz n't no 

occasion 
To lose the thread, because, ye see, he bellered 

like all Bashan. 
It 's dry work follerin' argymunce, an' so, 'twix' 

this an' thet, 
I felt conviction weighin' down somehow inside 

my hat ; 
It growed an' growed like Jonah's gourd, a kin' 

o' whirlin' ketched me, 
Ontil I fin'lly clean gin out an' owned up thet 

he 'd fetched me ; 
An' when nine tenths o' th' perrish took to tum- 

blin' roun' an' hollerin', 
I did n' fin' no gret in th' way o' turnin' tu an' 

follerin'. 
Soon ez Miss S. see thet, sez she, " Thet 's wut I 

call wuth seein' ! 
Thet 's actin' like a reas'nable an' intellectle 

bein' ! " 
An' so we fin'lly made it up, concluded to hitch 

hosses, 
An' here I be 'n my ellermunt among creation's 

bosses ; 
Arter I 'd drawed sech heaps o' blanks, Fortin at 

last hez sent a prize, 
An' chose me for a shinin' light o' missionary 

entaprise. 



THE B 1 GLOW PAPERS. 373 

This leads me to another pint on which I 've 

changed my plan 
0' thinkin' so 's 't I might become a straight-out 

Southun man. 
Miss S. (her maiden name wuz Higgs, o' the fus' 

fem'ly here) 
On her Ma's side 's all Juggernot, on Pa's all 

Cavileer, 
An' sence I 've merried into her an' stept into her 

shoes, 
It ain't more 'n nateral thet I should modderfy 

my views : 
I've ben a-readin' in Debow ontil I 've fairly 

gut 
So 'nlightened thet I 'd full ez lives ha' ben a 

Dook ez nut ; 
An' when we 've laid ye all out stiff, an' Jeff hez 

gut his crown, 
An' comes to pick his nobles out, wurCt this child 

be in town ! 
We '11 hev an Age o' Chivverlry surpassin' Mister 

Burke's, 
Where every fem'ly is fus'-best and nary white 

man works : 
Our system 's sech, the thing '11 root ez easy ez a 

tater ; 
For while your lords in furrin parts ain't noways 

marked by natur', 
Nor sot apart from ornery folks in featurs nor in 

figgers, 



374 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Ef ourn '11 keep their faces washed, you '11 know 

'em from their niggers. 
Ain't sech things wuth secedin' for, an' gittin' 

red o' you 
Thet waller in your low idees, an' will tell all is 

blue ? 
Fact is, we air a diff'rent race, an' I, for one, 

don't see, 
Sech havin' oilers ben the case, how w' ever did 

agree. 
It 's sunthin' thet you lab'rin'-folks up North hed 

ough' to think on, 
Thet Higgses can't bemean themselves to rutin' 

by a Lincoln, — 
Thet men, (an' guv'nors, tu,) thet hez sech Nor- 
mal names ez Pickens, 
Accustomed to no kin' o' work, 'thout 't is to giv- 

in' lickins, 
Can't masure votes with folks thet git their livins 

from their farms, 
An' prob'ly think thet Law 's ez good ez hevin* 

coats o' arms. 
Sence I 've ben here, I 've hired a chap to look 

about for me 
To git me a transplantable an' thrifty fem'ly- 

tree, 
An' he tells me the Sawins is ez much o' Normal 

blood 
Ez Pickens an' the rest on' em, an' older 'n Noah's 

flood. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 375 

Your Normal schools wun't turn ye into Nor- 
mals, for it 's clear, 
Ef eddykatin' done the thing, they 'd be some 

skurcer here. 
Pickenses, Boggses, Pettuses, Magoffins, Letch- 

ers, Polks, — 
Where can you scare up names like them among 

your mudsill folks ? 
Ther' 's nothin' to compare with 'em, you 'd fin', 

ef you should glance, 
Among the tip-top femerlies in Englan', nor in 

France : 
I 've hearn frum 'sponsible men whose word wuz 

full ez good 's their note, 
Men thet can run their face for drinks, an' keep 

a Sunday coat, 
Thet they wuz all on 'em come down, and come 

down pooty fur, 
From folks thet, 'thout their crowns wuz on, ou' 

doors would n' never stir, 
Nor thet ther' warn't a Southun man but wut 

wuz primy fashy 
0' the bes' blood in Europe, yis, an' Afriky an' 

Ashy : 
Sech bein' the case, is 't likely we should bend 

like cotton- wickin', 
Or set down under anythin' so low-lived ez a 

lickin' ? 
More 'n this, — hain't we the literatoor an' sci- 
ence, tu, by gorry ? 



376 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Hain't we them intellectle twins, them giants, 

Simms an' Maury, 
Each with full twice the ushle brains, like nothin' 

thet I know, 
'thout 't wuz a double-headed calf I see once to 

a show ? 

For all thet, I warn't jest at fust in favor o* 

secedin' ; 
I wuz for layin' low a spell to find out where 

't wuz leadin', 
For hevin' South-Carliny try her hand at seprit- 

nationin', 
She takin' resks an' findin' funds, an' we co-op- 

erationin', — 
I mean a kin' o' hangin' roun' an' settin' on the 

fence, 
Till Prov'dunce pinted how to jump an' save the 

most expense ; 
I recollected thet 'ere mine o' lead to Shiraz Centre 
Thet bust up Jabez Pettibone, an' did n't want 

to ventur' 
'Fore I wuz sartin wut come out ud pay for wut 

went in, 
For swappin' silver off for lead ain't the sure 

way to win ; 
(An', fact, it doos look now ez though — but folks 

must live an' larn — 
We should git lead, an' more 'n we want, out o' 

the Old Consarn ;) 



TEE BIGLOW PAPERS. 377 

But when I see a man so wise an' honest ez 

Buchanan 
A-lettin' us hev all the forts an' all the arms an' 

cannon, 
Admittin' we wuz nat'lly right an' you wuz nat- 

'lly wrong, 
Coz you wuz lab'rin'-folks an' we wuz wut they 

call bong-tong, 
An' coz there warn't no fight in ye more 'n in a 

mashed potater, 
While two o' us can't skurcely meet but wut we 

fight by natur', 
An' th' ain't a bar-room here would pay for open- 
in' on 't a night, 
Without it giv the priverlege o' bein' shot at 

sight, 
Which proves we 're Natur's noblemen, with 

whom it don't surprise 
The British aristoxy should feel boun' to sympa- 
thize, — 
Seein' all this, an' seein', tu, the thing wuz strik- 

in' roots 
While Uncle Sam sot still in hopes tliet some 

one 'd bring his boots, 
I thought th' ole Union's hoops wuz off, an' let 

myself be sucked in 
To rise a peg an' jine the crowd thet went for 

reconstructing — 
Thet is, to hev the pardnership under th' ole 

name continner 



378 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Jest ez it wuz, we drorrin' pay, you findin' bone 

an' sinner, — 
On'y to put it in the bond, an' enter 't in the 

journals, 
Thet you 're the nat'ral rank an' file, an' we the 

nat'ral kurnels. 

Now this I thought a fees'ble plan, thet 'ud work 

smooth ez grease, 
Suitin' the Nineteenth Century an' Upper Ten 

idees, 
An' there I meant to stick, an' so did most o' th' 

leaders, tu, 
Coz we all thought the chance was good o' puttin' 

on it thru ; 
But Jeff he hit upon a way o' helpin' on us for- 

rard 
By bein' unannermous, — a trick you ain't quite 

up to, Norrard. 
A baldin hain't no more 'f a chance with them 

new apple-corers 
Than folks's oppersition views aginst the Ring- 
tail Roarers ; 
They 11 take 'em out on him 'bout east, — one 

canter on a rail 
Makes a man feel unannermous ez Jonah in the 

whale ; 
Or ef he 's a slow-moulded cuss thet can't seem 

quite t' agree, 
He gits the noose by tellergraph upon the nighes' 

tree : 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 379 

Their mission-work with Afrikins hez put 'em 

up, thet 's sartin, 
To all the mos' across-lot ways o' preachin' an' 

convartin' ; 
I '11 bet my hat th' ain't nary priest, nor all on 

'em together, 
Thet cairs conviction to the min' like Reveren' 

Taranfeather ; 
Why, he sot up with me one night, an' labored 

to sech purpose, 
Thet (ez an owl by daylight 'mongst a flock o' 

teazin' chirpers 
Sees clearer 'n mud the wickedness o' eatin' little 

birds) 
I see my error an' agreed to shen it arterwurds ; 
An' I should say, (to jedge our folks by facs in 

my possession,) 
Thet three 's Unannermous where one 's a 'Rigi- 

nal Secession ; 
So it 's a thing you fellers North may safely bet 

your chink on, 
Thet we 're all water-proofed agin th' usurpin' 

reign o' Lincoln. 

Jeff 's some. He 's gut another plan thet hez per- 
tic'lar merits, 

In givin' things a cherfle look an' stiffnin' loose- 
hung sperits ; 

For while your million papers, wut with lyin' an' 
discussin', 



380 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Keep folks's tempers all on eend a-fumin' an* 

a-fussin', 
A-wondrin' this an' guessin' thet, an' dreadin', 

every night, 
The breechin' o' the Univarse '11 break afore it 's 

light, 
Our papers don't purtend to print on'y wut Guv- 

ment choose, 
An' thet insures us all to git the very best o* 

noose : 
Jeff hez it of all sorts an' kines, an' sarves it out 

ez wanted, _ 
So 's \ every man gits wut he likes an 5 nobody 

ain't scanted ; 
Sometimes it 's vict'ries, (they 're 'bout all ther* 

is that 's cheap down here,) 
Sometimes it 's France an' England on the jump 

to interfere. 
Fact is, the less the people know o' wut ther' is 

a-doin', 
The hendier 't is for Guv'ment, sence it henders 

trouble brewin' ; 
An' noose is like a shinplaster, — it 's good, ef 

you believe it, 
Or, wut 's all same, the other man thet's goin' to 

receive it : 
Ef you 've a son in th' army, wy, it 's comfortin' 

to hear 
He 11 hev no gretter resk to run than seem' ttf 

in'my's rear, 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 381 

Coz, ef an F. F. looks at 'em, they oilers break 

an' run, 
Or wilt right down ez debtors will thet stumble 

on a dun, 
(An' this, ef an'thin', proves the wuth o' proper 

fem'ly pride, 
Fer sech mean shucks ez creditors are all on 

Lincoln's side) ; 
Ef I hev scrip thet wun't go off no more 'n a 

Belgin rifle, 
An' read thet it 's at par on 'Change, it makes 

me feel deli'fle ; 
It 's cheerin', tu, where every man mus' fortify his 

bed, 
To hear thet Freedom 's the one thing our darkies 

mos'ly dread, 
An' thet experunce, time 'n' agin, to Dixie's Land 

hez shown 
Ther' 's nothin' like a powder-cask f'r a stiddy 

corner-stone ; 
Ain't it ez good ez nuts, when salt is sellin' by 

the ounce 
For its own weight in Treash'ry-bons, (ef bought 

in small amounts,) 
When even whiskey 's gittin' skurce an' sugar 

can't be found, 
To know thet all the ellerments o' luxury abound ? 
An' don't it glorify sal'-pork, to come to under- 
stand 
It 's wut the Richmon' editors call fatness o' the 

land! 



382 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Nex' thing to knowin' you 're well off is nut to 

know when y' ain't ; 
An' ef Jeff says all's goin' wal, who'll ventur' 

t' say it ain't ? 

This cairn the Constitooshun roun' ez Jeff doos 

in his hat 
Is hendier a dreffle sight, an' comes more kin* o' 

pat. 
I tell ye wut, my jedgment is you 're pooty sure 

to fail, 
Ez long 'z the head keeps turnin' back for counsel 

to the tail : 
Th' advantiges of our consarn for bein' prompt 

air gret, 
While, 'long o' Congress, you can't strike, 'f you 

git an iron het ; 
They bother roun' with argooin', an var'ous sorts 

o' foolin', 
To make sure ef it 's leg'lly het, an' all the while 

it 's coolin', 
So 's 't when you come to strike, it ain't no gret 

to wish ye j'y on, 
An' hurts the hammer 'z much or more ez wut it 

doos the iron, 
Jeff don't allow no jawin'-sprees for three months 

at a stretch, 
Knowin' the ears long speeches suits air mostly 

made to metch ; 
He jes' ropes in your tonguey chaps an' reg'lar 

ten-inch bores 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 383 

An' lets 'em play at Congress, ef they '11 du it 

with closed doors ; 
So they ain't no more bothersome than ef we 'd 

took an' sunk 'em, 
An' yit enj'y th' exclusive right to one another's 

Buncombe 
'thout doin' nobody no hurt, an' 'thout its costin' 

nothin', 
Their pay bein' jes' Confedrit funds, they findin* 

keep an' clothin' ; 
They taste the sweets o' public life, an' plan their 

little jobs, 
An' suck the Treash'ry, (no gret harm, for it 's ez 

dry ez cobs,) 
An' go thru all the motions jest ez safe ez in a 

prison, 
An' hev their business to themselves, while Bure- 

gard hez hisn : 
Ez long 'z he gives the Hessians fits, committees 

can't make bother 
'bout whether 't 's done the legle way or whether 

't 's done the t'other. 
An' I tell you you 've gut to lam thet War ain't 

one long teeter 
Betwixt / warC to an' ' T wurCt du, debatin' like 

a skeetur 
Afore he lights, — all is, to give the other side a 

millin', 
An' arter thet's done, th' ain't no resk but wut th© 

lor '11 be willin' ; 



384 THE B 1 GLOW PAPERS. 

No metter wut the guv'ment is, ez nigh ez I can 

hit it, 
A lickin' 's constitooshunal, pervidin' We don't 

git it. 
Jeff don't stan' dilly-dallyin', afore he takes a 

fort, 
(With no one in,) to git the leave o' the nex' 

Soopreme Court, 
Nor don't want forty-'leven weeks o' jawin' an' 

expounding 
To prove a nigger hez a right to save him, ef he 's 

drowndin' ; 
Whereas ole Abe 'ud sink afore he 'd let a darkie 

boost him, 
Ef Taney should n't come along an' hed n't in- 

terdooced him. 
It ain't your twenty millions thet '11 ever block 

Jeff's game, 
But one Man thet wun't let 'em jog jest ez he 's 

takin' aim : 
Your numbers they may strengthen ye or weaken 

ye, ez 't heppens 
They 're willin' to be helpin' hands or wuss'n- 

nothin' cap'ns. 

I 've chose my side, an' 't ain't no odds ef I wuz 

drawed with magnets, 
Or ef I thought it prudenter to jine the nighes' 

bagnets ; 
I' ve made my ch'ice, an' ciphered out, from all I 

see an' heard, 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 385 

Th' ole Constitooshun never 'd git her decks for 

action cleared, 
Long 'z yon elect for Congressmen poor shotes 

thet want to go 
Coz they can't seem to git their grub no other- 
ways than so, 
An' let your bes' men stay to home coz they 

wun't show ez talkers, 
Nor can't be hired to fool ye an' sof '-soap ye at a 

caucus, — 
Long 'z ye set by Rotashun more 'n ye do by 

folks's merits, 
Ez though experunce thriv by change o' sile, like 

corn an' kerrits, — 
Long 'z you allow a critter's " claims " coz, spite 

o' shoves an' tipping, 
He 's kep' his private pan jest where 't would 

ketch mos' public drippins, — - 
Long 'z A- '11 turn tu an' grin' B. 's exe, ef B. '11 

help him grin' hisn, 
(An' thet 's the main idee by which your leadin* 

men hev risen,) — 
Long 'z you let ary exe be groun', 'less 't is to 

cut the weasan' 
O' sneaks thet dunno till they 're told wut is an' 

wut ain't Treason, — 
Long 'z ye give out commissions to a lot o' ped- 

diin' drones 
Thet trade in whiskey with their men an' skin 

'em to their bones, — 



386 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Long 'z ye sift out " safe " canderdates thet no 

one ain't afeared on 
Coz they 're so thund'rin' eminent for bein' nev- 
er heard on, 
An' hain't no record, ez it 's called, for folks to 

pick a hole in, 
Ez ef it hurt a man to hev a body with a soul 

in, 
An' it wuz ostentashun to be showin' on 't 

about, 
When half his feller-citizens contrive to do with-* 

out, — 
Long 'z you suppose your votes can turn biled 

kebbage into brain, 
An' ary man thet 's poplar 's fit to drive a light- 

nin'-train, — 
Long 'z you believe democracy means I'm ez 

good ez you be, 
An' that a feller from the ranks can't be a knave 

or booby, — 
Long 'z Congress seems purvided, like yer street- 
cars an' yer 'busses, 
With oilers room for jes' one more o' your 

spiled-in-bakin' cusses, 
Dough 'thout the emptins of a soul, an' yit with 

means about 'em 
(Like essence-peddlers *) thet '11 make folks long 

to be without 'em, 

1 A rustic euphemism for the American variety of the Me- 
phitis. H. W, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 387 

Jest heavy 'nough to turn a scale thet 's doubtfie 

the wrong way, 
An' make their nat'ral arsenal o' bein' nasty 

pay,— 
Long 'z them things last, (an' I don't see no gret 

signs of improvin',) 
I sha' n't up stakes, not hardly yit, nor 't would 

n't pay for movin' ; 
For, 'fore you lick us, it '11 be the long'st day 

ever you see. 
Yourn, [ez I 'xpec' to be nex' spring,] 

B., Markiss o' Big Boost. 



No. IV. 

A MESSAGE OF JEFF DAVIS IN SE- 
CRET SESSION. 

Conjecturally reported by H. Biglow. 

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 
Jaalam, 10th March, 1862. 

Gentlemen, — My leisure has been so 
entirely occupied with the hitherto fruitless 
endeavor to decipher the Runic inscription 
whose fortunate discovery I mentioned in 
my last communication, that I have not 
found time to discuss, as I had intended, the 
great problem of what we are to do with 
slavery, — a topic on which the public mind 
in this place is at present more than ever 
agitated. What my wishes and hopes are 
I need not say, but for safe conclusions I do 
not conceive that we are yet in possession 
of facts enough on which to bottom them 
with certainty. Acknowledging the hand of 
Providence, as I do, in all events, I am some- 
times inclined to think that they are wiser 
than we, and am willing to wait till we have 
made this continent once more a place where 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 389 

freemen can live in security and honor, before 
assuming any further responsibility. This is 
the view taken by my neighbor Habakkuk 
Sloansure, Esq., the president of our bank, 
whose opinion in the practical affairs of life 
has great weight with me, as I have gener- 
ally found it to be justified by the event, and 
whose counsel, had I followed it, would have 
saved me from an unfortunate investment of 
a considerable part of the painful economies 
of half a century in the Northwest-Passage 
Tunnel. After a somewhat animated discus- 
sion with this gentleman, a few days since, 
I expanded, on the audi alteram partem 
principle, something which he happened to 
say by way of illustration, into the following 
fable. 

FESTINA LENTE. 

Once on a time there was a pool 
Fringed all about with flag-leaves cool 
And spotted with cow-lilies garish, 
Of frogs and pouts the ancient parish. 
Alders the creaking redwings sink on, 
Tussocks that house blithe Bob o' Lincoln 
Hedged round the unassailed seclusion, 
Where muskrats piled their cells Carthusian; 
And many a moss-embroidered log, 
The watering-place of summer frog, 
Slept and decayed with patient skill, 
As watering-places sometimes will. 



390 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Now in this Abbey of Theleme, 
Which realized the fairest dream 
That ever dozing bull-frog had, 
Sunned on a half-sunk lily-pad, 
There rose a party with a mission 
To mend the polliwogs' condition, 
Who notified the selectmen 
To call a meeting there and then. 
" Some kind of steps," they said, " are needed ; 
They don't come on so fast as we did : 
Let 's dock their tails ; if that don't make 'em 
Frogs by brevet, the Old One take 'em ! 
That boy, that came the other day 
To dig some flag-root down this way, 
His jack-knife left, and 't is a sign 
That Heaven approves of our design : 
'T were wicked not to urge the step on, 
When Providence has sent the weapon." 

Old croakers, deacons of the mire, 
That led the deep batrachian choir, 
Uk ! Uk ! Caronk ! with bass that might 
Have left Lablache's out of sight, 
Shook nobby heads, and said, " No go ! 
You 'd better let 'em try to grow : 
Old Doctor Time is slow, but still 
He does know how to make a pill." 

But vain was all their hoarsest bass, 
Their old experience out of place, 
And spite of croaking and entreating, 
The vote was carried in marsh-meeting. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 391 

"Lord knows," protest the polliwogs, 
" We 're anxious to be grown-up frogs ; 
But don't push in to do the work 
Of Nature till she prove a shirk ; 
*T is not by jumps that she advances, 
But wins her way by circumstances : 
Pray, wait awhile, until you know 
We 're so contrived as not to grow ; 
Let Nature take her own direction, 
And she '11 absorb our imperfection ; 
You might n't like 'em to appear with, 
But we must have the things to steer with." 

" No," piped the party of reform, 
" All great results are ta'en by storm ; 
Fate holds her best gifts till we show 
We 've strength to make her let them go ; 
The Providence that works in history, 
And seems to some folks such a mystery. 
Does not creep slowly on incog., 
But moves by jumps, a mighty frog; 
No more reject the Age's chrism, 
Your queues are an anachronism ; 
No more the Future's promise mock, 
But lay your tails upon the block, 
Thankful that we the means have voted 
To have you thus to frogs promoted." 

The thing was done, the tails were croppedj 

And home each philotadpole hopped, 

In faith rewarded to exult, 

And wait the beautiful result. 

Too soon it came ; our pool, so long 

The theme of patriot bull-frog's song, 



392 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Next day was reeking, fit to smother, 
With heads and tails that missed each other, — 
Here snoutless tails, there tailless snouts ; 
The only gainers were the pouts. 

MORAL. 

From lower to the higher next, 
Not to the top, is Nature's text ; 
And embryo Good, to reach full stature, 
Absorbs the Evil in its nature. 

I think that nothing will ever give pei\ 
manent peace and security to this continent 
but the extirpation of Slavery therefrom, 
and that the occasion is nigh ; but I would 
do nothing hastily or vindictively, nor pre- 
sume to jog the elbow of Providence. No 
desperate measures for me till we are sure 
that all others are hopeless, — fleeter e si ne- 
queo superos, Acheronta movebo. To make 
Emancipation a reform instead of a revolu- 
tion is worth a little patience, that we may 
have the Border States first, and then the 
non-slaveholders of the Cotton States, with 
us in principle, — - a consummation that 
seems to be nearer than many imagine. 
Fiat justitia, mat coeliwi, is not to be taken 
in a literal sense by statesmen, whose prob- 
lem is to get justice done with as little jar 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS, 393 

as possible to existing order, which has at 
least so much of heaven in it that it is not 
chaos. Our first duty toward our enslaved 
brother is to educate him, whether he be 
white or black. The first need of the free 
black is to elevate himself according to the 
standard of this material generation. So 
soon as the Ethiopian goes in his chariot, he 
will find not only Apostles, but Chief Priests 
and Scribes and Pharisees willing to ride 
with him. 

Nil habet infelix paupertas dnrins in se 
Quam quod ridiculos homines facit. 

I rejoice in the President's late Message, 
which at last proclaims the Government on 
the side of freedom, justice, and sound pol- 
icy. 

As I write, comes the news of our disaster 
at Hampton Roads. I do not understand 
the supineness which, after fair warning, 
leaves wood to an unequal conflict with iron. 
It is not enough merely to have the right on 
our side, if we stick to the old flint-lock of 
tradition. I have observed in my parochial 
experience (Jiaud ignarus mall) that the 
Devil is prompt to adopt the latest inven- 
tions of destructive warfare, and may thus 
take even such a three-decker as Bishop 



394 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Butler at an advantage. It is curious, that, 
as gunpowder made armor useless on shore, 
so armor is having its revenge by baffling 
its old enemy at sea, — and that, while gun- 
powder robbed land warfare of nearly all its 
picturesqueness to give even greater state- 
liness and sublimity to a sea-fight, armor 
bids fair to degrade the latter into a squab- 
ble between two iron-shelled turtles. 

Yours, with esteem and respect, 

Homer Wilbur, A. M. 

P. S. — I had wellnigh forgotten to say 
that the object of this letter is to enclose a 
communication from the gifted pen of Mr. 
Biglow. 

I sent you a niessige, my friens, t' other day, 
To tell you I 'd nothin' pertickler to say : 
't wuz the day our new nation gut kin' o' still- 
born, 
So 't wuz my pleasant dooty t' acknowledge the 

corn, 
An' I see clearly then, ef I did n't before, 
Thet the augur in inauguration means bore. 
I need n't tell you thet my messige wuz written 
To diffuse correc' notions in France an* Gret 

Britten, 
An' agin to impress on the poppylar mind 
The comfort an' wisdom o' goin' it blind, — 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 395 

To say thet I did n't abate not a hooter 

O' my faith in a happy an' glorious futur', 

Ez rich in each soshle an' p'litickle blessin' 

Ez them thet we now lied the joy o' possessing 

With a people united, an' longin' to die 

For wut toe call their country, without askin' 

why, 
An' all the gret things we concluded to slope for 
Ez much within reach now ez ever — to hope for. 
We 've gut all the ellerments, this very hour, 
Thet make up a fus'- class, self-governin' power : 
We 've a war, an' a debt, an' a flag ; an' ef this 
Ain't to be inderpendunt, why, wut on airth is ? 
An' nothin' now henders our takin' our station 
Ez the freest, enlightenedest, civerlized nation, 
Built up on our bran'-new politickle thesis 
Thet a Gov'ment's fust right is to tumble to 

pieces, — 
I say nothin' henders our takin' our place 
Ez the very fus'-best o' the whole human race, 
A spittin' tobacker ez proud ez you please 
On Victory's bes' carpets, or loafm' at ease 
In the Tool'ries front-parlor, discussin' affairs 
With our heels on the backs o' Napoleon's new 

chairs, 
An' princes a-mixin' our cocktails an' slings, — 
Excep', wal, excep' jest a very few things, 
Sech ez navies an' armies an' wherewith to pay, 
An' gittin' our sogers to run t' other way, 
An' not be too over-pertickler in tryin' 
To hunt up the very las' ditches to die in. 



396 THE BIG LOW PAPERS, 

Ther' are critters so base thet they want it ex* 

plained 
Jes' wut is the totle amount thet we 've gained, 
Ez ef we con Id may sure stupenjious events 
By the low Yankee stan'ard o' dollars an' cents : 
They seem to forgit, thet, sence last year revolved, 
We 've succeeded in gittin seceshed an' dissolved, 
An' thet no one can't hope to git thru dissolootion 
'thout some kin' o' strain on the best Constitoo- 

tion. 
Who asks for a prospec' more flettrin' an' bright, 
When from here clean to Texas it 's all one free 

fight? 
Hain't we rescued from Seward the gret leadin' 

featurs 
Thet makes it wuth while to be reasonin' crea- 
tors? 
Hain't we saved Habus Coppers, improved it in 

fact, 
By suspendin' the Unionists 'stid o' the Act ? 
Ain't the laws free to all ? Where on airth else 

d' ye see 
Every freeman improvin his own rope an* tree ? 
Ain't our piety sech (in our speeches an' mes- 

siges) 
Ez t' astonish ourselves in the bes'- composed pes- 

siges, 
An' to make folks that knowed us in th' ole state 

o' things 
Think conversion ez easy ez drinkin' gin-slings ? 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 397 

It 's ne'ssary to take a good confident tone 
With the public ; but here, jest amongst us, I own 
Things look blacker 'n thunder. Ther' 's no use 

denyin' 
We 're clean out o' money, an' 'most out o' 

lyin', — 
Two things a young nation can't mennage with- 
out, 
Ef she wants to look wal at her fust comin' out ; 
For the fust supplies physickle strength, while the 

second 
Gives a morril edvantage thet 's hard to be reck- 
oned: 
For this latter I 'm willin' to du wut I can ; 
For the former you '11 hev to consult on a plan, — 
Though our fitst want (an' this pint I want your 

best views on) 
Is plausible paper to print I. O. U.s on. 
Some gennlemen think it would cure all our 

cankers 
In the way o' finance, ef we jes' hanged the 

bankers ; 
An' I own the proposle 'ud square with my views, 
Ef their lives wuz n't all thet we 'd left 'em to 

lose. 
Some say thet more confidence might be inspired, 
Ef we voted our cities an' towns to be fired, — 
A plan thet 'ud suttenly tax our endurance, 
Coz 'twould be our own bills we should git for 
th' insurance : 



398 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

But cinders, no metter how sacred we think 'em, 
Might n't strike furrin minds ez good sources of 

income, 
Nor the people, perhaps, would n't like the eclaw 
O' bein' all turned into paytriots by law. 
Some want we should buy all the cotton an' burn 

it, 
On a pledge, when we 've gut thru the war, to 

return it, — 
Then to take the proceeds an' hold them ez 

security 
For an issue o' bonds to be met at maturity 
With an issue o' notes to be paid in hard cash 
On the fus' Monday follerin' the 'tarnal All* 

smash : 
This hez a safe air, an', once hold o' the gold, 
'ud leave our vile plunderers out in the cold, 
An' might temp' John Bull, ef it warn't for the 

dip he 
Once gut from the banks o' my own Massissippi. 
Some think we could make, by arrangin' the 

figgers, 
A hendy home-currency out of our niggers ; 
But it won't du to lean much on ary sech staff, 
For they 're gittin' tu current a'ready, by half. 
One gennleman says, ef we lef our loan out 
Where Floyd could git hold on 't, he 'd take it, no 

doubt ; 
But 't ain't jes' the takin', though 't hez a good 

look, 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 399 

We urns' git sunthin' out on it arter it 's took, 
An' we need now more 'n ever, with sorrer I own, 
Thet some one another should let us a loan, 
Sence a soger wun't fight, on'y jes' while he draws 

his 
Pay down on the nail, for the best of all causes, 
'thout askin' to know wut the quarrel 's about, — 
An' once come to thet, why, our game is played 

out. 
It 's ez true ez though I should n't never hev said 

it 
Thet a hitch hez took place in our system o' 

credit ; 
I swear it 's all right in my speeches an' mes- 

siges, 
But ther' 's idees afloat, ez ther' is about ses- 

siges : 
Folks wun't take a bond ez a basis to trade on, 
Without nosin' round to find out wut it 's made 

on, 
An' the thought more an' more thru the public 

min' crosses 
Thet our Treshry hez gut 'mos' too many dead 

hosses. 
Wut 's called credit, you see, is some like a bal- 
loon, 
Thet looks while it 's up 'most ez harnsome 'z a 

moon, 
But once git a leak in 't an' wut looked so grand 
Caves righ' down in a jiffy ez flat ez your hand. 



400 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Now the world is a dreffle mean place, for our 

sins, 
Where ther' ollus is critters about with long pins 
A-prickin' the bubbles we 've blowed with sech 

care, 
An' provin' ther' 's nothin' inside but bad air : 
They 're all Stuart Millses, poor-white trash, an' 

sneaks, 
Without no more chivverlry 'n Choctaws or 

Creeks, 
Who thinks a real gennleman's promise to pay 
Is meant to be took in trade's ornery way : 
Them fellers an' I could n' never agree ; 
They 're the nateral foes o' the Southun Idee ; 
I 'd gladly take all of our other resks on me 
To be red o' this low-lived politikle 'con'my ! 

Now a dastardly notion is gittin' about 

Thet our bladder is bust an' the gas oozin' out, 

An' onless we can mennage in some way to stop 

it, 
Why, the thing 's a gone coon, an' we might ez 

wal drop it. 
Brag works wal at fust, but it ain't jes' the thing 
For a stiddy inves'ment the shiners to bring, 
An' votin' we 're prosperous a hundred times 

over 
Wun't change bein starved into livin' on clover. 
Manassas done sunthin' towrds drawin' the wool 
O'er the green, anti-slavery eyes o' John Bull : 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 401 

Oh, war rit it a godsend, jes' when sech tight 

fixes 
Wuz crowdhV us mourners, to throw double- 
sixes ! 
I wuz tempted to think, an' it wuz n't no wonder, 
Ther' wuz reelly a Providence, — over or un- 
der, — 
When, all packed for Nashville, I fust ascer- 
tained 
From the papers up North wut a victory we 'd 

gained, 
't wuz the time for diffusm' correc' views abroad 
Of our union an' strength an' relyin' on God ; 
An', fact, when I 'd gut thru my fust big surprise, 
I much ez half b'lieved in my own tallest lies, 
An' conveyed the idee thet the whole Southun 

popperlace 
Wuz Spartans aH on the keen jump for Ther- 

mopperlies, 
Thet set on the Lincolnites' bombs till they bust, 
An' fight for the priv'lege o' dyin' the fust ; 
But Roanoke, Bufort, Millspring, an' the rest 
Of our recent starn-foremost successes out West, 
Hain't left us a foot for our swellin' to stand 

on,— 
We 've showed too much o' wut Buregard calls 

abandon, 
For all our Thermopperlies (an' it 's a marcy 
We hain't hed no more) hev ben clean vicy- 
varsy, 



402 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

An' wut Spartans wuz lef when the battle wuz 

done 
Wuz them thet wuz too unambitious to run. 

Oh, ef we hed on'y jes' gut Reecognition, 

Things now would ha' ben in a different position ! 

You 'd ha' hed all you wanted : the paper block- 
ade 

Smashed up into toothpicks, — unlimited trade 

In the one thing thet 's needfle, till niggers, I 
swow, 

Hed ben thicker 'n provisional shinplasters 
now, — 

Quinine by the ton 'ginst the shakes when they 
seize ye, — 

Nice paper to coin into C. S. A. specie ; 

The voice of the driver 'd be heerd in our land, 

An' the univarse scringe, ef we lifted our hand : 

Would n't thet be some like a fulfillin' the proph- 
ecies, 

With all the fus' f em'lies in all the fust offices ? 

't wuz a beautiful dream, an' all sorrer is idle, — 

But ef Lincoln would ha' hanged Mason an' 
Slidell! 

For would n't the Yankees hev found they 'd 
ketched Tartars, 

Ef they 'd raised two sech critters as them into 
martyrs ? 

Mason wuz F. F. V., though a cheap card to win 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 403 

But tother was jes' New York trash to begin on ; 

They ain't o' no good in European pellices, 

But think wut a help they 'd ha' ben on their gal- 
lowses ! 

They 'd ha' felt they wuz truly fulfillin' their mis- 
sion, 

An' oh how dog-cheap we 'd ha' gut Reecogni- 
tion ! 

But somehow another, wutever we 've tried, 
Though the the'ry 's fust-rate, the facs wun't 

coincide : 
Facs are contrary 'z mules, an' ez hard in the 

mouth, 
An' they alius hev showed a mean spite to the 

South. 
Sech bein' the case, we hed best look about 
For some kin' o' way to slip our necks out : 
Le' 's vote our las' dollar, ef one can be found, 
(An', at any rate, votin' it hez a good sound,) — 
Le' 's sware thet to arms all our people is flyin', 
(The critters can't read, an' wun't know how 

we 're lyin',) — 
Thet Toombs is advancin' to sack Cincinnater, 
With a rovin' commission to pillage an' slahter, — 
Thet we 've throwed to the winds all regard for 

wut 's lawfle, 
An' gone in for sunthin' promiscu'sly awfle. 
Ye see, hitherto, it 's our own knaves an' fools 
Thet we 've used, (those for whetstones, an' 

t' others ez tools.) 



404 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

An' now our las' chance is in puttin' to test 
The same kin' o' cattle up North an' out West, - — 
Your Belmonts, Vallandighams, Woodses, an' 

sech, 
Poor shotes thet ye could n't persuade us to tech, 
Not in ornery times, though we 're willin' to 

feed 'em 
With a nod now an' then, when we happen to 

need 'em ; 
Why, for my part, I 'd ruther shake hands with 

a nigger 
Than with cusses that load an' don't darst dror a 

trigger ; 
They 're the wust wooden nutmegs the Yankees 

produce, 
Shaky everywheres else, an' jes' sound on the 

goose ; 
They ain't wuth a cuss, an' I set nothin' by 'em, 
But we 're in sech a fix thet I s'pose we mus' try 

'em. 
I — But, Gennlemen, here 's a dispatch jes' 

come in 
Which shows thet the tide 's begun turnin' 

agin, — 
Gret Cornfedrit success ! C'lumbus eevacooated ! 
I mus' run down an' hev the thing properly 

stated, 
An' show wut a triumph it is, an' how lucky 
To fin'lly git red o' thet cussed Kentucky, — 
An' how, sence Fort Donelson, winnin' the day 
Consists in triumphantly gittin' away. 



No. V. 

SPEECH OF HONORABLE PRESERVED 
DOE IN SECRET CAUCUS. 

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 
Jaalam, 12th April, 1862. 

Gentlemen, — As I cannot but hope that 
the ultimate, if not speedy, success of the 
national arms is now sufficiently ascertained, 
sure as I am of the righteousness of our 
cause and its consequent claim on the bless- 
ing of God, (for I would not show a faith 
inferior to that of the pagan historian with 
his Facile evenit quod Dis cordi est,') it 
seems to me a suitable occasion to withdraw 
our minds a moment from the confusing din 
of battle to objects of peaceful and perma- 
nent interest. Let us not neglect the mon- 
uments of preterite history because what 
shall be history is so diligently making un- 
der our eyes. Cras ingens iterabimus 
cequor; to-morrow will be time enough for 
that stormy sea ; to-day let me engage the 
attention of your readers with the Runic 



406 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

inscription to whose fortunate discovery I 
have heretofore alluded. Well may we say 
with the poet, Malta renascuntur quce jam 
cecldere. And I would premise, that, al- 
though I can no longer resist the evidence 
of my own senses from the stone before me 
to the ante-Columbian discovery of this con- 
tinent by the Northmen, gens inclytissima, 
as they are called in a Palermitan inscrip- 
tion, written fortunately in a less debatable 
character than that which I am about to de- 
cipher, yet I would by no means be under- 
stood as wishing to vilipend the merits of 
the great Genoese, whose name will never be 
forgotten so long as the inspiring strains of 
" Hail Columbia " shall continue to be heard. 
Though he must be stripped also of what- 
ever praise may belong to the experiment of 
the egg, which I find proverbially attributed 
by Castilian authors to a certain Juanito or 
Jack, (perhaps an offshoot of our giant-kill- 
ing mythus,) his name will still remain one 
of the most illustrious of modern times. 
But the impartial historian owes a duty like- 
wise to obscure merit, and my solicitude to 
render a tardy justice is perhaps quickened 
by my having known those who, had their 
own field of labor been less secluded, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 407 

might have found a readier acceptance with 
the reading public. I could give an exam- 
ple, but I forbear : forsitan nostrls ex ossi- 
bus oritur ultor. 

Touching Runic inscriptions, I find that 
they may be classed under three general 
heads : 1°. Those which are understood by 
the Danish Royal Society of Northern Anti- 
quaries, and Professor Rafn, their secretary ; 
2°. Those which are comprehensible only by 
Mr. Rafn ; and 3°. Those which neither the 
Society, Mr. Rafn, nor anybody else can be 
said in any definite sense to understand, and 
which accordingly offer peculiar temptations 
to enucleating sagacity. These last are nat- 
urally deemed the most valuable by intel- 
ligent antiquaries, and to this class the stone 
now in my possession fortunately belongs. 
Such give a picturesque variety to ancient 
events, because susceptible oftentimes of as 
many interpretations as there are individual 
archaeologists ; and since facts are only the 
pulp in which the Idea or event-seed is softly 
imbedded till it ripen, it is of little conse- 
quence what color or flavor we attribute to 
them, provided it be agreeable. Availing 
myself of the obliging assistance of Mr. 
Arphaxad Bowers, an ingenious photogra- 



408 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

phic artist, whose house-on-wheels has now 
stood for three years on our Meeting-House 
Green, with the somewhat contradictory in- 
scription, — " our motto is onward" — I 
have sent accurate copies of my treasure to 
many learned men and societies, both native 
and European. I may hereafter communi- 
cate their different and (me judice) equally 
erroneous solutions. I solicit also, Messrs. 
Editors, your own acceptance of the copy 
herewith inclosed. I need only promise 
further, that the stone itself is a goodly 
block of metamorphic sandstone, and that 
the Runes resemble very nearly the orni- 
thichnites or fossil bird-tracks of Dr. Hitch- 
cock, but with less regularity or apparent 
design than is displayed by those remarkable 
geological monuments. These are rather 
the non bene junctammi discordia semina 
rerum. Resolved to leave no door open to 
cavil, I first of all attempted the elucidation 
of this remarkable example of lithic litera- 
ture by the ordinary modes, but with no 
adequate return for my labor. I then con- 
sidered myself amply justified in resorting 
to that heroic treatment the felicity of 
which, as applied by the great Bentley to 
Milton, had long ago enlisted my admira- 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 409 

tion. Indeed, I had already made up my 
mind, that, in case good-fortune should throw 
any such invaluable record in my way, I 
would proceed with it in the following simple 
and satisfactory method. After a cursory 
examination, merely sufficing for an ap- 
proximative estimate of its length, I would 
write down a hypothetical inscription based 
upon antecedent probabilities, and then pro- 
ceed to extract from the characters engraven 
on the stone a meaning as nearly as possible 
conformed to this a priori product of my 
own ingenuity. The result more than justi- 
fied my hopes, inasmuch as the two inscrip- 
tions were made without any great violence 
to tally in all essential particulars. I then 
proceeded, not without some anxiety, to my 
second test, which was, to read the Runic 
letters diagonally, and again with the same 
success. With an excitement pardonable 
under the circumstances, yet tempered with 
thankful humility, I now applied my last 
and severest trial, my exptrimentum cruris. 
I turned the stone, now doubly precious in 
my eyes, with scrupulous exactness upside 
down. The physical exertion so far dis- 
placed my spectacles as to derange for a 
moment the focus of vision. I confess that 



410 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

it was with some tremulousness that I read- 
justed them upon my nose, and prepared my 
mind to bear with calmness any disappoint- 
ment that might - ensue. But, albo dies 
notanda lapillo ! what was my delight to 
find that the change of position had effected 
none in the sense of the writing, even by so 
much as a single letter ! I was now, and 
justly, as I think, satisfied of the conscien- 
tious exactness of my interpretation. It is 
as follows : — 

HERE 
BJARNA GRIMOLFSSOX 
FIRST DRAXK CLOUD-BROTHER . 
THROUGH CHILD-OF-LAXD-AND-WATER : 

that is, drew smoke through a reed stem. In 
other words, we have here a record of the 
first smoking of the herb Nicotiana Ta- 
bacum by an European on this continent. 
The probable results of this discovery are 
so vast as to baffle conjecture. If it be ob- 
jected, that the smoking of a pipe would 
hardly justify the setting up of a memorial 
stone, I answer, that even now the Moquis 
Indian, ere he takes his first whiff, bows 
reverently toward the four quarters of the 
sky in succession, and that the loftiest monu- 
ments have been reared to perpetuate fame. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 411 

which is the dream of the shadow of smoke. 
The Saga, it will be remembered, leaves this 
Bjarna to a fate something like that of Sir 
Humphrey Gilbert on board a sinking ship 
in the " wormy sea," having generously given 
up his place in the boat to a certain Ice- 
lander. It is doubly pleasant, therefore, to 
meet with this proof that the brave old man 
arrived safely in Vinland, and that his de- 
clining years were cheered by the respect- 
ful attentions of the dusky denizens of our 
then uninvaded forests. Most of all was I 
gratified, however, in thus linking forever 
the name of my native town with one of 
the most momentous occurrences of modern 
times. Hitherto Jaalam, though in soil, 
climate, and geographical position as highly 
qualified to be the theatre of remarkable 
historical incidents as any spot on the earth's 
surface, has been, if I may say it without 
seeming to question the wisdom of Provi- 
dence, almost maliciously neglected, as it 
might appear, by occurrences of world-wide 
interest in want of a situation. And in mat- 
ters of this nature it must be confessed that 
adequate events are as necessary as the vates 
sacer to record them. Jaalam stood always 
modestly ready, but circumstances made no 



412 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

fitting response to her generous intentions. 
Now, however, she assumes her place on the 
historic roll. I have hitherto been a zeal- 
ous opponent of the Circean herb, but I 
shall now reexamine the question without 
bias. 

I am aware that the Rev. Jonas Tutchel, 
in a recent communication to the Bogus 
Four Corners Weekly Meridian, has endeav- 
ored to show that this is the sepulchral in- 
scription of Thorwald Eriksson, who, as is 
well known, was slain in Vinland by the 
natives. But I think he has been misled by 
a preconceived theory, and cannot but feel 
that he has thus made an ungracious return 
for my allowing him to inspect the stone with 
the aid of my own glasses (he having by acci- 
dent left his at home) and in my own study. 
The heathen ancients might have instructed 
this Christian minister in the rites of hospi- 
talhVv; but much is to be pardoned to the 
spirit of self-love. He must indeed be ingen- 
ious who can make out the words her Jivilir 
from any characters in the inscription in 
question, which, whatever else it may be, is 
certainly not mortuary. And even should the 
reverend gentleman succeed in persuading 
some fantastical wits of the soundness of his 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 413 

views, I do not see what useful end he will 
have gained. For if the English Courts of 
Law hold the testimony of grave-stones from 
the burial-grounds of Protestant dissenters to 
be questionable, even where it is essential in 
proving a descent, I cannot conceive that the 
epitaphial assertions of heathens should be 
esteemed of more authority by any man of 
orthodox sentiments. 

At this moment, happening to cast my eyes 
upon the stone, whose characters a transverse 
light from my southern window brings out 
with singular distinctness, another interpre- 
tation has occurred to me, promising even 
more interesting results. I hasten to close 
my letter in order to follow at once the clew 
thus providentially suggested. 

I inclose as usual a contribution from Mr. 
Biglow and remain, 

Gentlemen, with esteem and respect, 
Your Obedient Humble Servant, 

Homer Wilbur, A. M. 



I thank ye, my fren's, for the warmth o' your 

greetin' : 
Ther' 's few airthly blessin's but wut 's vain an' 

fleetin' ; 



41-4 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

But ef ther' is one thet hain't no cracks an' flaws, 
An' is wuth goin' in for, it 's pop'lar applause ; 
It sends up the sj)erits ez lively ez rockets, 
An' I feel it — wal, down to the eend o' my 

pockets. 
Jes' lovin' the people is Canaan in view, 
But it 's Canaan paid quarterly t' hev 'em love 

you; 
It 's a blessin' thet *s breakin' out ollus in fresh 

spots ; 
It 's a-follerin' Moses 'thout losin' the flesh-pots. 
But, Gennlemen, 'scuse me, I ain't such a raw 

cus 
Ez to go luggin' ellerkence into a caucus, — 
Thet is, into one where the call comprehen's 
Nut the People in person, but on'y their frien's ; 
I 'm so kin' o' used to convincin' the masses 
Of th' edvantage o' bein' self-governin' asses, 
I forgut thet we 're all o' the sort thet pull wires 
An' arrange for the public their wants an' desires, 
An' thet wut we hed met for wuz jes' to agree 
Wut the People's opinions in futur' should be. 

Now, to come to the nub, we 've ben all disap- 

pinted, 
An' our leadin' idees are a kind o' disjinted, — 
Though, fur ez the nateral man could discern, 
Things ough' to ha' took most an oppersite turn. 
But The'ry is jes' like a train on the rail, 
Thet, weather or no, puts her thru without fail, 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 415 

While Fac 's the ole stage thet gits sloughed in 

the ruts, 
-An' hez to allow for your darned efs an' buts, 
An' so, nut intendin' no pers'nal reflections, 
They don't — don't nut alius, thet is, — make 

connections : 
Sometimes, when it really doos seem thet they 'd 

oughter 
Combine jest ez kindly ez new rum an' water, 
Both '11 be jest ez sot in their ways ez a bagnet, 
Ez otherwise-minded ez th' eends of a magnet, 
An' folks like you 'n me thet ain't ept to be sold, 
Git somehow or 'nother left out in the cold. 

I expected 'fore this, 'thout no gret of a row, 
Jeff D. would ha' ben where A. Lincoln is now, 
With Taney to say 't wuz all legle an' fair, 
An' a jury o' Deemocrats ready to swear 
Thet the ingin o' State gut throwed into the ditch 
By the fault o' the North in misplacin' the switch. 
Things wuz ripenin' fust-rate with Buchanan to 

nuss 'em ; 
But the People they would n't be Mexicans, cuss 

'em! 
Ain't the safeguards o' freedom upsot, 'z you may 

say, 
Ef the right o' rev'lution is took clean away ? 
An' doos n't the right primy-fashy include 
The bein' entitled to nut be subdued ? 
The fact is, we 'd gone for the Union so strong, 



41C THE B1GL0W PAPt.RS. 

When Union meant South ollus right an' North 

wrong, 
Thet the People gut fooled into thinkin' it might „ 
Worry on middlin' wal with the North in the 

right. 
We might ha' ben now jest ez prosp'rous ez 

France, 
Where p'litikle enterprise hez a fair chance, 
An' the People is heppy an' proud et this hour, 
Long ez they hev the votes, to let Nap hev the 

power ; 
But our folks they went an' believed wut we 'd 

told 'em, 
An', the flag once insulted, no mortle could hold 

'em. 
'T wuz provokin' jest when we wuz cert'in to 

win, — 
An' I, for one, wunt trust the masses agin : 
For a People thet knows much ain't fit to be free 
In the self-cockin', back-action style o' J. D. 

I can't believe now but wut half on 't is lies ; 
For who 'd thought the North wuz a-goin' to rise, 
Or take the pervokin'est kin' of a stump, 
'thout 't wuz sunthin' ez pressin' ez Gabr'el's las' 

trump ? 
Or who 'd ha' supposed, arter seek swell an' blus- 
ter 
'bout the lick-ary-ten-on-ye fighters they 'd mus- 
ter, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 417 

Raised by hand on briled lightnin', ez op'lent 'z 

you please 
In a primitive furrest o' femmily-trees, — 
Who 'd ha' thought thet them Southuners ever 

'ud show 
Starns with pedigrees to 'em like theirn to the 

foe, 
Or, when the varnosin' come, ever to find 
JNat'ral masters in front an' mean white folks be- 
hind ? 
By ginger, ef I 'd ha' known half I know now, 
When I wuz to Congress, I would n't, I swow, 
Hev let 'em cair on so high-minded an' sarsy, 
'thout some show o' wut you may call vicy-varsy. 
To be sure, we wuz under a contrac' jes' then 
To be dreffle forbearin' towards Southun men ; 
We hed to go sheers in preservin' the bellanee ; 
An' ez they seemed to feel they wuz wastin' their 

tellents 
'thout some un to kick, 't warn't more 'n proper, 

you know, 
Each should funnish his part; an' sence they 

found the toe, 
An' we wuz n't cherubs — wal, we found the 

buffer, 
For fear thet the Compromise System should 

suffer. 

I wun't say the plan hed n't onpleasant fea- 
turs, — 



418 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

For men are perverse an' onreasonin' ereaturs, 

An' forgit thet in this life 't ain't likely to hep- 
pen 

Their own privit fancy should ollus be cappen, — ■ 

But it worked jest ez smooth ez the key of a 
safe, 

An' the gret Union bearins played free from all 
chafe. 

They warn't hard to suit, ef they hed their own 
way, 

An' we (thet is, some on us) made the thing 
pay: 

s t wuz a fair give-an'4ake out of Uncle Sam's 
heap ; 

Ef they took wut warn't theirn, wut we give 
come ez cheap ; 

The elect gut the offices down to tidewaiter, 

The people took skinnin' ez mild ez a tater, 

Seemed to choose who they wanted tu, footed 
the bills, 

An' felt kind o' 'z though they wuz havin' their 
wills, 

Which kep' 'em ez harmless an' cherfle ez crick- 
ets, 

While all we invested wuz names on the tick- 
ets: 

Wal, ther' 's nothin', for folks fond o' lib'ral con- 
sumption 

Free o' charge, like democ'acy tempered with 
gumption ! 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 419 

Now warn't thet a system wuth pains in presarv- 

in', 
Where the people found jints an' their Men's 

done the carvin', — 
Where the many done all o' their thinkin' by 

proxy, 
An' were proud on 't ez long ez 't wuz christened 

Democ'cy, — 
Where the few let us sap all o' Freedom's 

foundations, 
Ef you call it reformin' with prudence an' pa- 
tience, 
An' were willin' Jeffs snake-egg should hetch 

with the rest, 
Ef you writ " Constitootional " over the nest ? 
But it 's all out o' kilter, ('t wuz too good to 

last,) 
An' all jes' by J. D.'s perceeding too fast ; 
Ef he 'd on'y hung on for a month or two more, 
We 'd ha' gut things fixed nicer 'n they hed ben 

before : 
Afore he drawed off an' lef all in confusion, 
We wuz safely entrenched in the ole Constitoo- 

tion, 
With an outlyin', heavy-gun, casemated fort 
To rake all assailants, — I mean th' S. J. Court. 
Now I never '11 acknowledge (nut ef you should 

skin me) 
T wuz wise to abandon sech works to the in 'my, 
An' let him fin' out thet wut scared him so long, 



420 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Our whole line of argyments, lookin' so strong, 
All our Scriptur' an' law, every the'ry an' fac,' 
Wuz Quaker-guns daubed with Pro-slavery black. 
Why, ef the Republicans ever should git 
Andy Johnson or some one to lend 'em the wit 
An' the spunk jes' to mount Constitootion an' 

Court 
With Columbiad guns, your real ekle-rights sort, 
Or drill out the spike from the ole Declaration 
Thet can kerry a solid shot clearn roun' creation, 
We 'd better take maysures for shettin' up shop, 
An' put off our stock by a vendoo or swop. 

But they wun't never dare tu ; you '11 see 'em in 

Edom 
'fore they ventur' to go where their doctrines 

'ud lead 'em : 
They 've ben takin' our princerples up ez we 

dropt 'em, 
An' thought it wuz terrible 'cute to adopt 'em ; 
But they '11 fin' out 'fore long thet their hope 's 

ben deceivin' 'em, 
An' thet princerples ain't o' no good, ef you 

b'lieve in 'em ; 
It makes 'em tu stiff for a party to use, 
Where they 'd ough' to be easy 'z an ole pair o' 

shoes. 
If we say 'n our pletform thet all men are broth. 

ers, 
We don't mean thet some folks ain't more so 'n 

some others ; 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 421 

An' it 's wal understood thet we make a selec- 
tion, 
An' thet brotherhood kin' o' subsides arter lec- 
tion. 
The fust thing for sound politicians to larn is, 
Thet Truth, to dror kindly in all sorts o' harness, 
Mus' be kep' in the abstract, — for, come to ap- 
ply it, 
You 're ept to hurt some folks's interists by it. 
Wal, these 'ere Republicans (some on 'em) ects 
Ez though gineral mexims 'ud suit speshle facts ; 
An' there 's where we '11 nick 'em, there 's where 

they '11 be lost : 
For applyin' your princerple 's wut makes it cost, 
An' folks don't want Fourth o' July t' interfere 
With the business-consarns o' the rest o' the 

year, 
No more 'n they want Sunday to pry an' to peek 
Into wut they are doin' the rest o' the week. 

A ginooine statesman should be on his guard, 
Ef he must hev beliefs, nut to b'lieve 'em tu 

hard ; 
For, ez sure ez he does, he '11 be blartin 'em out 
'thout regardin' the natur' o' man more 'n a 

spout, 
Nor it don't ask much gumption, to pick out a 

flaw 
In a party whose leaders are loose in the jaw : 
An' so in our own case I ventur' to hint 



422 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Thet we 'd better nut air our perceedins in print, 
Nor pass resserlootions ez long ez your arm 
Thet may, ez things heppen to turn, do us harm ; 
For when you 've done all your real meanin' to 

smother, 
The darned things '11 up an' mean sunthin' or 

'nother. 
Jeff'son prob'ly meant wal with his " born free 

an' ekle," 
But it 's turned out a real crooked stick in the 

sekle ; 
It 's taken full eighty-odd year — don't you 

see ? — 
From the pop'lar belief to root out thet idee, 
An', arter all, suckers on 't keep buddin' forth 
In the nat'lly onprincipled mind o' the North. 
No, never say nothin' without you 're compelled 

tu, 
An' then don't say nothin' thet you can be held 

tu, 
Nor don't leave no friction-idees layin' loose 
For the ign'ant to put to incend'ary use. 

You know I 'm a feller thet keeps a skinned eye 

On the leetle events thet go skurryin' by, 

Coz it 's of'ner by them than by gret ones you '11 

see 
Wut the p'litickle weather is likely to be. 
Now I don't think the South 's more 'n begun to 

be licked, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 423 

But I du think, ez Jeff says, the wind-bag 's gut 

pricked ; 
It 11 blow for a spell an' keep puffin' an' wheez- 

in', 
The tighter our army an' navy keep squeezing — 
For they can't help spread-eaglein' long 'z ther' 's 

a mouth 
To blow Enfield's Speaker thru lef at the South. 
But it 's high time for us to be settin' our faces 
Towards reconstructin' the national basis, 
With an eye to beginnin' agin on the jolly ticks 
We used to chalk up 'hind the back-door o* poli- 
tics ; 
An' the fus' thing 's to save wut of Slav'ry 

ther' 's lef 
Arter this (I mus' call it) imprudence o' Jeff : 
For a real good Abuse, with its roots fur an' 

wide, 
Is the kin' o' thing i" like to hev on my side ; 
A Scriptur' name makes it ez sweet ez a rose, 
An' its tougher the older an' uglier it grows — 
(I ain't speakin' now o' the righteousness of it, 
But the p'litickle purchase it gives an' the profit.) 

Things look pooty squally, it must be allowed, 
An' I don't see much signs of a bow in the 

cloud : 
Ther' 's too many Deemocrats — leaders, wut 's 

wuss — 
Thet go for the Union 'thout carin' a cuss 



424 THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 

Ef it helps ary party thet ever wuz heard on, 
So our eagle ain't made a split Austrian bird on. 
But ther' 's still some consarvative signs to be 

found 
Thet shows the gret heart o' the People is sound : 
(Excuse me for usin' a stump-phrase agin, 
But, once in the way on 't, they ivill stick like 

sin:) 
There 's Phillips, for instance, hez jes' ketched a 

Tartar 
In the Law-' n '-Order Party of ole Cincinnater ; 
An' the Compromise System ain't gone out o' 

reach, 
Long 'z you keep the right limits on freedom o* 

speech. 
'T warn't none too late, neither, to put on the 

gag. 
For he 's dangerous now he goes in for the flag. 
Nut thet I altogether approve o' bad eggs, 
They 're mos' gin'lly argymunt on its las' legs, — 
An' their logic is ept to be tu indiscriminate, 
Nor don't ollus wait the right objecs to liminate ; 
But there is a variety on 'em, you '11 find, 
Jest ez usefle an' more, besides bein' refined, — 
I mean o' the sort thet are laid by the diction- 
ary, 
Sech ez sophisms an' cant, thet '11 kerry convic- 
tion ary 
Way thet you want to the right class o' men, 
An' are staler than all 't ever come from a hen ' 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 425 

" Disunion " done wal till our resh Southun 

friends 
Took the savor all out on 't for national ends ; 
But I guess " Abolition " '11 work a spell yit, 
When the war 's done, an' so will " Forgive-an' 

forgit." 
Times mus' be pooty thoroughly out o' all jint, 
Ef we can't make a good constitootional pint ; 
An' the good time '11 come to be grindin' our exes, 
When the war goes to seed in the nettle o' texes : 
Ef Jon'than don't squirm, with sech helps to as- 

m sist him, 
I give up my faith in the free-suffrage system ; 
Democ'cy wun't be nut a might interestin', 
Nor p'litikle capital much wuth investin' ; 
An' my notion is, to keep dark an' lay low 
Till we see the right minute to put in our 

blow. — 

But I 've talked longer now 'n T hed any idee, 
An' ther' 's others you want to hear more 'n you 

du me; 
So 1 11 set down an' give thet 'ere bottle a skrim- 

mage, 
For I 've spoke till I 'm dry ez a real graven 

image. 



No. VI. 
SUNTHIN' IN THE PASTORAL LINE. 

TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 
Jaalam, 17th May, 1862. 

Gentlemen, — At the special request of 
Mr. Biglow, I intended to enclose, together 
with his own contribution, (into which, at 
my suggestion, he has thrown a little more 
of pastoral sentiment than usual,) some 
passages from my sermon on the day of the 
National Fast, from the text, " Remember 
them that are in bonds, as bound with 
them," Heb. xiii. 3. But I have not leisure 
sufficient at present for the copying of them, 
even were I altogether satisfied with the 
production as it stands. I should prefer, I 
confess, to contribute the entire discourse to 
the pages of your respectable miscellany, if 
it should be found acceptable upon perusal, 
especially as I find the difficulty in selection 
of greater magnitude than I had anticipated. 
What passes without challenge in the fervor 
of oral delivery, cannot always stand the 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 427 

colder criticism of the closet. I am not so 
great an enemy of Eloquence as my friend 
Mr. Biglow wonld appear to be from some 
passages in his contribution for the current 
month. I would not, indeed, hastily sus- 
pect him of covertly glancing at myself in 
his somewhat caustic animadversions, albeit 
some of the phrases he girds at are not 
entire strangers to my lips. I am a more 
hearty admirer of the Puritans than seems 
now to be the fashion, and believe that, if 
they Hebraized a little too much in their 
speech, they showed remarkable practical 
sagacity as statesmen and founders. But 
such Phenomena as Puritanism are the re- 
sults rather of great religious than of merely 
social convulsions, and do not long survive 
them. So soon as an earnest conviction has 
cooled into a phrase, its work is over, and 
the best that can be done with it is to bury 
it. Ite, rnissa est. I am inclined to agree 
with Mr. Biglow that we cannot settle the 
great political questions which are now pre- 
senting themselves to the nation by the opin- 
ions of Jeremiah or Ezekiel as to the wants 
and duties of the Jews in their time, nor do 
I believe that an entire community with their 
feelings and views would be practicable or 



428 THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 

even agreeable at the present day. At the 
same time I could wish that their habit of 
subordinating the actual to the moral, the 
flesh to the spirit, and this world to the other, 
were more common. They had found out, 
at least, the great military secret that soul 
weighs more than body. — But I am sud- 
denly called to a sick-bed in the household 
of a valued parishioner. 

With esteem and respect, 

Your obedient servant, 

Homer Wilbuk. 

Once git a smell o' musk into a draw, 
An' it clings hold like precerdents in law : 
Your gra'ma'am put it there, — when, goodness 

knows, — 
To jes' this-worldify her Sunday-clo'es ; 
But the old chist wun't sarve her gran'son's wife 9 
(For, 'thout new funnitoor, wut good in life ?) 
An ? so ole eiawfoot, from the precinks dread 
0' the spare chamber, slinks into the shed, 
Where, dim with dust, it fuse or last subsides 
To holdin' seeds an' fifty things besides ; 
But better days stick fast in heart an' husk, 
An' all you keep in 't gits a scent o' musk. 

Jes' so with poets : wut they 've airly read 
Gits kind 'o worked into their heart an' head, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 429 

So 's 't they can't seem to write but jest on sheers 
With furrin countries or played-out ideers, 
Nor hev a feelin', ef it doos n't smack 
O' wut some critter chose to feel 'way back : 
This makes 'em talk o' daisies, larks, an' things, 
Ez though we 'd nothin' here that blows an' 

sings, — 
(Why, I 'd give more for one live bobolink 
Than a square mile o' larks in printer's ink,) — 
This makes 'em think our fust o' May is May, 
Which 't ain't, for all the almanicks can say. 

little city-gals, don't never go it 
Blind on the word o' noospaper or poet ! 
They 're apt to puff, an' May-day seldom looks 
Up in the country ez it doos in books ; 

They 're no more like than hornets'- nests an' 

hives, 
Or printed sarmons be to holy lives. 
T, with my trouses perched on cow-hide boots, 
Tuggin' my foundered feet out by the roots, 
Hev seen ye come to fling on April's hearse 
Your muslin nosegays from the milliner's, 
Puzzlin' to find dry ground your queen to choose, 
An' dance your throats sore in morocker shoes : 

1 've seen ye an' felt proud, thet, come wut 

would, 
Our Pilgrim stock wuz pethed with hardihood. 
Pleasure doos make us Yankees kind o' winch, 
Ez though 't wuz sunthin' paid for by the inch ; 



430 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

But yit we du contrive to worry thru, 
Ef Dooty tells us thet the thing 's to du, 
An' kerry a hollerday, ef we set out, 
Ez stiddily ez though 't wuz a redoubt. 

I, country-born an' bred, know where to find 
Some blooms thet make the season suit the 

mind, 
An' seem to metch the doubtin' bluebird's 

notes, — 
Half-vent'rin' liverworts in furry coats, 
Bloodroots, whose rolled-up leaves ef you oncurl, 
Each on 'em 's cradle to a baby-pearl, — 
But these are jes' Spring's pickets ; sure ez sin, 
The rebble frosts '11 try to drive 'em in ; 
For half our May 's so awfully like May n't, 
't would rile a Shaker or an evrige saint ; 
Though I own up I like our back'ard springs 
Thet kind o' haggle with their greens an' things, 
An' when you 'most give up, 'uthout more words 
Toss the fields full o' blossoms, leaves, an' birds : 
Thet 's Northun natur', slow an' apt to doubt, 
But when it doos git stirred, ther' 's no gin-out ! 

Fust come the blackbirds clatt'rin' in tall trees, 
An' settlhr things in windy Congresses, — 
Queer politicians, though, for I '11 be skinned 
Ef all on 'em don't head aginst the wind, 
'fore long the trees begin to show belief, — 
The maple crimsons to a coral-reef, 



THE DIGLOW PAPERS. 431 

Then saffern swarms swing off from all the willers 
So plump they look like yaller caterpillars, 
Then gray hossches'nuts leetle hands unfold 
Softer 'n a baby's be at three days old : 
Thet 's robin-redbreast's almanick ; he knows 
Thet arter this ther' 's only blossom-snows ; 
So, choosin' out a handy crotch an' spouse, 
He goes to plast'rin' his adobe house. 

Then seems to come a hitch, — things lag behind, 
Till some fine mornin' Spring makes up her 

mind, 
An' ez, when snow-swelled rivers cresh their 

dams 
Heaped-up with ice thet dovetails in an' jams, 
A leak comes spirtin' thru some pin-hole cleft, 
Grows stronger, fercer, tears out right an' left, 
Then all the waters bow themselves an' come, 
Suddin, in one gret slope o' shedderin' foam, 
Jes' so our Spring gits everythin' in tune 
An' gives one leap from April into June : 
Then all comes crowdin' in ; afore you think, 
Young oak-leaves mist the side-hill woods with 

pink ; 
• The catbird in the laylock-bush is loud ; 
The orchards turn to heaps o' rosy cloud ; 
Red-cedars blossom tu, though few folks know it, 
An' look all dipt in sunshine like a poet ; 
The lime-trees pile their solid stacks o' shade 
An' drows'ly simmer with the bees' sweet trade; 



432 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

In ellum-shrouds the flashin' hangbird clings, 
An' for the summer vy'ge his hammock slings ; 
All down the loose-walled lanes in archin' bow- 
ers 
The barb'ry droops its strings o' golden flowers, 
Whose shrinkin' hearts the school-gals love to try 
With pins, — they '11 worry yourn so, boys, 

bimeby ! 
But I don't love your cat'logue style, — do 

you? — 
Ez ef to sell off Natur' by vendoo ; 
One word with blood in 't 's twice ez good ez 

two: 
'Nuff sed, June's bridesman, poet o' the year. 
Gladness on wings, the bobolink, is here ; 
Half-hid in tip-top apple-blooms he swings, 
Or climbs aginst the breeze with quiverin' wings. 
Or, givin' way to 't in a mock despair, 
Runs down, a brook o' laughter, thru the air. 

I ollus feel the sap start in my veins 

In Spring, with curus heats an' prickly pains, 

Thet drive me, when I git a chance, to walk 

Off by myself to hev a privit talk 

With a queer critter thet can't seem to 'gree 

Along o' me like most folks, — Mister Me. 

Ther' 's times when I 'm unsoshle ez a stone, 

An' sort o' suffocate to be alone, — 

I 'm crowded jes' to think thet folks are nigh, 

An' can't bear no thin' closer than the sky ; 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 433 

Now the wind 's full ez shifty in the mind 
Ez wut it is ou'-doors, ef I ain't blind, 
An' sometimes, in the fairest sou' west weather, 
My innard vane pints east for weeks together, 
My natur' gits all goose-flesh, an' my sins 
Come drizzlin' on my conscience sharp ez pins : 
Wal, et sech times I jes' slip out o' sight 
An' take it out in a fair stan'-up fight 
With the one cuss I can't lay on the shelf, 
The crook'dest stick in all the heap, — Myself. 

'T wuz so las' Sabbath arter meetin'-time : 

Findin' my feelin's would n't noways rhyme 

With nobody's, but off the hendle flew 

An' took things from an east-wind pint o' view, 

I started off to lose me in the hills 

Where the pines be, up back o' 'Siah's Mills : 

Pines, ef you 're blue, are the best friends I 

know, 
They mope an' sigh an' sheer your feelin's so, — 
They hesh the ground beneath so, tu, I swan, 
You half-forgit you 've gut a body on. 
Ther' 's a small school'us' there where four roads 

meet, 
The door-steps hollered out by little feet, 
An' side-posts carved with names whose owners 

grew 
To gret men, some on 'em, an' deacons, tu ; 
't ain't used no longer, coz the town hez gut 
A high-school, where they teach the Lord knows 

wut : 



434 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Three-story larnin' 's pop'lar now ; I guess 

We thriv' ez wal on jes' two stories less, 

For it strikes me ther' 's sech a thing ez sinnin' 

By overloadin' children's nnderpinnin' . 

Wal, here it wuz I larned my ABC, 

An' it 's a kind o' favorite spot with me. 

We 're curus critters : Now ain't jes' the minute 

Thet ever tits us easy while we 're in it ; 

Long ez 't wuz futur', 'twould be perfect bliss, — 

Soon ez it 's past, thet time 's wuth ten o' this ; 

An' yit there ain't a man thet need be told 

Thet Now 's the only bird lays eggs o' gold. 

A knee-high lad, I used to plot an' plan 

An' think 't wuz life's cap-sheaf to be a man ; 

Now gittin gray, there 's nothin' I enjoy 

Like dreamin' back along into a boy : 

So the ole school'us' is a place I choose 

Afore all others, ef I want to muse ; 

I set down where I used to set, an' git 

My boyhood back, an' better things with it, — 

Faith, Hope, an' sunthin', ef it is n't Cherrity, 

It 's want o' guile, an' thet 's ez gret a rerrity. 

While Fancy's cushin', free to Prince and Clown, 

Makes the hard bench ez soft ez milk-weed-down. 

Now, 'fore I knowed, thet Sabbath arternoon 
When I sot out to tramp myself in tune, 
I found me in the school'us' on my seat, 
Drummin' the march to No-wheres with my feet 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 435 

Thinkin' o' nothin', I 've heerd ole folks say, 

Is a hard kind o' dooty in its way : 

It 's thinkin' every thin' you ever knew, 

Or ever hearn, to make your feelin's blue. 

I sot there tryin' thet on for a spell : 

I thought o' the Rebellion, then o' Hell, 

Which some folks tell ye now is jest a metterfor 

(A the'ry, p'raps, it wun't feel none the better 

for); 
I thought o' Reconstruction, wut we 'd win 
Patchin' our patent self-blow-up agin : 
I thought ef this 'ere milkin' o' the wits, 
So much a month, warn't givin' Natur' fits, — 
Ef folks warn't druv, findin' their own milk fail, 
To work the cow thet hez an iron tail, 
In' ef idees 'thout ripenin' in the pan 
Would send up cream to humor ary man : 
From this to thet I let my worryin' creep, 
Till finally I must ha' fell asleep. 

Our lives in sleep are some like streams thet glide 
'Twixt flesh an' sperrit boundin' on each side, 
Where both shores' shadders kind o' mix an' 

mingle 
In sunthin' thet ain't jes' like either single ; 
An' when you cast off moorin's from To-day, 
An' down towards To-morrer drift away, 
The imiges thet tengle on the stream 
Make a new upside-down'ard world o' dream : 
Sometimes they seem like sunrise-streaks an* 

warnin's 



436 THE B1GLUW PAPEkS. 

0' wut '11 be in Heaven on Sabbath-mornin's, 
An', mixed right in ez ef jest out o' spite, 
Sunthin' thet says your supper ain't gone right. 
I 'm gret on dreams, an' often, when I wake, 
I Ve lived so much it makes my mem'ry ache, 
An' can't skurce take a cat-nap in my cheer 
'thout hevin' 'em, some good, some bad, all 
queer. 

Now I wuz settin' where I 'd ben, it seemed, 
An' ain't sure yit whether I r'ally dreamed, 
Nor, ef I did, how long I might ha' slep', 
When I hearn some un stompin' up the step, 
An' lookin' round, ef two an' two make four, 
I see a Pilgrim Father in the door. 
He wore a steeple-hat, tall boots, an' spurs 
With rowels to 'em big ez ches'nut burrs, 
An' his gret sword behind him sloped away 
Long 'z a man's speech thet dunno wut to say. — 
" Ef your name 's Biglow, an' your given-name 
Hosee," sez he, " it 's arter you I came ; 
I 'm your gret-gran'ther multiplied by three." — 
" My wut ? " sez I. — " Your gret-gret-gret," 

sez he : 
" You would n't ha' never ben here but for me. 

" Two hundred an' three year ago this May 
The ship I come in sailed up Boston Bay ; 
I 'd been a cunnle in our Civil War, — 
But wut on airth hev you gut up one for ? 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 437 

Coz we du things in England, 't ain't for you 

To git a notion you can du 'em tu : 

I 'm told you write in public prints : ef true, 

It 's nateral you should know a thing or two." — 

" Thet air 's an argymunt I can't endorse, — 

't would prove, coz you wear spurs, you kep' a 

horse : 
For brains," sez I, " wutever you may think, 
Ain't boun' to cash the drafs o' pen-an'-ink, — 
Though mos' folks write ez ef they hoped jes' 

quickenin' 
The churn would argoo skim-milk into thickenin' ; 
But skim-milk ain't a thing to change its view 
O' wut it 's meant for more 'n a smoky flue. 
But du pray tell me, 'fore we furder go, 
How in all Natur' did you come to know 
'bout our affairs," sez I, " in Kingdom-Come ? " — 
" Wal, I worked round at sperrit-rappin' some, 
An' danced the tables till their legs wuz gone, 
In hopes o' larnin' wut wuz goin' on," 
Sez he, " but mejums lie so like all-split 
Thet I concluded it wuz best to quit. 
But, come now, ef you wun't confess to knowin', 
You 've some conjectures how the thing 's a-go- 

in\" — 
" Gran'ther," sez I, " a vane warn't never known 
Nor asked to hev a jedgment of its own ; 
An' yit, ef 't ain't gut rusty in the jints. 
It 's safe to trust its say on certin pints : 
It knows the wind's opinions to a T, 



438 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

An' the wind settles wut the weather '11 be." 
" I never thought a scion of our stock 
Could grow the wood to make a weather-cock ; 
When I wuz younger 'n you, skurce more 'n a 

shaver, 
No airthly wind," sez he, " could make me 

waver ! " 
(Ez he said this, he clinched his jaw an' fore- 
head, 
Hitchin' his belt to bring his sword-hilt for- 

rard.) — 
" Jes' so it wuz with me," sez I, " I swow, 
When / wuz younger 'n wut you see me now, — 
Nothin' from Adam's fall to Huldy's bonnet, 
Thet I warn't full-cocked with my jedgment on 

it; 
But now I'm gittin' on in life, I find 
It 's a sight harder to make up my, mind, — 
Nor I don't often try tu, when events 
Will du it for me free of all expense. 
The moral question 's ollus plain enough, — 
It's jes' the human-natur' side thet 's tough; 
Wut 's best to think may n't puzzle me nor 

you, — 
The pinch comes in decidin' wut to du ; 
Kf you read History, all runs smooth ez grease, 
'Doz there the men ain't nothin' more 'n idees, — 
But come to make it, ez we must to-day, 
Th' idees hev arms an' legs an' stop the way : 
h 's easy fixin things in facts an' figgers, — 



THE B 1 GLOW PAPERS. 439 

They can't resist, nor warn't brought up with 

niggers ; 
But come to try your the ry on, — why, then 
Your facts an' figgers change to ign'ant men 
Actin' ez ugly " — " Smite 'em hip an' thigh ! " 
Sez gran'ther, " and let every man-child die ! 
Oh for three weeks o' Crommle an' the Lord ! 
Up, Isr'el, to your tents an' grind the sword ! " — 
" Thet kind o' thing worked wal in ole Judee, 
But you forgit how long it 's ben A. D. ; 
You think thet 's ellerkence, I call it shoddy, — 
A thing," sez I, " wun't cover soul nor body ; 
I like the plain all-wool o' common-sense, 
Thet warms ye now, an' will a twelvemonth 

hence. 
You took to follerin' where the Prophets beck- 
oned, 
An', fust you knowed on, back come Charles the 

Second ; 
Now wut I want 's to hev all we gain stick, 
An' not to start Millennium too quick ; 
We hain't to punish only, but to keep, 
An' the cure 's gut to go a cent'ry deep." 
" Wal, milk-an' water ain't the best o' glue," 
Sez he, " an' so you '11 find before you 're thru ; 
Ef reshness venters sunthin', shilly-shally 
Loses ez often wut 's ten times the vally. 
Thet exe of ourn, when Charles's neck gut split, 
Opened a gap thet ain't bridged over yit : 
Slav'ry 's your Charles, the Lord hez gin the 
exe " — 



44:0 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

"Our Charles," sez I, "hez gut eight million 

necks. 
The hardest question ain't the black man's right, 
The trouble is to 'mancipate the white ; 
One 's chained in body an' can be sot free, 
But t' other 's chained in soul to an idee : 
It 's a long job, but we shall worry thru it ; 
Ef bag'nets fail, the spellin'-book must du it." 
" Hosee," sez he, " I think you 're goin' to fail : 
The rettlesnake ain't dangerous in the tail ; 
This 'ere rebellion 's nothin' but the rettle, — 
You '11 stomp on thet an' think you 've won the 

bettle ; 
It 's Slavery thet 's the fangs an' thinkin' head, 
An' ef you want selvation, cresh it dead, — 
An' cresh it suddin, or you '11 larn by waitin' 
Thet Chance wun't stop to listen to debatin' ! " — 
" God's truth ! " sez I, — " an' ef I held the club, 
An' knowed jes' where to strike, — but there 's 

the rub ! " — 
" Strike soon," sez he, " or you '11 be deadly 

ailin', — 
Folks thet 's afeared to fail are sure o' failin' ; 
God hates your sneakin' creturs thet believe 
He '11 settle things they run away an' leave ! " 
He brought his foot down fercely, ez he spoke, 
An' give me sech a startle thet I woke. 



No. VII. 
LATEST VIEWS OF MR. BIGLOW. 

PRELIMINARY NOTE. 

[It is with feelings of the liveliest pain 
that we inform our readers of the death of 
the Reverend Homer Wilbur, A. M., which 
took place suddenly, by an apoplectic stroke, 
on the afternoon of Christmas day, 1862. 
Our venerable friend (for so we may ven- 
ture to call him, though we never enjoyed 
the high privilege of his personal acquaint- 
ance) was in his eighty-fourth year, having 
been born June 12, 1779, at Pigsgusset 
Precinct (now West Jerusha) in the then 
District of Maine. Graduated with distinc- 
tion at Hubville College in 1805, he pursued 
his theological studies with the late Rev- 
erend Preserved Thacker, D. D., and was 
called to the charge of the First Society in 
Jaalam in 1809, where he remained till his 
death. 

" As an antiquary he has probably left no 



442 THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 

superior, if, indeed, an equal," writes his 
friend and colleague, the Reverend Jeduthun 
Hitchcock, to whom we are indebted for 
the above facts ; "in proof of which I need 
only allude to his ' History of Jaalani, Gene- 
alogical, Topographical, and Ecclesiastical,' 
1849, which has won him an eminent and 
enduring place in our more solid and useful 
literature. It is only to be regretted that 
his intense application to historical studies 
should have so entirely withdrawn him from 
the pursuit of poetical composition, for 
which he was endowed by Nature with a re- 
markable aptitude. His well-known hymn, 
beginning, ' With clouds of care encompassed 
round,' has been attributed in some collec- 
tions to the late President D wight, and it 
is hardly presumptuous to affirm that the 
simile of the rainbow in the eighth stanza 
would do no discredit to that polished pen." 
We regret that we have not room at pres- 
ent for the whole of Mr. Hitchcock's exceed- 
ingly valuable communication. We hope to 
lay more liberal extracts from it before our 
readers at an early day. A summary of its 
contents will give some notion of its im- 
portance and interest. It contains : 1st, A 
biographical sketch of Mr. Wilbur, with 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 443 

notices of his predecessors in the pastoral 
office, and of eminent clerical contempora- 
ries ; 2d, An obituary of deceased, from the 
Punkin-Falls "Weekly Parallel;" 3d, A 
list of his printed and manuscript produc- 
tions and of projected works ; 4th, Personal 
anecdotes and recollections, with specimens 
of table-talk ; 5th, A tribute to his relict, 
Mrs. Dorcas (Pilcox) Wilbur; 6th, A list 
of graduates fitted for different colleges by 
Mr. Wilbur, with biographical memoranda 
touching the more distinguished ; 7th, Con- 
cerning learned, charitable, and other socie- 
ties, of which Mr. Wilbur was a member, 
and of those with which, had his life been 
prolonged, he would doubtless have been as- 
sociated, with a complete catalogue of such 
Americans as have been Fellows of the 
Royal Society; 8th, A brief summary of 
Mr. Wilbur's latest conclusions concerning 
the Tenth Horn of the Beast in its special 
application to recent events, for which the 
public, as Mr. Hitchcock assures us, have 
been waiting with feelings of lively anticipa- 
tion ; 9th, Mr. Hitchcock's own views on 
the same topic ; and, 10th, A brief essay on 
the importance of local histories. It will be 
apparent that the duty of preparing Mr. 



444 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Wilbur's biography could not have fallen 
into more sympathetic hands. 

In a private letter with which the reverend 
gentleman has since favored us, he expresses 
the opinion that Mr. Wilbur's life was short- 
ened by our unhappy civil war. It disturbed 
his studies, dislocated all his habitual associ- 
ations and trains of thought, and unsettled 
the foundations of a faith, rather the result 
of habit than conviction, in the capacity of 
man for self-government. " Such has been 
the felicity of my life," he said to Mr. 
Hitchcock, on the very morning of the day 
he died, "that, through the divine mercy, I 
could always say Summum nee metuo diem, 
nee opto* It has been my habit, as you 
know, on every recurrence of this blessed 
anniversary, to read Milton's s Hymn of the 
Nativity ' till its sublime harmonies so dilated 
my soul and quickened its spiritual sense 
that I seemed to hear that other song which 
gave assurance to the shepherds that there 
was One who would lead them also in green 
pastures and beside the still waters. But to- 
day 1 have been unable to think of anything 
but that mournful text, * I came not to send 
peace, but a sword,' and, did it not smack 
of pagan presumptuousness, could almost 
wish I had never lived to sec this day." 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 445 

Mr. Hitchcock also informs us that his 
friend " lies buried in the Jaalam graveyard, 
under a large red-cedar which he specially 
admired. A neat and substantial monument 
is to be erected over his remains, with a 
Latin epitaph written by himself; for he 
was accustomed to say, pleasantly, ' that 
there was at least one occasion in a scholar's 
life when he might show the advantages of 
a classical training.' " 

The following fragment of a letter ad- 
dressed to us, and apparently intended to 
accompany Mr. Biglow's contribution to the 
present number, was found upon his table 
after his decease. — Editoks Atlantic 
Monthly.] 

to the editors of the atlantic monthly. 

Jaalam, 24th Dec, 1862. 

Respected Siks, — The infirm state of 
my bodily health would be a sufficient apol- 
ogy for not taking up the pen at this time, 
wholesome as I deem it for the mind to apri- 
cate in the shelter of epistolary confidence, 
were it not that a considerable, I might even 
say a large, number of individuals in this 
parish expect from their pastor some pub- 



446 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

lie expression of sentiment at this crisis. 
Moreover, Qui tacitus ardet mag is uritur. 
In trying times like these, the besetting sin 
of undisciplined minds is to seek refuge 
from inexplicable realities in the dangerous 
stimulant of angry partisanship or the indo- 
lent narcotic of vague and hopeful vatici- 
nation : fortunamque suo temperat arbitrio. 
Both by reason of my age and my natural 
temperament, I am unfitted for either. Un- 
able to penetrate the inscrutable judgments of 
God, I am more than even thankful that my 
life has been prolonged till I could in some 
small measure comprehend His mercy. As 
there is no man who does not at some time 
render himself amenable to the one, — quum 
vix Justus sit securus, — so there is none 
that does not feel himself in daily need of 
the other. 

I confess, I cannot feel, as some do, a per- 
sonal consolation for the manifest evils of 
this war in any remote or contingent advan- 
tages that may spring from it. I am old 
and weak, I can bear little, and can scarce 
hope to see better days ; nor is it any ade- 
quate compensation to know that Nature is 
young and strong and can bear much. Old 
men philosophize over the past, but the pre- 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 447 

sent is only a burthen and a weariness. The 
one lies before them like a placid evening 
landscape ; the other is full of the vexations 
and anxieties of housekeeping. It may be 
true enough that miscet hcec illis, prohibet- 
que Clotho fortunam stare, but he who said 
it was fain at last to call in Atropos with 
her shears before her time ; and I cannot 
help selfishly mourning that the fortune of 
our Republic could not at least stand till my 
days were numbered. 

Tibullus would find the origin of wars in 
the great exaggeration of riches, and does 
not stick to say that in the days of the 
beechen trencher there was peace. But 
averse as I am by nature from all wars, the 
more as they have been especially fatal to 
libraries, I would have this one go on till we 
are reduced to wooden platters again, rather 
than surrender the principle to defend which 
it was undertaken. Though I believe Slav- 
ery to have been the cause of it, by so thor- 
oughly demoralizing Northern politics for 
its own purposes as to give opportunity and 
hope to treason, yet I would not have our 
thought and purpose diverted from their 
true object, — the maintenance of the idea 
of Government. We are not merely sup- 



448 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

pressing an enormous riot, but contending 
for the possibility of permanent order co- 
existing with democratical fickleness ; and 
while 1 would not superstitiously venerate 
form to the sacrifice of substance, neither 
would I forget that an adherence to prece- 
dent and prescription can alone give that 
continuity and coherence under a democrat- 
ical constitution which are inherent in the 
person of a despotic monarch and the sel- 
fishness of an aristocratical class. Stet pro 
ratione voluntas is as dangerous in a major- 
ity as in a tyrant. 

I cannot allow the present production of 
my young friend to go out without a protest 
from me against a certain extremeness in his 
views, more pardonable in the poet than the 
philosopher. While I agree with him, that 
the only cure for rebellion is suppression by 
force, yet I must animadvert upon certain 
phrases where I seem to see a coincidence 
with a popular fallacy on the subject of com- 
promise. On the one hand there are those 
who do not see that the vital principle of 
Government and the seminal principle of 
Law cannot properly be made a subject of 
compromise at all, and on the other those 
who are equally blind to the truth that with- 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 449 

out a compromise of individual opinions, in- 
terests, and even rights, no society would be 
possible. In medio tutissimus. For my 
own part, I would gladly 



Ef I a song or two could make, 

Like rockets druv by their own burnin', 
All leap an' light, to leave a wake 

Men's hearts an' faces skyward turnm' ! — 
But, it strikes me, 't ain't jest the time 

Fer stringin' words with settisf action : 
Wut 's wanted now 's the silent rhyme 

'Twixt upright Will an' downright Action. 
§ 
Words, ef you keep 'em, pay their keep, 

But gabble 's the short cut to ruin ; 
It 's gratis, (gals half-price,) but cheap 

At no rate, ef it henders doin'; 
Ther' 's nothin' wuss, 'less 't is to set 

A martyr-prem'um upon jawrin' : 
Teapots git dangerous, ef you shet 

Their lids down on 'em with Fort Warren. 

'Bout long enough it 's ben discussed 

Who sot the magazine afire, 
An' whether, ef Bob Wickliffe bust, 

'T would scare us more or blow us higher. 



450 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 

D' ye s'pose the Gret Foreseer's plan 
Wuz settled fer him in town-meetin' ? 

Or thet ther' 'd ben no Fall o' Man, 
Ef Adam 'd on'y bit a sweetin' ? 

Oh, Jon 'than, ef you want to be 

A rugged chap agin an' hearty, 
Go fer wutever 11 hurt Jeff D., 

Nut wut '11 boost up ary party. 
Here 's hell broke loose, an' we lay flat 

With half the univarse a-singein', 
Till Sen'tor This an' Gov'nor Thet 

Stop squabblin' fer the garding-ingin. 

It 's war we 're in, not politics ; 

It 's systems wrastlin' now, not parties | 
An' victory in the eend '11 fix 

Where longest will an' truest heart is. 
An' wut 's the Guv'ment folks about ? 

Tryin' to hope ther 5 's nothin' doin', 
An' look ez though they did n't doubt 

Sunthin' pertiekler wuz a-brewin'. 

Ther' 's critters yit thet talk an' act 

Fer wut they call Conciliation ; 
They 'd hand a buff'lo-drove a tract 

When they wuz madder than all Bashan. 
Conciliate ? it jest means be kicked, 

No metter how they phrase an' tone it ; 
It means thet we 're to set down licked, 

Thet we 're poor shotes an' glad to own it! 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 451 

A war on tick 's ez dear 'z the deuce, 

But it wun't leave no lastin' traces, 
Ez 't would to make a sneakin' truce 

Without no moral specie-basis : 
Ef greenbacks ain't nut jest the cheese, 

I guess ther' 's evils thet 's extremer, — 
Fer instance, — shinplaster idees 

Like them put out by Gov'nor Seymour. 

Last year, the Nation, at a word, 

When tremblin' Freedom cried to shield her, 
Flamed weldin' into one keen sword 

Waitin' an' longin' fer a wielder : 
A splendid flash ! — but how 'd the grasp 

With sech a chance ez thet wuz tally ? 
Ther' warn't no meanin' in our clasp, — - 

Half this, half thet, all shilly-shally. 

More men ? More Man ! It 's there we fail ; 

Weak plans grow weaker yit by lengthenin' : 
Wut use in addin' to the tail, 

When it 's the head 's in need o' strengthenin' ? 
We wanted one thet felt all Chief 

From roots o' hair to sole o' stockin', 
Square-sot with thousan'-ton belief 

In him an' us, ef earth went rockin' ! 

Ole Hick'ry would n't ha' stood see-saw 

'Bout doin' things till they wuz done with, — 

He 'd smashed the tables o' the Law 
In time o' need to load his gun with ; 



452 THE BIGLOYV PAPERS. 

He could n't see but jest one side, — 

Ef his, 't wuz God's, an' thet wuz plenty ; 

An' so his " Forrards ! " multiplied 
An army's fightin' weight by twenty. 

But this 'ere histin', creak, creak, creak, 

Your cappen's heart up with a derrick, 
This tryin' to coax a lightnin'-streak 

Out of a half-discouraged hay-rick, 
This hangin' on mont' arter mont' 

Fer one sharp purpose 'mongst the twitter, — 
I tell ye, it doos kind o' stunt 

The peth and sperit of a critter. 

In six months where '11 the People be, 

Ef leaders look on revolution 
Ez though it wuz a cup o' tea, — 

Jest social el'ments in solution ? 
This weighin' things doos wal enough 

When war cools down, an' comes to writin , ; 
But while it 's makin', the true stuff 

Is pison-mad, pig-headed fightin'. 

Democ'acy gives every man 

A right to be his own oppressor ; 
But a loose Gov'ment ain't the plan, 

Helpless ez spilled beans on a dresser : 
I tell ye one thing we might larn 

From them smart critters, the Sececlers, — 
Ef bein' right 's the fust consarn, 

The 'fore-the-fust 's cast-iron leaders. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 453 

But 'pears to me I see some signs 

Thet we 're a-goin' to use our senses : 
Jeff druv us into these hard lines, 

An' ough' to bear his half th' expenses ; 
Slavery 's Secession's heart an' will, 

South, North, East, West, where'er you find 
it, 
An' ef it drors into War's mill, 

D' ye say them thunder-stones sha' n't grind it ? 

D' ye s'pose, ef Jeff giv him a lick, 

Ole Hick'ry 'd tried his head to sof'n 
So 's 't would n't hurt thet ebony stick 

Thet 's made our side see stars so of 'n ? 
" No ! " he 'd ha' thundered, " on your knees, 

An' own one flag, one road to glory ! 
Soft-heartedness, in times like these, 

Shows sof'ness in the upper story ! " 

An' why should we kick up a muss 

About the Pres'dunt's proclamation ? 
It ain't a-goin' to lib'rate us, 

Ef we don't like emancipation : 
The right to be a cussed fool 

Is safe from all devices human, 
It 's common (ez a gin'l rule) 

To every critter born o' woman. 

So we 're all right, an' I, fer one, 

Don't think our cause '11 lose in vally 



454 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

By rammin' Scriptur' in our gun, 

An' gittin' Natur' fer an ally : 
Thank God, say I, fer even a plan 

To lift one human bein's level, 
Give one more chance to make a man, 

Or, anyhow, to spile a devil ! 

Not thet I 'm one thet much expec' 

Millennium by express to-morrer ; 
They ivill miscarry, — I rec'lee 

Tu many on 'em, to my sorrer : 
Men ain't made angels in a day, 

No matter how you mould an' labor 'em, ■ 
Nor 'riginal ones, I guess, don't stay 

"With Abe so of 'n ez with Abraham. 

The'ry thinks Fact a pooty thing, 

An' wants the banns read right ensuin' ; 
But Fact wun't noways wear the ring 

'Thout years o' settin' up an' wooin' : 
Though, arter all, Time's dial-plate 

Marks cent'ries with the minute-finger, 
An' Good can't never come tu late, 

Though it doos seem to try an' linger. 

An' come wut will, I think it 's grand 
Abe 's gut his will et last bloom-furnaced 

In trial-flames till it '11 stand 

The strain o' bein' in deadly earnest : 

Thet 's wut we want, — we want to know 
The folks on our side hez the bravery 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 455 

To b'lieve ez hard, come weal, come woe, 
In Freedom ez Jeff doos in Slavery. 

Set the two forces foot to foot, 

An' every man knows who '11 be winner, 
Whose faith in God hez ary root 

Thet goes down deeper than his dinner : 
Then 't will be felt from pole to pole, 

Without no need o' proclamation, 
Earth's Biggest Country 's gut her soul 

An' risen up Earth's Greatest Nation ! 



No. VIII. 
KETTELOPOTOMACHIA. 

PRELIMINARY NOTE. 

In the month of February, 1866, the ed- 
itors of the " Atlantic Monthly " received 
from the Rev. Mr. Hitchcock of Jaalam a 
letter enclosing" the macaronic verses which 
follow, and promising to send more, if more 
should be communicated. " They were 
rapped out on the evening of Thursday last 
past," he says, " by what claimed to be the 
spirit of my late predecessor in the ministry 
here, the Rev. Dr. Wilbur, through the me- 
dium of a young man at present domiciled 
in my family. As to the possibility of such 
spiritual manifestations, or whether they be 
properly so entitled, I express no opinion, as 
there is a division of sentiment on that sub- 
ject in the parish, and many persons of the 
highest respectability in social standing en- 
tertain opposing views. The young man who 
was improved as a medium submitted himself 
to the experiment with manifest reluctance, 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 457 

and is still unprepared to believe in the au- 
thenticity of the manifestations. During his 
residence with me his deportment has always 
been exemplary ; he has been constant in his 
attendance upon our family devotions and 
the public ministrations of the Word, and 
has more than once privately stated to me 
that the latter had often brought him under 
deep concern of mind. The table is an or- 
dinary quadrupedal one, weighing about 
thirty pounds, three feet seven inches and an 
half in height, four feet square on the top, 
and of beech or maple, I am not definitely 
prepared to say which. It had once belonged 
to my respected predecessor, and had been, 
so far as I can learn upon careful inquiry, of 
perfectly regular and correct habits up to 
the evening in question. On that occasion 
the young man previously alluded to had 
been sitting with his hands resting carelessly 
upon it, while I read over to him at his re- 
quest certain portions of my last Sabbath's 
discourse. On a sudden the rappings, as 
they are called, commenced to render them- 
selves audible, at first faintly, but in process 
of time more distinctly and with violent agi- 
tation of the table. The young man ex- 
pressed himself both surprised and pained 



458 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

by the wholly unexpected, and so far as he 
was concerned unprecedented occurrence. At 
the earnest solicitation, however, of several 
who happened to be present, he consented 
to go on with the experiment, and with the 
assistance of the alphabet commonly em- 
ployed in similar emergencies, the following 
communication was obtained and written 
down immediately by myself. Whether 
any, and if so, how much weight should be 
attached to it, I venture no decision. That 
Dr. Wilbur had sometimes employed his 
leisure in Latin versification I have ascer- 
tained to be the case, though all that has 
been discovered of that nature among his pa- 
pers consists of some fragmentary passages of 
a version into hexameters of portions of the 
Song of Solomon. These I had communi- 
cated about a week or ten days previous [ly] 
to the young gentleman who officiated as 
medium in the communication afterwards 
received. I have thus, I believe, stated all 
the material facts that have any elucidative 
bearing upon this mysterious occurrence." 

So far Mr. Hitchcock, who seems perfectly 
master of Webster's unabridged quarto, and 
whose flowing style leads him into certain 
further expatiations for which we have not 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 459 

room. We have since learned that the 
young man he speaks of was a sophomore, 
put under his care during a sentence of rus- 
tication from College, where he had 

distinguished himself rather by physical ex- 
periments on the comparative power of resis- 
tance in window-glass to various solid sub- 
stances than in the more regular studies of 
the place. In answer to a letter of inquiry, 
the professor of Latin says, " There was no 
harm in the boy that I know of beyond his 
loving mischief more than Latin, nor can I 
think of any spirits likely to possess him ex- 
cept those commonly called animal. He was 
certainly not remarkable for his Latinity, 
but I see nothing in verses you enclose that 
would lead me to think them beyond his ca- 
pacity, or the result of any special inspira- 
tion whether of beech or maple. Had that 
of birch been tried upon him earlier and 
more faithfully, the verses would perhaps 
have been better in quality and certainly in 
quantity." This exact and thorough scholar 
then goes on to point out many false quanti- 
ties and barbarisms. It is but fair to say, 
however, that the author, whoever he was, 
seems not to have been unaware of some of 
them himself, as is shown by a great many 



460 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

notes appended to the verses as we received 
them, and purporting to be by Scaliger, 
Bentley and others, — among them the Es- 
prit de Voltaire! These we have omitted 
as clearly meant to be humorous and alto- 
gether failing therein. 

Though entirely satisfied that the verses 
are altogether unworthy of Mr. Wilbur, 
who seems to have been a tolerable Latin 
scholar after the fashion of his day, yet we 
have determined to print them here partly 
as belonging to the res gestae of this collec- 
tion, and partly as a warning to their puta- 
tive author which may keep him from such 
indecorous pranks for the future. 



KETTELOPOTOMACHIA. 

P. Ovidii Nasonis carmen heroicum macaronicum perplex- 
ametrnm, inter Getas getico more compostum, denuo per me- 
dium ardentispiritualem, adjuvante mensa diabolice obsessa, 
recuperatum, curaque Jo. Conradi Schwarzii umbrae, aliis 
necnon plurimis adjuvantibus, restitutum. 

LIBER I. 

Punctorum garretos colens et cellara Quinque, 
Gutteribus quae et gaudes sundayam abstingere 
frontem. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 461 

Plerumque insidos solita fluitare liquore 
Tanglepedem quern homines appellant Di quoque 

rotgut, 
Pimpliidis, rubicundaque, Musa, O, bourbono- 

lensque, s 

Fenianas rixas procul, alma, brogipotentis 
Patricii cyathos iterantis et horrida bella, 
Backos dum virides viridis Brigitta remittit, 
Linquens, eximios celebrem, da, Virginienses 
Rowdes, prsecipue et Te, heros alte, Polarde ! 10 
Insignes juvenesque, illo certamine lictos, 
Colemane, Tylere, nee vos oblivione relinquam. 

Ampla aquilse invictse fausto est sub tegmine 

terra, 
Backyfer, ooiskeo pollens, ebenoque bipede, 
Socors praesidum et altrix (denique quidrumi- 
nantium), 15 

Duplefveorum uberrima ; illis et integre cordi est 
Deplere assidue et sine proprio incommodo fis- 

cum ; 
Nunc etiam placidum hoc opus invictique secuti, 
Goosam aureos ni eggos voluissent immo necare 
Qua3 peperit, saltern ac de illis meliora meren- 
tem. 20 

Condidit hanc Smithius Dux, Captinus inclytus 
ille 
Regis Ulyssa3 instar, docti arcum intendere Ion- 
gum; 
Condidit ille Johnsmith, Virginiamque vocavit, 



462 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Settledit autem Jacobus rex, nomine primus, 
Rascalis implens ruptis, blagardisque deboshtis, 25 
Militibusque ex Falstaffi legione fugatis 
Wenchisque illi quas poterant seducere nuptas ; 
Virgineum, ah, littus matronis talibus impar ! 
Progeniem stirpe ex hoc non sine stigmate ducunt 
Multi sese qui jactant regum esse nepotes : 30 

Haud omnes, Mater, genitos quae nuper habebas 
Bello fortes, consilio cautos, virtute decoros, 
Jamque et habes, sparso si patrio in sanguine vir- 
tus, 
Mostrabisque iterum, antiquis sub astris reducta ! 
De illis qui upkikitant, dicebam, rumpora tanta, 35 
Letcheris et Floydis magnisque Extra ordine Bil- 

lis ; 
Est his prisca fides jurare et break ere wordum ; 
Poppere f ellerum a tergo, aut stickere clam bowi- 

knifo, 
Haud sane facinus, dignum sed victrice lauro ; 
Larrupere et nigerum, factum praestantius ullo : 40 
Ast chlamydem piciplumatam, Icariam, flito et 

ineptam, 
Yanko gratis induere, ilium et valido railo 
Insuper acri equitare docere est hospitio uti. 

Nescio an ille Polardus duplefveoribus ortus, 
Sed reputo potius de radice poorwitemanorum ; « 
Fortuiti proles, ni fallor, Tylerus erat 
Prsesidis, omnibus ab Whiggis nominatus a poor 

cuss ; 
Et nobilem tertium evincit venerabile nomen. 



THE BIGLO IV PAPERS. 463 

Ast animosi omnes bellique ad tympana ha ! ha ! 
Vociferant laeti, procul et si proelia, sive so 

Hostem incautum atsito possint shootere salvi ; 
Imperiique capaces, esset si stylus agmen, 
Pro clulci spoliabant et sine dangere fito. 
Prae ceterisque Polardus : si Secessia licta, 
Se nunqaam licturum jurat, res et unheardof, as 
Verbo haesit, similisque audaci roosteri invicto, 
Dunghilli solitus rex pullos whoppere molles, 
Grantum, hirelingos stripes quique et splendida 

tollunt 
Sidera, et Yankos, territum et omnem sarsuit or- 

bem. 
Usque dabant operam isti omnes, noctesque, 

diesque, eo 

Samuelem demulgere avunculum, id vero siccum ; 
Uberibus sed ejus, et horum est culpa, remotis, 
Parvam domi vaccam, nee mora minima, quae- 

runt, 
Lacticarentem autem et droppam vix in die dan- 

tem ; 
Reddite avunculi, et exclamabant, reddite pap- 

pam ! 65 

Polko ut consule, gemens, Billy immurmurat Ex- 
tra ; 
Echo respond", thesauro ex vacuo, pappam ! 
Frustra explorant pocketa, ruber nare repertum ; 
Officia expulsi aspiciunt rapta, et Paradisum 
Occlusum, viridesque haud illis nascere backos ; 70 
Stupent tunc oculis madidis spittantque silenter. 



464 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Adhibere usu ast longo vires prorsus inepti, 
Si non ut qui grindeat axve trabemve revolvat, 
Virginiam excruciant totis nunc mightibu' ma- 

trem ; 
Non melius, puta, nono panis dimidiumne est ? 75 
Readere ibi non posse est casus commoner ullo ; 
Tanto intentius imprimere est opus ergo statuta ; 
Nemo propterea pejor, melior, sine doubto, 
Obtineat qui contractum, si et postea rhino ; 
Ergo Polardus, si quis, inexsuperabilis heros, so 
Colemanus impavidus nondum, atque in purpure 

natus 
Tylerus Iohanides celerisque in flito Nathaniel, 
Quisque optans digitos in tantum stickere pium, 
Adstant accincti imprimere aut perrumpere leges : 
Quales os miserum rabidi tres segre molossi, 85 
Quales aut dubium textum atra in veste ministri, 
Tales circumstabant nunc nostri inopes hoc job. 

Hisque Polardus voce canoro talia fatus : 
Primum autem, veluti est mos, praeceps quisque 

liquorat, 
Quisque et Nicotianum ingens quid inserit atrum, 
Heroum nitidum decus et solamen avitum, 91 

Masticat ac simul altisonans, spittatque profuse : 
Quis de Virginia meruit praestantius unquam ? 
Quis se pro patria curavit impigre^^tum ? 
Speechisque articulisque hominum quis fortior 

ullus, 9f 

Ingeminans pennas lickos et vulnera vocis ? 
Quisnam putidius (hie) sarsuit Yankinimicos, 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 465 

Saepius aut dedit ultro datam et broke his paro- 
lam? 

Mente inquassatus solidaque, tyranno minante, 

Horrisonis (hie) bombis moenia et alta qua- 
tente, 100 

Sese promptum (hie) jactans Yankos lickere cen- 
tum, 

Atque ad lastum invictus non surrendidit un- 
quam ? 

Ergo haud meddlite, posco, mique relinquite (hie) 
hoc job, 

Si non — knifumque enormem mostrat spittatque 
tremendus* 
Dixerat : ast alii reliquorant et sine pauso 105 

Pluggos incumbunt maxillis, uterque vicissim 

Certamine innocuo valde madidam inquinat as- 
sem: 

Tylerus autem, dumque liquorat aridus hostis, 

Mirum aspicit duplumque bibentem, astante 
Lyaeo ; 

Ardens impavidusque edidit tamen impia ver- 
ba ; no 

Dupium quamvis te aspicio, esses atque viginti, 

Mendacem dicerem totumque (hie) thrasherem 
acervum ; 

Nempe et thrasham, doggonatus (hie) sim nisi 
faxem ; 

Lambastabo omnes catawompositer-(hic)-que cha- 
wam! 

Dixit et impulsus Ryeo ruitur bene titus, ns 



466 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Hli nam gravidum caput et laterem habet in 
hatto. 
Hunc inhiat titubansque Polardus, optat et il- 
ium 
Stickere inermem, protegit autem rite Lyseus, 
Et pronos geminos, oculis dubitantibus, heros 
Cernit et irritus hostes, dumque exeogitat utrum 
Primum inpitchere, corruit, inter utrosque re- 
cumbit, 121 

Magno asino similis nimio sub pondere quassus : 
Colemanus hos moestus, triste ruminansque sola- 
men, 
Inspicit hiccans, circumspittat Jerque cubantes ; 
Funereisque his ritibus humidis inde solutis, 125 
Sternitur, invalidusque illis superincidit inf ans ; 
Hos sepelit somnus et snorunt cornisonantes, 
Watchmanus inscios ast calybooso deinde reponit 



No. IX. 

[The Editors of the " Atlantic " have received so 
many letters of inquiry concerning the literary re- 
mains of the late Mr. Wilbur, mentioned by his col- 
league and successor, Rev. Jeduthun Hitchcock, in a 
communication from winch we made some extracts 
in our number for February, 1863, and have been so 
repeatedly urged to print some part of them for the 
gratification of the public, that they felt it their duty 
at least to make some effort to satisfy so urgent a de- 
mand. They have accordingly carefully examined 
the papers intrusted to them, but find most of the 
productions of Mr. Wilbur's pen so fragmentary, and 
even chaotic, written as they are on the backs of let- 
ters in an exceedingly cramped chirography, — here 
a memorandum for a sermon ; there an observation 
of the weather ; now the measurement of an extraor- 
dinary head of cabbage, and then of the cerebral 
capacity of some reverend brother deceased ; a calm 
inquiry into the state of modern literature, ending in 
a method of detecting if milk be impoverished with 
water, and the amount thereof ; one leaf beginning 
with a genealogy, to be interrupted half-way down 
with an entry that the brindle cow had calved, — that 
any attempts at selection seemed desperate. His 
only complete work, ' ' An Enquiry concerning the 
Tenth Horn of the Beast," even in the abstract of it 
given by Mr. Hitchcock, would, by a rough computa- 
tion of the printers, fill five entire numbers of our 



468 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

journal, and as he attempts, by a new application of 
decimal fractions, to identify it with the Emperor 
Julian, seems hardly of immediate concern to the 
general reader. Even the Table-Talk, though doubt- 
less originally highly interesting in the domestic cir- 
cle, is so largely made up of theological discussion 
and matters of local or preterite interest, that we 
have found it hard to extract anything that would at 
all satisfy expectation. But, in order to silence 
further inquiry, we subjoin a few passages as illus- 
trations of its general character.] 

I think I could go near to be a perfect 
Christian if I were always a visitor, as I 
have sometimes been, at the house of some 
hospitable friend. I can show a great deal 
of self-denial where the best of everything 
is urged upon me with kindly importunity. 
It is not so very hard to turn the other 
cheek for a kiss. And when I meditate 
upon the pains taken for our entertainment 
in this life, on the endless variety of seasons, 
of human character and fortune, on the cost- 
liness of the hangings and furniture of our 
dwelling here, I sometimes feel a singular joy 
in looking upon myself as God's guest, and 
cannot but believe that we should all be wiser 
and happier, because more grateful, if we 
were always mindful of our privilege in this 
regard. And should we not rate more cheaply 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 469 

any honor that men could pay us, if we re- 
membered that every day we sat at the table 
of the Great King ? Yet must we not forget 
that we are in strictest bonds His servants 
also ; for there is no impiety so abject as 
that which expects to be dead-headed (zit 
ita dicani) through life, and which, calling 
itself trust «n Providence, is in reality ask- 
ing Providence to trust us and taking up all 
our goods on false pretences. It is a wise 
rule to take the world as we find it, not al- 
ways to leave it so. 

It has often set me thinking when I find 
that I can always pick up plenty of empty 
nuts under my shagb ark-tree. The squirrels 
know them by their lightness, and I have sel- 
dom seen one with the marks of their teeth 
in it. What a school-house is the world, if 
our wits would only not play truant ! For 
I observe that men set most store by forms 
and symbols in proportion as they are mere 
shells. It is the outside they want and not 
the kernel. What stores of such do not 
many, who in material things are as shrewd 
as the squirrels, lay up for the spiritual win- 
ter-supply of themselves and their children ! 
I have seen churches that seemed to me 



470 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

garners of these withered nuts, for it is won- 
derful how prosaic is the apprehension of 
symbols by the minds of most men. It is 
not one sect nor another, but all, who, like 
the dog of the fable, have let drop the spir- 
itual substance of symbols for their material 
shadow. If one attribute miraculous virtues 
to mere holy water, that beautiful emblem 
of inward purification at the door of God's 
house, another cannot comprehend the sig- 
nificance of baptism without being ducked 
over head and ears in the liquid vehicle 
thereof. 

[Perhaps a word of historical comment may be 
permitted here. My late revered predecessor was, 
I would humbly affirm, as free from prejudice as 
falls to the lot of the most highly favored individuals 
of our species. To be sure, I have heard him say 
that " what were called strong prejudices were in 
fact only the repulsion of sensitive organizations from 
that moral and even physical effluvium through which 
some natures by providential appointment, like cer- 
tain unsavory quadrupeds, gave warning of their 
neighborhood. Better ten mistaken suspicions of 
this kind than one close encounter." This he said 
somewhat in heat, on being questioned as to his mo- 
tives for always refusing his pulpit to those itinerant 
professors of vicarious benevolence who end their 
discourses by taking up a collection. But at another 
time I remember his saying " that there was one 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. ill 

large thing which small minds always found room 
for, and that was great prejudices." This, however, 
by the way. The statement which I purposed to 
make was simply this. Down to a. d. 1830, Jaalam 
had consisted of a single parish, with one house set 
apart for religious services. In that year the foun- 
dations of a Baptist Society were laid by the labors 
of Elder Joash Q. Balcom, 2d. As the members of 
the new body were drawn from the First Parish, Mr. 
Wilbur was for a time considerably exercised in 
mind. He even went so far as on one occasion to 
follow the reprehensible practice of the earlier Puri- 
tan divines in choosing a punning text, and preached 
from Hebrews xiii. 9 : "Be not carried about with 
divers and strange doctrines." He afterwards, in 
accordance with one of his own maxims, — " to get a 
dead injury out of the mind as soon as is decent, 
bury it, and then ventilate," — in accordance with 
this maxim, I say, he lived on very friendly terms 
with Rev. Shearjashub Scrimgour, present pastor of 
the Baptist Society in Jaalam. Yet I think it was 
never unpleasing to him that the church edifice of 
that society (though otherwise a creditable specimen 
of architecture) remained without a bell, as indeed it 
does to this day. So much seemed necessary to do 
away with any appearance of acerbity toward a re- 
spectable community of professing Christians, which 
might be suspected in the conclusion of the above 
paragraph. J. H.] 

In lighter moods he was not averse from 
an innocent play upon words. Looking up 
from his newspaper one morning as I en- 



472 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

tered his study he said, " When I read a de- 
bate in Congress, I feel as if I were sitting 
at the feet of Zeno in the shadow of the 
Portico." On my expressing a natural sur- 
prise, he added, smiling, " Why, at such 
times the only view which honorable mem- 
bers give me of what goes on in the world 
is through their intercalumniations." I 
smiled at this after a moment's reflection, 
and he added gravely, " The most punctil- 
ious refinement of manners is the only salt 
that will keep a democracy from stinking ; 
and what are we to expect from the people, 
if their representatives set them such les- 
sons ? Mr. Everett's whole life has been a 
sermon from this text. There was, at least, 
this advantage in duelling, that it set a cer- 
tain limit on the tongue. When Society 
laid by the rapier, it buckled on the more 
subtle blade of etiquette, wherewith to keep 
obtrusive vulgarity at bay." In this connec- 
tion, I may be permitted to recall a playful 
remark of his upon another occasion. The 
painful divisions in the First Parish, A. D. 
1844, occasioned by the wild notions in re- 
spect to the rights of (what Mr. Wilbur, so 
far as concerned the reasoning faculty, al- 
ways called) the unfairer part of creation, 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 473 

put forth by Miss Parthenia Almira Fitz, 
are too well known to need more than a 
passing allusion. It was during these heats, 
long since happily allayed, that Mr. Wilbur 
remarked that " the Church had more trou- 
ble in dealing with one sAeresiarch than with 
twenty Aeresiarchs," and that the men's con- 
scia recti, or certainty of being right, was 
nothing to the women's. 

When I once asked his opinion of a poeti- 
cal composition on which I had expended no 
little pains, he read it attentively, and then 
remarked, " Unless one's thought pack more 
neatly in verse than in prose, it is wiser to 
refrain. Commonplace gains nothing by be- 
ing translated into rhyme, for it is something 
which no hocus-pocus can transubstantiate 
with the real presence of living thought. 
You entitle your piece, 'My Mother's 
Grave,' and expend four pages of useful 
paper in detailing your emotions there. But, 
my dear sir, watering does not improve the 
quality of ink, even though you should do 
it with tears. To publish a sorrow to Tom, 
Dick, and Harry is in some sort to adver- 
tise its unreality, for I have observed in my 
intercourse with the afflicted that the deep- 



474 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

est grief instinctively hides its face with 
its hands and is silent. If your piece were 
printed, I have no doubt it would be popular, 
for people like to fancy that they feel much 
better than the trouble of feeling. I would 
put all poets on oath whether they have 
striven to say everything they possibly could 
think of, or to leave out all they could not 
help saying. In your own case, my wor- 
thy young friend, what you have written is 
merely a deliberate exercise, the gymnastic 
of sentiment. For your excellent maternal 
relative is still alive, and is to take tea with 
me this evening, D. V. Beware of simu- 
lated feeling ; it is hypocrisy's first cousin ; 
it is especially dangerous to a preacher ; for 
he who says one day, ' Go to, let me seem to 
be pathetic,' may be nearer than he thinks 
to saying, ' Go to, let me seem to be virtuous, 
or earnest, or under sorrow for sin.' Depend 
upon it, Sappho loved her verses more sin- 
cerely than she did Phaon, and Petrarch his 
sonnets better than Laura, who was indeed 
but his poetical stalking-horse. After you 
shall have once heard that muffled rattle of 
the clods on the coffin-lid of an irreparable 
loss, you will grow acquainted with a pathos 
that will make all elegies hateful. When I 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 475 

was of your age, I also for a time mistook 
my desire to write verses for an authentic 
call of my nature in that direction. But one 
day as I was going forth for a walk, with 
my head full of an ' Elegy on the death of 
Flirtilla,' and vainly groping after a rhyme 
for lily that should not be silly or chilly, I 
saw my eldest boy Homer busy over the rain- 
water hogshead, in that childish experiment 
at parthenogenesis, the changing a horsehair 
into a water-snake. An immersion of six 
weeks showed no change in the obstinate fil- 
ament. Here was a stroke of unintended 
sarcasm. Had I not been doing in my study 
precisely what my boy was doing out of 
doors ? Had my thoughts any more chance 
of coming to life by being submerged in 
rhyme than his hair by soaking in water ? 
I burned my elegy and took a course of Ed- 
wards on the Will. People do not make 
poetry ; it is made out of them by a process 
for which I do not find myself fitted. Never- 
theless, the writing of verses is a good rhetor- 
ical exercitation, as teaching us what to shun 
most carefully in prose. For prose bewitched 
is like window-glass with bubbles in it, dis- 
torting what it should show with pellucid 



476 THE B1GL0W PAPERS, 

It is unwise to insist on doctrinal points 
as vital to religion. The Bread of Life is 
wholesome and sufficing in itself, but gulped 
down with these kickshaws cooked up by 
theologians, it is apt to produce an indiges- 
tion, nay, even at last an incurable dyspepsia 
of skepticism. 

One of the most inexcusable weaknesses 
of Americans is in signing their names to 
what are called credentials. But for my in- 
terposition, a person who shall be nameless 
would have taken from this town a recom- 
mendation for an office of trust subscribed 
by the selectmen and all the voters of both 
parties, ascribing to him as many good qual- 
ities as if it had been his tombstone. The 
excuse was that it would be well for the town 
to be rid of him, as it would erelong be 
obliged to maintain him. I would not refuse 
my name to modest merit, but I would be as 
cautious as in signing a bond. [I trust I 
shall be subjected to no imputation of un- 
becoming vanity, if I mention the fact that 
Mr. W. indorsed my own qualifications as 
teacher of the high-school at Pequash Junc- 
tion. J. H.] When I see a certificate of 
character with everybody's name to it, I re- 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 477 

gard it as a letter of introduction from the 
Devil. Never give a man your name unless 
you are willing to trust him with your repu- 
tation. 

There seem nowadays to be two sources 
of literary inspiration, — fulness of mind 
and emptiness of pocket. 

I am often struck, especially in reading 
Montaigne, with the obviousness and famil- 
iarity of a great writer's thoughts, and the 
freshness they gain because said by him. 
The truth is, we mix their greatness with all 
they say and give it our best attention. Jo- 
hannes Faber sic cogitavit, would be no en- 
ticing preface to a book, but an accredited 
name gives credit like the signature to a 
note of hand. It is the advantage of fame 
that it is always privileged to take the world 
by the button, and a thing is weightier for 
Shakespeare's uttering it by the whole 
amount of his personality. 

It is singular how impatient men are with 
overpraise of others, how patient with over- 
praise of themselves ; and yet the one does 
them no injury, while the other may be their 
ruin. 



478 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

People are apt to confound mere alertness 
of mind with attention. The one is but the 
flying abroad of all the faculties to the open 
doors and windows at every passing rumor ; 
the other is the concentration of every one 
of them in a single focus, as in the alchemist 
over his alembic at the moment of expected 
projection. Attention is the stuff that mem- 
ory is made of, and memory is accumulated 
genius. 

Do not look for the Millennium as immi- 
nent. One generation is apt to get all the 
wear it can out of the cast clothes of the 
last, and is always sure to use up every pal- 
ing of the old fence that will hold a nail in 
building the new. 

You suspect a kind of vanity in my gene- 
alogical enthusiasm. Perhaps you are right ; 
but it is a universal foible. Where it does 
not show itself in a personal and private 
way, it becomes public and gregarious. 
We flatter ourselves in the Pilgrim Fathers, 
and the Virginian offshoot of a transported 
convict swells with the fancy of a cavalier 
ancestry. Pride of birth, I have noticed, 
takes two forms. One complacently traces 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 479 

himself up to a coronet ; another, defiantly, 
to a lapstone. The sentiment is precisely 
the same in both cases, only that one is 
the positive and the other the negative pole 
of it. 

Seeing a goat the other day kneeling in 
order to graze with less trouble, it seemed to 
me a type of the common notion of prayer. 
Most people are ready enough to go down 
on their knees for material blessings, but 
how few for those spiritual gifts which alone 
are an answer to our orisons, if we but 
knew it ! 

Some people, nowadays, seem to have hit 
upon a new moralization of the moth and 
the candle. They would lock up the light 
of Truth, lest poor Psyche should put it out 
in her effort to draw nigh to it. 



No. X. 

MR. HOSEA BIGLOW TO THE EDITOR 
OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 

Dear Sir, — Your letter come to han', 

Requestin' me to please be funny ; 
But I ain't made upon a plan 

Thet knows wut 's comin', gall or honey : 
Ther' 's times the world doos look so queer, 

Odd fancies come afore I call 'em ; 
An' then agin, for half a year, 

No preacher 'thout a call 's more solemn. 

You 're 'n want o' sunthin' light an' cute, 

Rattlin' an' shrewd an' kin' o' jingleish, 
An' wish, pervidin' it 'ould suit, 

I 'd take an' citify my English. 
I ken write long-tailed, ef I please, — 

But when I 'm jokin', no, I thankee ; 
Then, 'fore I know it, my idees 

Run helter-skelter into. Yankee. 

Sence I begun to scribble rhyme, 

I tell ye wut, I hain't ben foolin' ; 
The parson's books, life, death, an' time 

Hev took some trouble with my schoolin* ; 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 481 

Nor th' airth don't git put out with me, 
Thet love her 'z though she wuz a woman; 

Why, th' ain't a bird upon the tree 
But half forgives my bein' human. 

An' yit I love th' unhighschooled way 

OF farmers hed when I wuz younger ; 
Their talk wuz meatier, an' 'ould stay, 

While book-froth seems to whet your hunger ; 
For puttin' in a downright lick 

'twixt Humbug's eyes, ther' '« few can metch 
it, 
An' then it helves my thoughts ez slick 

Ez stret-grained hickory doos a hetchet. 

But when I can't, I can't, thet 's all, 

For Natur' won't put up with gullin' ; 
Idees you hev to shove an' haul 

Like a druv pig ain't wuth a mullein ; 
Live thoughts ain't sent for ; thru all rifts 

O' sense they pour an' resh ye onwards, 
Like rivers when south-lyin' drifts 

Feel thet th' old airth 's a-wheelin' sunwards- 
Time wuz, the rhymes come crowdin' thick 

Ez office-seekers arter 'lection, 
An' into ary place 'ould stick 

Without no bother nor objection ; 
But sence the war my thoughts hang back 

Ez though I wanted to enlist 'em, 



482 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

An' subs'tutes, — they don't never lack, 

But then they '11 slope afore you 've mist 'em. 

Nothin' don't seem like wut it wuz ; 

I can't see wut there is to hender, 
An' yit my brains jes' go buzz, buzz, 

Like bumblebees agin a winder ; 
'fore these times come, in all airth's row, 

Ther' wuz one quiet place, my head in, 
Where I could hide an' think, — but now 

It 's all one teeter, hopin', dreaclin'. 

Where 's Peace ? I start, some clear-blown 
night, 

When gaunt stone walls grow numb an' numb- 
er, 
An', ereakm' 'cross the snow-erus' white, 

Walk the col' starlight into summer ; 
Up grows the moon, an' swell by swell 

Thru the pale pasturs silvers dimmer 
Than the last smile thet strives to tell 

O' love gone heavenward in its shimmer. 

I hev ben gladder o' sech things 

Than cocks o' spring or bees o' clover, 
They filled my heart with livin' springs, 

But now they seem to freeze 'em over ; 
Sights innercent ez babes on knee, 

Peaceful ez eyes o' pastur'd cattle, 
Jes' coz they be so, seem to me 

To rile me more with thoughts o' battle, 



THE BJGLOW PAPERS. 483 

In-doors an' out by spells I try ; 

Ma'am Natur' keeps her spin-wheel goin', 
But leaves my natur' stiff and dry 

Ez fiel's o' clover arter mowin' ; 
An' her jes' keepin' on the same, 

Calmer 'n a clock, an' never carin', 
An' findin' nary thing to blame, 

Is wus than ef she took to swearin'. 

Snow-flakes come whisperin' on the pane 

The charm makes blazin' logs so pleasant, 
But I can't hark to wut they 're say'n', 

With Grant or Sherman oilers present ; 
The chimbleys shudder in the gale, 

Thet lulls, then suddin takes to flappin' 
Like a shot hawk, but all 's ez stale 

To me ez so much sperit-rappin'. 

Under the yaller-pines I house, 

When sunshine makes 'em all sweet-scented, 
An' hear among their furry boughs 

The baskin' west-wind purr contented, 
While 'way o'erhead, ez sweet an' low 

Ez distant bells thet ring for meetin', 
The wedged wil' geese their bugles blow, 

Further an' further South retreatin*. 

Or up the slippery knob I strain 
An' see a hunderd hills like islan's 

Lift their blue woods in broken chain 
Out o' the sea o' snowy silence ; 



484 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

The farm-smokes, sweetes' sight on airth, 
Slow thru the winter air a-shrinkin' 

Seem kin' o' sad, an' roun' the hearth 
Of empty places set me thinkin'. 

Beaver roars hoarse with meltin' snows, 

An' rattles di'mon's from his granite ; 
Time wuz, he snatched away my prose, 

An' into psalms or satires ran it ; 
But he, nor all the rest thet once 

Started my blood to country-dances, 
Can't set me goin' more 'n a dunce 

Thet hain't no use for dreams an' fancies. 

Rat-tat-tat-tattle thru the street 

I hear the drummers makin' riot, 
An' I set thinkin' o' the feet 

Thet follered once an' now are quiet, — 
White feet ez snowdrops innercent, 

Thet never knowed the paths o' Satan, 
Whose comin' step ther' 's ears thet won't, 

No, not lifelong, leave off awaitin'. 

Why, hain't I held 'em on my knee ? 

Did n't I love to see 'em growin', 
Three likely lads ez wal could be, 

Hahnsome an' brave an' not tu knowin' ? 
I set an' look into the blaze 

Whose natur', jes' like theirn, keeps climbin', 
Ez long 'z it lives, in shinin' ways, 

An' half despise myself for rhymin'. 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 485 

Wut 's words to them whose faith an' truth 

On War's red techstone rang true metal, 
Who ventered life an' love an' youth 

For the gret prize o' death in battle ? 
To him who, deadly hurt, agen 

Flashed on afore the charge's thunder, 
Tippin' with fire the bolt of men 

Thet rived the Rebel line asunder ? 

*T ain't right to hev the young go fust, 

All throbbin' full o' gifts an' graces, 
Leavin' life's paupers dry ez dust 

To try an' make b'lieve fill their places : 
Nothin' but tells us wut we miss, 

Ther' 's gaps our lives can't never fay in, 
An' thet world seems so fur from this 

Lef ' for us loafers to grow gray in ! 

My eyes cloud up for rain ; my mouth 

Will take to twitchin' roun' the corners ; 
I pity mothers, tu, down South, 

For all they sot among the scorners : 
I 'd sooner take my chance to stan' 

At Jedgment where your meanest slave is, 
Than at God's bar hoi' up a han' 

Ez drippin' red ez yourn, Jeff Davis ! 

Come, Peace ! not like a mourner bowed 
For honor lost an' dear ones wasted, 

But proud, to meet a people proud, 
With eyes thet tell o' triumph tasted ! 



48G THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Come, with han' grippin' on the hilt, 

An' step thet proves ye Victory's daughter ! 

Longin' for you, our sperits wilt 

Like shipwrecked men's on raf's for water. 

Come, while our country feels the lift 

Of a gret instinct shoutin' " Forwards ! " 
An' knows thet freedom ain't a gift 

Thet tarries long in han's o' cowards ! 
Come, sech ez mothers prayed for, when 

They kissed their cross with lips thet quivered, 
An* bring fair wages for brave men, 

A nation saved, a race delivered ! 



No. XI. 

MR. HOSEA BIGLOWS SPEECH IN 
MARCH MEETING. 

TO THE EDITOR OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY. 
Jaalam, April 5, 1866. 

My dear Sir, — 

(an' noticin' by your kiver thet you 're 
some dearer than wut you wuz, I enclose the 
deffrence) I dunno ez I know jest how to 
interdooce this las' perduction of my mews, 
ez Parson Wilbur alius called 'em, which is 
goin' to be the last an' stay the last onless 
sunthin' pertikler sh'd interfear which I 
don't expec' ner I wun't yield tu ef it wuz 
ez pressin' ez a deppity Shiriff. Sence Mr. 
Wilbur's disease I hev n't hed no one thet 
could dror out my talons. He ust to kind o' 
wine me up an' set the penderlum agoin, an' 
then somehow I seemed to go on tick as it 
wear tell I run down, but the noo minister 
ain't of the same brewin' nor I can't seem to 
git ahold of no kine of huming nater in him 
but sort of slide rite off as you du on the 



488 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

eedge of a mow. Minnysteeril natur is wal 
enough an' a site better 'n most other kines 
I know on, but the other sort sech as Wel- 
bor hed wuz of the Lord's makin' an' nateral- 
ly more wonderfle an' sweet tastin' leastways 
to me so fur as heerd from. He used to 
interdooce 'em smooth ez ile athout sayin' 
nothin' in pertickler an' I misdoubt he did n't 
set so much by the sec'nd Ceres as wut he 
done by the Fust, fact, he let on onct thet 
his mine misgive him of a sort of fallin' off 
in spots. He wuz as outspoken as a nor- 
wester he wuz, but I tole him I hoped the 
fall wuz from so high up thet a feller could 
ketch a good many times fust afore comin' 
bunt onto the ground as I see Jethro C. 
Swett from the meetin' house steeple up to 
th' old perrish, an' took up for dead but 
he 's alive now an' spry as wut you be. 
Turnin' of it over I recclected how they ust 
to put wut they called Argymnnce onto the 
frunts of poymns, like poorches afore housen 
whare you could rest ye a spell whilst you 
wuz concludin' whether you 'd go in or nut 
espeshully ware tha wuz darters, though I 
most alius found it the best plen to go in 
fust an' think afterwards an' the gals likes 
it best tu. I dno as speechis ever hez any 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 



489 



argimimts to 'era, I never see none thet hed 
an' I guess they never du but tha must alius 
be a B'ginnin' to everythin' athout it is 
Etarnity so I '11 begin rite away an' any- 
body may put it afore any of his speeches ef 
it soots an' welcome. I don't claim no pay- 
tent. 

THE AKGYMUNT. 

Interducshin w'ich may be skipt. Begins 
by talkin' about himself : thet 's jest natur 
an' most gin'ally alius pleasin', I b'leeve I 've 
notist, to one of the cumpany, an' thet 's 
more than wut you can say of most speshes 
of talkin', Nex' comes the gittin' the good- 
will of the orjunce by lettin' 'em gether 
from wut you kind of ex'dentally let drop 
thet they air about East, A one, an' no 
mistaik, skare 'em up an' take 'em as they 
rise. Spring interdooced with a new appro- 
put flours. Speach finally begins witch no- 
buddy need n't feel obolygated to read as I 
never read 'em an' never shell this one ag'in. 
Subjick staited ; expanded ; delayted ; ex- 
tended. Pump lively. Subjick staited ag'in 
so 's to avide all mistaiks. Ginnle remarks ; 
continooed ; kerried on ; pushed f urder ; 
kind o' gin out. Subjick restaited ; dieloo= 
ted; stirred up permiscoous. Pump ag'in. 



490 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Gits back to where he sot out. Can't seem 
to stay thair. Ketches into Mr. Seaward's 
hair. Breaks loose ag'in an' staits his sub- 
jick ; stretches it ; turns it ; folds it ; on- 
folds it ; folds it ag'in so 's 't no one can't 
find it. Argoos with an imedginary bean 
thet ain't aloud to say nothin' in repleye. 
Gives him a real good dressin' an' is settys- 
fide he 's rite. Gits into Johnson's hair. No 
use tryin' to git into his head. Gives it up. 
Hez to stait his subjick ag'in ; does it back- 
'ards, sideways, eendways, criss-cross, bevel- 
lin', noways. Gits finally red on it. Con- 
cloods. Concloods more. Reads some xtrax. 
Sees Ms subjick a-nosin' round arter him 
ag'in. Tries to avide it. Wun't du. Mis- 
states it. Can't conjectur' no other plawsa- 
ble way of staytin' on it. Tries pump. No 
fx. Finely concloods to conclood. Yeels the 
flore. 

You kin spall an' punctooate thet as you 
please. I alius do, it kind of puts a noo 
soot of close onto a word, thisere funattick 
speilin' doos an' takes 'em out of the prissen 
dress they wair in the Dixonary. Ef I 
squeeze the cents out of 'em it 's the main 
thing, an' wut they wuz made for; wut 's 
left 's jest pummis. 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 491 

Mistnr Wilbur sez he to me onct, sez he, 
" Hosee," sez he, " in littery toor the only 
good thing is Natur. It 's amazin' liard to 
corne at," sez he, " but onct git it an' you 've 
gut everythin'. Wut 's the sweetest small 
on airth?" sez he. " Noomone hay," sez I, 
pooty bresk, for he wuz alius hankerin' round 
in hayin'. " Nawthin' of the kine," sez he, 
" My leetle Huldy's breath," sez I ag'in. 
" You 're a good lad," sez he, his eyes sort 
of ripplin' like, for he lost a babe onct nigh 
about her age, — " You 're a good lad ; but 
't ain't thet nuther," sez he. " Ef you want 
to know," sez he, " open your winder of a 
mornin' et ary season, and you '11 larn thet 
the best of perfooms is jest fresh &iv, fresh 
air" sez he, empirysizin', " athout no mixtur. 
Thet 's wut / call natur in writin', and it 
bathes my lungs and washes 'em sweet when- 
ever I git a whiff on 't," sez he. I offen 
think o' thet when I set down to write, but 
the winders air so ept to git stuck, an' break- 
in' a pane costs sunthin'. 

Yourn for the last time, 

Nut to be continooed, 

Hosea Biglow. 



492 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 



I dox't much s'pose, hows'ever I should plen it, 

I could git boosted into th' House or Sennit, — 

Nnt while the twolegged gab-machine 's so plenty, 

'nablin' one man to du the talk o' twenty ; 

I 'm one o' them thet finds it ruther hard 

To mannyfaetur' wisdom by the yard, 

An' maysure off, accordin' to demand, 

The piece-goods el'kence that I keep on hand, 

The same ole pattern runnin' thru v an' thru, 

An' nothin' but the customer thet 's new. 

I sometimes think, the furder on I go, 

Thet it gits harder to feel sure I know, 

An' when I 've settled my idees, I find 

't war n't I sheered most in makin' up my mind ; 

't wuz this an' thet an' t' other thing thet done it, 

Sunthin' in th' air, I could n' seek nor shun it. 

Mos' folks go off so quick now in discussion, 

All th' ole flint locks seems altered to percussion, 

Whilst I in agin' sometimes git a hint 

Thet I 'm percussion changin' back to flint ; 

Wal, ef it 's so, I ain't agoin' to werrit, 

For th' ole Queen's-arm hez this pertickler 

merit, — 
It gives the mind a hahnsome wedth o' margin 
To kin' o make its will afore dischargin' : 
I can't make out but jest one ginnle rule, — 
No man need go an' make himself a fool, 
Nor jedgment ain't like mutton, thet can't bear 
Cookin' tu long, nor be took up tu rare. 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 493 

Ez I wuz say'n', I haint no chance to speak 

So 's 't all the country dreads me onct a week, 

But I 've consid'ble o' thet sort o' head 

Thet sets to home an' thinks wut might be said, 

The sense thet grows an' werrits underneath, 

Comin' belated like your wisdom-teeth, 

An' git so el'kent, sometimes, to my gardin 

Thet I don' vally public life a fardin'. 

Our Parson Wilbur (blessin's on his head !) 

'mongst other stories of ole times he hed, 

Talked of a feller thet rehearsed his spreads 

Beforehan' to his rows o' kebbige-heads, 

(Ef 't war n't Demossenes, I guess 't wuz Sisro,) 

Appealin' fust to thet an' then to this row, 

Accordin' ez he thought thet his idees 

Their diff'runt ev'riges o' brains 'ould please ; 

" An'," sez the Parson, " to hit right, you must 

Git used to maysurin' your hearers fust ; 

For, take my word for 't, when all 's come an* 



The kebbige-heads '11 cair the day et last ; 
Th' ain't ben a meetin' sence the worl' begun 
But they made (raw or biled ones) ten to one." 

I 've alius foun' 'em, I allow, sence then 
About ez good for talkin' to ez men ; 
They '11 take edvice, like other folks, to keep, 
(To use it 'ould be holdin' on 't tu cheap,) 
They listen wal, don' kick up when you scold 'em, 
An' ef they 've tongues, hev sense enough to hold 
'em ; 



494 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

Though th' ain't no denger we shall lose the 

breed, 
I gin'lly keep a score or so for seed, 
An' when my sappiness gits spry in spring, 
So 's 't my tongue itches to run on full swing, 
I fin' 'em ready-planted in March-meetin', 
Warm ez a lyceum-auclience in their greeting 
An' pleased to hear my spoutin' frum the 

fence, — 
Comin', ez 't doos, entirely free 'f expense. 
This year I made the follerin' observations 
Extrump'ry, like most other tri'ls o' patience, 
An', no reporters bein' sent express 
To work their abstrac's up into a mess 
Ez like th' oridg'nal ez a woodcut pictur' 
Thet chokes the life out like a boy-constrictor, 
I 've writ 'em out, an' so avide all jeal'sies 
'twixt nonsense o' my own an' some one's else's. 

(N. B. Reporters gin'lly git a hint 
To make dull orjunces seem 'live in print, 
An', ez I hev t' report myself, I vum, 
I '11 put th' applauses where they 'd ougJC to 
come !) 

My feller kebbige-heads, who look so green, 

I vow to gracious thet ef I could dreen 

The world of all its hearers but jest you, 

't would leave 'bout all tha' is wuth talkin' to, 

An' you, my ven'able ol' frien's, thet show 



THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 495 

Upon your crowns a sprinklin' o' March snow, 
Ez ef mild Time had christened every sense 
For wisdom's church o' second innocence, 
Nut Age's winter, no, no sech a thing, 
But jest a kin' o' slipppin'-back o' spring, — 

[Sev'ril noses blowed.] 

We 've gathered here, ez ushle, to decide 
Which is the Lord's an' which is Satan's side, 
Coz all the good or evil thet can heppen 
Is 'long o' which on 'em you choose for Cappen. 

[Cries o' " Thet 's so! "] 

Aprul 's come back ; the swellin' buds of oak 
Dim the fur hillsides with a purplish smoke ; 
The brooks are loose an', singing to be seen, 
(Like gals,) make all the hollers soft an' green ; 
The birds are here, for all the season 's late ; 
They take the sun's height an' don' never wait ; 
Soon 'z he officially declares it 's spring 
Their light hearts lift 'em on a north'ard wing, 
An' th' ain't an acre, fur ez you can hear, 
Can't by the music tell the time o' year ; 
But thet white dove Carliny scared away, 
Five year ago, jes' sech an Aprul day ; 
Peace, that we hoped 'ould come an' build last 

year 
An' coo by every housedoor, is n't here, — 
No, nor wun't never be, for all our jaw, 
Till we're ez brave in pol'tics ez in war ! 
O Lord, ef folks wuz made so 's 't they could see 



496 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

The begnet-pint there is to an idee ! [Sensation.] 
Ten times the danger in 'em th' is in steel ; 
They run your soul thru an' you never feel, 
But crawl about an' seem to think you 're livin', 
Poor shells o' men, nut wuth the Lord's forgiving 
Till you come bunt ag'in a real live feet, 
An' go to pieces when you 'd ough' to ect ! 
Thet kin' o' begnet 's wut we 're crossin' now, 
An' no man, fit to nevvigate a scow, 
'ould stan' expectin' help from Kingdom Come, 
While t' other side druv their cold iron home. 

My frien's, you never gethered from my mouth, 
No, nut one word ag'in the South ez South, 
Nor th' ain't a livin' man, white, brown, nor 

black, 
Gladder 'n wut I should be to take 'em back ; 
But all I ask of Uncle Sam is fust 
To write up on his door, " No goods on trust ; " 
[Cries of " Thet 's the ticket! "] 

Give us cash down in ekle laws for all, 

An' they '11 be snug inside afore nex' fall. 

Give wut they ask, an' we shell hev Jamaker, 

Wuth minus some consid'able an acre ; 

Give wut they need, an' we shell git 'fore long 

A nation all one piece, rich, peacefle, strong ; 

Make 'em Amerikin, an' they '11 begin 

To love their country ez they loved their sin ; 

Let 'em stay Southun, an' you 've kep' a sore 

Ready to fester ez it done afore. 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 497 

No mortle man can boast of perfic' vision, 
But the one moleblin' thing is Indecision, 
An' th' ain't no futur' for the man nor state 
Thet out of j-u-s-t can't spell great. 
Some folks 'oulcl call thet reddikle ; do you ? 
'T was commonsense afore the war wuz thru ; 
Thet loaded all our guns an' made 'em speak 
So 's 't Europe heared 'em clearn acrost the 

creek ; 
" They 're drivin' o' their spiles down now," sez 

she, 
" To the hard grennit o' God's fust idee ; 
Ef they reach thet, Democ'cy need n't fear 
The tallest airthquakes we can git up here." 
Some call 't insultin' to ask ary pledge, 
An' say 't will only set their teeth on edge, 
But folks you 've jest licked, fur 'z I ever see, 
Are 'bout ez mad 'z they wal know how to be ; 
It 's better than the Rebs themselves expected 
'fore they see Uncle Sam wilt down henpected ; 
Be kind 'z you please, but fustly make things 

fast, 
For plain Truth 's all the kindness thet '11 last ; 
Ef treason is a crime, ez some folks say, 
How could we punish it a milder way 
Than sayin' to 'em, " Brethren, lookee here, 
We '11 jes' divide things with ye, sheer an' sheer, 
An sence both come o' pooty strong-backed dad- 
dies, 
You take the Darkies, ez we 've took the Pad- 
dies ; 



498 THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 

Ign'ant an' poor we took 'em by the hand, 
An' they 're the bones an' sinners o' the land." 
I ain't o' them thet fancy there 's a loss on 
Every inves'ment thet don't start from Bos'on ; 
But I know this : our money 's safest trusted 
In sun thin', come wut will, thet can't be busted, 
An' thet 's the old Amerikin idee. 
To make a man a Man an' let him- be. 

[Gret applause.] 

Ez for their l'yalty, don't take a goad to 't, 
But I do' want to block their only road to 't 
By lettin' 'em believe thet they can git 
Mor 'n wut they lost, out of our little wit : 
I tell ye wut, I 'm 'fraid we '11 drif to leeward 
"Thout we can put more stiffenin' into Seward ; 
He seems to think Columby 'd better ect 
Like a scared widder with a boy stiff-necked 
Thet stomps an' swears he wun't come in to sup- 
per ; 
She mus' set up for him, ez weak ez Tupper, 
Keepin' the Constitootion on to warm, 
Tell he '11 eccept her 'pologies in form : 
The neighbors tell her he 's a cross-grained cuss 
Thet needs a hidin' 'fore he comes to wus ; 
" No," sez Ma Seward, " he 's ez good 'z the best, 
All he wants now is sugar-plums an' rest ; " 
" He sarsed my Pa," sez one ; " He stoned my 

son," 
Another edds. " Oh, wal, 't wuz jest his fun." 
" He tried to shoot our Uncle Samwell dead."' 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 499 

' 'T wuz only tryin' a noo gun he heel." 
" Wal, all we ask 's to hev it understood 
You '11 take his gun away from him for good ; 
We don't, wal, not exae'ly, like his play, 
Seein' he alius kin' o' shoots our way. 
You kill your fatted calves to no good eend, 
'thout his fust sayin', ' Mother, I hev sinned ! ' " 
[" Amen ! " from Deac'n Greenleaf.] 

The Pres'dunt he thinks thet the slickest plan 

'ould be t' allow thet he 's our on'y man, 

An' thet we fit thru all thet dreifle war 

Jes' for his private glory an' eclor ; 

" Nobody ain't a Union man," sez he, 

" 'thout he agrees thru thick an' thin, with me ; 

War n't Andrew Jackson's 'nitials jes' like mine ? 

An' ain't thet sunthin' like a right divine 

To cut up ez kentenkerous ez I please, 

An' treat your Congress like a nest o' fleas ? " 

Wal, I expec' the People would n' care, if 

The question now wuz techin' bank or tariff, 

But I conclude they 've 'bout made up their min' 

This ain't the fittest time to go it blin', 

Nor these ain't metters thet with pol'tics swings, 

But goes 'way down amongst the roots o' things ; 

Coz Sumner talked o' whitewashin' one day 

They wun't let four years' war be throwed away. 

" Let the South hev her rights ? " They say, 

" Thet 's you ! 
But nut o;reb hold of other folks's tu." 



500 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 

Who owns this country ? is it they or Andy ? 
Leastways it ough' to be the People and he ; 
Let him be senior pardner, ef he 's so, 
But let them kin' o' smuggle in ez Co ; [Laughter.] 
Did he diskiver it ? Consid'ble numbers 
Think thet the job wus taken by Columbus. 
Did he set tu an' make it wut it is ? 
Ef so, I guess the One-Man-power hez riz. 
Did he put thru the rebbles, clear the docket, 
An' pay th' expenses out of his own pocket ? 
Ef thet 's the case, then everythin' I exes 
Is t' hev him come an' pay my ennooal texes. 

[Profound sensation.] 
Was 't he thet shou'dered all them million guns ? 
Did he lose all the fathers, brothers, sons ? 
Is this ere pop'lar gov'ment thet we run 
A kin' o' sulky, made to kerry one ? 
An' is the country goin' to knuckle down 
To hev Smith sort their letters 'stid o' Brown ? 
Who wuz the 'Nited States 'fore Richmon' fell ? 
Wuz the South needfle their full name to spell ? 
An' can't we spell it in thet short-han' way 
Till th' underpinnin' 's settled so 's to stay ? 
Who cares for the Resolves of '61, 
Thet tried to coax an airthquake with a bun ? 
Hez act'ly nothin' taken place sence then 
To larn folks they must hendle fects like men ? 
Ain't this the true p'int ? Did the Rebs accep' 

'em? 
Ef nut, whose fault is 't thet we hev n't kep' 

'em ? 



THE BTGLOW PAPERS. 501 

War n't there two sides ? an' don't it stend to 

reason 
Thet this week's 'Nited States ain't las' week's 

treason ? 
When all these sums is done, with nothin' missed, 
An' nut afore, this school '11 be dismissed. 

I knowed ez wal ez though I 'd seen 't with eyes 

Thet when the war wuz over copper 'd rise, 

An' thet we 'd hev a rile-up in our kettle 

't would need Leviathan's whole skin to settle : 

I thought 'twould take about a generation 

'fore we could wal begin to be a nation, 

But I allow I never did imegine 

't would be our Pres'dunt thet 'ould drive a 

wedge in 
To keep the split from closin' ef it could, 
An' healin' over with new wholesome wood ; 
For th' ain't no chance o' healin' while they think 
Thet law an' guv'ment 's only printer's ink ; 
I mus' confess I thank him for discoverin' 
The curus way in which the States are sovereign ; 
They ain't nut quite enough so to rebel, 
But, when they fin' it 's costly to raise h — , 

[A groan from Deac'n G.] 
Why, then, for jes' the same superl'tive reason, 
They 're most too much so to be tetched for trea- 
son ; 
They can't go out, hut ef they somehow du, 
Their sovereignty don't noways go out tu ; 



502 THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 

The State goes out, the sovereignty don't stir, 

But stays to keep the door ajar for her. 

He thinks secession never took 'em out, 

An' mebby he 's correc', but I misdoubt ; 

Ef they war' n't out, then why, 'n the name o 1 

sin, 
Make all this row 'bout lettin' of 'em in ? 
In law, p'r'aps nut; but there 's a diffurence, 

ruther, 
Betwixt your mother-'n-law an' real mother, 

[Derisive cheers.] 
An' I, for one, shall wish they 'd all ben sorrC- 

eres, 
Long 'z U. S. Texes are sech reg'lar comers. 
But, oh my patience ! must we wriggle back 
Into th' ole crooked, pettyfoggin' track, 
When our artil'ry-wheels a road hev cut 
Stret to our purpose ef we keep the rut ? 
War 's jes' dead waste excep' to wipe the slate 
Clean for the cyph'rin' of some nobler fate. 

[Applause.] 

Ez for dependin' on their oaths an thet, 

't wun't bind 'em more 'n the ribbin roun' my 

het ; 
I heared a fable once from Othniel Starns, 
Thet pints it slick ez weathercocks do barns : 
Onct on a time the wolves hed certing rights 
Inside the fold ; they used to sleep there nights. 
An', bein' cousins o' the dogs, they took 



THE BIG LOW PAPERS. 503 

Their turns et watchin', reg'lar ez a book ; 
But somehow, when the clogs hed gut asleep, 
Their love o' mutton beat their love o' sheep, 
Till gradilly the shepherds come to see 
Things war' n't agoin' ez they 'd ough' to be ; 
So they sent off a deacon to remonstrate 
Along 'th the wolves an' urge 'em to go on 

straight ; 
They did n' seem to set much by the deacon, 
Nor preachin' did n' cow 'em, nut to speak on ; 
Fin'ly they swore thet they 'd go out an' stay, 
An' hev their fill o' mutton every day ; 
Then dogs an' shepherds, after much hard dam- 

min', [Groan from Deac'n G.] 

Turned tu an' give 'em a tormented lammin', 
An' sez, " Ye sha'n't go out, the murrain rot ye, 
To keep us wastin' half our time to watch ye ! " 
But then the question come, How live together 
'thout losin' sleep, nor nary yew nor wether ? 
Now there wuz some dogs (noways wuth their 

keep) 
Thet sheered their cousins' tastes an' sheered the 

sheep ; 
They sez, " Be gin'rous, let 'em swear right in, 
An', ef they backslide, let 'em swear ag'in ; 
Jes' let 'em put on sheep-skins whilst they 're 

swearin' ; 
To ask for more 'ould be beyond all bearin'." 
"Be gin'rous for yourselves, where you 're to 

pay, 



504 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

Thet 's the best prectice," sez a shepherd gray ; 
" Ez for their oaths they wun't be wuth a button, 
Long 'z you don't cure 'em o' their taste for mut- 
ton ; 
Th' ain't but one solid way, howe'er you puzzle : 
Tell they 're convarted, let 'em wear a muzzle." 
[Cries of " Bully for you ! "] 

I 've noticed thet each half-baked scheme's abet- 
ters 
Are in the hebbit o' producin' letters 
Writ by all sorts o' never-heared-on fellers, 
'bout ez oridge'nal ez the wind in bellers ; 
I 've noticed, tu, it 's the quack med'cines gits 
(An' needs) the grettest heaps o' stiffykits ; 

[Two pothekeries goes out.] 

Now, sence I lef ' off creepin' on all fours, 
I hain't ast no man to endorse my course ; 
It 's full ez cheap to be your own endorser, 
An' ef I 've made a cup, I '11 fin' the saucer ; 
But I 've some letters here from t' other side, 
An' them 's the sort thet helps me to decide ; 
Tell me for wut the copper-comp'nies hanker, 
An' I '11 tell you jest where it 's safe to anchor. 

[Faint hiss.] 

Fus'ly the Hon'ble B. O. Sawin writes 
Thet for a spell he could n' sleep o' nights, 
Puzzlin' which side wuz preudentest to pin to, 
Which wuz th' ole homestead, which the temp'ry 

leanto ; 
Et fust he jedged 't would right-side-up his pan 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 505 

To come out ez a 'ridge'nal Union man, 

" But now," he sez, " I ain't nut quite so fresh ; 

The winnin' horse is goin' to be Secesh ; 

You might, las' spring, hev eas'ly walked the 

course, 
'fore we contrived to doctor th' Union horse ; 
Now we 're the ones to walk aroun' the nex' 

track : 
Jest you take hoi' an' read the follerin' extrac', 
Out of a letter I received last week 
From an ole frien' thet never sprung a leak, 
A Nothun Dem'crat o' th' ole Jarsey blue, 
Born copper-sheathed an' copper-fastened tu." 

" These four years past it hez ben tough 
To say which side a feller went for ; 
Guideposts all gone, roads muddy 'n' rough. 
An' nothin' duin' wut 't wuz meant for ; 
Pickets a-firin' left an' right, 
Both sides a lettin' rip et sight, — 
Life war' n't wuth hardly payin' rent for. 

" Columby gut her back up so, 
It war' n't no use a-tryin' to stop her, — 
War's emptin's riled her very dough 
An' made it rise an' act improper ; 
'T wuz full ez much ez I could du 
To jes' lay low an' worry thru', 
'Thout hevin' to sell out my copper. 



506 THE B1GLOW PAPERS. 

" Afore the war your mod'rit men 
Could set an' sun 'em on the fences, 
Cyph'rin' the chances up, an' then 
Jump off which way bes' paid expenses ; 
Sence, 't wus so resky ary way, 
I did n't hardly darst to say 
I 'greed with Faley's Evidences. 

[Groan from Deac'n G.] 

" Ask Mac ef tryin' to set the fence 
War' n't like bein' rid upon a rail on 't, 
Headin' your party with a sense 
O' bein' tipjint in the tail on 't, 
An' tryin' to think thet, on the whole, 
You kin' o' quasi own your soul 
When Belmont's gut a bill o' sale on 't ? 

[Three cheers for Grant and Sherman.] 

" Come peace, I sposed thet folks 'ould like 
Their pol'tics done ag'in by proxy, 
Give their noo loves the bag an' strike 
A fresh trade with their reg'lar doxy ; 
But the drag 's broke, now slavery 's gone, 
An' there 's gret resk they '11 blunder on, 
Ef they ain't stopped, to real Democ'cy. 

" We 've gut an awful row to hoe 
In this 'ere job o' reconstructin' ; 
Folks dunno skurce which way to go, 
Where th' ain't some boghole to be ducked in ; 



I 



THE BIGLOW PAPERS. 507 

But one thing 's clear ; there is a crack, 
Ef we pry hard, 'twixt white an' black, 
Where the ole makebate can be tucked in. 

w No white man sets in airth's broad aisle 
Thet I ain't willin' 't own ez brother, 
An' ef he 's heppened to strike ile, 
I dunno, fin'ly, but I 'd ruther ; 
An' Paddies, long 'z they vote all right, 
Though they ain't jest a nat'ral white, 
I hold one on 'em good 'z another. [Applause.] 

" Wut is there lef I 'd like to know, 
Ef 't ain't the defference o' color, 
To keep up self-respec' an' show 
The human natur' of a f ullah ? 
"Wut good in bein' white, onless 
It 's fixed by law, nut lef to guess, 
We 're a heap smarter an' they duller ? 

M Ef we 're to hev our ekle rights, 
't wun't du to 'low no competition ; 
Th" ole debt doo us for bein' whites 
Ain't safe onless we stop th' emission 
O' these noo notes, whose specie base 
Is human natur', 'thout no trace 
O' shape, nor color, nor condition. 

[Continood applause.] 

" So fur I 'd writ an' could n' jedge 
Aboard wut boat I 'd best take pessige, 



508 THE B I GLOW PAPERS. 

My brains all mincemeat, 'thout no edge 

Upon 'em more than tu a sessige, 

But now it seems ez though I see 

Sunthin' resemblin' an idee, 

Sence Johnson's speech an' veto message. 

" I like the speech best, I confess, 

The logic, preudence, an' good taste on 't, 
An' it 's so mad, I ruther guess 
There 's some dependence to be placed on 't ; 

[Laughter.] 

It 's narrer, but 'twixt you an' me, 

Out o' the allies o' J. D. 

A temp'ry party can be based on 't. 

" Jes' to hold on till Johnson 's thru 
An' dug his Presidential grave is, 
An' then ! — who knows but we could slew 

The country roun' to put in ? 

Wun't some folks rare up when we pull 
Out o' their eyes our Union wool 
An' larn 'em wut a p'lit'cle shave is ! 

" Oh, did it seem 'z ef Providunce 
Could ever send a second Tyler ? 
To see the South all back to once, 
Reapin' the spiles o' the Freesiler, 
Is cute ez though an ingineer 
Should claim th' old iron for his sheer 
Coz 't was himself that bust the biler ! " 

[Gret laughter.] 



THE B1GL0W PAPERS. 509 

Thet tells the story ! Thet 's wut we shall git 

By try m squirtguns on the burnin' Pit ; 

For the day never comes when it '11 du 

To kick off Dooty like a worn-out shoe. 

I seem to hear a whisperin' in the air, 

A sighin' like, of unconsoled despair, 

Thet comes from nowhere an' from everywhere, 

An' seems to say, " Why died we ? war n't it, 

then, 
To settle, once for all, thet men wuz men ? 
Oh, airth's sweet cup snetched from us barely 

tasted, 
The grave's real chill is feelin' life wuz wasted ! 
Oh, you we lef, long-lingerin' et the door, 
Lovin' you best, coz we loved Her the more, 
Thet Death, not we, had conquered, we should 

feel 
Ef she upon our memory turned her heel, 
An' unregretful throwed us all away 
To flaunt it in a Blind Man's Holiday ! " 

My frien's I 've talked nigh on to long enough. 
I hain't no call to bore ye coz ye 're tough ; 
My lungs are sound, an' our own v'ice delights 
Our ears, but even kebbige-heads hez rights. 
It 's the las' time thet I shell e'er address ye, 
But you '11 soon fin' some new tormentor : bless 

ye! 
[Tumultous applause and cries of "Go on!" "Don't 
stop! "] 



NOTES. 1 

FIRST SERIES. 

This series of the Biglow Papers relates to the 
Mexican War. It expresses the sentiment of New 
England, and particularly of Massachusetts, on that 
conflict, which in its aim and conduct had little of 
honor for the American Republic. The war was 
begun and prosecuted in the interest of Southern 
slaveholders. It was essential to the vitality of 
slavery that fresh fields should constantly be opened 
to it. Agriculture was almost the sole industry in 
which slaves could be profitably employed. That 
their labor should be wasteful and careless to pre- 
serve the productive powers of the soil was inevita- 
ble. New land was ever in demand, and the history 
of slavery in the United States is one long series of 
struggles for more territory. It was with this end 
in view that a colony of roving, adventurous Ameri- 
cans, settled in the thinly populated and poorly gov- 
erned region now known as Texas, revolted from the 
Mexican government and secured admission to the 
Union, thus bringing on the war with Mexico. The 
Northern Whigs had protested against annexation, 
but after the war began, their resistance grew more 
and more feeble. In the vain effort to retain their 

1 I am indebted to Mr. Frank Beverly Williams for these illustra- 
tive notes. J. R. L. 



512 NOTES. 

large Southern constituent, they sacrificed justice to 
expediency and avoided an issue that would not be 
put down. The story of the Mexican War is the 
story of the gradual decline of the great Whig party, 
and of the growth of that organization, successively 
known as the Liberty, Free-Soil, and Republican 
party, whose policy was the exclusion of slavery from 
all new territory. One more victory was granted to 
the Whigs in 1848. After that their strength failed 
rapidly. Northern sentiment was being roused to a 
sense of righteous indignation by Southern aggres- 
sions and the fervid exhortations of Garrison and his 
co-workers in the anti-slavery cause. Few, however, 
followed Garrison into disloyalty to the Constitution. 
The greater number preferred to stay in the Union 
and use such lawful political means as were available 
for the restriction of slavery. Their wisdom was 
demonstrated by the election of Abraham Lincoln 
twelve years after the Mexican War closed. 

Page 62. "A cruetin Sarjunt" 
The act of May 13, 1846, authorized President 
Polk to employ the militia, and call out 50,000 vol- 
unteers, if necessary. He immediately called for the 
full number of volunteers, asking Massachusetts for 
777 men. On May 26 Governor Briggs issued a 
proclamation for the enrollment of the regiment. 
As the President's call was merely a request and not 
an order, many Whigs and the Abolitionists were 
for refusing it. The Liberator for June 5 severely 
censured the governor for complying, and accused 
him of not carrying out the resolutions of the last 
Whig Convention, which had pledged the party " to 



I 



NOTES. 513 

present as firm a front of opposition to the institu- 
tion as was consistent with their allegiance to. the 
Constitution." 

Page 68. " Massachusetts . . . she 's akneelin' ..." 
An allusion to the governor's call for troops (cf . 
note to p. 62) as well as to the vote on the War Bill. 
On May 11, 1846, the President sent to the House 
of Representatives his well-known message declaring 
the existence of war brought on " by the act of Mex- 
ico," and asking for a supply of $10,000,000. Of 
the seven members from Massachusetts, all Whigs, 
two, Robert C. Winthrop, of Boston, and Amos Ab- 
bott, of Andover, voted for the bill. The Whigs 
throughout the country, remembering the fate of the 
party which had opposed the last war with England, 
sanctioned the measure as necessary for the preser- 
vation of the army, then in peril by the unauthorized 
acts of the President. 

Page 69. "Ha'n't they sold . . . env'ys w'iz?" 
South Carolina, Louisiana, and several other 
Southern States at an early date passed acts to pre- 
vent free persons of color from entering their juris- 
dictions. These acts bore with particular severity 
upon colored seamen, who were imprisoned, fined, 
or whipped, and often sold into slavery. On the pe- 
tition of the Massachusetts Legislature, Governor 
Briggs, in 1844, appointed Mr. Samuel Hoar agent 
to Charleston, and Mr. George Hubbard to New Or- 
leans, to act on behalf of oppressed colored citizens 
of the Bay State. Mr. Hoar was expelled from 
South Carolina by order of the Legislature of that 



514 NOTES. 

State, and Mr. Hubbard was forced by threats of 
violence to leave Louisiana. The obnoxious acts re- 
mained in force until after the Civil War. 

Page 69. " Go to work an' part." 
Propositions to secede were not uncommon in New 
England at this time. The rights of the States had 
been strongly asserted on the acquisition of Louisiana 
in 1803, and on the admission of the State of that 
name in 1812. Among the resolutions of the Massa- 
chusetts Legislature adopted in 1845, relative to the 
proposed annexation of Texas, was one declaring that 
" such an act of admission would have no binding 
force whatever on the people of Massachusetts." 

John Quincy Adams, in a discourse before the New 
York Historical Society, in 1839, claimed a right for 
the States " to part in friendship with each other 
. . . when the fraternal spirit shall give way," etc. 
The Garrisonian wing of the Abolitionists notoriously 
advocated secession. There were several other in- 
stances of an expression of this sentiment, but for 
the most part they were not evoked by opposition to 
slavery- 
Page 75. " Hoorawin' in ole Funnel" 
The Massachusetts regiment, though called for 
May 13, 1846, was not mustered into the United 
States' service till late in January of the next year. 
The officers, elected January 5, 1847, were as fol- 
lows : Caleb Cushing, of Newburyport, Colonel ; 
Isaac H. Wright, of Roxbury, Lieutenant-Colonel ; 
Edward W. Abbott, of Andover, Major. Shortly 
before the troops embarked for the South, on the 



NOTES. 515 

evening of Saturday, January 23, 1847, a public 
meeting was held in Faneuil Hall, where an elegant 
sword was presented to Mr. Wright by John A. 
Bolles, on behalf of the subscribers. Mr. Bolles' 
speech on this occasion is the one referred to. 

Page 75. " Mister Bolles:' 
Mr. John Augustus Bolles was the author of a 
prize essay on a Congress of Nations, published by 
the American Peace Society, an essay on Usury and 
Usury Laws, and of various articles in the North 
American Review and other periodicals. He was also 
the first editor of the Boston Journal. In 1843 he 
was Secretary of State for Massachusetts. 

Page 76. Rantoul. 
Mr. Robert Rantoul (1805-1852), a prominent law- 
yer and a most accomplished gentleman, was at this 
time United States District Attorney for Massachu- 
setts. In 1851 he succeeded. Webster in the Senate, 
but remained there a short time only. He was a 
Representative in Congress from 1851 till his death. 
Although a Democrat, Mr. Rantoul was strongly 
opposed to slavery. 

Page 76. " Achokin' on 'em." 
Mr. Rantoul was an earnest advocate of the abo- 
lition of capital punishment. Public attention had 
recently been called to his views by some letters to 
Governor Briggs on the subject, written in February, 
1846. 

Page 79. " Caleb." 

Caleb Cushing, of Newburyport, Colonel of the 
Massachusetts Regiment of Volunteers. 



516 NOTES. 

Page 85. " Gubernatorial second." 
Cf. note to p. 62. 

Page 89. " Guvener B." 
George Nixon Briggs was the Whig Governor of 
Massachusetts from 1844 to 1851. The campaign 
referred to here is that of 1847. Governor Briggs 
was renominated by acclamation and supported by 
his party with great enthusiasm. His opponent was 
Caleb Cashing, then in Mexico, and raised by Presi- 
dent Polk to the rank of Brigadier-General. Cush- 
ing was defeated by a majority of 14,060. 

Page 89. " John P. Robinson." 
John Paul Robinson (1799-1864) was a resident 
of Lowell, a lawyer of considerable ability, and a 
thorough classical scholar. He represented Lowell 
in the State Legislature in 1829, 1830, 1831, 1833, 
and 1842, and was Senator from Middlesex in 1836. 
Late in the gubernatorial contest of 1847 it was 
rumored that Robinson, heretofore a zealous Whig, 
and a delegate to the recent Springfield Convention, 
had gone over to the Democratic or, as it was then 
styled, the "Loco" camp. The editor of the Boston 
Palladium wrote to him to learn the truth, and Rob- 
inson replied in an open letter avowing his intention 
to vote for Cushing. 

' Page 89. " Gineral C." 
General Caleb Cushing. Cf. note to p. 79. 

Page 92. " Our country, however bounded ! " 
Mr. R. C. Winthrop, M. C, in a speech at Fan- 



NOTES. 517 

euil Hall, July 4, 1845, said in deprecation of seces- 
sion : " Our country — bounded by the St. John's 
and the Sabine, or however otherwise bounded or 
described, and be the measurements more or less — 
still our country — to be cherished in all our hearts, 
to be defended by all our hands." The sentiment 
was at once taken up and used effectively by the 
" Cotton " Whigs, those who inclined to favor the 
Mexican War. 

Page 97. " The Liberator." 
The Liberator was William Lloyd Garrison's anti- 
slavery paper, published from 1831 to 1865. The 
" heresies " of which Mr. Wilbur speaks were Garri- 
son's advocacy of secession, his well-known and ec- 
centric views on " no government," woman suffrage, 
etc. 

Page 98. Scott. 

General W. Scott was mentioned as a possible 
Whig candidate for the Presidency in the summer of 
1847, but was soon overshadowed by General Taylor. 

Page 103. /. G. Palfrey. 
December 6, 1847, Mr. R. C. Winthrop, -of Boston, 
the Whig candidate for Speaker of the House in the 
Thirtieth Congress, was elected after three ballots. 
Mr. John Gorham Palfrey, elected a Whig member 
from Boston, and Mr. "Joshua Giddings, of Ohio, re- 
fused to vote for Winthrop, and remained firm to 
the last in spite of the intensity of public opinion in 
their party. The election of a Whig Speaker in a 
manner depended on their votes. Had they sup- 
ported Winthrop, he could have been elected on the 



518 NOTES. 

second ballot. At the third he could not have been 
elected without them had not Mr. Levin, a Native 
American member, changed his vote, and Mr. 
Holmes, a Democrat from South Carolina, left the 
hall. Mr. Palfrey refused to vote for Mr. Win- 
throp because he was assured the latter would not, 
through his power over the committees, exert his 
influence to arrest the war and obstruct the exten- 
sion of slavery into new territory. So bold and de- 
cided a stand at so critical a time excited great 
indignation for a time among the "Cotton" Whigs 
of Boston. 

Page 105. "Springfield Convention." 
This convention was held September 29, 1847. 
The substance of the resolutions is given by Mr. 
Biglow. 

Page 113. " Monteery." 

Monterey, the capital of Nueva Leon, capitulated 
September 24, 1846, thus giving the United States' 
troops control over about two thirds of the territory 
and one tenth of the population of Mexico. 

Page 113. " Cherry Buster." 
August 20, 1847, General Scott stormed the 
heights of Cherubusco, and completely routed the 
30,000 Mexicans stationed there under Santa Anna. 
Scott could have entered the capital at once in tri- 
umph had he not preferred to delay for peace nego- 
tiations. 

Page 113. " The Tooleries." 

The French Revolution of 1848, which resulted in 
the deposition of Louis Philippe, was at this time im- 
pending. 



NOTES. 519 

Page 114. " The Post." 
The Boston Post, a Democratic, or Loco newspaper. 

Page 114. " The Courier: 7 
The Boston Courier, in which the Biglow Papers 
first appeared, was a " Conscience " Whig paper. 

Page 119. " Drayton and Sayres." 
In April, 1848, an attempt was made to abduct sev- 
enty-seven slaves from Washington in the schooner 
Pearl, under the conduct of Captain Drayton and 
Sayres, or Sayers, his mate. The slaves were speed- 
ily recaptured and sold South, while their brave de- 
fenders barely escaped with their lives from an 
infuriated mob. The Abolitionists in Congress de- 
termined to evoke from that body some expression 
of sentiment on the subject. On the 20th of April 
Senator Hale introduced a resolution implying but 
not expressing sympathy with the oppressed. It 
stirred the slaveholders to unusual intemperance of 
language. Calhoun was " amazed that even the Sen- 
ator from New Hampshire had so little regard for 
the Constitution," and, forgetting his usual dignity, 
declared he " would as soon argue with a maniac 
from Bedlam" as with Mr. Hale. Mr. Foote, of 
Mississippi, was, perhaps, the most violent of all. 
He denounced any attempt of Congress to legislate 
on the subject of slavery as " a nefarious attempt to 
commit grand larceny." He charged Mr. Hale with 
being "as guilty as if he had committed highway 
robbery," and went on to say, " I invite him to visit 
Mississippi, and will tell him beforehand, in all hon- 
esty, that he could not go ten miles into the interior 



520 NOTES. 

before he would grace one of the tallest trees of the 
forest, with a rope around his neck, with the appro- 
bation of all honest and patriotic citizens ; and that, 
if necessary, I should myself assist in the operation." 

Mr. Hale stood almost alone with his resolution, 
which was soon arrested by an adjournment. A sim- 
ilar resolution failed in the House. 

Drayton and Sayres were convicted by the Dis- 
trict Court and sentenced to long terms of imprison- 
ment. In 1852 Senator Sumner secured for them 
an unconditional pardon from President Fillmore. 

Page 122. Mr. Foote. 
Cf. note above. Mr. Henry S. Foote was Senator 
from Mississippi from 1847 to 1852. He was a mem- 
ber of the Confederate Congress, and the author of 
The War of the Rebellion, and Personal Recollections 
of Public Men. 

Page 123. Mangum. 
W. P. Mangum (1792-1861) was Senator from 
North Carolina from 1831 to 1837, and from 1841 
to 1847. He was President pro tern, of the Senate 
during Tyler's administration, 1842-1845. 

Page 123. Cass. 
Lewis Cass (1782-1866) was Jackson's Secretary 
of War from 1831 to 1836, Minister to France from 
1836 to 1842, Senator from Michigan from 1845 to 
1848, and candidate for the Presidency on the Dem- 
ocratic ticket in 1848. After his defeat by Taylor 
he was in 1849 returned to the Senate to fill out his 
unexpired term. He was Buchanan's Secretary of 



NOTES. 521 

State until the famous message of December, 1860, 
when he resigned. 

Page 123. Davis. 
Jefferson Davis, the President of the so-called 
Confederate States, was a Senator from Mississippi 
from 1847 to 1850. 

Page 124. Hannegan. 
Edward A. Hannegan was Senator from Indiana 
from 1843 to 1849. He was afterwards Minister to 
Prussia. Died in 1859. 

Page 124. Jarnagin. 
Spencer Jarnagin represented the State of Tennes- 
see in the Senate from 1841 to 1847. He died in 
1851. 

Page 125. Atherton. 

Charles G. Atherton (1804-1853) was Senator 
from New Hampshire from 1843 to 1849. 

Page 125. Colquitt. 
W. T. Colquitt (1799-1855) was Senator from 
Georgia, 1843-1849. 

Page 125. Johnson. 
Reverdy Johnson was Senator from Maryland, 
1845-1849. 

Page 126. Westcott. 

James D. Westcott was Senator from Florida from 
1845 to 1849. 

Page 126. Lends. 

Dixon H. Lewis represented Alabama in the 



522 NOTES. 

House of Representatives from 1829 to 1843, and in 
the Senate from 1844 till his death in 1848. 

Page 131. "Payris." 
The revolution in France was hailed with delight 
in the United States as a triumph of freedom and 
popular government. In Congress the event gave 
opportunity for much sounding declamation, in which 
the Southern members participated with as much 
enthusiasm as those from the North. At the same 
time, when the Abolitionists sought to turn all this 
philosophy to some more practical application nearer 
home, the attempt was bitterly denounced at Wash- 
ington and by tbe Democratic press generally. A 
striking instance of this inconsistency is afforded by 
a speech of Senator Foote. " The age of tyrants and 
slavery," said he, in allusion to France, " is drawing 
to a close. The happy period to be signalized by the 
universal emancipation of man from the fetters of 
civil oppression, and the recognition in all countries 
of the great principles of popular sovereignty, equal- 
ity, and brotherhood, is at this moment visibly com- 
mencing." A few days later, when Mr. Mann, the 
attorney for Drayton and Sayres, quoted these very 
words in palliation of his clients' offence, he was per- 
emptorily checked by the judge for uttering " inflam- 
matory " words that might " endanger our institu- 
tions." 

Page 139. Candidate for the Presidency. 
In the campaign of 1848 the Whigs determined to 
have substantially no platform or programme at all, 
in order to retain the Southern element in their party. 



NOTES. 523 

Accordingly a colorless candidate was selected in the 
person of General Zachary Taylor, who, it was said, 
had never voted or made any political confession of 
faith. He was nominated as the " people's candi- 
date," and men of all parties were invited to support 
him. He refused to pledge himself to any policy or 
enter into any details, unless on some such obsolete 
issue as that of a National Bank. After it became 
apparent that his followers were chiefly Whigs, he 
declared himself a Whig also, " although not an ultra 
one." He particularly avoided compromising him- 
self on the slavery question. When, in the beginning 
of 1847, Mr. J. W. Taylor, of the Cincinnati Signal, 
questioned him on the Wilmot Proviso, he answered 
in such vague phrases that the confused editor inter- 
preted them first as favoring and finally as opposing 
the measure. This declaration, together with the 
candidate's announcement that he was a Whig, was 
taken in the North to mean that he was opposed to 
the extension of slavery. The fact that he was a 
Southerner and a slaveholder was sufficient to reas- 
sure the South. 

Page 142. Pinto. 
Pseudonym of Mr. Charles F. Briggs ^1810-1877), 
the same who was afterwards associated with Edgar 
A. Poe on the Broadway Review. 

Page 144. " Thet darned Proviso." 
August 8, 1846, the President addressed a message 
to both Houses asking for $2,000,000 to conclude a 
peace with Mexico and recompense her for her pro- 
posed cession of territory. On the same day McKay, 



524 NOTES. 

of North Carolina, introduced a bill into the lower 
House for this purpose. David Wilmot, of Pennsyl- 
vania, a Democrat and a zealous friend of annexa- 
tion, moved as a proviso that slavery should forever 
he excluded from the new territory. The moticn 
was suddenly and unexpectedly carried by a vote of 
83 to 54- It did not eome to a vote in the Senate, 
for John Davis, of Massachusetts, talked it to death 
by a long speech in its favor. Nevertheless it be- 
came at once a burning question in both North and 
South. The more pronounced anti-slavery men of 
the former section tried to make it the political test 
in the coming campaign. The refusal of the Whig 
party to take up the question caused large accessions 
to the old Liberty party, now known as the Free- 
Soil, and later to become the Republican party, 

Page 166. Faneuil Hall — Colonel Wright. 
Cf, notes to p. 75. 

Page 173. Ashland, etc. 
It hardly need be said that Ashland was the home 
of Henry Clay ', North Bend, of Harrison ; Marsh- 
field, of Webster ; Kinderhook, of Van Buren ; and 
Baton Rouge, of General Taylor, 

Page 178. " Plieladelphy nomernee." 
The Philadelphia nominee was General Zacbary 
Taylor. 

Page 180. " A Wig, but vjithout hem' ultry" 
Cf. note to p. 139. 



NOTES. 525 

Page 180. "MashfieU speech." 
The speech here referred to is the one delivered 
by Webster at Marshfield, September 1, 1848. 
While he affirmed that the nomination of Taylor was 
" not fit to be made," he nevertheless declared that 
he would vote for him, and advised his friends to do 
the same. " The sagacious, wise, and far-seeing doc- 
trine of availability, " said he, " lay at the root of the 
whole matter." 

Page 181. Choate. 
Into none of his political addresses did Rufus 
Choate throw so much of his heart and soul as into 
those which upheld the failing policy of the Whig 
party from 1848 to 1852. 

Page 182. Buffalo. 
On August 9, 1848, the convention containing the 
consolidated elements of constitutional opposition to 
the extension of slavery met at Buffalo. The party, 
calling itself the Free-Soil party now, declared its 
platform to be " no more slave States and no more 
slave territory." Martin Van Buren and Charles 
Francis Adams were the candidates selected. Van 
Buren was chosen because it was thought he might 
attract Democratic votes. His opposition to the ex- 
tension of slavery was not very energetic. In his 
letter accepting the nomination he commended the 
convention for having taken no decisive stand against 
slavery in the District of Columbia. 

Page 189. " To act agin the law." 
The slaveholding States early legislated to forbid 



526 NOTES. 

education and free religious meetings to slaves and 
free people of color. Stroud's Sketch of the Slave 
Laws (Philadelphia, 1827), shows that the principal 
acts of this character date from the period between 
1740 and 1770. This was long before the oldest anti- 
slavery societies were organized. Thus these laws 
cannot be represented as having been the result of 
impertinent and intemperate agitation on the part of 
Northern Abolitionists. They were frequently de- 
fended on this ground in the heat of the anti-slavery 
conflict. 



SECOND SERIES. 
Page 310. The Cotton Loan. 
In 1861 a magnificent scheme was devised for 
bolstering up the Confederate government's credit. 
The planters signed agreements subscribing a cer- 
tain portion of the next cotton and tobacco crop to 
the government. Using this as a basis for credit, 
the government issued bonds and placed about 
$15,000,000 in Europe, chiefly in England. A much 
greater loan might have been negotiated had it not 
suddenly appeared that the agreements made by the 
planters were almost worthless. By the end of the 
year the plan was quietly and completely abandoned. 
The English bondholders had the audacity to apply 
for aid to the United States after the war. 

Page 312. " Mem'nger" 
Charles Gustavus Memminger, although he had 
opposed nullification, was one of the leaders in the 
secession movement which began in his own State, 



NOTES. 527 

South Carolina. On the formation of the Confed- 
erate government he was made Secretary of the 
Treasury. Although not without experience in the 
management of his State's finances, he showed little 
skill in his new position. 

Page 313. " Cornfiscatw? all debts." 
After the failure of the Produce Loan and one or 
two other measures on a similarly grand scale, the 
Confederate government resorted to simpler means. 
Chief among these were the acts confiscating the 
property of and all debts due to alien enemies. No 
great number of reputable persons in the South could 
resolve to compound or wipe out debts involving 
their personal honor, so the results of the scheme 
were meagre. 

Page 320. Mason and Slidell. 
In the latter part of 1861 President Davis under- 
took to send agents or commissioners to England and 
France to represent the Southern cause. The men 
chosen were James M. Mason, of Virginia, and John 
Slidell, of Louisiana. On the 12th of October they 
left Charleston, eluded the blockading squadron, and 
landed at Havana. Thence they embarked for St. 
Thomas on the British mail-steamer Trent. On the 
way the Trent was stopped by Captain Wilkes, of the 
American man-of-war San Jacinto, and the Confed- 
erate agents were transferred as prisoners to the 
latter vessel. The British government at once pro- 
claimed the act "a great outrage," and sent a per- 
emptory demand for the release of the prisoners and 
reparation. At the same time, without waiting for 



528 NOTES. 

any explanation, it made extensive preparations for 
hostilities. It seemed and undoubtedly was expedi- 
ent for the United States to receive Lord Russell's 
demand as an admission that impressment of British 
seamen found on board neutral vessels was unwar- 
rantable. Acting on the demand as an admission of 
the principle so long contended for by the United 
States, Mr. Seward disavowed the act of Wilkes and 
released the commissioners. But it was held then 
and has since been stoutly maintained by many ju- 
rists that the true principles of international law will 
not justify a neutral vessel in transporting the agents 
of a belligerent on a hostile mission. On the analogy 
of despatches they should be contraband. The dif- 
ficulty of amicable settlement at that time, how- 
ever, lay not so much in the point of law as in 
the intensity of popular feeling on both sides of 
the Atlantic. 

Page 330. Belligerent rights. 
One month after Sumter was attacked, on May 13, 
1861, the Queen issued a proclamation of neutral- 
ity, according belligerent rights to the Confederacy. 
This was done even before Mr. Adams, the new min- 
ister from the Lincoln administration, could reach 
England. Commercial interest cannot excuse so pre- 
cipitate a recognition. It cannot be regarded as any- 
thing but a deliberate expression of unfriendliness 
towards the United States. It coldly contemplated 
the dissolution of the Union, favored the establish- 
ment of an independent slave-empire, and by its 
moral support strengthened the hands of the Rebel- 
lion and prolonged the war. 



NOTES. 529 

Page 330. Confederate privateers. 
It is notorious that Confederate cruisers were built, 
equipped, and even partially manned in England in 
open disregard of the international law respecting 
neutrals. Mr. Adams protested constantly and em- 
phatically against this, but in vain for the time. No 
notice was taken officially of the matter until it was 
forced on the British government in 1864. The sub- 
sequent negotiations concerning the Alabama claims, 
the Treaty of Washington in 1871, and the Geneva 
award to the United States of some fifteen million 
dollars, are too well known to require any mention. 

Page 331. The " Caroline:' 
In 1837 an insurrection broke out in Canada, and 
armed bodies of men styling themselves "patriots" 
were in open rebellion against the government. In 
spite of the President's message exhorting citizens 
of the United States not to interfere, and in defiance 
of the troops sent to Buffalo to carry out his orders, 
numbers of sympathizers from New York crossed 
the Niagara River and gave assistance to the insur- 
gents. The British authorities would have been war- 
ranted in seizing the American vessel Caroline, which 
was used to transport citizens to the Canadian shore, 
had the seizure been made in flagrante delicto, or 
out of our territorial waters. But in crossing to the 
American side of the river and taking the offending 
vessel from her moorings these authorities committed 
a grave breach of neutrality. After five years of 
negotiation the English government finally apolo- 
gized and made reparation for the injury, 



530 NOTES. 

Page 338. " Seward sticks a three-months' pin." 
Mr. W. H. Seward, Lincoln's Secretary of State, 
was at the outbreak of the Rebellion an earnest ad- 
vocate of conciliation. He seemed to think that if 
war could be averted for a time until the people of 
the seceding States perceived the true intention of 
the administration to be the preservation of the 
Union, not the promoting of Abolitionism, the South- 
ern movement would fail. In this belief he fre- 
quently declared that the trouble would all he over 
in sixty days. 

Page 347. Bull Run. 
On the 21st of July, 1861, the Union troops under 
General McDowell were completely routed by Beau- 
regard at Bull Run in Virginia. The North was 
finally convinced that the South was equipped for 
and determined on a desperate struggle, while the 
victory gave immense encouragement to the insur- 
gents. 

Page 371. Onesimus. 

The "Scriptural" view, according to the mind of 

Mr. Sawin, would have been that of Jeremiah S. 

Black, who saw in the case of Onesimus St. Paul's 

express approval of the Fugitive Slave Law of 1850. 

Page 373. Debow. 
De Bow's Commercial Review, published in New 
Orleans, Louisiana, was for some years before the 
war very bitter against the North, its institutions, 
and its society in general. 



NOTES. 531 

Page 376. Simms and Maury. 
William Gilmore Simms, the South Carolina novel- 
ist and poet, is here referred to. Matthew Fontaine 
Maury, of Virginia, naval officer and hydrographer, 
was a man of some scientific attainments. He was 
the author of several works on the physical geogra- 
phy of the sea, navigation, and astronomy. Both 
men were born in the same year, 1806. 

Page 377. "Arms an' cannon." 
John B. Floyd, while Secretary of War in Mr. 
Buchanan's Cabinet, was detected in the act of strip- 
ping Northern arsenals of arms and ammunition to 
supply the South. He began this work as early as 
December, 1859, and it is not known to what extent 
he carried it. Pollard, a Southern historian, says 
the South entered the war with 150,000 small-arms 
of the most approved modern pattern, all of which it 
owed to the government at Washington. Floyd re- 
signed because some forts and posts in the South 
were not given up to the rebels. 

Page 377, " Admittin' we wuz nat'lly right." 
President Buchanan's message of the first Monday 
of December, 1860, declared " the long^oontinued 
and intemperate interference of the Northern people 
with the question of slavery in tne Southern States " 
had at last produced its natural effect ; disunion was 
impending, and if those States could not obtain re- 
dress by constitutional means, secession was justifia- 
ble and the general government had no power to 
prevent it. The effect these utterances had in spread- 
ing and intensifying the spirit of secession is incalcu- 
lable. 



532 NOTES. 

Page 380. " On the jump to interfere" 
During the larger part of the war great apprehen- 
sion of attempts on the part of foreign powers to 
interfere prevailed in the Northern States. With 
the exception of Russia and Denmark, all Europe 
inclined toward the South. Our form of govern- 
ment was not favored bj them, and they were not 
unwilling to see its failure demonstrated by a com- 
plete disruption. For a long time it was very gen- 
erally believed that the South would be victorious in 
the end. Had the Coufederacy at any time had a 
bright prospect of success, it is likely that England 
or France might have offered to interfere. Indeed, 
the success of the French scheme to set up a military 
empire in Mexico in defiance of the Monroe doctrine 
entirely depended on the contingency of a victory for 
secession. Napoleon therefore was urgent for me- 
diation. The subject was suggested several times 
by the French foreign minister in his correspond- 
ence with Mr. Seward, and was pressed on the Brit- 
ish government by France. 

Page 392. The Border States. 
The Border States, by the contiguity to the North 
and their natural unfitness for a very profitable sys- 
tem of slave-labor, were slow to take a definite stand. 
President Lincoln's policy was to proceed cautiously 
at first, keep the slayery question in the background, 
and enlist the sympathies of these States by appeals 
to their attachment to the Union. Although the 
people of Delaware, Maryland, Kentucky, and Mis- 
souri were pretty evenly divided, the State gov- 
ernments were kept from seceding. Without the 



NOTES. 533 

support of the Republican Congressmen from this 
section, Lincoln could not have carried out his aboli- 
tion policy. 

Page 393. Hampton Roads. 
The battle of Hampton Roads, at the entrance of 
Chesapeake Bay in Virginia, is remarkable for the 
revolution in naval warfare which it began. The 
utter worthlessness of wooden against armored ves- 
sels was suddenly and convincingly demonstrated. 
On the 8th of March, 1862, the Confederate armored 
ram Virginia, formerly Merrimac, made terrible 
havoc among the old wooden men-of-war stationed 
about Fortress Monroe. But at nine o'clock that 
night the little Monitor steamed into the Roads to 
the assistance of the shattered Federal navy. The 
next day's battle is one of the romances of war. 
Had Mr. Wilbur waited for the next Southern mail 
before writing this letter, the Devil might have had 
less credit given him. 

Page 398. " From the banks o' my own Massissippi." 
In the period from 1830 to 1840, the sudden and 
healthy increase of immigration and the flattering 
industrial prospect induced many Western and 
Southern States to make lavish expenditures for 
internal improvements. Their credit was good and 
they borrowed too largely. After the financial crisis 
of 1837, insolvency stared them in the face. A num- 
ber repudiated, among whom Mississippi in particu- 
lar was heavily indebted. Her securities were largely 
held in England. It added nothing to the credit of 
the Confederacy that Jefferson Davis had been an 
earnest advocate of repudiation. 



534 NOTES. 

Page 400. Manassas, or Bull Run. 
Cf. note to p. 347. 

„ Page 401. Roanoke. 

The loss of Roanoke Island, on the coast of North 
Carolina, February 8, 1862, was a severe one to the 
South. 

Page 401. " Bufort." 

The finest harbor on the Southern coast was that 
of Port Royal, South Carolina, in the centre of the 
sea-island cotton district. This point the North fixed 
on as the best for a base of operations, and on Octo- 
ber 29, 1861, a fleet of fifty vessels, including thirty- 
three transports, was sent against it. A fierce attack 
was begun on November 7, and on the next day the 
two forts, Walker and Beauregard, capitulated. 
Without encountering further opposition the Federal 
troops took possession of the town of Beaufort on an 
island in the harbor. 

Page 401. Millspring. 
January 19, 1862, the Confederates under Critten- 
den were defeated with considerable loss at Mill- 
spring, Kentucky, by General G. H. Thomas. 

Page 402. " Reecognition." 
Recognition of independence by the European 
pDwers, particularly France and England, would of 
course have been of the greatest value to the South. 
It is said that Mr. Roebuck's motion in the House 
of Commons to recognize the Confederate States 
would have passed but for the timely news of Get- 
tysburg. Certainly if it had, France would not have 



« 



NOTES. 535 

been slow to follow. It is difficult to overestimate 
the disastrous effect such events would have had on 
the Northern cause. 

Page 404. Belmont 
Mr. August Belmont, of New York, Chairman of 
the Democratic National Committee from 1860 to 
1872, although opposed to secession, still attributed 
the cause and the responsibility for the continuance 
of the war to the Republican Administration. He 
led his party in clamoring for peace and conciliation, 
especially in 1864, and bitterly opposed reconstruc- 
tion. 

Page 404. Vallandigham. 

Clement L. Vallandigham, of Dayton, Ohio, was 
the most conspicuous and noisy one of the Peace 
Democrats during the war. His treasonable and se- 
ditious utterances finally led to his banishment to 
the South in May, 1863. Thence he repaired to 
Canada, where he remained while his party made 
him their candidate in the next gubernatorial cam- 
paign, in which he was ignominiously defeated. 

Page 404. Woodses. 
This refers to the brothers Benjamin and Fer- 
nando Wood, prominent Democrats of New York 
city. The former was editor of the Daily News and 
a Representative in Congress. The latter was sev- 
eral times Mayor of New York, and for twelve 
years a Representative in Congress. 

Page 404. " C'lumbus." 
After the fall of Fort Donelson, Columbus, Ken- 



536 NOTES. 

tucky, was no longer tenable, and Beauregard or- 
dered General Polk to evacuate it. March 3, 1862, 
a scouting party of Illinois troops, finding the post 
deserted, occupied it, and when Sherman approached 
the next day he found the Union flag flying over the 
town. 

Page 404. Donelson. 

The capture of Fort Donelson, in Tennessee, Feb- 
ruary 16, 1862, by General Grant, was one of several 
Union successes in the West, whose value was al- 
most entirely neutralized by McClellan's dilatory 
conduct of the Army of the Potomac. General John 
B. Floyd's precipitate retreat from the fort as the 
Union forces approached was afterwards represented 
in one of his official reports as an heroic exploit. 

Page 415. Taney. 
Roger B. Taney, of Maryland, Chief Justice of the 
Supreme Court of the United States from 1836 to 
1864. He is chiefly notable for the Dred Scott de- 
cision, in 1857, in which he held that a negro was 
not a " person " in the contemplation of the Consti- 
tution, and hence " had no rights a white man was 
bound to respect " ; that the Constitution recognized 
property in slaves, and that this ownership was as 
much entitled to protection in the Territories as any 
other species of property. According to this, all 
legislation by Congress on slavery, except in its aid, 
was unconstitutional. 

Page 417. Compromise System. 
Henry Clay was the "great compromiser." The 
aim of his life was the preservation of the Union 



NOTES. 537 

even at the cost of extending slave territory. The 
three compromises for which he is famous were the 
Missouri in 1820, the Tariff in 1833, and the Cal- 
ifornia or " Omnibus " Compromise in 1850, the 
most conspicuous feature of which was the Fugitive 
Slave Law. 

Page 419. " S. J. Court: 9 
At the beginning of Lincoln's administration, five 
of the Supreme Court. Justices, an absolute majority, 
were from the South, and had always been State- 
rights Democrats. 

Page 424. " The Law-'n' -Order Party of ole Cincin- 
nater" 
In Cincinnati, on March 24, 1862, Wendell Phil- 
lips, while attempting to deliver one of his lectures 
on slavery and the war, was attacked by a mob and 
very roughly handled. 

Page 451. ° Gov'nor Seymour" 
Horatio Seymour (1810-1886), of Utica, New 
York, was one of the most prominent and respected 
men in the Democratic party, and a bitter oppo- 
nent of Lincoln. He had at this time been recently 
elected Governor of New York on a platform that 
denounced almost every measure the government 
had found it necessary to adopt for the suppression 
of the Rebellion. His influence contributed not a 
little to the encouragement of that spirit which in- 
spited the Draft Riot in the city of New York in 
July, 1863. 



538 NOTES. 

Page 453. " Pres'dunfs proclamation." 
In the autumn of 1862 Mr. Lincoln saw that he 
must either retreat or advance boldly against slavery. 
He had already proceeded far enough against it to 
rouse a dangerous hostility among Northern Demo- 
crats, and yet not far enough to injure the institution 
or enlist the sympathy of pronounced anti-slavery 
men. He determined on decisive action. On Sep- 
tember 22, 1862, he issued a monitory proclamation 
giving notice that on the first day of the next year 
he would, in the exercise of his war-power, emanci- 
pate all slaves of those States or parts of States in 
rebellion, unless certain conditions were complied 
with. This proclamation was at once violently as- 
sailed by the Democrats, led by such men as Sey- 
mour, and for a time the opposition threatened dis- 
aster to the administration. The elections in the 
five leading free States — New York, Pennsylvania, 
Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois — went against the Re- 
publicans. But with the aid of New England, the 
West, and, not least of all, the Border Slave States, 
the President was assured a majority of about 
twenty in the new House to carry out his abolition 

policy. 

Page 456. " Kettelopotomachia." 

The incident furnishing the occasion for this poem 
was a Virginia duel, or rather a free fight. Mr. H. 
R. Pollard, of the Richmond Examiner, had some 
difficulty with Messrs. Coleman and N. P. Tyler, of 
the Enquirer, concerning the public printing. On 
Friday, January 5, 1866, all three gentlemen met in 
the rotunda of the Virginia Capitol, and proceeded 
to settle their dispute by an appeal to revolvers. Six 



NOTES. 539 

shots were fired, but no damage resulted, except to a 
marble statue of Washington. 

Page 462, " Letcheris" 
John Letcher (1813-1884), a Virginia lawyer and 
politician, was several times in Congress, and was 
Governor of his State from 1860 to 1864. 

Page 462. « Floydis." 
John B. Floyd (1805-1863) was the Governor of 
Virginia from 1849 to 1852, Secretary of War in 
Buchanan's Cabinet, and a brigadier in the Confed- 
erate service. 

Page 462. " Extra ordine Billis" 
William Smith, of King George County, Virginia, 
was the proprietor of an old line of coaches running 
through Virginia and the Carolinas> He was called 
"Extra Billy " beeause he charged extra for every 
package, large or small, which his passengers carried. 
Mr. Smith himself, however, attributed his nickname 
to his extra service to the State. He was several 
times a Congressman, twice Governor of Virginia, 
and a Confederate Brigadier-General. 

Page 498. Seward. 
Under the influence of Mr. Seward, President An- 
drew Johnson developed a policy of reconstruction 
directly opposed to the views of Congress and the 
mass of the Republican party. He believed in pun- 
ishing individuals, if necessary, but that all the States 
ought to be re-installed at once in the position they 
had occupied in 1860. The guarantees against dis- 
loyalty he proposed to exact from the South were 



540 NOTES. 

few and feeble. Congress, on the other hand, deter- 
mined to keep the subdued States in a position some- 
what resembling that of Territories and under mili- 
tary surveillance until it could be satisfied that four 
years* war would not be without good results. Its 
chief aim was to secure the safety of the negro, who 
had been freed by the thirteenth Amendment in De- 
cember, 18G5. These differences of plan led to a pro- 
tracted and bitter contest between the executive and 
legislative departments, culminating in the unsuc- 
cessful attempt to impeach Johnson in March, 1868. 
The Congressional policy was carried out over the 
President's vetoes. Among other conditions the 
Southern States were required to ratify the four- 
teenth and fifteenth Amendments, giving citizenship 
and suffrage to the blacks, before being qualified for 
readmission to the Union. 

Page 506. " Mac/* 
General George B. McClellan was one of the lead- 
ers of the Northern Democracy during the war, and 
the presidential nominee against Lincoln in 1864. 

Page 508. " Johnson's speech an 1 veto message/ 1 
The Civil Rights Act of March, 1866, had just 
been the occasion of an open rupture between Con- 
gress and the President. The bill, conferring exten- 
sive rights on freedmeu, passed both Houses, but was 
vetoed by Johnson. It was quickly passed again over 
his veto. 

Page 508. " A temp'ry party can be based on U. 9i 
Johnson's plan of reconstruction did, indeed, fur- 



NOTES. 541 

nish the material for the next Democratic platform 
in the presidential campaign of 1868. 

Page 508. Tyler. 
John Tyler, who had been chosen Vice-President 
in 1840, succeeded to the Presidency on the death 
of Harrison one month after the inauguration. He 
abandoned the policy of the party that elected him, 
and provoked just such a contest with it as Johnson 
did. 



GLOSSAEY. 



A. 

Act'lly, actually. 
Air, are. 
Airth, earth. 
Airy, area. 
Aree, area. 
Arter, after. 
Ax, ask. 

B. 

Beller, bellow. 
Bellowses, lungs. 
Ben, been. 
Bile, boil. 
Bimeby, by and by. 
Blurt out, to speak bluntly. 
Bust, burst. 

Buster, a roistering blade ; used 
also as a general superlative. 



C. 

Caird, carried. 

Cairn, carrying. 

Caleb, a turncoat. 

Cal'late, calculate. 

Cass, a person with two lives. 

Close, clothes. 

Cockerel, a young cock. 

Cocktail, a kind of drink ; also, 
an ornament peculiar to sol- 
diers. 

Convention, a place where peo- 
ple are imposed on; a jug- 
gler' 's show. 

Coons, a cant term for a now de- 
funct party ; derived, perhaps, 
from the fact of their being 
commonly up a tree. 

Cornwallis, a sort of muster in 



masquerade ; supposed to have 
had its origin soon after the 
Revolution, and to commemo- 
rate the surrender of Lord 
Cornwallis. It took the place 
of the old Guy Fawkes proces- 
sion. 

Crooked stick, a perverse, fro- 
ward person. 

Cunnle, a colonel. 

Cus, a curse; also, a pitiful fel- 
low. 



Darsn't, used mdiscriminately, 
either in singular or plural 
number, for dare not, dares 
not, and dared not. 

Deacon off, to give the cue to ; 
derived from a custom, once 
universal, now extinct, in our 
New England Congregational 
churches. An important part 
of the office of deacon was to 
read aloud the hymns given out 
by the minister, one line at a 
time, the congregation sing- 
ing each line as soon as read. 

Demmercrat, leadin', one in fa- 
vor of extending slavery; a 
free-trade lecturer maintained 
in the custom-house. 

Desput, desperate. 

Doos, does. 

Doughface, a contented lickspit- 
tle; a common variety of 
Northern politician. 

Dror, draw. 

Du, do. 

Dunno, dno, do not or does not 
know. 

Dut, Dirt. 



544 



GLOSSARY. 



E. 



Eend, end. 
Ef, if. 

Emptins, yeast. 
Env'y, envoy. 

Everlasting, an intensive, with- 
out reference to duration. 
Ev'y, every. 
Ez, as. 



Fer, for. 

Ferfle, ferful, fearful; also an in- 
tensive. 

¥m.\find. 

Fish-skin, used in New England 
to clarify coffee. 

Fix, a difficulty, a nonplus. 

Foller, folly, to follow. 

Forrerd, forward. 

Frum, from. 

Fur, far. 

Furder, farther. 

Furrer, furrow. Metaphorically, 
to draw a straight furrow is to 
live uprightly or decorously. 

Fust, first. 



Gin, gave. 
Git, get. 
Gret, great. 

Grit, spirit, energy, pluck. 
Grout, to sulk. 
Grouty, crabbed, surly. 
Gum, to impose on. 
Gump, a foolish fellow, a dul- 
lard. 
Gut, got. 



Hed, had. 
Heern, heard. 
Helium, helm. 
Hendy, handy. 
Het, heated. 
Hev, have. 
Hez, has. 
Holl, whole. 
Holt, hold. 
Huf, hoof. 



Hull, whole. 
Hum, home. 

Humbug, General Taylor's anti- 
slavery. 
Hut, hurt. 



Idno, 7 do not know. 

In'my, enemy. 

Insines, ensigns ; used to desig- 
nate both the officer who car- 
ries, the standard, and the 
standard itself. 

Inter, intu, into. 



Jedge, judge. 
Jest, just . 
Jine, join. 
Jint, joint. 

Junk, a fragment of any solid 
substance. 

K. 

Keer, care. 

Kep, kept. 

Killock, a small anchor. 

Kin', kin' o', kinder, kind, kind 

of 



Lawth, loath. 

Let day-light into, to shoot. 

Let on, to hint, to confess, to own. 

Lick, to beat, to overcome. 

Lights, the bowels. 

Lily-pads, leaves of the water-lily. 

Long -sweetening, molasses. 



Mash, marsh. 

Mean, stingy, ill-natured. 

Min', mind. 



Nimepunce, ninepence, 

and a half cents. 
Nowers, nowhere. 



twelvs 



GLOSSARY. 



545 



Off en, often. 

Ole, old. 

Oilers, olluz, always., 

On, of; used before it or them, 
or at the end of a sentence, as, 
ion7, on 'em, «m/ ez ever I heerd 
on. 

On'y, only. 

Ossifer, officer (seldom heard). 



Peaked, pointed. 

Peek, to peep. 

Pickerel, the pike, a fish. 

Pint, point. 

Pocket full of rocks, plenty of 

money. 
Pooty, pretty. 
Pop'ler, conceited, popular. 
Pus, purse. 
Put out, troubled, vexed. 



Quarter, a quarter-dollar. 
Queen's arm, a musket. 



Resh, rush. 

Revelee, the reveille. 

Rile, to trouble. 

Riled, angry; disturbed, as the 
sediment in any liquid. 

Riz, risen. 

Row, a long row ,t© hoe, a diffi- 
cult task. 

Rugged, robust. 



Sarse, abuse, impertinence. 
Sartin, certain. 
'Saxon, sacristan, sexton. 
"Scaliest, worst. 
Scringe, cringe. 
Scrouge, i o crowd. 
Sach, siech. 
Set by, valued. 

Shakes, great, of considerable 
£onsequence. 



Shappoes, chapeaux., cocked-hats. 

Sheer, share. 

Shet, shut. 

Shut, shirt. 

Skeered, scared. 

Skeeter, mosquito. 

Skooting, running, or moving 
swiftly. 

Slarterin', slaughtering. 

Slim, contemptible. 

Snaked, crwxled like .a snake; 
but to snake any one out is to 
track him to his hiding-place ; 
to snake a thing out is to snatch 
it out. 

Somes, sofas. 

Sogerin', soldiering; abarbarona 
amusement common among 
men in the savage state. 

Sorters, somewhere. 

So 'st, so as that. 

Sot, set, obstinate, resolute. 

Spiles, spoils ; objects of political 
ambition. 

Spry, active. 

Steddles, stout stakes driven mto 
salt marshes, on which the hay- 
ricks are set, and .thus raised 
out of the reach of high tides. 

Streaked, uncomfortable, dis- 
comfited. 

Suckle, circle. 

Sutthin', something. 

Suttin, certain. 



Take on, io sorrow* 

Talents, talons. 

Taters, potatoes^. 

TelL,tW. 

Tetch, touch. 

Tetah tu, to be able ; used always 
after a negative in this sense. 

Tollable, tolerable. 

Toot, used derisively for playing 
on any ivind instrument. 

Thru, through. 

Thunderins, a euphemism com- 
mon in Sew England, for the 
profane English expression dev- 
ilish. Perhaps derfc-ed from 
the belief, common formerly, 
that thunder was caused by the 
Prince of the Air, for some of 
whose accomplishments £OJJ- 
.sult Cotton .Mather. 



546 



GLOSSARY. 



Tu, to, too,- commonly has this 
sound when used emphatically, 
or at the end of a sentence. 
At other times it has a sound 
of t in tough, as,. Ware ye gain'' 
tu t Gom' tu Boston. 



Ugly, ill-tempered, intractable. 
Uncle Sam, United States; the 

largest boaster of liberty and 

owner of slaves. 
ULirizzest, applied to dough or 

bread ; heavy, most unrisen, 

or most incapable of rising. 



Y spot,, a five-dollar bilt. 
Yally,. value. 



Wake snakes, to get into trouble. 

Wal, well; spoken with great de- 
liberation, and sometimes with 
the a very much flattened, 
sometimes (but more seldom) 
very much broadened. 



Wannut, walnut (hickory}. 

Ware, where. 

Ware, were. 

Whopper, an uncommonly large 
lie; as, that General Taylor 
is in favor of the Wilmot Pro* 
viso. 

Wig, Whig; a party aow dis- 



Wunt, will not. 

Wus, worse. 

Wut, what. 

Wuth, worth; as, Antislaveryi 
perfessions fore 'lection aini 
wuth a Bungtown copper. 

Wus, was? sometimes were. 



T. 

Yaller, yellow. 
Teller, yellow. 
Tellars, a disease of peach-tree®. 



Z. 

2ach, Ole, a second Washington^, 
an antislavery slaveholder, a 
humane buyer and seller of men 
and women, a Christian hero 
generally. 



INDEX. 



A. wants his axe ground, 385. 

A. B., information wanted con- 
cerning, 141. 

Abraham (Lincoln), Ins constitu- 
tional scruples, 384. 

Abuse, an, its usefulness, 423. 

Adam, eldest son of, respected, 
70 — his fall, 438— how if he 
had bitten a sweet apple ? 450. 

Adam, Grandfather, forged will 
of, 347. 

.(Eneas goes to hell, 168. 

^Eolus, a seller of money, as is 
supposed by some, 168. 

JUschylus, a saying of, 114, note. 

Alligator, a decent one conjec- 
tured to be, in some sort, hu- 
mane, 188. 

Allsmash, the eternal, 398. 

Alphonso the Sixth of Portugal, 
tyrannical act of, 19-1. 

Ambrose, Saint, excellent (but 
rationalistic) sentiment of, 96. 

" American Citizen," new com- 
post so called, 171. 

American Eagle, a source of 
inspiration, 106 — hitherto 
wrongly classed, 114 — long 
bill of, ib. 

Americans bebrothered, 331. 

Amos cited, 95, 

Anakim, that they formerly ex- 
isted,, shown, 192. 

Angels providentially speak 
French, 83 — conjectured to be 
skilled in all tongues, ib. 

Anglo-Saxondom, its idea, what, 
80. 

Anglo-Saxon mask, 81. 

Anglo-Saxon race, 76. 

Anglo-Saxon verse, by whom car- 
ried to perfection, 71. 

Anthony of Padua, Saint, happy 
in his hearers. 359, 



Antiquaries, Royal Society of 
Northern, 407. 

Antonius, a speech of, 101 — by 
whom best reported, ib. 

Apocalypse, beast in, magnetic to 
theologians, 148. 

Apollo, confessed mortal by his 
own oracle, 148. 

Apollyon, his tragedies popular, 
137. 

Appian, an Alexandrian, not 
equal to Shakespeare as an or- 
ator, 101. 

Applause, popular, the summum 
bonum, 414. 

Ararat, ignorance of foreign 
tongues is an, 116. 

Arcadian background, 173. 

Ar c'houskezik, an evil spirit, 
359. 

Ardennes, Wild Boar of, an an- 
cestor of Rev. Mr. Wilbur, 295. 

Aristocracy, British, their natu- 
ral sympathies, 377. 

Aristophanes, 94. 

Arms, profession of, once es- 
teemed especially that of gen- 
tlemen, 70. 

Arnold, 103. 

Ashland, 173. 

Astor, Jacob, a rich man, 157. 

Astrsea, nineteenth century for- 
saken by, 170. 

Athenians, ancient, an institu- 
tion of, 102. 

Atherton, Senator, envies the 
loon, 125. 

"Atlantic," editors of . See Nep- 
tune. 

Atropos, a lady skilful with the 
scissors, 447. 

Austin, Saint, prayer of, 294. 

Austrian eagle split, 424. 

Aye-aye t the > an African animal, 



548 



INDEX. 



America supposed to be settled 
by, 85. 

B., a Congressman, vide A. 

Babel, probably the first Con- 
gress, 115 — a gabble-mill, ib. 

Baby, a low-priced one, 165. 

Bacon, his rebellion, 362. 

Bacon, Lord, quoted, 361. 

Bagowind, Hon. Mr., whether to 
be damned, 128. 

Balcom, Elder Joash Q., 2d, 
founds a Baptist society in Jaa- 
lam, A. D. 1830, 471. 

Baldwin apples, 192. 

Baratarias, real or imaginary, 
which most pleasant, 169. 

Barnum, a great natural curiosi- 
ty recommended to, 111. 

Barrels, an inference from see- 
ing, 193. 

Bartlett, Mr., mistaken, 324. 

Baton Bouge, 173 — strange pe- 
culiarities of laborers at, 174. 

Baxter., B., a saying of, 96. 

Bay, Mattysqumscot, 186. 

Bay State, singular effect pro- 
duced on military officers by 
leaving it, 81. 

Beast, in Apocalypse, a loadstone 
for whom, 148 — tenth horn of, 
applied to recent events, 443. 

Beaufort, 401. 

Beauregard (real name Toutant), 
337, 383. 

Beaver brook, 484. 

Beelzebub, his rigadoon, 125. 

Behmen, his letters not letters, 
141. 

Behn, Mrs. Aphra, quoted, 362. 

Bellers, a saloon-keeper, 179 — 
inhumanly refuses credit to a 
presidential candidate, ib. 

Belmont. See Woods. 

Bentley, his heroic method with 
Milton, 408. 

Bible, not composed for use of 
colored persons, 370. 

Biglow, Ezekiel, his letter to 
Hon. J. T. Buckingham, 62 — 
never heard of any one named 
Mundishes, C3 — nearly four- 
score years old, ib. — his aunt 
Keziah, a notable saying of, 
64. 

Biglow, Hosea, Esquire, excited 
by composition, 63 — a poem 
by, ib., 131 — his .opinion of 



war, 65 — wanted at home by 
Nancy, 67 — recommends a for- 
cible enlistment of war-like 
editors, 68 — would not won- 
der, if generally agreed with, 
70 — versifies letter of Mr. 
Sawin, 71 — a letter from, ib., 
121 — his opinion of Mr. Saw- 
in, 72 — does not deny fun at 
Cornwallis, 74, note — his idea 
of militia glory, 77, note — a 
pun of, 78, note — is uncertain 
in regard to people of Boston, 
ib. — had never heard of Mr. 
John P. Bobinson, 87 — aliquid 
svfflaminandus, 88 — his poems 
attributed to a Mr. Lowell, 93 

— is unskilled in Latin, 94 — 
his poetry maligned by some, 

95 — his disinterestedziess, ib. 

— his deep share in common- 
weal, ib- — his claim to the 
presidency, ib. — his mowing, 
ib- — resents being called Whig, 

96 — opposed to tariff, ib. — ob- 
stinate, ib. — infected with pe- 
culiar notions, ib. — reports a 
speech, 101 — emulates histo- 
rians of antiquity, ib. — his 
character sketched from a hos- 
tile point of view, 114 — a re- 
quest of his complied with, 
129 — appointed at a public 
meeting in Jaalam, 142 — con- 
fesses ignorance, in one minute 
particular, of propriety, 143 — 
his opinion of cocked hats, ib. 

— letter to, ib. — called " Dear 
Sir," by a general, ib. — prob- 
ably receives same compliment 
from two hundred and nine, ib. 
• — picks his apples, 192 — his 
crop of Baldwins conjecturally 
large, 193 — his labors in writ- 
ing autographs, 293 — visits the 
Judge and has a pleasant time, 
324 — born in Middlesex Com - 
ty, 337 — his favorite walks, ib. 

— his gifted pen, 394 — born 
and bred in the country, 430 — 
feels his sap start in spring, 
432 — is at times unsocial, ib. 

— the school-house where he 
learned his a b c, 434 — falls 
asleep, 435 — his ancestor a 
Cromwellian colonel, 436 — 
finds it harder to make up his 
mind as he grows older., 438 — 



INDEX. 



549 



wishes he could write a song 
or two, 449 — liable to moods, 
480 — loves nature and is loved 
in return, 481 — describes some 
favorite haunts of his, 483, 484 

— his slain kindred, 484 — his 
speech in March meeting, 487 

— does not reckon on being 
sent to Congress, 492 — has no 
eloquence, ib. — his own re- 
porter, 494 — never abused the 
South, 496 — advises Uncle 
Sam, ib. — is not Boston-mad, 
498 — bids farewell, 509. 

Billings, Dea. Cephas, 74. 

Billy, Extra, demagogus, 463. 

Birch, virtue of, in instilling cer- 
tain of the dead languages, 
167. 

Bird of our country sings hosan- 
na, 76. 

Bjarna Grimolfsson invents 
smoking, 410. 

Blind, to go it, 164. 

Blitz pulls ribbons from his 
mouth, 76. 

Bluenose potatoes, smell of, 
eagerly desired, 77. 

Bobolink, the, 432. 

Bobtail obtains a cardinal's hat, 
86. 

Boggs, a Norman name, 375. 

Bogus Four - Corners Weekly 
Meridian, 420. 

Bolles, Mr. Secondary, author of 
prize peace essay, 76 — pre- 
sents sword to Lieutenant- 
Colonel, 75 — a fluent orator, 
76 — found to be in error, 77. 

Bonaparte, N., a usurper, 148. 

Bonds, Confederate, their specie 
basis cutlery, 312 — when pay- 
able, (attention, British stock- 
holders !) 398. 

Boot-trees, productive, where, 
167. 

Boston, people of, supposed edu- 
cated, 78, note — has a good 
opinion of itself, 339. 

Bowers, Mr. Arphaxad, an inge- 
nious photographic artist, 407. 

Brahmins, navel-contemplating, 
139. 

Brains, poor substitute for, 341. 

Bread-trees, 166. 

Bream, their only business, 324. 

Brigadier-Generals in militia, de- 
votion of, 99. 



Brigadiers, nursing ones, tenden- 
cy in, to literary composition, 
302. 

Brigitta, viridis, 461. 

Britannia, her trident, 353. 

Brotherhood, subsides after elec- 
tion, 421. 

Brown, Mr., engages in an un- 
equal contest, 128. 

Browne, Sir T., a pious and wise 
sentiment of, cited and com- 
mended, 72. 

Brutus Four-Corners, 295. 

Buchanan, a wise and honest 
man, 377. 

Buckingham, Hon. J. T., editor 
of the Boston Courier, letters 
to, 62, 72, 93, 121 — not afraid, 
73. 

Buffalo, a plan hatched there, 
182 — plaster, a prophecy in 
regard to, 183. 

Buffaloes, herd of, probable in- 
fluence of tracts upon, 450. 

Bull, John, prophetic allusion to, 
by Horace, 329 — his "Run," 
337 — his mortgage, 347 — un- 
fortunate dip of, 398 — wool 
pulled over his eyes, 400. 

Buncombe, in the other world 
supposed, 102 — mutual privi- 
lege in, 383. 

Bung, the eternal, thought to be 
loose, 67. 

Bungtown Fencibles, dinner of, 
86. 

Burke, Mr., h's age of chivalry 
surpassed, 373. 

Burleigh, Lord, quoted for some- 
thing said in Latin long before, 
303. 

Burns, Robert, a Scottish poet, 
323. 

Bushy Brook, 367. 

Butler, Bishop, 394. 

Butter in Irish bogs, 166. 

C, General, commenced for 
parts, 89 — for ubiquity, ib. — 
for consistency, ib. — for fidel- 
ity, ib. — is in favor of war, ib. 
— his curious valuation of prin- 
ciple, ib. 

Cabbage-heads, the, always in 
majority, 493. 

Cabinet, English, makes a blun- 
der, 333. 

Caesar, tribute to, 133 — hisveni, 



550 



INDEX. 



vidi, vici, censured for undue 
prolixity, 151. 
Cainites, sect of, supposed still 
extant, 70. 

Caleb, a monopoly of his denied, 
75 — curious notions of, as to 
meaning of "shelter," 79 — 
his definition of Anglo-Saxon, 
80 — charges Mexicans (not 
with bayonets but) with impro- 
prieties, ib. 

Calhoun, Hon. J. C. , his cow-bell 
curfew, light of the nineteenth 
century to be extinguished 
at sound of, 119 — cannot let 
go apron -string of the Past, 
120 — his unsuccessful tilt at 
Spirit of the Age, ib. — the Sir 
Kay of modern chivalry, ib. 
— his anchor made of a crook- 
ed pin, 121 — mentioned, 122- 
126. 

Calyboosiis, career, 466. 

Cambridge Platform, use discov- 
ered for, 85. 

Canaan in quarterly instalments, 
414. 

Canary Islands, 167. 

Candidate, presidential, letter 
from , 143 — smells a rat, ib. — 
against a bank, 145 — takes a 
revolving position, ib. — opin- 
ion of pledges, ib. — is a peri- 
wig, 146 — fronts south by 
north, ib. — qualifications of, 
lessening, 151 — wooden leg 
(and head) useful to, 162. 

Cape Cod clergymen, what, 84 — 
Sabbath-breakers, perhaps, re- 
proved by, ib. 

Captains, choice of, important, 
495. 

Carolina, foolish act of, 495. 

Caroline, case of, 331. 

Carpini, Father John de Piano, 
among the Tartars, 191. 

Cartier, Jacques, commendable 
zeal of, 191. 

Cass, General, 123 — clearness of 
his merit, 124 — limited popu- 
larity at " Bellers's," 179. 

Castles, Spanish, comfortable ac- 
commodations in, 169. 

Cato, letters of, so called, sus- 
pended naso adunco, 141. 

C. D., friends of, can hear of 
him, 141. 

Century, nineteenth, 378. 



Chalk egg, we are proud of incu- 
bation of, 140. 

Chamberlayne, Doctor, consola- 
tory citation from, 364. 

Chance, an apothegm concern- 
ing, 301 — is impatient, 440. 

Chaplain, a one-horse, stern- 
wheeled variety of, 308. 

Chappelow on Job, a copy of, 
lost, 130. 

Charles I. , accident to his neck, 
439. 

Charles II., his restoration, how 
brought about, 439. 

Cherubusco, news of, its effects 
on English royalty, 113. 

Chesterfield no letter - writer, 
141. 

Chief Magistrate, dancing es- 
teemed sinful by, 84. 

Children naturally speak He- 
brew, 71. 

China-tree, 167. 

Chinese, whether they invented 
gunpowder before the Chris- 
tian era not considered, 85. 

Choate hired, 181. 

Christ shuffled into Apocrypha, 
86 — conjectured to disapprove 
of slaughter and pillage, 90 — 
condemns a certain piece of 
barbarism, 128. 

Christianity, profession of, ple- 
beian, whether, 70. 

Christian soldiers, perhaps incon- 
sistent, whether, 100. 

Cicero, 493 — an opinion of , dis- 
puted, 149. 

Cilley, Ensign, author of nefari- 
ous sentiment, 86. 

Cimex lectularius, 78. 

Cincinnati, old, law and order 
party of, 424. 

Cincinnatus, a stock character in 
modern comedy, 173. 

Civilization, progress of, an alias, 
131 — rides upon a powder- 
cart, 144. 

Clergymen, their ill husbandry, 
129 — their place in proces- 
sions, 172 — some, cruelly ban- 
ished for the soundness of 
their lungs, 191. 

Clotho, a Grecian lady, 447. 

Cocked-hat, advantages of being 
knocked into, 143. 

College of Cardinals, a strange 
one. 86. 



INDEX. 



551 



Colman, Dr. Benjamin, anecdote 
of, 100. 

Colored folks, curious national 
diversion of kicking, 79. 

Colquitt, a remark of, 125 — ac- 
quainted with some principles 
of aerostation, ib. 

Columbia, District of, its pecu- 
liar climatic effects, 105 — not 
certain that Martin is for abol- 
ishing it, 182. 

Columbiads, the true fifteen-inch 
ones, 420. 

Columbus, a Paul Pry of genius, 
139 — will perhaps be remem- 
bered, 406 — thought by some 
to have discovered America, 
500. 

Columby, 177. 

Complete Letter - Writer, fatal 
gift of, 147. 

Compostella, Saint Jamea of, 
seen, 82. 

Compromise system, the, illus- 
trated, 417. 

Conciliation, its meaning, 450. 

Congress, singular consequence 
of getting into, 105 — a stum- 
bling-block, 382. 

Congressional debates found in- 
structive, 116. 

Constituents, useful for what, 
110. 

Constitution trampled on, 122 — 
to stand upon, what, 144. 

Convention, what, 105. 

Convention, Springfield, 105. 

Coon, old, pleasure in skinning, 
123. 

Co-operation defined, 376. 

Coppers, caste in picking up of, 
160. 

Copres, a monk, his excellent 
method of arguing, 117. 

Corduroy - road, a novel one, 
303. 

Corner-stone, patent safety, 381. 

Cornwallis, a, 74 — acknowledged 
entertaining, ib. note. 

Cotton loan, its imaginary na- 
ture, 310. 

Cotton Mather, summoned as 
witness, 83. 

Country, our, its boundaries 
more exactly defined, 92 — 
right or wrong, nonsense 
about, exposed, ib. — lawyers, 
sent providentially, 91 — 



Earth's biggest, gets a soul, 
455. 

Courier, The Boston, an unsafe 
print, 115. 

Court, General, farmers some- 
times attain seats in, 174. 

Court, Supreme, 384. 

Courts of law, English, their or- 
thodoxy, 413. 

Cousins, British, our ci-devant, 
333. 

Cowper, W., his letters com- 
mended, 141. 

Credit denned, 399. 

Creditors all on Lincoln's side, 
381. 

Creed, a safe kind of, 164. 

Crockett, a good rule of, 312. 

Cruden, Alexander, his Concord- 
ance, 296. 

Crusade, first American, 83. 

Cuneiform script recommended, 
150. 

Curiosity distinguishes man from 
brutes, 139. 

Currency, Ethiopian, inconve- 
niences of, 312. 

Cynthia, her hide as a means of 
conversion, 319. 

Daedalus first taught men to sit 
on fences, 365. 

Daniel in the lion's den, 306. 

Darkies dread freedom, 381. 

Davis, Captain Isaac, finds out 
something to his advantage, 
338. 

Davis, Jefferson, (a new species 
of martyr,) has the latest ideas 
on all subjects, 311 — superior 
in financiering to patriarch 
Jacob, 313 — is some., 379 — 
carries Constitution in his hat, 
382 — knows how to deal with 
his Congress, ib. — astonished 
at his own piety, 396 — packed 
up for Nashville, 401 — tempt- 
ed to believe his own lies, ib. 
— his snake egg, 419 — blood 
on his hands, 485. 

Davis, Mr., of Mississippi, a re* 
mark of his, 123. 

Day and Martin, proverbially 
"on hand," 63. 

Death, rings down the curtain, 
137. 

De Bow (a famous political econ- 
omist), 373. 



552 



INDEX. 



Delphi, oracle of, surpassed, 113, 
note — alluded to, 148. 

Democracy, false notion of, 386 
— its privileges, 452. 

Demosthenes, 493. 

Destiny, her account, 112. 

Devil, the, unskilled in certain 
Indian tongues, 83 — letters 
to and from, 142. 

Dey of Tripoli, 119. 

Didymus, a somewhat volumi- 
nous grammarian, 148. 

Dighton rock character might be 
usefully employed in some 
emergencies, 150. 

Dimitrv Bruisgins, fresh supply 
of, 138. 

Diogenes, his zeal for propagat- 
ing a certain variety of olive, 
167. 

Dioscuri, imps of the pit, 83. 

District-Attorney, contemptible 
conduct of one, 119. 

Ditch-water on brain, a too com- 
mon ailing, 118. 

Dixie, the land of, 381. 

Doctor, the, a proverbial saying 
of, 82. 

Doe, Hon. Preserved, speech of, 
413-425. » 

Donatus, profane wish of, 104, 
note. 

Doughface, yeast-proof, 135. 

Downing Street, 328. 

Drayton, a ruartyr, 119 — north 
star, culpable for aiding, whe- 
ther, 126. 

Dreams, something about, 435. 

Dwight, President, a hymn un- 
justly attributed to, 442. 

D. Y., letter of, 141. 

Eagle, national, the late, his es- 
tate administered upon, 316. 

Earth, Dame, a peep at her 
housekeeping, 120. 

Eating words, habit of, conve- 
nient in time of famine, 111. 

Eavesdroppers, 139. 

Echetlaeus, 83. 

Editor, Lis position, 129 — com- 
manding pulpit of, 130 — large 
congregation of, ib. — name de- 
rived from what, 131 — fond- 
ness for mutton, ib. — a pious 
one, his creed, ib. — a show- 
man, 136 — hi danger of sud- 
den arrest, without bail, 137. 



Editors, certain ones who crow 
like cockerels, 68. 

Edwards, Jonathan, 475. 

Eggs, bad, the worst sort of, 424. 

Egyptian darkness, phial of, use 
for, 150. 

Eldorado, Mr. Sawin sets sail for, 
166. 

Elizabeth, Queen, mistake of her 
ambassador, 102. 

Emerson, 324. 

Emilius, Paulus, 334. 

Empedocles, 139. 

Employment, regular, a good 
thing, 159. 

Enfield's Speaker, abuse of, 423. 

England, late Mother-Country, 
her want of tact, 325 — merits 
as a lecturer, 327 — her real 
greatness not to be forgotten, 
334 — not contented (unwisely) 
with her own stock of fools, 
340 — natural maker of inter- 
national law, 341 — her theory 
thereof, ib. — makes a particu- 
larly disagreeable kind of sorse, 
342 — somewhat given to bully- 
ing, ib. — has respectable rela- 
tions, 344 — ought to be Co- 
lumbia's friend, 345 — anxious 
to buy an elephant, 380. 

Epaulets, perhaps no badge of 
saintship, 90. 

Epimenides. the Cretan Rip Van 
Winkle, 359. 

Episcopius, his marvellous ora- 
tory, 191. 

Eric, king of Sweden, his cap, 
168. 

Ericsson, his caloric engine, 319. 

Eriksson, Thorwald, slain by na- 
tives, 412. 

Essence-peddlers, 386. 

Ethiopian, the, his first need, 
393. 

Evangelists, iron ones, 85. 

Eyelids, a divine shield against 
authors, 117. 

Ezekiel, text taken from, 129. 

Ezekiel would make a poor fig- 
ure at a caucus, 427. 

Faber, Johannes, 477. 
Factor3--girls, expected rebellion 

of, 125. 
Facts, their unaraiabilitj T , 403 — 

compared to an old-fashioned 

etage-coach, 415. 



INDEX. 



553 



Falstaffii, legio, 462. 

Family-trees, fruit of jejune, 167 
— a primitive forest of, 417. 

Faneuil Hall, a place where per- 
sons tap themselves for a spe- 
cies of hydrocephalus, 118 — a 
bill of fare mendaciously ad- 
vertised in, 166. 

Father of country, his shoes, 
175. 

Female Papists, cut off in the 
midst of idolatry, 171. 

Fenianorum, rixx, 461. 

Fergusson, his " Mutual Com- 
plaint," etc., 323. 

F. F., singular power of their 
looks, 381. 

Fire, we all like to play with it, 
120. 

Fish, emblematic, but disregard- 
ed, where, 117. 

Fitz, Miss Parthenia Almira, a 
sheresiarch, 473. 

Flam, President, untrustworthy, 
107. 

Flirt, Mrs., 362. 

Flirtilla, elegy on the death of, 
475. 

Floyd, a taking character, 398. 

Floydus, furcifer, 462. 

Fly-leaves, providential increase 
of, 117. 

Fool, a cursed, his inalienable 
rights, 453. 

Foote, Mr., his taste for field- 
sports, 122. 

Fourier, a squinting toward, 115. 

Fourth of July ought to know its 
place, 421. 

Fourth of Julys, boiling, 103. 

France, a strange dance begun 
in, 125 — about to put her foot 
in it, 380. 

Friar, John, 332. 

Fuller, Dr. Thomas, a wise say- 
ing of, 88. 

Funnel, old, hurraing in, 75. 

Gabriel, his last trump, its press- 
ing nature, 416. 

Gardiner, Lieutenant Lion, 337. 

Gawain, Sir, his amusements, 
121. 

Gay, S. H., Esquire, editor of 
National Anti-slavery Stand- 
ard, letter to, 139. 

Geese, how infallibly to make 
swans of, 340. 



Gentleman, high-toned Southern, 
scientifically classed, 365. 

Getting up early, 65, 80. 

Ghosts, some, presumed fidgety, 
(but see Stilling's Pneumatol- 
ogy,) 141. 

Giants formerly stupid, 121. 

Gideon, his sword needed, 349. 

Gift of tongues, distressing case 
of, 116. 

Gilbert, Sir Humphrey, 411. 

Globe Theatre, cheap season- 
ticket to, 137. 

Glory, a perquisite of officers, 
160 — her account with B. Saw- 
in, Esq., 166. 

Goatsnose, the celebrated, inter- 
view with, 150. 

God, the only honest dealer, 356. 

Goings, Mehetable, unfounded 
claim of, disproved, 325. 

Gomara has a vision, 82 — his re- 
lationship to the Scarlet Wo- 
man, ib. 

Governor, our excellent, 294. 

Grandfather, Mr. Biglow's, safe 
advice of, 338. 

Grandfathers, the, knew some- 
thing, 349. 

Grand jurors, Southern, their 
way of finding a true bill, 305. 

Grantus, Dux, 463. 

Gravestones, the evidence of Dis- 
senting ones held doubtful, 
413. 

Gray's letters are letters, 141. 

Great horn spoon, sworn by, 
122. 

Greeks, ancient, whether they 
questioned candidates, 150. 

Green Man, sign of, 95. 

Habeas corpus, new mode of sus- 
pending it, 396. 

Hail Columbia, raised, 307. 

Ham, sandwich, an orthodox (but 
peculiar) one, 127 — his seed, 
369 — their privilege in the Bi- 
ble, ib. — immoral justification 
of, 370. 

Hamlets, machine for making, 
154. 

Hammon, 113, note, 148. 

Hampton Roads, disaster in, 393. 

Hannegau, Mr., something said 
by, 124. 

Harrison, General, how pre- 
served, 147. 



554 



INDEX. 



Hat, a leaky one, 310. 

Hat-trees, in full bearing, 167. 

Hawkins, his whetstone, 319. 

Hawkins, Sir John, stout, some- 
thing he saw, 167. 

Hawthorne, 324. 

Hay-rick, electrical experiments 
with, 452. 

Headlong, General, 334. 

Hell, the opinion of some con- 
cerning, 436 — breaks loose, 
450. 

Henry the Fourth of England, a 
Parliament of, how named, 
102. 

Hens, self-respect attributed to, 
302. 

Herb, the Circean, 412. 

Herbert, George, next to David, 
360. 

Hercules, his second labor prob- 
ably what, 192. 

Hermon, fourth-proof dew of, 
369. 

Herodotus, story from, 72. 

Hesperides, an inference from, 
168. 

Hessians, native American sol- 
diers, 383. 

Hickory, Old, his method, 451. 

Higgses, their natural aristocracy 
of feeling, 374. 

Hitchcock, Doctor, 408. 

Hitchcock, the Rev. Jeduthun, 
colleague of Mr. Wilbur, 295 — 
letter from, containing notices 
of Mr. Wilbur, 442 — ditto, en- 
closing macaronic verses, 456 

— teacher of high-school, 476. 

Hogs, their dreams, 302. 

Holden, Mr. Shearjashub, Pre- 
ceptor of Jaalam Academy, 149 

— his knowledge of Greek lim- 
ited, ib. — a heresy of his, ib. 

— leaves a fund to propagate 
it, ib. 

Holiday, blind man's, 509. 
Hollis, Ezra, goes to a Cornwal- 

lis, 74. 
Hollow, why men providentially 

so constructed, 103. 
Holmes, Dr., author of "Annals 

of America," 294. 
Homer, a phrase of, cited, 130. 
Homer, eldest son of Mr. Wilbur, 

475. 
Homers, democratic ones, plums 

left for, 108. 



Hotels, big ones, humbugs, 350. 

House, a strange one described, 
301. 

Howell, James, Esq., story told 
by, 102 — letters of, commend- 
ed, 141. 

Huldah, her bonnet, 438. 

Human rights out of order on 
the'floor of Congress, 122. 

Humbug, ascription of praise 
to, 135 — generally believed in, 
ib. 

Husbandry, instance of bad, 88. 

Icarius, Penelope's father, 93. 

Icelander, a certain uncertain, 
411. 

Idea, the Southern, its natural 
foes, 400 — the true American, 
498. 

Ideas, friction ones unsafe, 422. 

Idyl defined, 322. 

Indecision, mole-blind, 497. 

Infants, prattlings of, curious ob- 
servation concerning, 71. 

Information wanted (universally, 
but especially at page), 141. 

Ishniael, young, 350. 

Jaalam, unjustly neglected by 
great events, 411. 

Jaalam Centre, Anglo-Saxons un- 
justly suspected by the young 
ladies there, 81 — "Indepen- 
dent Blunderbuss," strange 
conduct of editor of, 129 — 
public meeting at, 142 — meet- 
ing - house ornamented with 
imaginary clock, 169. 

Jaalam, East Parish of, 295. 

Jaalam Point, lighthouse on, 
charge of, prospectively offered 
to Mr. H. Biglow, 146. 

Jacobus, rex, 462. 

Jakes, Captain, 186 — reproved 
for avarice, ib. 

Jamaica, 496. 

James the Fourth, of Scots, ex- 
periment by, 72. 

Jarnagin, Mr., his opinion of the 
completeness of Northern edu- 
cation, 124. 

Jefferson, Thomas, well-meaning, 
but injudicious, 422. 

Jeremiah, hardly the best guide 
in modern politics, 427. 

Jerome, Saint, his list of sacred 
writers, 141. 



INDEX. 



555 



Jerusha, ex-Mrs. Sawin, 315. 

Job, Book of, 70, 298 — Chappe- 
low on, 130. 

Johnson, Andrew, as he used to 
be, 420 —as he is : see Arnold, 
Benedict. 

Johnson, Mr., communicates 
some intelligence, 125. 

Jonah, the inevitable destiny of, 
127 — probably studied inter- 
nal economy of the cetacea, 140 

— his gourd, 372 — his una- 
nimity in the whale, 378. 

Jonathan to John, 351. 

Jortin, Dr., cited, 100, 113, note. 

Journals, British, their brutal 

tone, 326. 
Juanito, 406. 
Judea, everything not known 

there, 91 — not identical with 

A. D., 439. 
Judge, the, his garden, 324 — his 

hat covers many things, ib. 
Juvenal, a saying of, 112, note. 

Kay, Sir, the, of modern chival- 
ry, who, 120. 

Key, brazen one, 119. 

Keziah, Aunt, profound observa- . 
tion of, 64. 

Kinderhook, 173. 

Kingdom Come, march to, easy, 
155. 

Konigsmark, Count, 70. 

Lablache surpassed, 390. 

Lacedaemonians banish a great \ 
talker, 117. 

Lamb, Charles, his epistolary ex- 
cellence, 141. 

Latimer, Bishop, episcopizes Sa- 
tan, 70. 

Latin tongue, curious informa- 
tion concerning, 94. 

Launcelot, Sir, a trusser of giants 
formerly, perhaps would find 
less sport therein now, 121. 

Laura exploited, 474. 

Learning, three-story, 434. 

Letcher, de la vieille roche, 
375. 

Letcherus, nebulo, 462. 

Letters classed, 141 — their 
shape, 142 — of candidates, 150 

— often fatal, ib. 

Lettres Cabalistiques, quoted, 

329. 
Lewis Philip, a scourger of young 



native Americans, 113 — com- 
miserated (though not deserv- 
ing it) , ib. note. 

Lexington, 337. 

Liberator, a newspaper, con- 
demned by implication, 97. 

Liberty, unwholesome for men of 
certain complexions, 132. 

Licking, when constitutional, 
384. 

Lignum vitas, a gift of this val- 
uable wood proposed, 82. 

Lincoln, too shrewd to hang Ma- 
son and Slidell, 402. 

Literature, Southern, its abun- 
dance, 375. 

Little Big Boosy River, 314. 

Longinus recommends swearing, 
73, note (Fuseli did same 
thing). 

Long sweetening recommended, 
156. 

Lord, inexpensive way of lending 
to, 310. 

Lords, Southern, prove pur sang 
by ablution, 374. 

Lost arts, one sorrowfully added 
to list of, 192. 

Louis the Eleventh of France, 
some odd trees of his, 167. 

Lowell, Mr. J. R., unaccountable 
silence of, 93. 

Luther, Martin, his first appear- 
ance as Europa, 82. 

Lyaeus, 465. 

Lyttelton, Lord, his letters an 
imposition, 141. 

Macrobii, their diplomacy, 150. 

Magoffin, a name naturally noble, 
375. 

Mahomet, got nearer Sinai than 
some, 131. 

Mahound, his filthy gobbets, 83. 

Mandeville, Sir John, quoted, 
329. 

Mangum, Mr., speaks to the 
point, 123. 

Manichasan, excellently confut- 
ed, 117. • 

Man-trees, grow where, 167. 

Maori chieftains, 328. 

Mapes, Walter, quoted, 332 — 
paraphrased, ib. 

Mares'-nests, finders of, benevo- 
lent, 140. 

Marius, quoted, 364. 

Marshfleld, 173, 180. 



556 



INDEX. 



Martin, Mr. Sawin used to vote 
for him, 182. 

Mason and Dixon's line, slaves 
north of, 123. 

Mason an F. F. V., 402. 

Mason and Slidell, how they 
might have been made at once 
useful and ornamental, 402. 

Mass, the, its duty defined, 123. 

Massachusetts on her knees, 68 
— something mentioned in con- 
nection with, worthy the at- 
tention of tailors, 105 — citi- 
zen of, baked, boiled, and 
roasted (nefandum /), 161. 

Masses, the, used as butter by 
some, 109. 

Maury, an intellectual giant, 
twin birth with Simms (which 
see), 376. 

Mayday a humbug, 429. 

M. C, an invertebrate animal, 
111. 

Me, Mister, a queer creature, 
432. 

Mechanics' Fair, reflections sug- 
gested at, 153. 

Medium, ardeniispirihiale, 461. 

Mediums, spiritual, dreadful 
liars, 437. 

Memminger, old, 312. 

Mentor, letters of, dreary, 141. 

Mephistopheles at a nonplus, 
127. 

Mexican blood, its effect in rais- 
ing price of cloth, 170. 

Mexican polka, 84. 

Mexicans charged with various 
breaches of etiquette, 80 — 
kind feelings beaten into them, 
135. 

Mexico, no glory in overcoming, 
106. 

Middleton, Thomas, quoted, 362. 

Military glory spoken disrespect- 
fully of, 77, note — militia 
treated still worse, ib. 

Milk-trees, growing still, 166. 

Mill, Stuart, his low ideas, 400. 

Millenniums apt to miscarry, 
454. 

Mills for manufacturing gabble, 
how driven, 116. 

Mills, Josiah's, 433. 

Millspring, 401. 

Milton, an unconscious plagiary, 
104, note — a Latin verse of, 
cited, 131 — an English poet, 



408— his "Hymn of the Na- 
tivity," 444. 

Missionaries, useful to alligators, 
303 — culinary liabilities of, 
370. 

Missions, a profitable kind of, 
132. 

Monarch, a pagan, probably not 
favored in philosophical exper- 
iments, 72. 

Money-tree?, desirable, 166 — 
that they once existed shown 
to be variously probable. 167. 

Montaigne, 477. 

Montaigne, a communicative old 
Gascon, 140. 

Monterey, battle of, its singular 
chromatic effect on a species 
of two-headed eagle, 113. 

Montezuma, licked, 304. 

Moody, Seth, his remarkable 
gun, 315 — his brother Asaph, 
ib. 

Moquis Indians, praiseworthy 
custom of, 410. 

Moses, held up vainly as an ex- 
ample, 131 — construed by Joe 
Smith, ib. — (not, A. J. Moses) 
prudent way of following, 414. 

Muse invoked, 461. 

Myths, how to interpret readily, 



Naboths, Popish ones, how dis- 
tinguished, 85. 

Nana Sahib, 328. 

Nancy, presumably Mrs. Biglow, 
337. 

Napoleon III., his new chairs, 
395. 

Nation, rights of, proportionate 
to size, 80 — young, its first 
needs, 397. 

National pudding, its effect on 
the organs of speech, a curious 
physiological fact, 86. 

Negroes, their double usefulness, 
313 — getting too current, 398. 

Nephelim, not yet extinct, 192. 

New England overpoweringly 
honored, 110 — wants no more 
speakers, ib. — done brown by 
whom, ib. — her experience in 
beans beyond Cicero's, 149. 

Newspaper, the, wonderful, 135 
— a strolling theatre, ib. — 
thoughts suggested by tearing 
wrapper of, 137 — a vacant 



INDEX. 



557 



sheet, ib. — a sheet in which 
a vision was let down, 138 — 
wrapper to a bar of soap, ib. — 
a cheap impromptu platter, ib. 

New World, apostrophe to, 350. 

New York, letters from, com- 
mended, 142. 

Next life, what, 129. 

Nicotiana Tabacum, a weed, 410. 

Niggers, 66 — area of abusing, 
extended, 107 — Mr. Sawin's 
opinions of, 184. 

Ninepence a day low for murder, 
74. 

No, a monosyllable, 85 — hard to 
utter, ib. 

Noah enclosed letter in bottle, 
probably, 140. 

Noblemen, Nature's, 377. 

Nomas, Lapland, what, 168. 

North, the, has no business, 122 
— bristling, crowded off roost, 
146 — its mind naturally un- 
principled, 422. 

North Bend, geese inhumanly 
treated at, 147 — mentioned, 
173. 

North star, a proposition to in- 
dict, 126. 

Northern Dagon, 316. 

Northmen, gens inclytissima, 
406. 

Notre Dame de la Haine, 366. 

Now, its merits, 434. 

Nowhere, march to, 434. 

O'Brien, Smith, 328. 

Off ox, 145. 

Officers, miraculous transforma- 
tion in character of, 81 — An- 
glo-Saxon, come very near be- 
ing anathematized, 82. 

Old age, an advantage of, 321. 

OJd One invoked, 390. 

Onesimus made to serve the 
cause of impiety, 371. 

O'Phace, Increase D., Esq., 
speech of, 101. 

Opinion, British, its worth to us, 
333. 

Opinions, certain ones compared 
to winter flies, 360. 

Oracle of Fools, still respectful- 
ly consulted, 102. 

Orion becomes commonplace, 
138. 

Orrery, Lord, his letters (lord !), 
141. 



Ostracism, curious species of, 

102. 
Ovidii Nasonis, carmen supposv- 

titium, 460. 

Palestine, 82. 

Paley, his Evidences, 506. 

Palfrey, Hon. J.G., 103, 110, 112 
(a worthy representative of 
Massachusetts). 

Pantagruel recommends a popu- 
lar oracle, 102. 

Panurge, 332 — his interview 
with Goatsnose, 150. 

Paper, plausible-looking, wanted, 
397. 

Papists, female, slain by zealous 
Protestant bomb-shell, 171. 

Paralipomenon , a man suspected 
of being, 148. 

Paris, liberal principles safe as 
far away as, 131. 

Parliamentum Indoctorum sit- 
ting in permanence, 102. 

Past, the, a good nurse, 120. 

Patience, sister, quoted, 76. 

Patriarchs, the, illiterate, 318. 

Palricius, brogipotens, 461. 

Paynims, their throats propagan- 
distically cut, 82. 

Penelope, her wise choice, 93. 

People, soft enough, 133 — want 
correct ideas, 164 — the, de- 
cline to be Mexicanized, 415. 

Pepin, King, 142. 

Pepperell, General, quoted, 336. 

Pequash Junction, 476. 

Periwig, 146. 

Perley, Mr. Asaph, has charge of 
bass-viol, 358. 

Perseus, King, his avarice, 335. 

Persius, a pithy saying of, 108, 
note. 

Pescara, Marquis, saying of, 70. 

Peter, Saint, a letter of (post- 
mortem), 142. 

Petrarch, exploited Laura, 474. 

Petronius, 332. 

Pettibone, Jabez, bursts up, 
376. 

Pettus came over with Wilhel- 
mus Conquistor, 375. 

Phaon, 474. 

Pharaoh, his lean kine, 349. 

Pharisees, opprobriously referred 
to, 131. 

Philippe, Louis, in pea-jacket, 



558 



INDEX. 



Phillips, Wendell, catches a Tar- 
tar, 424. 

Phlegyas quoted, 128. 

Phrygian language, whether 
Adam spoke it, 72. 

Pickens, a Norman name, 374. 

Pilcoxes, genealogy of, 295. 

Pilgrim Father, apparition of, 
436. 

Pilgrims, the, 106. 

Pillows, constitutional, 112. 

Pine-trees, their sympathy, 433. 

Pinto, Mr., some letters of his 
commended, 142. 

Pisgah, an impromptu one, 169. 

Platform, party, a convenient 
one, 164. 

Plato, supped with, 140 — his 
man, 147. 

Pleiades, the, not enough es- 
teemed, 138. 

Pliny, his letters not admired, 
141. 

Plotinus, a story of, 120. 

Plymouth Rock, Old, a Conven- 
tion wrecked on, 106. 

Poets apt to become sophisticat- 
ed, 428. 

Point Tribulation, Mr. Sawin 
wrecked on, 166. 

Poles, exile, whether crop of 
beans depends on, 79, note. 

Polk, nomen gentile, 375. 

Polk, President, synonymous 
with our country, 90 — cen- 
sured, 106 — in danger of being 
crushed, 108. 

Polka, Mexican, 84. 

Pomp, a runaway slave, his nest, 
185 — hypocritically groans 
like white man, ib. — blind to 
Christian privileges, 186 — his 
society valued at fifty dollars, 
ib. — his treacher}', 187 — 
takes Mr. Sawin prisoner, ib. 
— cruelly makes him work, 
389 — puts himself illegally un- 
der his tuition, ib. — dismisses 
him with contumelious epi- 
thets, ib. — a negro, 302. 

Pontifical bull, a tamed one, 82. 

Pope, his verse excellent, 71. 

Pork, refractory in boiling, 82. 

Portico, the, 472. 

Portugal, Alphonso the Sixth of, 
a monster, 191. 

Post, Boston, 93 — shaken visi- 
bly, 95 — bad guide-post, ib. — 



too swift, ib. — edited by a 

colonel, ib. — who is presumed 
officially in Mexico, ib. — re- 
ferred to, 114. 

Pot-hooks, death in, 151. 

Power, a first-class, elements of, 
395. 

Preacher, an ornamental symbol, 
130 — a breeder of dogmas, ib. 

— earnestness of, important, 
191. 

Present considered as an annal- 
ist, 130 — not long wonderful, 
138. 

President, slaveholding natural 
to, 134 — must be a Southern 
resident, 164 — must own a nig- 
ger, 165 — the, his policy, 499 

— his resemblance to Jackson, 
ib. 

Princes mix cocktails, 395. 

Principle, exposure spoils it, 
104. 

Principles, bad, when less harm- 
ful, 87 — when useless, 420. 

Professor, Latin, in College, 

459 — Scaliger, 460. 

Prophecies, fulfilment of, 402. 

Prophecy, a notable one, 113, 
note. 

Prospect Hill, 338. 

Providence has a natural life- 
preserver, 350. 

Proviso, bitterly spoken of, 144. 

Prudence, sister, her idiosyn- 
cratic teapot, 158. 

Psammeticus, an experiment of, 
72. 

Psyche, poor, 479. 

Public opinion, a blind and drunk- 
en guide, 86 — nudges Mr. Wil- 
bur's elbow, ib. — ticklers of, 
107. 

Punkiu Falls " Weekly Parallel," 
443. 

Putnam, General Israel, his lines, 
338. 

Pythagoras a bean-hater, why, 
149. 

Pythagoreans, fish reverenced 
by, why, 117. 

Quid, ingens nicotianum, 464. 
Quixote, Don, 121. 

Rafn, Professor, 407. 

Rag, one of sacred college, 86. 

Rantoul, Mr., talks loudly, 76 — 



INDEX. 



559 



pious reason for not enlisting, 
ib. 

Recruiting sergeant, Devil sup- 
posed the first, 70. 

Religion, Southern, its commer- 
cial advantages, 368. 

Representatives' Chamber, 117. 

Rhinothism, society for promot- 
ing, 139. 

Rhyme, whether natural, not con- 
sidered, 71. 

Rib, an Infrangible one, 156. 

Richard the First of England, 
his Christian fervor, 82. 

Riches conjectured to have legs 
as well as wings, 126. 

Ricos Hombres, 363, 

Ringtail Rangers, 317- 

Roanoke Island, 401. 

Robinson, Mr. John P., his opin- 
ions fully stated, 89-91. 

Rocks, pocket full of, 158. 

Roosters in rainy weather, their 
misery, 301. 

Rotation insures mediocrity and 
inexperience, 385. 

Rough and ready, 178 — a wig, 
180 — a kind of scratch, ib. 

Royal Society, American fellows 
of, 443. 

Rum and water combine kindly, 
415. 

Runes resemble bird-tracks, 408. 

Runic inscriptions, their differ- 
ent grades of unintelligibility 
and consequent value, 407. 

Russell, Earl, is good enough to 
expound our Constitution for 
us, 327. 

Russian eagle tarns Prussian 
blue, 113. 

Ryeus, Bacchi epithelon, 465. 

Sabbath, breach of, 24. 

Sabellianism, one accused of, 128. 

Sailors, their rights how won, 
347. 

Saltillo, unfavorable view of, 77. 

Salt-river, in Mexican, what, 77. 

Samuel, avunculus, 463. 

Samuel, Uncle, 306 — riotous, 
112 — yet has qualities de- 
manding reverence, 132 — a 
good provider for his family, 
133 — an exorbitant bill of, 
171 — makes some shrewd 
guesses, 351-356 — expects his 
boots, 377. 



Sansculottes, draw their wine 

before drinking, 125. 
Santa Anna, his expensive leg, 

163. 
Sappho, some human nature in, 

474. 
Sassy Cus, an impudent Indian, 

337. 
Satan, never wants attorneys, 82 

— an expert talker by signs, 83 

— a successful fisherman with 
little or no bait, ib, — cunning 
fetch of, SI — dislikes ridicule, 
$4 — ought not to have credit 
of ancient oracles, 113, note — 
his worst pitfall, 371. 

Satirist, incident to certain dan- 
gers, 88. 

Savages, Canadian, chance of re- 
demption offered to, 191. 

Sawin, B., Esquire, his letter not 
written in verse, 71 — a na- 
tive of Jaalam, 72 — not reg- 
ular attendant on Rev. Mr. 
Wilbur's preaching, ib. — a 
fool, ib. — his statements trust- 
worthy, 73 — his ornithological 
tastes, ib, — letter from, 71, 152, 
173 — his curious discovery in 
regard to bayonets, 75 — dis- 
plays proper family pride, ib. 

— modestly confesses himself 
less wise than the Queen of 
Sheba, 79 — the old Adam in, 
peeps out, 82 — a miles emeri- 
tus, 152 — is made text for a 
sermon, ib. — loses a leg^ 154 

— an eye, 155 — left hand, 156 
— four fingers of right hand, ib. 

— has six or more ribs broken, 
ib. — a rib of his infrangible, 
ib. — allows a certain amount 
of preterite greenness in him- 
self, 157 — his share of spoil 
limited, 158 — his opinion of 
Mexican climate, ib. — ac- 
quires property of a certain 
sort, 159 — his experience of 
glory, 160 — stands sentry, 
and puns thereupon, 161 — un- 
dergoes martyrdom in some of 
its most painful forms, ib. — 
enters the candidating busi- 
ness, 162 — modestly states the 
(avail) abilities which qualify 
him for high political station, 
162-165 — has no principles, 
163 — a peace-man, ib. — un- 



56a 



INDEX* 



pledged, ib. — has no objec- 
tions to owning peculiar prop- 
erty, but would not like to mo- 
nopolize the truth, 165 — his 
account with glory, 166 — a 
selfish motive hinted in, ib. — 
sails for Eldorado, ib. — ship- 
wrecked on a metaphorical 
promontory, ib. — parallel be- 
tween, and Rev. Mr. Wilbur 
(not Plutarchian), 168 — con- 
jectured to have bathed in riv- 
er Selemnus, 173 — loves plough 
wisely, but not too well, ib. — 
a foreign mission probably ex- 
pected by, 174 — unanimously 
nominated for presidency, 175 

— his country's father-in-law, 
176 — nobly emulates Cincin- 
natus, 177 — is not a crooked 
stick, ib. — advises his adher- 
ents, ib. — views of, on present 
state of politics, 178-184 — 
popular enthusiasm for, at 
Bellers r s, and its disagreeable 
consequences, 179 — inhuman 
treatment of, by Eellers, ib. — 
his opinions of the two parties, 
180 — agrees with Mr. Web- 
ster, 181 — his antislavery zeal, 

182 — his proper self-respect, 

183 — his unaffected piety, ib. 

— his not intemperate temper- 
ance, 184 — a thrilling adven- 
ture of, 184-189 — his prudence 
and economy, 185 — bound to 
Captain Jakes, but regains his 
freedom, 186 — is taken prison- 
er, 188 — ignominiously treat- 
ed, 189 — his consequent reso- 
lution, 190. 

Sawin, Honorable B. O'F., a vein 
of humor suspected in, 297 — 
gets into an enchanted castle, 
301 — finds a wooden leg bet- 
ter in some respects than a liv- 
ing one, 303 — takes something 
hot, 304 — his experience of 
Southern hospitality, 304-308 

— waterproof internally, 306 — 
sentenced to ten years' impris- 
onment, 307 — his liberal- 
handedness, 310 — gets his 
arrears of pension, 311 — mar- 
ries the Widow Shannon, 313 

— confiscated, 316 — finds in 
himself a natural necessity of 
income, 318 — his missionary 



zeal, 31JT — never a stated at- 
tendant on Mr. Wilbur's preach- 
ing, 358 — sang base in choir, 
ib. — prudently avoided contri- 
bution toward bell, ib. — ab- 
hors a covenant of works, 36T 
— if saved at all, must bo 
saved genteelly, 368 — reports 
a sermon, 369 — experiences 
religion, 372 — would consent 
to a dukedom, 373 — converted 
to unanimity, 378 — sound 
views of, 383 — makes himself 
an extempore marquis, 387 — 
extract of letter from, SOS- 
SOS — his opinion of Paddies, 
507 — of Johnson, 508. 

Sayres, a martyr, 119. 

Scaliger, saying of, 88. 

Scarabieus pilularius, 78. 

Scott, General, his claims to the 
presidency, 95, 98, 99. 

Scrimgour, Rev. Shearjashub, 
471. 

Scythians, their diplomacy com- 
mended, 150. 

Sea, the wormy, 411. 

Seamen, colored, sold, 69. 

Secessia, licta, 463. 

Secession, its legal nature de- 
fined, 317. 

Secret, a great military, 428. 

Selemnus, a sort of Lethean riv- 
er, 173. 

Senate, debate in, made readable,. 
119. 

Seneca, saying of, 87 — another,. 
114, note — overrated by a saint 
(but see Lord Bolingbroke's 
opinion of, in a letter to Dean 
Swift), 141 — his letters not 
commended, ib. — a son of 
Rev. Mr. Wilbur, 169— quoted, 
446, 447. 

Serbonian bog of literature, 117. 

Sermons, some pitched too high, 
359. 

Seward, Mister, the late, his gift 
of prophecy, 338 — needs stiff- 
ening, 498 — misunderstands 
parable of fatted calf, 499. 

Sextons, demand for, 76 — heroic 
official devotion of one, 190. 

Seymour, Governor, 451. 

Shakespeare, 477 — a good re- 
porter, 101. 

Shaking fever, considered as an 
employment, 159. 



INDEX. 



Sham, President, honest, 107. 
Shannon, Mrs. , a widow, 309 — 
her family and accomplish- 
ments, 314 — has tantrums, 
315 — her religious views, 368 
— her notions of a moral and 
intellectual being, 372 — her 
maiden name, 373 — her blue 
blood, ib. 
Sheba, Queen of, 79. 
Sheep, none of Rev. Mr. "Wilbur's, 

turned wolves, 72. 
Shem, Scriptural curse of, 190. 
Shiraz Centre, lead -mine at, 376. 
Shirley, Governor, 336. 
Shoddy, poor covering for outer 

or inner man, 439. 
Shot at sight, privilege of being, 

377. 
Show, natural to love it, 77, 

note. 
Silver spoon born in Democracy's 

mouth, what, 108. 
Simms, an intellectual giant, 
twin birth with Maury (which 
see), 376. 
Sin, wilderness of, modern, what, 

130. 
Sinai suffers outrages, 130. 
Skim-milk has its own opinions, 

437. 
Skin, hole in, strange taste of 

some for, 160. 
Skippers, Yankee, busy in the 

slave-trade, 370. 
Slaughter, whether God strength- 
en us for, 84. 
Slaughterers and soldiers com- 
pared, 171. 
Slaughtering nowadays is slaugh- 
tering, 171. 
Slavery, of no color, 67 — corner- 
stone of liberty, 115 — also 
keystone, 122 — last crumb of 
Eden, 126 — a Jonah, 127 — 
an institution, 145 — a private 
State concern, 185. 
Slidell, New York trash, 403. 
Sloanshure, Habakkuk, Esquire, 
President of Jaalam Bank, 389. 
Smith, Joe, used as a translation, 

131. 
Smith, John, an interesting char- 
acter, 139. 
Smith, Mr., fears entertained for, 

128 — dined with, 140. 
Smith, N. B., his magnanimity, 
136. 



Smithius, dux, 461. 

Soandso, Mr., the great, defu_ 
his position, 136. 

Soft-heartedness, misplaced, is 
soft-headedness, 453. 

Sol, the fisherman, 78 — sound- 
ness of respiratory organs hy- 
pothetically attributed to, ib. 

Soldiers, British, ghosts of, in- 
subordinate, 339. 

Solomon, Song of, portions of it 
done into Latin verse by Mr. 
Wilbur, 458. 

Solon, a saying of, 86. 

Soul, injurious properties of, 386. 

South, its natural eloquence, 423 
— facts have a mean spite 
against, 403. 

South Carolina, futile attempt to 
anchor, 121 — her pedigrees, 
363. 

Southern men, their imperfect 
notions of labor, 307 — of sub- 
scriptions, 310 — too high-pres- 
sure, 319 — prima facie noble, 
375. 

Spanish, to walk, what, 80. 

Speech-making, an abuse of gift 
of speech, 115. 

Spirit-rapping does not repay the 
spirits engaged in it, 437. 

Split-Foot, Old, made to squirm, 
319. 

Spring, described, 430^32. 

Star, north, subject to indict- 
ment, whether, 126. 

Statesman, a genuine, denned, 
421. 

Stearns, Othniel, fable by, 502. 

Stone Spike, the, 339. 

Store, cheap cash, a wicked 
fraud, 169. 

Strong, Governor Caleb, a patriot, 

92. 
Style, the catalogue, 432. 
Sumter, shame of, 347. 
Sunday should mind its own busi- 
ness, 421. 
Swearing commended as a figure 

of speech, 73, note. 
Swett, Jethro C, his fall, 488. 
Swift, Dean, threadbare saying 
of, 95. 

Tag, elevated to the Cardinalate, 

86. 
Taney, C. J., 384, 415. 
Tarandfeather, Rev. Mr., 379. 



INDEX. 



>x, Shearjashub, first white 
aild born in Jaalam, 325. 
artars, Mongrel, 305. 

Taxes, direct, advantages of, 
170. 

Taylor, General, greased by Mr. 
Choate, 181. 

Taylor zeal, its origin, 178. 

Teapots, how made dangerous, 
449. 

Ten, the upper, 378. 

Tesephone, banished for long- 
windedness, 117. 

Thacker, Rev. Preserved, D. D., 
441. 

Thanks get lodged, 160. 

Thanksgiving, Feejee, 305. 

Thaumaturgus, Saint Gregory, 
letter of, to the, Devil, 142. 

Theleme, Abbey of, 390. 

Theocritus, the inventor of idyl- 
lic poetry, 322. 

Theory, defined, 414. 

Thermopyles, too many, 401. 

"They'll say" a notable bully, 
345. 

Thirty -nine articles might be 
made serviceable, 85. 

Thor, a foolish attempt of, 120. 

Thoreau, 324. 

Thoughts, live ones character- 
ized, 481. 

Thumb, General Thomas, a valu- 
able member of society, 111. 

Thunder, supposed in easy cir- 
cumstances, 157. 

Thynne, Mr., murdered, 70. 

Tibullus, 447. 

Time, an innocent personage to 
swear by, 73, note — a scene- 
shifter, 137. 

Tinkham, Deacon Pelatiah, story 
concerning, not told, 300 — al- 
luded to, 321 — does a very 
sensible thing, 367. 

Toms, peeping, 139. 

Toombs, a doleful sound from, 
403. 

Trees, various kinds of extraor- 
dinary ones, 166, 167. 

Trowbridge, William, mariner, 
adventure of, 84. 

Truth and falsehood start from 
same point, 88 — truth invul- 
nerable to satire, ib. — com- 
pared to a river, 101 — of fic- 
tion sometimes truer than fact, 
ib. — told plainly, passim. 



Tuileries, exciting scene at, 113 

— front parlor of, 395. 
Tully, a saying of, 104, note. 
Tunnel, northwest - passage, a 

poor investment, 389. 
Turkey-Buzzard Roost, 314. 
Tuscaloosa, 314. 
Tutchel, Rev. Jonas, a Sadducee, 

412. 
Tweedledee, gospel according to, 

131. 
Tweedledum, great principles of, 

131. 
Tylerus, juvenis insignis, 461 — 

porphyrogeniius, 462 — Johan- 

nides, flito ceteris, 464 — bene 

litus, 465. 
Tyrants, European, how made to 

tremble, 309. 

Ulysses, husband of Penelope, 
93 — borrows money, 168 (for 
full particulars of, see Homer 
and Dante) — rex, 461. 

Unanimity, new ways of produ- 
cing, 378. 

Union, its hoops off, 377 — its 
good old meaning, 416. 

Universe, its breeching, 380. 

University, triennial catalogue 
of, 97. 

Us, nobody to be compared with, 
310 — and see World, passim. 

Van Buren fails of gaining Mr. 
Sawin's confidence, 182 — his 
son John reproved, 183. 

Van, Old, plan to set up, 182. 

Vattel, as likely to fall on your 
toes as on mine, 352. 

Venetians invented something 
once, 168. 

Vices, cardinal, sacred conclave 
of, 86. 

Victoria, Queen, her natural ter- 
ror, 113 — her best carpets, 395. 

Vinland, 411. 

Virgin, the, letter of, to Magis- 
trates of Messina, 142. 

Virginia, descripta, 461, 462. 

Virginians, their false heraldry, 
361. 

Voltaire, esprit de, 460. 

Vratz, Captain, a Pomeranian, 
singular views of, 70. 

Wachuset Mountain, 345. 
Wait, General, 334. 



INDEX. 



563 



Wales, Prince of, calls Brother 
Jonathan consanguineusnoster, 
331 — but had not, apparently, 
consulted the Garter King at 
Arms, 332. 

Walpole, Horace, classed, 140 — 
his letters praised, 141. 

Waltham Plain, Cornwallis at, 
74. 

"Walton, punctilious in his inter- 
course with fishes, 85. 

War, abstract, horrid, 144 — its 
hoppers, grist of, what, 1G0. 

Warren, Fort, 449. 

Warton, Thomas, a story of, 99. 

Washington, charge brought 
against, 176. 

"Washington, city of, climatic in- 
fluence of, on coats, 105 — 
mentioned, 119 — grand jury 
of, 126. 

Washingtons, two hatched at a 
time by improved machine, 
176. 

Watchmanus, noctivagus, 466. 

Water, Taunton, proverbially 
weak, 184. 

Water-trees, 167. 

"Weakwash, a name fatally typi- 
cal, 337. 

Webster, his unabridged quarto, 
its deleteriousness, 458. 

"Webster, some sentiments of, 
commended by Mr. Sawin, 180. 

"Westcott, Mr. , his horror, 126. 

Whig party has a large throat, 
96 — but query as to swallow- 
ing spurs, 181. 

White House, 146. 

Wickliffe, Robert, consequences 
of 1ms bursting, 449. 

Wife-trees, 167. 

Wilbur, Mrs. Dorcas (Pilcox), an 
invariable rule of, 98 — her pro- 
file, ib. —tribute to, 443. 

Wilbur, Rev. Homer, A. M., con- 
sulted, G3 — his instructions to 
his flock, 72 — a proposition of 
his for Protestant bomb-shells, 
85 — his elbow nudged, 86 — 
his notions of satire, 87 — some 
opinions of his quoted with ap- 
parent approval by Mr. Biglow, 
90 — geographical speculations 
of, 92 — a justice of the peace, 
ib. — a letter of, 93 — a Latin 
pun of, 94 — runs against a 
post without injury, 95 — does 



not seek notoriety (whatever 
some malignants may affirm), 
97 — fits youths for college, 98 

— a chaplain during the late 
war with England, 100 — a 
shrewd observation of, 102 — 
some curious speculations of, 
115-118 — his martello-tower, 
116 — forgets he is not in pul- 
pit, 127, 152 — extracts from 
sermon of, 129-131, 135-138 — 
interested in John Smith, 139 

— his views concerning present 
state of letters, 141, 142 — a 
stratagem of, 147 — ventures 
two hundred and fourth inter- 
pretation of Beast in Apoca- 
lypse, 148 — christens Hon. B. 
Sawin, then an infant, 152 — 
an addition to our sylva pro- 
posed by, 166 — curious and 
instructive adventure of, 168 

— his account with an unnatu- 
ral uncle, 171 — his uncomfort- 
able imagination, ib. — specula- 
tions concerning Cincinnatus, 
173 — confesses digressive 
tendency of mind, 191 — goes 
to work on sermon (not with- 
out fear that his readers will 
dub him with a reproachful 
epithet like that with which 
Isaac Allerton, a Mayflower 
man, revenges himself on a de- 
linquent debtor of his, calling 
him in his will, and thus hold- 
ing him up to posterity as, 
"John Peterson, The Boee"), 
193 — his modesty, 290 — dis- 
claims sole authorship of Mr. 
Biglow's writings, 292 — his 
low opinion of prepensive auto- 
graphs, 293 — a chaplain in 
1812, 298 — cites a heathen 
comedian, ib. — his fondness 
for the Book of Job, ib. — 
preaches a Fast-Day discourse, 

299 — is prevented from nar- 
rating a singular occurrence, 

300 — is presented with a pair 
of new spectacles, 320 — his 
church services indecorously 
sketched by Mr. Sawin, 371 — 
hopes to decipher a Runic in- 
scription, 388 — a fable by, 389 

— deciphers Runic inscription, 
405-413 — his method therein, 
409 — is ready to reconsider his 



564 



INDEX. 



opinion of tobacco, 412 — his 
opinion of the Puritans, 427 — 
his death, 441 — born in Pigs- 
gusset, ib. — letter of Rev. Mr. 
Hitchcock concerning, 441-445 

— fond of Milton's Christmas 
hymn, 444 — his monument 
(proposed), 445 — his epitaph, 
ib. —his last letter, 445-449 — 
his supposed disembodied spir- 
it, 456 — table belonging to, 
457 — sometimes wrote Latin 
verses, 458 — his table-talk, 
468-479 — his prejudices, 470 

— against Baptists, 471 — his 
sweet nature, 488 — his views 
of style, 491 — a story of his, 
493. 

Wild bore, a vernacular one, how 

to escape, 116. 
Wilkes, Captain, borrows rashly, 

340. 



Wind, the, a good Samaritan, 
153. 

Wingfield, his "Memorial," 365. 

Wooden leg, remarkable for so- 
briety, 155 — never eats pud- 
ding, 156. 

Woods, the. See Belmont. 

Works, covenants of, condemned, 
367. 

World, this, its unhappy temper, 
302. 

Wright, Colonel, providentially 
rescued, '78. 

Writing dangerous to reputation, 
296. 

Wrong, abstract, safe to oppose, 
107. 

Yankees, their worst wooden 
nutmegs, 404. 

Zack, Old, 178. 



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